2012 Flower Pr0n - First Flowers of the Season Edition

Saturday, March 31, 2012


Free Shit Friday - Blackberry Jam

Friday, March 30, 2012


Today's Free Shit Friday offering is a pint of blackberry jam in my new standard wide mouth jar. This is the Smart Man's favorite, so I always have to promise to make sure he has plenty in the pantry before I decide to give some away.

Da rules.

Some Observations from the Gym

Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I'm pretty disciplined about exercising - unless I'm out of town or some other professional obligation interferes, I'm at the Parker Fieldhouse six days a week, in addition to using our home elliptical on my lunch hours. The Fieldhouse opens for business at 7:00 a.m., which means that the early morning crowd consists of the geriatric crowd, early retirees, and people who can start work somewhat later than the norm. And over the months since I've been going, I've noticed some trends in terms of the types of people who go on a regular basis.
  • Mr. Socializer. I think every gym has this guy. He's not really there to work out, although he's there each and every day. He's there to socialize. He approaches everyone, regardless of what they're doing, so that he can start his day with a friendly chat. He never breaks a sweat, and the most effort I've seen him put in is strolling on the treadmill while watching reruns of that retarded "Urkel" show on the house television. No, I'm not making that up - I've actually seen him change the channel so he can watch it. One time he asked me if I was satisfied with my results so far. When I said "yes," (I'd lost about 30 pounds at that point) he complained he'd gained 10 pounds in the year he'd been going to the gym. Um, yes. That's how it goes when you don't actually, you know, work. 
  • The Bitter Old Biddy. This is the woman who is, in fact, making an effort to get off the couch and get moving, but believes that everyone's level of fitness should match her own, i.e., poor. When I repeatedly lap her on the indoor track, I get the hairy eyeball, followed by snide comments about how I'm "making everyone else look bad" and "showing off," even though I try to be friendly and gracious. Um, no. I don't get any fitness points for lapping people 20 years older than me, those on oxygen, or those who use a cane. I'm very lucky to work in a job that gives me the flexibility to be able to work out at 7:00 a.m. and still make it to my desk at a decent hour. That does not mean I have some obligation to work less hard so that others won't look at me.
  • The Friendly Old Man. Unlike the Bitter Old Biddy, this guy is always as friendly as can be, and calls me "Speedy" every time I lap him on the track. He's 85 if he's a day, and I think he's a retired Air Force vet, based on his workout attire. His cheerfulness is awesome.
  • The Lame and the Infirm. I'm really quite encouraged by the number of people who come to the gym who use oxygen tanks and canes. In a few cases, it's obvious they're recovering from some sort of surgery or injury, but in most cases, they're simply old and unsteady, or are paying for years of smoking by being forced to carry oxygen everywhere they go. But they're trying, no matter how slow they end up going, and this makes me FURIOUSLY HAPPY.
  • The Professional Woman. This gal is focused. She does circuit training, and makes every minute she's at the gym count, whether it's running, weight training, or the Arc Trainer. She always leaves before 8:00 a.m., which leads me to believe she has work or some other obligation that needs her attention at a specific time. She always smiles and is friendly, but does not have time to waste on Mr. Socializer or anyone else. I suspect I fall into this category, as well. 
Due to the relatively late opening time of the Fieldhouse, the Smart Man goes in the late afternoon, and I expect the cast of characters he encounters are different, since he gets the after work crowd. But that's okay. With the exception of Mr. Socializer and The Bitter Old Biddy (who I find annoying), I enjoy my early morning crowd just fine.

The "Faith, Family and Freedom" Tour - a Translation

Monday, March 26, 2012
So I was at the gym yesterday, trying to motivate myself to work hard enough to get my heart rate over 130 on the Arc Trainer when I glanced at one of the televisions strategically placed in view of the cardio equipment. Because Rick Santorum had just won the Louisiana primary, this is what I saw:

No, really! My ideas are mainstream! Because I believe in FREEDOM.

