Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men Edition the Sixth, Part 2

Thursday, June 30, 2011
Today I'm posting Part 2 of the response to my platonic boyfriend Eric, who asked,
If it's not too personal to ask: I'd love to know more about your decision to join the Navy. (I hope that counts as a question, or set of questions.)

A related question or set of questions if it's not to personal: I'd also be interested in your decision to leave the Navy for the private sector.
I answered the first part of this question yesterday, and today I'll be tackling the much more complicated part 2, why I left active duty for the private sector.

On leaving active duty for the private sector, i.e., Part 2

The short answer here is that I was a dumb ass. The end. Not specific enough? Drat.

When I was a young adult, my life was categorized by two things: professionally, I had a rocket tied to my ass. And personally, my head was firmly lodged there, as well.

On a professional level, my Navy career was awesome. I made Chief (E-7) in nine years, I served in a variety of duty stations, earned several medals for outstanding service, earned my Surface Warfare Specialist designation, and was selected to serve as a Company Commander at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis. I think it's fair to assume that had I continued, I would have ended up as a Master Chief or a Warrant Officer.

But personally - I was just a mess. I've mentioned before how awful my decision making skills were in those years. In fact, I can't think of one personal decision I made that would be considered an example of "good judgment." The contributing factors for this include (but aren't limited to) low self esteem, clinical depression, a deep seated need to please my father, poor impulse control, and subsuming who I was to what I thought I "ought" to be. Just a mess.

So about ten years into my service, my personal and professional lives collided. I don't particularly want to discuss the gory details here, but I made the decision to leave active duty and join the active reserves. I found a civilian job (paralegal at a law firm specializing in employment law), and joined my reserve unit.

A year later, my personal life fell apart once again and I moved back to Colorado, where I had grown up and my extended family lived. And this is where the real work began.

It took me a number of years, but during this time I did the self-examination and analysis that was necessary for me to figure out why I constantly made bad decisions in my personal relationships, why I subjugated my true self to what I thought I "ought" to be, why I had impulse control issues, why I felt the way I did. None of this was easy, and I choose not to share my insights - but suffice it to say that those years were the real crucible of my life. I got my depression under control. I determined who I really was, who I wanted to be and what I had to do to get there. I determined what I wanted from my relationships, and cut those people out of my life who missed the mark.

Simultaneously, I had also started work in my new civilian career (telecommunications). In spite of being dirt poor for the first several years, my military work ethic stood me in good stead, and I did what needed to be done in order to be successful.

Could I have done the work of my early thirties while still on active duty? I honestly don't know. It seems unlikely, though. One of the things I needed to fix was my tendency to identify myself in large part by my occupation, rather than who I was. Janiece, hot shot sailor, as opposed to just "Janiece." Having the courage to stand on my own as an individual, without the Navy to prop me up was an important step in my journey - and one which would have been infinitely more difficult had I stayed. Additionally, the institutional sexism and warrior culture of the Armed Forces isn't really conducive to the type of work I needed to do to repair my life.

So I guess the answer to the question is that I left active duty for the private sector to find myself, my true self. The journey's still ongoing of course, but I think the heavy lifting is over.

The unspoken question, of course, is "Was it worth it?" It depends on what day you ask me. Some days I'm very regretful about abandoning my Naval career. It's the culture in which I came of age and I loved it -being a Chief was one of the great joys of my life. I still have intense loyalty to my former shipmates and my branch of service. Most days, however, I look at my current life, and I think, of course it was worth it. I love my life, and I'm proud of how far I've come from a personal growth perspective. I certainly don't regret the place I ended up, here in the Big Yellow House with my Smart Man, and with decent relationships with my Smart Twins. I look at leaving the Navy as the price I had to pay for the outcome I wanted. The Navy, as much as I loved it, was not conducive to me becoming who I wanted - needed - to be.

Thanks for your question, Eric.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the Sixth, Part 1

Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Today's question comes from my platonic boyfriend Eric, who asks,
If it's not too personal to ask: I'd love to know more about your decision to join the Navy. (I hope that counts as a question, or set of questions.)

A related question or set of questions if it's not to personal: I'd also be interested in your decision to leave the Navy for the private sector.
Um, yes. Those are personal questions, and I've discussed it before in a vague sort of way. However, it might be worth exploring them in more detail, as those choices have fundamentally changed the course of my life. This one will be in two parts, I think.

On Joining the Navy, i.e., Part 1

I was a terrible student in High School. Terrible. I rarely went to class, I didn't do my homework, and I could always, always think of something I'd rather do. So as I approached graduation (by the skin of my teeth), I needed to make some decisions about a Plan. Because my parents, being the narrow-minded sticklers that they were, insisted I have a Plan that did not include working for minimum wage and living at home.

After drifting along for most of my senior year of high school, I started to explore the possibility of the military. My family has served the United States in uniform for over 150 years, and while military service has never been expected, it was always considered a viable alternative to college and trade school. I was the first woman in my family to consider service, though, so in that way I was something of an outlier. My parents tried to raise me to believe I could do whatever I wanted, any job, any profession, and I was still naive enough to think my gender wouldn't be an issue if I just worked hard enough.

I first explored the Marine Corps. My father was a Marine, and the Marines have always been the most exclusive of the services (more on that in a future post). So I approached the Marine recruiter that a number of my male friends had used to begin discussions. Well, in my first exposure to sexual harassment in the Armed Forces, the recruiter in question attempted to lay me rather than sign me up. This did not impress me, because while I didn't know shit about the Armed Forces at this point, I surely knew that a grown man, firmly ensconced in his military career had no business attempting to bed a seventeen year old high school student who was also a potential recruit. So I went next door to the Navy.

