The 6th deadly sin

Monday, July 30, 2012
Over the weekend, one of my dearest friends lost a family member to a climbing accident.

From all accounts, Ben and his birth family are people of deep faith. They are dealing with this tragedy in the way they've been taught, in the way that makes sense for them. By relying on their relationship with God and with their church to find solace and meaning in Ben's life and death. These are decent people who have supported and loved my dear friend her entire life, and I'm profoundly grateful that they have such a source of comfort now, when they need it most.

And as is normal for me at times like this, I find myself more than a little envious of their faith. When my beloved Auntie died earlier this year, I had no such solace.

Over the course of my life, I have come to terms with my lack of belief. I self-identify as an agnostic atheist, because my intellectual honesty forces me to say that no, I don't know if there's a God or a life after this one, but also I don't believe in that idea. I've tried on various and sundry religions over the years, attempting to find the place in myself where the elusive idea of "spirituality" resides. I've studied the world's religions, trying to find my place, and always, always came up short.

I want to have faith. I want to enjoy the security that comes with a belief in something bigger than myself, something that provides comfort and solace in my darkest hours. But I can't. I just can't wrap my brain around it, and no amount of wishing on my part will shut up the part of me that insists on relying on the empirical, the part who looks at the historical context of belief and religion and simply can't make that leap of faith from myth to personal truth. For me personally, it's a matter of intellectual honesty and living a courageous life. My reliance on looking at the world in a factual way is part of what makes me who I am, and if I'm no longer a spiritual seeker, I would still describe myself as a seeker of truth. I can still learn the ways of the Universe through science, and find myself in awe of the wonders therein. I assign meaning and value to my life without relying on supernatural explanations and rules, and it's good.

But occasionally, I still wonder...would my life be fuller, more meaningful if I was built for faith? Would my family relationships be stronger if I had faith? Would I be happier? I honestly don't know - when I read about how religion shapes the brain, or how certain brains are more likely to engage in religious belief than others, I ask myself: Is my lack of belief a biological construct? And if it is, is my brain the evolutionary advance, or the evolutionary dead-end? Is my brain broken and that's why I lack supernatural belief? And if it wasn't, would I enjoy the comfort of faith and religious community?

I don't know the answers to any of these questions, and in the short term, I'm not sure they really matter except as a navel-gazing exercise. For now, I'm glad Ben's family has a way to deal with the event of his death in a way that is meaningful for them. And yes, a little envious, too.

2012 Flower Pr0n - Mountain Wildflower Edition

Saturday, July 28, 2012


"I'm with Neil!"

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Phenomenauts singing about my celebrity boyfriend, here's "I'm with Neil!"

H/T to Skepchick.

Lying Sacks of Shit

Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I'm just curious. Is there a politician out there running for any office higher than dog-catcher who isn't a lying sack of shit? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I thought not.

Here it is, only July, and I'm already so disgusted by the entire political process I'm considering forgoing podcasts, television and radio until about February of next year. Seems like this year has gotten awfully nasty awfully quickly, and even though I'm enough of a liberal that I'd need my head examined if I decided to vote for Romney, the Obama campaign is making me just as ill as Romney's.

My friend David, a professional historian specializing in the birth and early years of our nation, tells me that our founding fathers were far nastier than today's political hacks. I'm sure that's true, but I wonder - did the citizens of our newborn nation hate the political season as much as we do today? I would never fail to vote, or vote in an uneducated way, but it does seem to me that performing my civic duty becomes more and more distasteful every year.

Angels and Ministers of Grace, defend us.

What I've been doing instead of blogging

Monday, July 23, 2012

Ignoring speculation about the Aurora, CO shooting

My Hot Daughter routinely likes to attend the midnight premiers of geeky films. So I was unsurprised when I came downstairs on Friday morning to find her still awake. And once I saw the news, I was profoundly grateful, as well. She easily could have been in that theater, and my family and I are all immensely relieved that she went to another location, instead, while simultaneously realizing that it was purely a "luck of the draw" outcome. Black Swan Events are like that.

I'm already sick of the news coverage, though - pundits drive me insane when something like this happens. This freeze dried whackaloon took a semiautomatic assault weapon designed for the Armed Forces and used it for its intended purpose - to kill people in large numbers. I'm not interested in how our so-called political leaders want to use this event to pursue their own ends, nor am I even remotely interested in the political or religious agenda of the freeze dried whackaloon. From where I sit, I don't give a shit why he chose to do what he did, because in many ways it doesn't really matter. No sane person sprays bullets into a crowded theater.