Seriously? Who, exactly, is this chucklehead trying to fool with this little piece of PR? If you're smart enough to pour pee out of a boot, you have to know that the name of this goat rope he calls a "tour" is a coded message. Allow me to translate.

Faith. His faith, that is. All you heathens, all you polytheists, all you non-theists, basically anyone who doesn't believe in his particular brand of repressive, backwards belief - yeah, you are all shit out of luck. Because his stated intent is to legislate his particular brand of religious wackiness into the public square in an effort to "take our country back." Back to the puritans, that is, because all that "Establishment Clause" and "Separation of Church and State" stuff is just NONSENSE. NONSENSE, DO YOU HEAR?

Family. Again, his family. If you are member of a family that deviates in any way from his "traditional" view of this cornerstone institution, then obviously you and yours should just die in a fire so that proper, god fearing families will have a better chance of success as they take their country back from you. It's perfectly acceptable, you see, to deny my Hot Daughter the right to marry under the law and raise a family of her own. Because god whispered in his ear and told him so, and if you don't believe him, then YOU HATE FAMILIES. AND GOD. YOU ALSO HATE GOD.

Freedom. Yes, yes! Freedom! Rick and his minions are about NOTHING if not FREEDOM. Unless, of course, you're a woman. Or a person of color. Or someone not born in this country who wants to make a better life. Or you believe in something other than his particular brand of religious wackiness. Or you're poor. Or you fall anywhere on the sexual normative scale other than flamingly heterosexual. Then you can either die in the aforementioned fire, or regress to your previous role of servicing middle aged, (allegedly) straight, white dudes. They're entitled to it, you see, since they've proven their worthiness by already having all the power and money!

How, exactly, is this choad winning delegates? And really, the fact that he is makes me want to set my hair on fire and put it out in the Semiahmoo Bay, and then never leave.

Angels and ministers of grace, defend us.

Free Shit Friday Winner...

Sunday, March 25, 2012
...of the Cranberry Walnut jam is Random Michelle K., with a random number of 2. Enjoy!

2012 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, March 24, 2012
I took these during Oktoberfest last year in Breckenridge, and never got around to posting them. So since nothing is blooming yet here in spite of a series of beautiful days, you get the leftovers.



Free Shit Friday - Cranberry Walnut Jam

Friday, March 23, 2012
Today's Free Shit Friday giveaway is a pint of Cranberry Walnut Jam in a wide mouth jar. You can thank Phiala for the wide-mouth jar - she complained once on Twitter that a wide mouth jar would allow her to more easily lick the inside to get every drop. Or maybe she said that a spatula would fit more easily through the opening. Same thing, really.

Making this jam was a bit of a melancholy experience this time. It was my beloved Auntie's favorite, and she always entered to win when it was offered, and I always sent her a jar whether she won or not.

So whoever wins, please think of my beloved Auntie and raise your jam delivery mechanism in salute when it arrives.

Arts and Crafts for the Graduate School Bound

Wednesday, March 21, 2012
So the Spring quarter has started at DU, and I'm taking my last lower level "common learning experience." It's called Discovering Creative Energies, and this is the course description:
Everyone has a creative core. It can become hidden or lost, but the ability to recognize one’s creative source and tap into it at will provides an increased range of communication options. This course focuses on discovering and developing the creative self through various art forms and disciplines. Students will be challenged to solve problems, take risks, and look at themselves and their creative energies in new ways. The experiences and activities of this course build skills and confidence in using one’s creativity in daily life.
Supplies for this class include an artistic journal, water colors, colored pencils, crayons and a glue stick.

I swear I'm not making that up.

When I first read the syllabus I sneered a bit, and when I read the supply list, I sneered a lot. What is this? Art therapy? Arts and crafts for the graduate school bound? Crayons? Really?

Then I tried to get over myself and take it in the spirit it's intended. Keeping an "artistic journal" might be fun, right? I can draw pictures of Boogie, in all his lumpy wonder. I can write free form poetry about how standing up to bullies is the new cornerstone of my life. I can create a visual representation of my disgust with the misogynists who wish I'd shut the hell up about all this "equal rights" nonsense and go make them a sandwich. 