I had better luck over there, as the recruiters were all professional and reasonably honest with me about what the expectations would be and what my life would be like. I would never expect a recruiter to be 100% honest - they're sales people, after all, and their job is to fill their quota. I qualified for a large number of jobs, and selected Radioman, essentially a communications expert, and was scheduled to leave for Boot Camp in the Spring of 1984.

So the short answer to your question, Eric, is that I chose the Armed Forces because I needed a Plan that allowed me to live an independent life without benefit of college. The ethos of service that runs in my family pushed me towards the Armed Forces, which we have always considered an honorable profession. I chose the Navy because the Marine recruiter decided it was more advantageous for him to come on to me than to sign me up.

We'll explore my subsequent decisions tomorrow in Part 2. Thanks for your questions, Eric.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the Fifth

Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Today's question comes from academic historian and godless liberal commie socialist David, who asks,
At what point did you stop and say to yourself, "I think I have finally got the hang of this 'life' thing"?

Not when you had it entirely figured out, since if that were the case you should be sitting on a mountain dispensing advice to the rest of us. Just when you got the hang of it.
That is a very interesting question, and I've been thinking about it since you posted it. And the answer is, What makes you think I have the hang of it? That may seem like a flip response, but it has the virtue of being true.

Back when I was doing the necessary work to become a self-sufficient member of society and changing my life for the better, I was under the mistaken impression that once I had my emotional act together, then I would finally feel like a competent adult. I would finally be able to approach new situations and new challenges without feeling like an awkward child, and navigate my life with confidence, if not ease.

Yeah, right.

What actually happens with me is that just when I start to feel like I have a handle on a specific skill set in my life, that skill suddenly becomes obsolete. For example, the Smart Twins are adults now. Both of them are kicking ass and taking names as they prepare for their careers, him in the Navy, her in college. And you want to know when I finally started to feel like a competent parent? About 10 minutes ago. And every new required skill set makes me feel gawky, stupid, agonized.

The only area where I've not suffered from a chronic crisis of confidence is in my professional life. I've always been successful in my professional endeavors, and I've worked hard to ensure that fortune favored my prepared mind. I think age has tempered my confidence into something more realistic (compared to youthful arrogance), but I'm good at what I do, and work hard to remain so. Unfortunately, though, this confidence has not translated very well to my interpersonal relationships.

This is not to say that I'm not a more competent adult now than I was when I was 20, or 30, or even 40. I am, and in fact I think I've made tremendous progress since I "officially" became an adult. I'm less inclined, for example, to tolerate behavior in relationships that hurts or belittles me, and that improvement has led to healthier, more satisfying relationships. But I still don't feel competent by any objective measure...and I'm not sure that's such a bad thing.

People who have supreme confidence in every aspect of their lives always scare the crap out of me. It seems like such blind faith, especially in yourself, leads to mistakes, to megalomania, to an inability to examine reality in an objective way and make considered decisions accordingly (*cough*George Bush*cough*). Agonized self-doubt has been a huge pain the ass for me, but I suspect it has led to some pretty significant and profound changes in my life. If I was the kind of person who thought I "got it," I don't think I'd be too inclined to engage in the self-examination that leads to improvement and growth. After all, what incentive do I have to change if I think I've arrived from a life competency perspective?

So, no, I don't "get it." And I'm okay to muddle along, doing the best I can. Thanks for your question, David.

Wall of Shame - June 27, 2011

Monday, June 27, 2011


Why, yes, woman driving the Ford Escape, Colorado license plate 721-DLB, illegally parked in a handicapped spot at the Parker Public Library on June 27, 2011 at 3:45 p.m., I did see you make your way back to your vehicle. I noticed you were able bodied, and no, I don't give a good goddamn how long you were inside. You don't have a handicap placard, and no matter how crowded the library parking lot is, you're still utterly, thoroughly wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

The Dork Family Dorkinson

Hot Daughter: I had to buy a new beta fish. Spock died.

Me: Only until the next movie.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the Fourth

Today's writing prompt comes from new Canadian citizen and all around good egg Megan, who asks,
Perhaps you'd like to respond to the latest e-mail from my online stalker who fancies himself a Marine and hates gay people with all his heart?

Let me ask you a question Miss Shrink whats your take on these pyromaniac fetish freaks these ones that like to sear themselves into the ER every other weekend you know obtain for themselves beautiful third degree burns but instead of learning their lesson they continue to burn themselves onto the arson list and a lot of times into their graves (answer this it does relate)
Poor Megan. At least my on-line whackadoos can put a sentence together. It's not based in reality or anything, but at least I can understand it.

I think Megan's whackadoo believes that there's some sort of correlation between the LGBT community and pyrophilia. While I was able to find only minimal information on pyrophilia (including the fact that it's not a separate diagnosis in the DSM IV, but rather an aspect of impulse-control disorder), the fact of the matter is that pyrophiliacs don't typically set themselves on fire - it's the fire itself that causes arousal. So I'm not sure what the point is of the inquiry above. It's like the whackadoo conflated a bunch of weird urban legends to a single description of abnormal behavior and then assigned it to the LGBT community.

Which is pretty typical of the "objections" I see from the bigots in regard to Teh Gayz, actually. There's no fact based discussion, no statistical analysis of psychologically aberrant behavior in the specific cohort as compared to the general population, no independent study results to prove that the LGBT community is a hot bed of sexual fetishes. There's simply bigotry, usually (but not always) supported by claims that gay men and lesbians make baby Jesus cry and so he wants us to stone them to death in the most painful way possible.

We all know how I feel about those who choose to discriminate against the LGBT community. I think it's fair to say that I have not a single second to waste on Megan's illiterate stalker, especially if he happens to be, you know, drowning, and is in need of rescue. But I have to say that the fact that he "fancies himself a Marine" does make me sad for that most disciplined of services. Good thing the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps doesn't agree with him.