I think the always thoughtful Roger Ebert said it best in his blog entry The Body Count.

Oh...so this is what competence feels like

When I was Global Dynamics headquarters last week, we identified a number of issues with my on-boarding, mostly related to network access, required applications, and other matters of IT support. Each time, I created a ticket with the internal IT organization, and within two hours someone had not only gotten back to me, but in all but one case, resolved the issue to my complete satisfaction (the last case required my business unit to buy a Visio license, so the delay was ours, not theirs). Compare this to my old gig, where being without my primary production tool for three days was really no big deal, why are you complaining so much you uppity bitch? As my friend Ken notes, if I had known this was going to be my experience, I would have jumped ship for a lot less money.

Setting a new standard in poor land navigation

I swear to Cthulu, my land navigation skills are laughable. Complements of Google Earth, here's an arial shot of the complex where I was visiting last week:



My hotel is the complex there in the middle, and the building where my extended team resides is one of the ones on the left. I didn't have a car this time, so I was supposed to walk over to the building at the beginning of the work day. And I got lost. I got lost to the point where I had to call my teammate to come get me, to my enormous embarrassment. Yes, I realize how stupid it is to get lost on a road that's a big circle around your hotel. I'm sure that particular incident really reinforced their wisdom in deciding to hire me. Not.

Hanging out with the ladiez

The Amazing Anne had a ladiez get together this weekend up near Leadville, CO, and I drove up Saturday morning to participate. There was the usual suspects in these sorts of get together - food, alcohol, food. We also took a two hour hike and got rained on, although the views were pretty spectacular. Since all the beds were taken by the time I arrived on Saturday afternoon, I chose to sleep in the top portion of this awesome playhouse, built by the Grandfather of our hostess. It was like camping out, only better, because indoor plumbing was within 20 yards.Who says I'm not an "outdoorsy" type? Besides everyone, I mean.


All in all, I had a pretty awesome week, except I didn't get to see the Smart Man much, which tends to make both of us feel odd and cranky. We're turning into that couple, the ones who really prefer not to be away from one another. And I can think of worse things.

Miscellaneous Monday

Monday, July 16, 2012

Benefits-Shmenifits

I need to find time this week to review my benefit choices and make my selections, including my 401K contributions. When it comes to retirement savings, I NEVER EVER want to see that money in my paycheck - it needs to go straight to Fidelity, without passing go. LALALA I CAN'T SEE YOU (or spend you).

Looks like things will be comparable to my last gig (i.e., excellent), so I'm not too worried about it. I just want to make sure it's done. 

Go East, Middle-Aged Woman 

Things are likely to be a bit slow around here this week. I'm headed to points east to spend some time at Global Dynamics HQ, to include picking up my new laptop, getting my company credit card and the other administrivia that's required when you join a new outfit. I have lots of things to do this week, though, so don't expect me to be hanging around here much. Unless, of course, someone wants to pay me enormous sums of money to sit around here and blog my stream of consciousness. Then I'd drop Global Dynamics like a hot rock and be your dancing monkey full time. It seems unlikely, however, so you'll just have to limp along without me.

Let's Read!

We're up to a $75.00 donation to the Douglas County Library Foundation in the 2nd Annual Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading in Honor of Debbie Faught Summer Reading Program. That leaves 175 more books we need to read before now and Labor Day in order to make our goal. Let's get cracking, people - think of the children.

Yup, Still Middle-Aged

I'll be celebrating a birthday this week while traveling for business. I don't really care much about being out of town - the Smart Man, my Hot Daughter and I had our celebration on Saturday over at Vines, whose baked brie is so delicious and decadent that I actually had one for dessert. I never knew the wonders of brie until I was corrupted by the Amazing Anne and her Foodie Family. I now blame them for ALL my high calorie days, regardless of what I'm eating. That's just how I roll.

2012 Flower Pr0n

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Things for Thursday

Thursday, July 12, 2012
So far, I'm enjoying working for Global Dynamics. While there's a been a few small hiccups in the administrivia that's always necessary when you join a new company, it's actually been pretty painless. I suspect that may change once I get my laptop and have access to the corporate network instead of using my personal e:mail and spending my time studying and training, but for now - cool beans.
__________

I have confirmed that my company owned assets from my last gig have been safely delivered (and signed for) via FedEx. One more thing to check off the list.
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Now that I've had a few days to quiet my mind and enjoy my "I don't work for my old company anymore" status, I have to say - this feels good. This kind of good:


Hehe.
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I'm such an optimist. Today I signed up for the Spartyka Wounded Warrior 5K in Colorado Springs on September 22nd. I've never run in any kind of "fun run" or "race" or whatever. But I figured since my new running shoes have turned out to be such a winner, I can safely assume I'll be able to run for 45 minutes without stopping and without pain. I chose the Wounded Warrior 5K because, duh - it's the Wounded Warrior Project. I'll post a plan to collect donations in support of my run as the date approaches.