Fun, right?

I think so, but not $1,960.00 worth of fun (excluding the cost of art supplies). It's a good thing my company is paying my tuition, and that I can justify the class with the fact that it's required for my degree program.

On the Subject of Bullies

Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Bullies - we don't like them.
I don't like bullies.

My Hot Mom taught me from an early age that standing up to a bully is always the right thing to do, because by doing so, even when you lose, you win. So the easiest way to put me in a pugilistic stance is to try and bully me into doing what you want.

This is not to say that I'm averse to changing my mind or acceding to reasonable requests. Far from it. If someone makes a case for change, I'm more than willing to listen to their argument and change my mind and/or my behavior if their points are compelling. Because being an inflexible prig is almost as bad as being a bully. Almost.

But if an individual fails to make their case, then it's unlikely I'm going to go out of my way to do what they want, just because they want it. And if they try to bully me into doing what they want after I've said "no," then it's extremely likely that my next impulse is to start swinging the Shovel of Doom™, aiming for their face. At the very least, I'm going to call them out on their bullying, again and again, for as long as they continue the behavior and I'm exposed to them. Because doing so is always the right thing to do.

One thing I've noticed about bullies, though, is that they usually have no effing idea how to handle someone like me. They're so used to relying on their particular brand of aggressiveness to get what they want, that when they're stymied, they're at a complete loss as to how to proceed. It reminds me of a Dr. Who quote: "It's been a long time since anyone's said no to you, isn't it?" And I have to admit, there's a part of me that finds this reaction more than a little satisfying.

Standing up to bullies makes me tired. But it's important. As my friend Jim notes over at Stonekettle Station in his post about "Why I Talk to Loons," silence is acceptance. When someone adopts a bullying posture and no one speaks, the bully gets what they want, there's no correction to their behavior, and it just goes on and on and on. I'm not willing to let it go on and on and on.

Free Shit Friday Winners...

Sunday, March 18, 2012
...of the Strawberry Rhubarb jam are Beatrice in Paris with a random number of 18, and Steve Buchheit with a random number of 3.

Let me know where to send the loot, winners, and enjoy.

2012 Flower Pr0n - Hawai'i!

Saturday, March 17, 2012
This is the last of my Hawai'ian Flower Pr0n. I'm glad it lasted until (almost) Spring, although I suspect I'll be hard pressed to find Spring flowers this early in the year for next week.




Free Shit Friday - Strawberry Rhubarb Jam

Friday, March 16, 2012
I haven't been making much jam lately. Mostly because I've been spending my weekends doing homework, spending time at the gym, and dealing with family stuff (both good and bad). But I finally got off my ass and made some strawberry rhubarb jam a couple of weeks ago. The grocery actually had fresh rhubarb, and you have to take it when you can get it.

Today's Free Shit Friday giveaway is two jars of Strawberry Rhubarb jam.

Da rules.

A List for Today

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Things that make me sad
  • Every month the Boogie Dog's strength and balance become a bit more precarious, and he falls and stumbles more often. He'll be 11 in November, and Giant Schnauzers typically live between 10 and 12 years. It seems obvious that the end may be approaching, in spite of my intense desire to the contrary.
  • There are large numbers of people in this country who think that individuals like Rick Santorum perfectly personify their values. Since Rick Santorum personifies homophobia, anti-feminism, racism and the dissolution of the establishment clause, I wonder what happened to us.
Things that make me angry
  • During one of my walks up and down the steep paths of Rocky Mountain National Park this weekend I managed to strain my left quad. I didn't think it was that bad, so on Monday I did the lunges that were included in my scheduled workout. And now I'm hobbling around like Tim Conway as the little old man in The Carol Burnett Show. Stupid quad.
  • After spending hours on Monday trying to get my work laptop to run the custom-developed application I need to do my job, on Tuesday our IT department did another push and everything MAGICALLY GOT BETTER. But it's not IT's fault I lost several productive hours, oh, no!
Things that make me furiously happy
  • My friends.They're far cheaper than a therapist, plus they cook.
  • This quote from a recent Fresh Air interview with William Shatner. "Life doesn't have to end with death if love is present." Just so. I love you, Aunt Deb, and I know you loved me.
  • This, courtesy of my Celebrity Boyfriend, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Things I've been doing instead of blogging

Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Spending the weekend in Estes Park at the Rocky Mountain National Park with the Superlative Stacey, the Incomparable Anne, and two other amazing women to celebrate Stacey's 50th birthday. There was shopping. There was amazing views. There was plenty of good food (and not just food porn - I'm talking homemade no-knead bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, brie and french bread, chicken enchilada casserole, picadillo, crepes, and my own contribution, biscuits and gravy). I'm so glad I have amazing friends who are also foodies - my standards for high calorie days are increasing exponentially. Oh, and we made an attempt to exercise, too. While enjoying this view from our cabin:


You may commence your envy....now.

____________

Trying to get my POS work laptop to actually support the applications I need to do my damn job. The thing is older than the hills, and every time IT attempts to push an update to it, it hoses up six other things, relegating me to several hours of frustrating troubleshooting with some unintelligible IT help desk minion.* Last time it was a McAfee driver that disabled my wireless NIC (no, really), this time it appears that my .Net Framework is completely fucked, and an attempted re-installation resulted in this incredibly informative and detailed error message:

Microsoft error messages are known for their specificity.

Thanks, Microsoft. Now please go die in a fire. Right after you purge my bloated-ass registry and complete the design changes for proposals that were due yesterday. My ticket has been escalated to the next Tier for resolution, of course, and my organization still doesn't have any budget for PC refresh. Sigh.
_____________

Reading. You know, books. I'm reading more this year than I did last year, probably because I always make sure I have my latest audiobook on my iPod when I head to the gym or for the elliptical here at home. This is not, of course, reducing the volume of my virtual "to read" pile. Far from it. I think there's some logarithmic relationship between how fast your "to read" pile grows and the number of books you've already read.


My "to read" pile, explained.

I'm "Janiece_HCDSM" over at Shelfari if anyone's interested.

_____________

Wondering how I got old enough to have children that will be old enough to drink alcohol in all 50 states this week. No, seriously - how the fuck did this happen?
_____________

Giving my mind an overdue housecleaning. I probably won't write much about this, but suffice it to say that when I find myself becoming disappointed, sometimes it's hard to remember that the component of that equation over which I have some control is my expectations. So I'm learning that lesson once again.


_____________
*Please note, I have no issue with off-shore support services. I have an issue with off-shore support services where the technician doesn't speak the language of the customer well enough to be understood. English, motherfucker, I asked for it. Do you speak it? Usually the answer is "no."

Annoying Libertarians: A Primer

Wednesday, March 7, 2012
It's no secret I think Libertarians are emotionally retarded children.Their entire worldview is predicated on tenets so morally repugnant to me that really, sometimes I think my best course of action is to just hit them in the face with a shovel.

But they're also annoying little fuckers. And here's why.

Everyone needs a little help now and then.
 
Including, apparently, Libertarians. Not that they'd admit it, of course. The hypocrisy inherent in simultaneously decrying the evils of social safety nets such as Social Security, Medicare, unemployment, etc., etc. while also taking advantage of those self-same programs for your own benefit is simply stunning. ESPECIALLY as it relates to the Libertarian patron saint, the venerated Ayn Rand, who insisted on smoking like a chimney her entire life, then applied for Medicare and Social Security when she became ill with - surprise, surprise - lung cancer.

Government handouts? Who, me?
Evidently it's the height of EEEVIL to ask the government to regulate the availability of birth control to women who are paying for health insurance, but it's perfectly defensible to ask the government to out and out pay for your health care and living expenses when you become ill due to your own behavior. Clearly Libertarians feel only they are worthy of such assistance, while the rest of the country can die in a fire before they'll agree to contribute to the public good. Literally.