Thanks for your question, Megan, although I'm not sure I'm going to forgive you for making me look up "pyrophilia."

Free Shit Friday Winners...

Sunday, June 26, 2011
...of the homemade raspberry jams are Thordr, with a random number of 29, and Carol Elaine, with a random number of 15.

Carol Elaine, I have your address, so you're set. Thordr, please send your snail mail address to hotchicksdigsmartmen at comcast dot net, and I'll get those in the mail.

Enjoy!

2011 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, June 25, 2011
My snowball bush from the backyard.

Geraniums - because I'm apparently turning into my mother.

Free Shit Friday - Homemade Raspberry Jam

Friday, June 24, 2011
It's seedy. Sort of like your proprietress.



It's Free Shit Friday! And today's exciting offering is not one, but TWO jars of my homemade raspberry jam. While not as famous or distinctive as my Apple Butter, I have it on pretty good authority that it's absolutely acceptable. I wouldn't know, as I'm not a big fan of jam (Apple Butter notwithstanding).

Da rules.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the Third

Thursday, June 23, 2011
Today's question comes from the lovely Carol Elaine, who asks, 
Janiece, who wrote the Book of Love?
I believe it was The Monotones. What do I win? Nothing? Well, that's a gyp.

Love is a complicated subject. Everyone brings their own baggage to the table when they enter into a loving relationship, whether the tie is romantic, platonic, or familial. In my own case, the familial baggage is a tendency to treat men with a certain amount of contempt. We pass this trait down generation to generation, reinforced both by our tendency to be a matriarchy and our history of picking men worthy of contempt when we're young women. It's not pretty, but there it is.

Part of my process for getting over this was to come up with some "rules to live by" in my romantic relationships, both to ensure I treated my prospective partner with respect, and also to prevent myself from being subsumed. I've added to the list over the years, and I've also come to realize that these rules apply to every loving relationship, not just the romantic ones. Their inclusion in this list, however, doesn't mean that I don't occasionally fail to apply them in my relationships. Sometime my failures are SPECTACULAR, in fact. But I'm trying to do better.

Love means that the happiness of the person you love is as important as your own. Not more important - that's subsuming your own needs and wants for the benefit of someone else, and that's not love, but emotional servitude - but equally important. Sometimes that means you do something you may not want to do because it brings happiness to your love, and sometimes it means they do the same for you.

Love means not keeping score. That way lies accusation, bitterness, and anger. This does not mean, however, that things should be so unbalanced that you feel taken advantage of and used. In a perfect world, loving relationships would be a perfect communism. But we don't live in a perfect world, and there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. 

Love means taking care of each other. Even when you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it.

Love means keeping the intentional digs out of arguments. Fights happen. They're part of long-term relationships of all kinds. But when they do happen, keeping the intentionally hurtful comments out of the discussion can only end well. As opposed to not doing so, which can only end badly. Certain things, once said, can never be unsaid - or unheard.

Love means always telling the truth, but staying silent works, too. As my wise and wonderful friend Jeri notes, choosing to speak should only happen when the following criteria are met: Is it necessary, is it true, is it kind and will it make a difference. Otherwise, you should probably consider keeping your mouth shut.

Love means treating those you love with at least as much courtesy as you would treat a stranger. This one seems obvious until you think about it. Being rude to a stranger would make most people uncomfortable because, after all, what will the stranger think of you? Being rude to a loved one is much easier, because you presumably already know what your loved one thinks, plus they have to forgive you once you apologize. But that doesn't make it right, and if you love someone, don't they deserve to be treated better than a complete stranger?

Love means speaking up when you're hurting. Expecting others to read my mind and automatically fix what's wrong without some guidance is pretty unfair, not to mention pretty passive-aggressive. And snotty, backhanded comments don't count. No, they don't. 

Love means not putting all your emotional eggs in one basket. I love my Smart Man, and he's my only romantic interest, but he's not my only love. I love my extended family, my kids, and my friends with equal (but different) intensity. This allows me to be a well-rounded human being, with a variety of interests and relationships. Putting all of my social and emotional needs on the shoulders of a single person isn't fair to either of us, and such a strategy will surely fail.

Love means having the courage to be an individual, even if that puts you at odds with your love. I gotta be me. And if that means I disagree - even vociferously - with someone I love, then that's just how it is. I can't compromise myself, my values, my integrity, for another person, or I lose who I am.

Love means being okay with being alone. Because I have to love myself, first and foremost, before I can engage in loving relationships with others. Plus I find I'm pretty good company as I get older, which is a bonus.

So there's the Book of Love, which was apparently written by me. Thanks for your question, Carol Elaine.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the Second

Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Today's question comes from fellow UCFer Nathan, who asks, 
What the hell is wrong with you?
Oh, Nathan. So very many things, I think I'm going to have to divide them into categories for easy reference. And why the hell couldn't you balance that bombshell out by also asking what the hell is right with me?

Professionally

Patience, or a lack thereof. My various civilian supervisors over the years have all had one thing in common: A belief that I lack patience in my professional life. I'm not sure I agree with this, though. When I was a technical instructor, I was perfectly willing to repeat myself endlessly if I was failing to make a concept clear to my students, and they had a genuine desire to learn. If I have a customer who is doing their best to achieve a favorable outcome, I will spend as much time and will work as hard as necessary to ensure they get that outcome. These are not the acts of one who is impatient.

Or perhaps I have selective impatience.

What makes me a frustrated human in a professional environment is when people fail to hold themselves accountable. When people pass the buck, fail to take responsibility, or make excuses for what is clearly their own failure, I do, in fact, become impatient and tend towards holding them accountable myownself, since they're apparently constitutionally incapable of doing so themselves. This tendency is just fine if the person is a peer, or an internal resource. But I do this with everyone. Including my customers. Which they don't appreciate. However, it's also an attribute that gets me assigned to the most "challenging" customer accounts.

