Top Ten Things that Make Me Stabby

Tuesday, March 9, 2010
After Screechy Monkey Monday and a thoroughly shitty day at work yesterday, I've decided to just completely lose my mind and post my updated list of "Top Ten Things that Make Me Stabby." And by "stabby," I mean things that make me want to hit human beings in the face. With a shovel. Or a cleaver. It just depends on how far up the list they go and how much PMS I have that day.

10. People who talk in movie theaters. I don't hate this so much that I wish the perpetrators would die in a fire, but I don't think wishing a bad sunburn on them is too much to ask.

9. People who think their incompetence means you have some obligation to do their job for the good of the company/team/customer. This institutes a cycle of learned helplessness with no accountability and no exit strategy for the competent person. This one has slid down the list lately, as I've been less exposed to it lately. Everyone has gaps in their skill sets - everyone. The technology evolves so quickly, it's unavoidable. But everyone is also responsible for filling those gaps when they occur.

8. People who think the rules don't apply to them. Listen, you self-important twits - we live in a society that has a social contract. You are not exempt from the social contract, no matter how important you think you are. Get over yourself, and try to engage in some good manners, while you're at it.

7. Hypocrisy in public officials as it relates to their public duties. Don't try to get elected, for example, on your oh-so-fabulous "family values" and your close personal relationship with that fuckstick James Dobson and then turn around and cheat on your wife with some gay same-sex prostitute. Because I don't give a good goddamn about who you sleep with, but when you hold up your self-righteous morality as a selling point, you shouldn't be surprised when other people are gleeful when you fall off your high horse and bust your ass.

6. People who don't write thank you notes. Now I'm not really militant about this - an e:Mail does just fine to express your thanks if someone does you a kindness (although I tend to lean heavily toward hand-written snail-mail myself. I'm an old fashioned gal in that respect.). But if someone does something nice for you, show some damn class and thank them, you ungrateful git. Who raises these people, anyway? I forced both my kids to write thank you notes the whole time they were growing up. Now that they're adults, they're responsible for their own manners, of course, but I tried to teach them that recognizing other people's contributions to their happiness matters.

5. Sales people who make requests like, "Design me a call center for 1,000 agents." That's it. That's the whole request. Those of you who don't work in telephony may not know how ridiculous this is, but a comparable situation would be to request an architect "Build me a house." Yeah. I'll get right on that, Commander Detail.

4. Religious evangelists who come to my door and pretend like the "no soliciting" sign doesn't apply to them because they're not "selling" anything. Really? You're not "selling" anything? Fuck off, Mormon Boy. You are selling something, the payment just comes in the form of my own ideas and beliefs, and then deferred monetary payment to your church. You're not fooling anyone, least of all me.

3. People who are intellectually dishonest about their beliefs. You can take that however you want, but it really irks me when people willfully close their eyes to verifiable facts because they're too scared to deal with a challenge to their beliefs. Personal growth requires courage. Get some. 

2. People whose meetings go on. And on. And on. Like the Bataan Death March, but not as much fun. These folks have a serious case of "I'm talking and I can't shut up," and listening to themselves talk is their favorite hobby. The problem is that they want it to be everyone else's favorite hobby, too.

And the Number One Thing that Makes Me Stabby?

1. Making professional mistakes. I HATE THIS WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS. I'd rather take a beating from the current UFC Champion than deal with the requirement of having to fall on my sword for something I've missed. I've always been a top performer in my profession, and making mistakes in my technical validation really just pisses me the Hell off. Even if the mistake isn't necessarily my fault, if I'm responsible I still reach for the cleaver when this happens. Which sucks, because it's really, really messy, and no one's available to clean it up.

Tomorrow I hope to return to your regularly scheduled puppies and sunshine. I've just had a bad couple of days.

15 comments:

mom in northern said...

Oh, shit...you are becoming your mother.... :-)

Random Michelle K said...

1) I still love that picture.

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVxLz6O6MaI

Janiece said...

Michelle, thanks for the link. I'd forgotten about that sequence. Hee.

Shawn Powers said...

6. People who don't write thank you notes.

We still have a BOX of thank yous to write. I also fear in the chaos post-fire, some people have been missed. Hopefully some circumstances are forgivable...

(I didn't feel you were accusing us -- just something we're dealing with now. :)

WendyB_09 said...

Hmmm...I'm thinking perhaps #1 & #2have a whole lot to do with this week's stabbiness.

ON the subject of professional mistakes...listen up geniuses:

-if your name is on the front door of an establishment and something goes wrong, it is your fault.
-If you don't tell your staff what needs to be done in the order it needs to be done and it is late, or wrong, it is your fault.
-When your staff comes to you with questions or concerns or a better way to build a mousetrap, LISTEN! They might be on to something.
-Don't take advantage of your staff and remember you get what you pay for. Don't pay? Welllll...

I could go on but my current boss I really like expects me to go back to work now.

We'll look for the regular Hot Chick to return later in the week.

Random Michelle K said...

I particularly love Book peeking back around the corner.

Makes me giggle every time.

Sorry to inject such levity into your stabbiness.

;)

Janiece said...

Shawn, that was indeed NOT directed at you. You guys have enough on your plate right now, and your distraction is completely understandable.

But if I send you a gift for a scheduled event (wedding, birth of child, etc.), I expect a short note, whether electronic or hand-written. It's not like you didn't know the event was coming, and me spending money on you is not an entitlement. Either learn to say "thank you," OR don't expect anything from me ever again.

Pretty simple, I think.

Jeri said...

Who is the current UCF champion?

Random Michelle K said...

I'm positive it's not me.

Janiece said...

I'm quite sure it isn't me, either.

Nathan said...

It hasn't even been a week since I got the jams and jellies! And I couldn't email immediately 'cause I was in a meat coma when I opened the box! And I didn't even taste the jams and jellies (yum) 'til Sunday morning 'cause jams and jellies don't really go all that well with a breakfast consisting of Meat-Fest II: The Leftovers. And, hey, I'm the one who gave you that stabby knife thingy you're using...isn't that Thank You enough? And I think maybe you're the one who was raised in a cave by wolves* and never saw civilized behavior until you turned 28 and you didn't thank me that time I didn't push you off the Space Needle, did you?, HMMMMMMMM?

*with abject apologies to mom in northern.

Janiece said...

See? Nathan is the UCF Champion.

Nathan said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvrHTXzMCQg

(don't ask me why)

Janiece said...

Nathan, that was so wrong. And so unnecessary.

Shawn Powers said...

Nathan, that was so wrong. And so unnecessary.

But in the spirit of the post: Thank you Nathan. :D