There's a part of me that believes that Libertarians who make such public, vociferous complaints about the public safety net should be cut loose from society to fend for themselves, no taxes, no benefits. Sort of a rubber stamped "going Galt" scenario. It's a bad idea, though, because you just know legions of Ayn Rand wannabes would come out of the woodwork and insist on taking part in the program without having to pay in. And we'd have to care for them, because that's what civilized societies do. Better to listen to them complain. I think.

Recognizing your privilege is a virtue.

This is probably the thing about Libertarians that annoys me the most. They have this constant, almost pathological need to conflate their unearned privilege with personal virtue.

If a Libertarian gets a job, becomes successful, makes a ton of money, has any kind of good fortune, they will claim that their success is entirely due to their own hard work and virtuous ways. The fact that they are white, and/or male, and/or grew up in a safe environment, and/or had the opportunity to get a good education, and/or enjoy good health, and/or have access to affordable healthcare, and/or won the genetic lottery in the form of brains, brawn, or both, these things have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. These aren't the 'droids you're looking for. Move along.

I'd be a Doctor even if I WASN'T an old white dude with a privileged upbringing. And a Congressman. I'd be a Congressman, too.
There's a reason that the Libertarian mindset is primarily found in young, wealthy males. Because people who don't have unearned privilege realize that having it doesn't make you a better person.

The free market is not a "force for good."

The free market is a system whereby companies or financial institutions attempt to sell goods or services at a profit, and where prices are determined by supply and demand. That's it. There's nothing inherently moral or virtuous about it, it's simply one system that allows societies to trade goods and services in a sometimes coherent way.


What do you mean I'm not the Great and Powerful Oz?
But to hear Libertarians tell it, the free market is the panacea that will solve all our ills, repair everything that's broken, and will self-regulate our society into a utopian paradise where evil-doers are punished by the all-knowing and all-powerful FREE MARKET. The only problem with that, of course, is that it's complete and utter bullshit, and to claim otherwise is more than a bit disingenuous, especially in light of our recent economic crises. Don't agree? Ask Alan Greenspan, acolyte of Ayn Rand, who failed to see what deregulation was doing to the financial sector until the barn was already burning.

The free market is a morally neutral construct, but people are murderous, unethical fucksticks who will let the nation burn to the ground if it means that their profits will increase quarter over quarter. That's why we need, you know, regulation. Just ask Brookesly Born.

Compassion is a good thing, you selfish motherfucker.

And finally, we have the incredibly annoying "Fuck you, I've got mine" mentality shared by so many Libertarians. I swear to Cthulu, some of these people act like they are personally responsible for every aspect of their life, with no contributions from society, their family, their government. To hear them tell it, they sprang fully formed from the forehead of their sire, already knowing how to read, write and do higher math, they've never used public roads, partaken in any government program, or lived in a society that enjoyed the rule of law due to the efforts and work of others.

Even if you're one of those crazy "Doomsday Preppers" and live off the grid, you're still taking advantage of technologies the government subsidizes and regulates. Who do you think funds research for renewable energy? Who do you think regulates and helps manage refinement of the fuel oil you use for your generator?

I developed and manufactured these myself!
How self-centered do you have to be to believe that you, and you alone, are completely responsible for your life's trajectory and success, and the same is true of other people, as well? If someone's sick, or poor, or received a poor education, or lost the genetic lottery by being just plain stupid, then shouldn't people of good conscience encourage a form of government that helps to lift people up rather than leaving them to drown in a sea of misery? I guess that's just crazy talk, because fuck you, I've got mine. 

Evidently none of these paragons have ever heard (or taken to heart) the idea that "There but for the grace of God go I." It's really not that hard, Libertarians. I'm a fucking Atheist, and even I get it.

Delusional. And annoying.