That'll learn me.

I'm not "passionate" about my work. I do like my job. I'm challenged in it, I like my boss and my teammates, and I'm well paid. But the fact of the matter is that I've done work that is vitally important, I've been responsible for millions of dollars of equipment and top secret material, I've led men and women where I've had a level of authority unheard of in the civilian sector. This? This is phones. And while I take my fiduciary responsibility to my company very seriously indeed, I'm under no illusions about whether or not it's "vital" in the same sense that my previous career was. So no, I'm not willing to travel incessantly, I'm not willing to work weekends (except in the case of genuine emergency), I'm not willing to sacrifice my family or my health. In corporate America today, that's defined as a lack of passion. I call that "perspective." Po-tae-to, po-tah-to.

Sometimes I'd rather do almost anything than work. And I do mean anything. Knitting, Reading. Gardening. Going to the dentist. Exercising. It's a good thing I'm disciplined. 

Personally

I have an addictive personality. Which means that I can never, ever, ever have another cigarette as along as I live, And that I'm always very, very careful about how much I drink, and when, and the alcohol content in the items I do drink. And that I stick with Advil and Naproxin when I'm injured or have surgery. And that recreational drugs are simply not for me, not ever, not even once.

I didn't get my emotional shit together until I was in my thirties. That's not really what the hell is wrong with me now, but it sure was in my first decade of adulthood. Christ, what a mess. Finding out the reasons for my poor decisions (and correcting them) has been one of the great blessings of my life.

I have a tendency toward self-righteousness. I find this to be one of my least attractive qualities, and so I try hard to keep it firmly in check. However, it does sneak up on me occasionally, and for that I'm deeply, deeply sorry. You have my permission to bitch-slap me for it when it occurs.

I'm arrogant about my own abilities. On the other hand, I think middle age has brought me a realistic evaluation of what I'm capable of, what really isn't my bailiwick, and what my limitations are. So there's that, I suppose.

I'm mildly socially retarded. What I mean by that is that I'm occasionally oblivious when I offend people I care about by speaking carelessly, or by making offhand remarks which may be construed as awful, even if I don't mean them that way. My social backwardness isn't an excuse for hurting other people, though, and I try to make sure people I care about are aware of it so that they can call me on the carpet when it happens. I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken, and believe me - 99% of the time, I want to fix it, and I don't know it's broken.

Really, I could go on for days about this topic, but I think my ego needs me to stop here. Thanks for your question, Nathan.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, Edition the First

Tuesday, June 21, 2011
As you all know, I have been bereft of ideas here at Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, and so I solicited the peanut gallery for suggestions. In true Hot Chicks and Smart Men fashion, I received many ideas, so I'm making good on my end of the bargain and answering your questions.

Today's selection is from Beatrice in Paris, who asks,
If you could do ANYTHING and get paid for it, what would that be?
Well, damn. You couldn't start with something easy? Just kidding, Beatrice. It's a deep question, and deserves a considered response.

I think a great many of us spend a considerable portion of our adult, working lives wondering what we'd like to be when we grow up. As we get older, that list gets pared down due to practical considerations like the cost benefit analysis of the education required to qualify for the occupation, family obligations that may prohibit the execution of job requirements, or an inability to fulfill the physical demands of the job. Like all things in life, it's a trade off, and I think mature, responsible adults attempt to manage their occupational passions with the obligations they've taken on, in order to achieve a balanced, nuanced life.

I think it's fair to say that's what's happened to me. While fortune favors the prepared mind, I've been extraordinarily lucky in the "right place, right time, right preparation" department on a professional basis. The result has been my job of the last ten years - work that challenges me, suits my lifestyle and family obligations, and pays far more than I ever thought I'd make when I started on my civilian career. I like my job, my co-workers, and my boss (my bitching and moaning notwithstanding), and I love the financial security and freedom it affords me.

But I'd be a big liar, liar, pants on fire if I tried to tell you that I was passionate about it, or that it fulfills my life's ambition.

If I could do ANYTHING, without the limitations of age, physical capability, family obligations, financial considerations? Well, I think I'd have to choose Legal Aid Attorney.

This will come as no surprise to those who know me well. You see, in addition to a dedication to the idea of service, there are certain things about our Great Republic whose inherent unfairness simply make me apoplectic with rage. And one of those things is the inability of the poor and disenfranchised to get the help they need to stick up for themselves in a legal sense. The issues are endless - eviction, foreclosure, slumlords, wrongful termination, discrimination, an inability to get a quality education, immigration, food insecurity, affordable housing, etc., ad naseum. Most of the people living in poverty in this country have no recourse when someone with more money, more connections, and better opportunities decides that they want an outcome that disadvantages the poor. And that's just wrong.

I realize that such advocates for the poor don't always win. In fact, I'd be profoundly surprised if their win/loss ratio was more than 50/50. But they do win sometimes, and they're fighting the good fight. That matters, and while I suspect their frustrations are legion, their examples shine in my heart, just like the examples of all who fight for those who can't fight for themselves (yes, Eric, I am looking at you).

So why haven't I gotten off my ass and done something about it? Well, it's that whole cost/benefit analysis thing I referred to earlier. This plan did not occur to me until I was in my forties, Law School is bloody expensive, and Legal Aid Attorneys make shit. I'm sure you can do the math.

So I'll stick with Systems Engineering, contributing to the world in other ways until I can retire and enter the ranks of charitable volunteers on a dedicated basis instead of on an ad hoc one. I intend to do so as a phlebotomist, but who knows? Maybe I'll end up volunteering down at Legal Aid, instead.


