Feminism and Me

Friday, May 4, 2012
I've been thinking about feminism lately, and how it relates to me and my life.

Making a living as a token minority in a male-dominated field, feminism has always had a role to play in my professional survival. When I was a younger woman, I tried to act like the institutional sexism of the Armed Forces didn't affect me - I grew thick skin, and tried hard to learn how to survive and thrive. I was successful, but there was a cost for those choices. That thick skin is a tough habit to break, and I have a tendency towards cynicism and will attack if threatened.

Once I started making my living in the civilian sector, the institutional sexism became more subtle, and my traditional reaction to it was no longer suitable. I had to switch to a hyper-competent model, whereby I forced myself to work harder, longer, more ferociously than my male peers. This also works as a strategy, but I have found that after a decade and a half of this, I'm just worn the fuck out.

So I was thinking - what should my new model look like?  And then I thought, why the hell do I even NEED a model to deal with institutional sexism? Isn't it the responsibility of a modern organization to ensure that I don't need to deal with this outmoded bullshit? Why is it MY responsibility?

And the answer is that it's not.

So I'm revising my strategy as it relates to sexism professionally and personally. I can call out blatant sexism where I see it, and refuse to tolerate the language and mores of rape culture. I can make decisions that enhance respect for women. I can demand equal responsibility to go with my equal rights. I can demand the respect I've earned, and try and encourage my daughter to do the same. I can try and encourage my son to reject the casual disrespect of his father. I can demand equal pay. I can try and elect officials to whom women's issues matter. I can try and support and mentor young women in my professional life. All of these things are worthwhile in their own right.

But I shouldn't have to develop a comprehensive strategy to deal with other people's fucked up mores. So I'll try and behave in accordance with my own ethical standards, and demand that others behave fairly and with integrity.

Yeah. Just call me Naive McNaiverson McNaiversdotter.

8 comments:

Random Michelle K said...

Shouldn't it be Naive McNaiversdotter?

/pendant

Phiala said...

Good luck with that.

I'm cynical, hyper-competent, and tired, and I don't see anything much I can do about it.

Janiece said...

Phiala, you're not helping.

Phiala said...

You know, I wasn't trying to.

I admire you greatly for trying to take the high road. You're right: you shouldn't have to have a systematic response to institutional sexism. It's the responsibility of the institution to get its shit together.

And you're a better woman than I am.

Janiece said...

Phiala, it's hard for me to take the high road on this issue. Like you, I have a lifetime of being beaten down fueling my cynicism. I just feel like I have to try.

Phiala said...

You're a better person than I am just for trying.

Anne C. said...

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Michelle and her randomness?

Tom said...

Yes, seeing the result of Michelle's comment made me COL (that's Chuckle Out Loud, or maybe Chortle Out Loud) even before I saw the comment. Michelle is 2C4F!

And then there's Janiece. I'm sorry that after proving your competence at the highest levels for years in the most male-dominated profession you have to still be concerned about not being treated fairly. We should be able to meet you at least halfway. So don't change. I'm glad you're an example in my life!