**************
Updated 3/31/2012 2:47 p.m. I've decided to turn off comments for this post due to an influx of Libertarian trolls from Reddit. I have other, more productive things to do than defending myself from the tedious accusations of people who actually think The Shovel of Doom™ is a real implement that I would actually use on other human beings rather than a rhetorical device. Things like admiring my new Vera Wang shoes! And scratching the Boogie Dog! And...well, really, anything.

Carnival of the Damned

Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Today is "Super Tuesday." For my non-American readers, today's the day when a large number of states hold their primary elections or caucuses to determine which candidate will be the party's nominee for President.

There are still four contenders in the ring for the Republican nomination for President, of course - Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul. And I have to tell you, the longer this election cycle has gone on, the more the entire thing has started to remind me of a carnival freak show.

Seriously, think about it - each of the four remaining candidates would fit right in with the traditional line up.

Mitt Romney: Two-Faced Man! Come see the two sides of his face! Watch as he switches his position depending on which way the wind is blowing! Observe as he denies his previous accomplishments in order to pander to the Tea Party!

Rick Santorum: Religiosity Man! Come see his amazing hypocrisy as he tries to set back the Women's Movement 100 years! Come observe his self-righteous indignation as people insist on retaining their own self-determination! Watch as he alienates entire swaths of the population!

Newt Gingrich: Family Values Man! Watch, as he makes plans to begin an affair with his future fourth wife! Goggle as he claims to value the family construct about all else, while simultaneously asking one of his wives for an open marriage! Be astounded as he blames his personal bad behavior on his amazing love of country!

Ron Paul: Bat-Shit Crazy Man! Observe Bat-Shit Man as he rewrites history to make himself appear less racist! Watch, as he tries to contend that legislating a woman's uterus is fully consistent with libertarian ideals! Be amazed as he contends that allowing others to die is a completely moral position!

"Super Tuesday" my ass. This is the Carnival of the Damned.

On Birth Control and the Patriarchy

Monday, March 5, 2012
I'm 46 years old. When I was 35, I had a tubal ligation. Ten years after the Smart Twins were born, I was positive that I still did not want to bear any more children, and decided to execute on a more permanent solution. Which my HMO paid for, by the way.

So from a reproductive health perspective, you'd think that would mean I would no longer need access to birth control. After all, I'm approaching menopause, I'm effectively sterile, and my children are now adults. But you'd be wrong.

Like a lot of women in this country, my access to safe, prescription birth control pills has nothing to do with preventing pregnancy, and everything to do with my reproductive health. You see, I am one of a large percentage of women who have debilitating pain during menstruation. I experienced back pain that was so severe it occasionally brought tears to my eyes and forced me to take sick days. I was on a prescription strength anti-inflammatory, and the next pharmaceutical option was narcotics.

And with my highly addictive personality, nothing could have gone wrong with THAT plan.

So my NP decided to stop my periods by placing me on a no-placebo birth control regimen. My periods stopped. The pain stopped. My quality of life was restored. And I no longer lose several productive days each month. Days where my employer has to pay me whether I'm designing solutions for sale or laying on the couch with a heating pad.

Let's make no mistake on the economics of this scenario - the fact that my company pays for my "birth control" through my HMO saves them money by a pretty significant margin. According to the Planned Parenthood website, birth control pills cost between $15 and $50 a month, depending on the brand required. Even assuming my own birth control pills were in the high end category (they're not), that $50.00 a month is still a bargain at twice the price. Sick days for someone at my salary level costs my company much, much more. It's just good business to ensure I have what I need to remain productive. The fact that I can afford to pay for my own prescriptions is not the point - in this context, productivity is, and smart companies maximize their productivity for the least cost.

But let's assume that I was 20 years old and made $8.00 an hour. Even then, it still makes sense. When I was a Company Commander at the Naval Training Center in San Diego in the early 1990's I worked with OB/GYN NP on issues of women's health. And her motto was, "When an eighteen year old runs out of birth control, THAT'S a medical emergency!" And she was so right. By withholding birth control from young women when they're least ready to start and support a family, the patriarchy is engaging in discrimination and persecution of the very worst kind, and also increasing the number of young women who either choose to have an abortion or require public assistance after the birth of their baby.