Thanks for your question, Beatrice.

______________
The 1st Annual Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading Summer Reading Program begins TODAY! Let's read!

1st Annual Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading Summer Reading Program!

Monday, June 20, 2011
It's the First Annual Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading Summer Reading Program, brought you by Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men!

I love to read. Love, love, love. And I love my local library, who runs a summer reading program for all ages. Love, love, love.


So I'm combining these two loves and initiating the First Annual Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading Summer Reading Program* with all proceeds going to the Douglas County Library through the Douglas County Library Foundation.**

Here's da rules:


  1. The contest will run from June 21st (the summer solstice! Yay!) to September 6th (the first working day after Labor Day. Boo!).
  2. When you read a new book, post a comment on the page set up specifically for that purpose with the title and author of the book. One comment, one book.
  3. For each book that is read and registered in the comments, I will donate $1 to the Douglas County Library Foundation, up to $100.00
  4. For each book that I read during this time, I will donate $5 to the Douglas County Library Foundation, with no limit on the donation. 
  5. When the contest ends, I will use a random number generator to find THE WINNERS. THE WINNERS will each get $25.00 gift certificates to Amazon, so that you might buy more books. Each unique comment (one comment, one book) will be an entry for the gift certificate, so the more you read, the better chance you have to win.
  6. If the number of comments exceeds 100 (the ceiling on the donation), the subsequent comments will still be considered for the gift certificate. 
There's a new page set up for the entries, with a link at the top under Hot Chicks and Smart Men Read! Entries for the contest will go there, not here.

I've created a public page over on Facebook, as well, for those of you who prefer that medium.

Let's Read!

UPDATE: New reader filelalaine has decided to jump on the bandwagon, as well! So not only will your books benefit my own awesome, awesome library, but also the Studio City Library in California! Libraries FTW!

_____________
*I totally gakked this idea from author Todd Wheeler, whose Virtual Summer Reading Program is in its fifth year. He graciously gave me permission to be a big copy cat and shamelessly steal his idea, thus relieving me of the burden of thinking up original content. Feel free to participate in both programs - it's all for a good cause.

**Disclaimer: The Douglas County Library and the Douglas County Library Foundation have no idea who I am and I'm not affiliated with either organization. Ask any employee over there if they've heard of me and my website, and I'm quite sure the answer would be "Who?" and "We don't allow those kinds of websites here," respectively.

Free Shit Friday Winner...

Sunday, June 19, 2011
...of Jonathon Strange and Mr. Norrell is filelaine with a random number of 6.

Please send your snail mail address using the contact page details, and I'll get the book in the mail when I damn well feel like it. Because that's just how I roll.

Enjoy!

2011 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, June 18, 2011



Boogie Blogging Friday - Back by Popular Demand

Friday, June 17, 2011





Boogie's fans have been disappointed that his image has been scarce around here lately. So here he is - by popular demand.

He's staying close and sedentary today, as he visited his groomer yesterday, and getting a bath and a haircut tires him out very quickly these days. Poor old hips. But at least he smells better.

Free Shit Friday - Jonathon Strange and Mr. Norrell

Today's Free Shit Friday offering is the 2005 Hugo Award winning novel Jonathon Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clark. This is a first edition in good shape with the exception of some impression grooves on the dust jacket.

"It's 1808 and that Corsican upstart Napoleon is battering the English army and navy. Enter Mr. Norrell, a fusty but ambitious scholar from the Yorkshire countryside and the first practical magician in hundreds of years. What better way to demonstrate his revival of British magic than to change the course of the Napoleonic wars? Susanna Clarke's ingenious first novel, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, has the cleverness and lightness of touch of the Harry Potter series, but is less a fairy tale of good versus evil than a fantastic comedy of manners, complete with elaborate false footnotes, occasional period spellings, and a dense, lively mythology teeming beneath the narrative. Mr. Norrell moves to London to establish his influence in government circles, devising such powerful illusions as an 11-day blockade of French ports by English ships fabricated from rainwater. But however skillful his magic, his vanity provides an Achilles heel, and the differing ambitions of his more glamorous apprentice, Jonathan Strange, threaten to topple all that Mr. Norrell has achieved. A sparkling debut from Susanna Clarke--and it's not all fairy dust."

In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit I have not yet listened to my copy of this book, so I don't have an opinion of the quality of the writing or story. However, it apparently won alsmost every award it was eligible for in 2005, and I bought it for $1.08 at our local "Friends of the Library" book sale, so I figured it was a good choice for my weekly giveaway.

Da rules.

Angels and Ministers of Grace, Defend Us

Thursday, June 16, 2011
Or least give us some ideas for our damn blogs.

Like my friend Eric over at Standing on the Shoulders of Giant Midgets, I have been singularly unmotivated to write about anything of substance here lately. There are a variety of reasons for this, but the most pertinent one is that my brain is simply FULL. I'm extremely busy at work (in a good way), I'm trying to read more, I'm concentrating on living a bit more healthfully, and I have a creative project I'm trying to finish. All of these activities take cycles, and rather than giving my family, friends or day job the short end of the stick, I'm afraid that HCDSM has been re-prioritized to the bottom of my very large pile.

But I'm not content to let it stay there, and that's where you, my loyal (or drive by, or whatever) readers come in.

Since it worked so well for my friend Eric, I'm soliciting ideas for content. Some of what Eric has written in response to his readers' requests has been some of his most insightful essays to date, and so I'm shamefully stealing his idea in the hopes that it will work for me, as well.

So I'm asking you, the Hot Chicks and Smart Men of the Internet, to pose questions that you'd like me to write about. Let me have it, not-so-gentle readers - I need an assist from my minions.

The Best Things in Life

Wednesday, June 15, 2011
You know how I've so been looking forward to being a Cool Auntie? Well, I am. And my AMAZING niece is home, and doing well.


A good day. A good, good day. Welcome to the world, and welcome home, little one.

The Current Republican Field

Tuesday, June 14, 2011
You know, I don't apologize for being a liberal. I've thought about it deeply, and after years of deliberation, I simply consider the liberal position to be the most moral political point of view, which provides the most good to the most people. Others are welcome to disagree, of course - that's the nature of the Republic, and it's a good thing.

And while it's unlikely at this point in my political evolution that I would ever vote for a conservative candidate, I'd sure like the opportunity to consider voting for a qualified Republican ticket. Which, once again, I may not get a chance to do. I mean, seriously - who are the current choices? Bachmann? The woman is certifiable, and bears a more-than-comfortable resemblance to the unlamented McCarthy. Gingrich? Even his staff doesn't think he's the man for the job. Ron Paul? An emotionally retarded big "L" libertarian - yeah, he represents my concerns. Tim Pawelenty? A creationist president - angels and ministers of grace, defend us. Rick Santorum? I'd rather take my own eye out with a fork than vote for that horrifying choad.

Of the current field, Mitt Romney is the only one even close to being a moderate Republican reminiscent of my youth, and he's backpedaling from his moderation at an astonishing rate.

And here's what scares me: The economy is still pretty much in the crapper. While I'm not naive enough to blame the Obama Administration unequivocally for this result, the average voter certainly will. Our President will have a tough row to hoe in 2012, and the idea of some Tea Bagger darling being elected in his stead chills me to the bone. Christ on a Crutch, can you IMAGINE? Just thinking about one of these asshats having any influence on our foreign and domestic policy makes me want to research emigrating to Canada.

I wonder if there are any job openings in Yellowknife...

Bleh

Monday, June 13, 2011
I haven't been too motivated of late to write pithy, insightful commentary on the state of the world. Maybe because the world (at present) isn't very funny, or interesting, or worth commenting on.*

But here's what I have been thinking about:
  • If you think you know the best course of action, regardless of the topic and your area of expertise, why in the hell would you spend the money on hiring an expert? You can disregard the advice of the third bullshitter from the left for a lot less money.
  • I bought our memberships to Chicon 7 yesterday. Two words: Story Musgrave. I'm sure we'll also hit some other attractions while we're in Chi-town (Navy Pier and Buddy Guy's, anyone?), but for right now, I'm looking forward to the convention. I hope Elizabeth Moon will be there - she's the bomb, and the way she cracks the whip on the panels she moderates reminds me of a certain other female veteran I know.
  •  I had a dream last night that I was trying to decide if I should return to active duty in the Navy. I was agonizing over the decision, which seems strange given that I'm unlikely to leave an extremely well paying civilian gig to go get shot at, and it's even more unlikely that the Navy would be interested in recalling an overweight, 46 year old SCPO with outdated skills. 
  • And speaking of being overweight, I've started a new eating/fitness program over at My Fitness Pal. I think I have the "fitness" part licked - I'm pretty disciplined about making sure I exercise regularly, even when I eat like crap - it's the "eating" part I always have trouble with. Stupid eating. My ID is "Janiece65" if you use this program, too, and want to "friend" me over there.
  • The Smart Man got me a new wedding band for our anniversary and to commemorate our trip to Hawai'i, and it's arrived. It's in the Hawaiian Heirloom style in white gold, and the customization is "Ianieke," which is my name in Hawaiian.** We loves it, precious.


  • I finally found a massage therapist that suits me - a retired Lockheed Martin software engineer who works 20 hours a week at his "retirement gig." Engineers FTW!
  • And here's something I never thought I'd say: I hope the FOX URINE I ordered from Amazon arrives soon. You see, I am trying to save our large Maple, which is slowly being killed by the evil that is bark-stripping squirrels of DEATH. And I'm hoping the fox urine will assist me in this endeavor. DIE, SQUIRRELS, DIE! Or at least stay away from my Maple.
I hope to return to motivated writing tomorrow, but no promises - it seems like my brain can only hold so many ideas at once, and I'm presently full with non-bloggy material.

_________
*Really over the Weiner jokes. Seriously. Just stop.

**Yes, I did double check that to ensure it really meant "Janiece." I didn't want to walk around with a ring that said "Fried Spam" on it.

Free Shit Friday Winner...

Sunday, June 12, 2011
...of the Cole Haan Mata Hari pumps is Anne, with a random number of 5. Rowr.

2011 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, June 11, 2011
I'm saving the photos of the tropical Hawaiian flowers as long as I can - I suspect they will brighten my winter days. So in the meantime, you get these.


Free Shit Friday - Cole Haan Pumps

Friday, June 10, 2011
I can't tell you how disappointing this is. These pumps, which I bought in March, no longer fit. The eights were a bit tight, so I purchased the 8.5's, and they stretched. Now I can't wear them without being in danger of falling on my ass and breaking my coccyx. Damnit.

So to my loyal fans they will go.

Cole Haan Mata Hari four inch pumps, size 8.5, with the Nike Air soles, worn only once. Shoe bag and box included, which will be stained with my tears of disappointment. Damnit.

Da rules.

Cruisin'

Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The ten best things about our FABULOUS HAWAIIAN CRUISE:

10. Feeling smug, in a socially conscious (but hopefully not offensive) sort of way. The Pride of America is a U.S. flagged ship. Among other things, this means that the crew's employment is governed by U.S. employment law, and thus somewhat protected from the exploitation so common in the cruising industry. As a result, the staff was predominantly young, friendly and happy to be there. Based only on the crew and uniformed Merchant Marine officers on this vessel, it also appears that NCL has a "put your money where your mouth is" commitment to diversity in its work force, including a female chief engineer. Word.