In my opinion, access to safe, effective birth control is the SINGLE GREATEST FACTOR in allowing women to compete and contribute alongside men in our modern society outside of the context of childbearing. As a woman in the 20th and 21st Centuries, I have the ability to choose when and if I want to have children, and to control and plan my pregnancies. Without access to birth control, I am subject to the whim of biology and denied the self-determination that has made my life's accomplishments possible.

So when conservative pundits and politicians attempt to remove that factor from the lives of women, what they're really saying is, "You deserve to be a slave to biology. The biggest contribution to our society that you can hope to make is to bear children. It's not up to you to control your body, your life, your destiny. It's up to me. Because I know better than you, and can better determine your life's path."

Fuck that, and fuck them.

Birth control is a public health issue. It's a human rights issue. It's the cornerstone of women's ability to contribute and participate in public life on their own terms. I'm sick to death of conservatives assuming they have some right to legislate my uterus while simultaneously proclaiming their dedication to "small government" and "keeping the government out of family life." Choosing to have a baby (or not) is the most basic cornerstone of family life, and none of these hypocritical motherfuckers have a single thing to say to me about it. What they're essentially saying to me is to go make them a sandwich, while they take on the hard-won self-determination and life's choices women have enjoyed since the advent of safe, reliable birth control.

Fuck that, and fuck them.

Never before in my adult life has an election cycle so obviously centered around women's rights and how the conservatives would like to roll back the clock on that issue. I can make my own choices about my family life and my health. I don't need Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, or Ron Paul to help me. "War on women" indeed. Only this time, I think they're going to find that women, and men who care about women, will assume roles as combatants.

2012 Flower Pr0n - Hawai'i!

Sunday, March 4, 2012


I Need a Better Class of Hate Mail

Thursday, March 1, 2012
I hardly ever get hate mail anymore.

It used to come in fits and starts. A pimply faced douche from South Dakota who thought he knew more about case law than an actual, you know, attorney. The Friends of Andrew Basiago, delirious lawyer. The Alt Med crowd always comes out in force when I demand actual, you know, proof for their unsubstantiated claims. And of course there were legal threats from the whackadoodles who were called out for their whacky ideas.*

But in the last year or two, this space has become a bit more reflective of what's going on in my head rather than my prior rantings about the world outside. Sort of a stream of consciousness type deal. Both styles have suited my purpose, but today I realize how I'M TOTALLY MISSING OUT, DUDE.

My friend Jim over at Stonekettle Station gets amazing hate mail. Seriously - this shit is not to be believed, and if I didn't know Jim better, I'd accuse him of pulling some of the spelling and grammar mistakes straight out of his ass. Go check it out - I'll wait.

I know, right? My personal favorite was the dude who contends that a woman having premarital sex means that She has already decided to let anybody into her uterus. Like a big old party! With bonfires in her fallopian tubes! Par-tay in Janiece's uterus, everyone!

I totally need to start getting a better class of hate mail here, if only for my own amusement. Which means I need to start blogging about topics that are more controversial than how grateful I am for my friends, and how cute my dog is, and how my personal journey of growth and acceptance makes me feel, blah, blah, blah.

So to that end, I'm going to start blogging about things like, "We should institute a mandatory abortion lottery," and "People should be euthanized involuntarily when they're 75," and "We should have a Constitutional Amendment mandating belief in evil-lution," and my personal favorite, "MANDATORY CONTRACEPTION AND SEX FOR EVERYONE WHEN THEY TURN 13."

I expect the whackadoos will come out the wood work then. Maybe I'll finally get some hate mail worth publishing here, like in the good ole days.


___________
*Yes, I am still waiting for the "Internet Authorities" to come SHUT ME DOWN FOREVER for my libel. Tick-tock, whackos. This place won't shut down on its own, you know.