9. Haleakala Caldera on Maui. Like the Grand Canyon, it simply doesn't seem quite real to the naked eye, let alone in a photograph. But I can assure you - simply awesome.


8. Tubing down the sugar cane irrigation ditches of Kauai. Because we're twelve, evidently. Seriously - this was a BLAST, as many of the waterways went through man-made tunnels and we were equipped with helmets including waterproof lights.


7. Catamaran sail and snorkeling on Hawai'i*.Where we saw an abundance of wild life, including several pods of spinner dolphins. I dislike zoos and aquariums pretty intensely, but seeing animals in their natural habitat is a treasure.


6. Visiting the Heroes of the Pacific Memorial. The Pearl Harbor Memorial, Including the USS ARIZONA memorial and the USS MISSOURI, are now part of a larger Navy/National Park exhibit called The Heroes of the Pacific. As a Navy veteran, visiting this site was intensely moving for me. Although we're separated by generations and gender, the service members who died on December 7, 1941 are my brothers in arms, and I ache for their loss. 


5. The lava fields of Kilauea. Life will find a way. Oh, yes, it will. I had visited the Volcanoes National Park in the late 1980's but it's changed considerably - especially since most of what I saw the last time is now under a lava flow. Including the old visitor's center.


4. Being at sea again. I haven't thought about it much over the last fifteen years, but there's nothing quite like watching the sun come up (or go down) at sea. Nothing. Although I have to admit that sailing as a guest of Norwegian Cruise Line was surely a different experience than sailing as, you know, a Navy Chief standing watch as a CICWO. 


3. The view.This was taken from the window of our cabin. I just kept thinking that these are the real "Cliffs of Insanity."


2. Not having to worry about our budget. We over budgeted pretty significantly, mostly because the trip took longer for us to book than we had planned. But having money left over at the end (which will act as the starting point for our next cruise) is pretty sweet. We're planning on a trip to the Mediterranean, to include Greece, Alexandria and Turkey. All y'all are welcome to join us. 

1. Sharing it all with my Smart Man. We should try and go on vacation together a little more often, I think.


The ten worst things about our FABULOUS HAWAIIAN CRUISE: 


Are you high? Hawai'i. Cruise. No work. Soft serve ice cream on demand. Lovely people. Delicious food. Tasty tropical beverages. What's to complain about?**

__________
*Hawai'i as in the "Big Island," not the state.

**Unfortunately, people did find things to complain about. Grouchy motherfuckers. It's a cruise, dude - lighten up. 

Back to the Grind

Tuesday, June 7, 2011
So today's my first day back after being off since May 26th. As you can imagine I'm buried in all the crises that occurred in my absence.

And to add some additional fun to today's activities, I've been dizzy on and off since our return. I was fighting a minor cold the entire cruise, and while I'm still a bit snotty and coughy, I thought I had it licked. Apparently not, since my inner ear is giving me trouble. Hopefully I won't fall down the stairs and break my neck while I'm waiting for it to clear up. Because that would suck. Stupid inner ear.

I've started writing an entry on our trip and I hope to have it completed for tomorrow, but no promises - I have to actually perform the work for which I'm paid so that I can start saving for our NEXT fabulous cruise vacation. Because it was FABULOUS.

Free Shit Friday Winners

Monday, June 6, 2011
Yes, I'm back from my FABULOUS HAWAIIAN CRUISE. No, I'm not happy about it.

The winners of the Awesome Apple Butter of Awesomeness are Nathan and MWT, with the random numbers of 33 and 3, respectively.

The winner of Halting State is Nathan, with a random number of 7. Because that's just how random number generation works sometimes.

I have your addresses, but I need to get some life maintenance things done before I can run to the post office, y'all. Enjoy!

Adulthood = Accountability

Sunday, June 5, 2011
First published on September 13, 2008.

________________________

Occasionally, I have discussions with the Smart Boy about "what it means to be a successful adult."

The list usually includes such things as "get a job," and "pay your own bills," and "as long as you live in your mommy's house, you're not an adult," and "adults pay respectful attention to their franchise."

But lately I've decided that the heart of adulthood is accountability. And by accountability, I mean holding yourself accountable.

Holding yourself accountable to be a contributing member of society, including supporting yourself and your dependents without mooching off your family, your friends, your society.

Holding yourself accountable to be an informed voter, to learn what you need to learn in order to vote intelligently and responsibly.

Holding yourself accountable for keeping your word to others, whether that's being where you're supposed to be at the time you're supposed to be there, or completing a task that you've committed to do.

Holding yourself accountable for making things right when you screw up, whether that's falling on your sword with your boss, apologizing to a child, or changing your behavior for the future.

Holding yourself accountable for continuing to learn, to be a well-rounded and interesting person.

Holding yourself accountable for treating others with respect, for being kind, for leaving the world a better place when you die.

And the more I thought about these things, the more I realized how very many children I know. Children who live in adult bodies, and pretend to live adult lives, but who really are not adults, at least not by the yardstick I use. I myself did not achieve true adulthood in every aspect until I was in my 30's -it's a work in progress.

Of course this begs the question - if all these children in adult bodies are not really adults, then am I required to give their ideas, their demands, their opinions, the same consideration and weight I would to a real adult? Or am I only required to treat them as overgrown children?

2011 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Free Shit Friday - Halting State

Friday, June 3, 2011
Halting State, by Charles Stross. Hardcover.

"This brilliantly conceived techno-crime thriller spreads a black humor frosting over the grim prospect of the year 2012, when China, India and the European System are struggling for world economic domination in an infowar, and the U.S. faces bankruptcy over its failing infrastructure. Sgt. Sue Smith of Edinburgh's finest, London insurance accountant Elaine Barnaby and hapless secret-ridden programmer Jack Reed peel back layer after layer of a scheme to siphon vast assets from Hayek Associates, a firm whose tentacles spread into international economies. The theft is routed through Avalon Four, a virtual reality world complete with supposedly robbery-proof banks. As an electronic intelligence agency trains innocent gamers to do its dirty work, Elaine sets Jack to catch the poacher. Hugo-winner Stross (Glasshouse) creates a deeply immersive story, writing all three perspectives in the authoritative second-person style of video game instructions and gleefully spiking the intrigue with virtual Orcs, dragons and swordplay. The effortless transformation of today's technological frustrations into tomorrow's nightmare realities is all too real for comfort."

Please note, results will be delayed because I'm on a FABULOUS HAWAIIAN CRUISE. And not currently thinking about Free Shit Friday.

Da Rules.

A Family Affair

Thursday, June 2, 2011
First posted on July 22, 2010.

__________________________________

Every once in a while, someone asks me why I'm so vehement about gay rights.

Aside from the fact that sticking up for minorities who are being discriminated against is simply the right thing to do, I have a more personal reason for standing up when it comes to equality for gay Americans - the Smart Girl is a lesbian.

When she first came out to me (she was about 15, I think), it took me a bit of time to realign my perception of her. Not because I wished her sexual orientation was otherwise, but because a person's sexuality is an aspect of who they are. I simply needed to start looking at her in a slightly different way. One thing I didn't do, however, was ask her if "she was sure," or to tell her she'd "grow out of it." I've made a lot of mistakes with my daughter (like every parent on the planet, I suspect), but I trust that I would not disrespect her in this particular way. Being gay is part of who she is, and to deny that aspect of her life would be to deny her, and there's no way I would have done that. I tried to make it clear to her, and to everyone in my life, that not accepting my baby girl for who she is would earn you a one-way ticket to "you're dead to me" junction, with extreme prejudice.

Prior to learning about the Smart Girl, I always thought that the LGBT community got the short end of the stick when it came to equal rights in this country (Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Seriously?). I made sure I voted against laws that discriminated against them, and supported candidates and laws that encouraged equal treatment under the law. But it wasn't until I had some personal skin in the game that I became vehement.

Having a family member, a family member for whom you would storm the gates of Hell with nothing more than a wad of cotton and a toothpick, belong to a group that is routinely discriminated against makes the matter personal. Extremely personal. When some self-righteous asshat proclaims that gay men and lesbians don't deserve equal treatment under the law because they "violate the natural order" or that their "lifestyle" is a "sin against the Lord," my blood just BOILS. I want to beat them about the head and shoulders with the complete works of Jane Goodall, followed by the administration of the water test. That's my daughter you're talking about, you sanctimonious fuck. Who the hell do you think you are, to suggest that my baby girl isn't deserving of all the very best things in life, simply because she's different than you? She's focused, smart, disciplined, self-sufficient, compassionate and has a fierce intellect. She's a straight A student, has a job, and is involved in her community. She loves opera, anime, and books, and dislikes roses and pantyhose. She's not a second-class citizen, and does not deserve to be treated like one because people can't see past their own prejudice and bigotry.

Having a daughter who is a lesbian has taught me a huge lesson. While tribalism can sometimes be a bad thing, it can also expand your concept of who's "like you." The Smart Girl is, first and foremost, my child. For me, the fact that she's also a lesbian means not that she's "different," but that all the other lesbians and gay men in the world are also my children, and deserving of the same protection as the Smart Girl. I'm happy that my family is larger and more diverse. Now, for me, doing the right thing by the LGBT community isn't just politics, or a dedication to what's right and fair - it's a family affair.

When People Show You Who They Are - Believe Them

Wednesday, June 1, 2011
First posted January 8, 2008.

______________________________

"When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

It seems simple, yes? Judge people by their behavior. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Simple.

Right.

In my experience, people will continuously ignore evidence that they personally witness in order to preserve their illusions. Hell, I'm guilty of this myself - learning this lesson on a permanent basis has been one of the great challenges of my life.

Consider these examples:
  • A woman is dating a man who is nice to her, but consistently treats service people like shit. The most likely cause? He's a dick. But the woman won't believe that - she'll make excuses.
  • A man's mother consistently cuts him down and makes him feel small and worthless. The most likely cause? She's a critical harpy. But the man won't believe that - he'll make excuses.
  • A man occasionally gets drunk and smacks his wife around, but is otherwise a "decent guy." The most likely cause? He's a wife-beater. But his wife won't believe that - she'll make excuses.
  • A work-mate never seems able to perform their own work, and is constantly asking their co-workers to do their work, or help them because it's an emergency, or bail them out. The most likely cause? She's incompetent, or lazy, or both. But the co-worker doesn't believe that - he'll make excuses.
Why do we refuse to see the evidence of our eyes? Are we so easily swayed by good intentions that we'll ignore months or years of bad behavior on the simple word of the perpetrator that they're really not like that or that they're really trying to do better?

NEWSFLASH!

These people really are dicks, or critical harpies, or wife-beaters, or lazy incompetents.

If someone treats you unkindly, the most likely reason is because they're unkind.

If someone tells a lie, the most likely reason is because they're a liar.

If someone refuses to do their fair share of the work, the most likely reason is because they're a lazy git.

They're not going to change because they say they are. They'll change when they're damn good and ready, and not before. And they may not change at all.

I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt. I give the benefit of the doubt long past the time when there is no more doubt. Maybe because I want to trust, I want to believe people are trying to do the right thing, I want to believe people are basically good. Seems a bit strange for a cynic like me. But it's true.

I'm reminded of a quote from Batman Begins: "...it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you."