Superlative Customer Service - Runner's Roost

Tuesday, July 10, 2012
You know how I said the other day that I feel like I've been angry for a lot of the last year? Yeah. I'm going to try and turn over a new leaf, now that I have an awesome new job. And part of that is using this space to point out some good shit once in a while instead of bitching like a bitter old woman all the time.

So today's good shit comes from my experience over at Runner's Roost, a Colorado running store. I went over to the Aurora location yesterday to try and find some running shoes that would provide some support to my rickety knee.

And what do you know, I had a great experience!

The young man (whose name I can't remember, because I suck) was knowledgeable and conscientious as he guided me through the fitting process, and helped to identify the source of my right knee pain. Evidently I roll my foot to the inside when I'm pushing off. He recommended a pair of shoes that offered both additional support on the inside of the foot to force my foot to stay level with the ground and also significant arch support to address my plantar fasciitis. He didn't try to sell me the most expensive pair of shoes in the store in spite of my neophyte status - I bumped the shoe up to the next level by wanting additional gel support in the ball of the foot because I run on concrete.

Today was my first run with the new shoes, since Tuesday is my "long run" day. I ran for 60 minutes without stopping, and while my legs are tired, I have no dull ache in my knee. Hopefully that will be the case tomorrow, as well. 

So the fact that I'm apparently incapable of purchasing shoes that could even remotely be considered "reasonably priced" is going to be a big fat win with me if I can do this without pain.

I'm not one to wear athletic shoes while doing anything other than working out, but I'll be wearing these only while running, and I'll wear my cross trainers for my other fitness activities. In spite of that, I know I'll be replacing them on a regular basis - and I'll be doing so at Runner's Roost. Giving my business to local stores who take care of their customers is a Good Thing.

Miscellaneous Monday

Monday, July 9, 2012

Hey! I'm unemployed!

For the next two days, anyway. So today I went to the gym, came home and cleaned up, then went and got a mani, pedi and eyebrow wax. You know - chick stuff. And this afternoon I'm going to take the advice of some friends who actually run for realsies (as opposed to the weak shit I do) and get some running shoes in an effort to care for my joints. I could really get used to this. No, seriously - Publisher's Weekly TOTALLY needs to come see me to offer me $5,000.00 a week for LIFE! KNOCK, KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER.

And so it begins

I'll be spending most of next week at the Global Dynamics headquarters, picking up my new laptop and dealing with other administrative matters. I expect I'll be traveling quite a lot in the next several months as I get my sea-legs under me. And that's okay, since it will hopefully lead to an outcome that will make me professionally happy and satisfied.

By popular demand

Many of you have been asking about the status of Boogie the Giant Schnauzer.* He continues to improve week over week, although some days are certainly better than others. The length of his daily walkies is not quite where it was before his anesthesia, but he's not falling as often. So - better. Yay!

WorldCon approaches

And my costumes are still in progress. I finally ordered my weapon for the Zoe costume this morning, but I still need to buy pants for both Zoe and my Steampunk outfit. I suspect that I'll have excellent luck in our many local equestrian shops, which leaves only finding a blouse to wear under this jacket. I thought I'd try and put up my costume elements over at Pinterest, but my "invite" still hasn't arrived, so fuck it. Also: The TSA is going to have a field day with my checked luggage. I wonder if I should leave them a note?

Edited 7/9/2012 4:38 p.m.: Costume elements may be seen here.


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*This warms my heart, by the way. Obviously I'm completely soft for the big goober, and the fact that others apparently care about his welfare is happy-making to me, since my own emotional well-being is tied up in his.

Going forth

Friday, July 6, 2012
After almost sixteen years, today is my last day with my current employer. I have a number of conflicting emotions, but mostly I'm just relieved. I feel like I've spent a lot of time being angry in the last year or so, and I'm ready to approach my work with something other than dread and disgust.

I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off in order to quiet my mind and get ready for my new venture, and I've scheduled myself for a massage, manicure and pedicure. Because I've decided that spa treatments are really the best way to prepare for a new job.

I suspect the first several quarters at my new gig will be hectic and demanding, but in a good way. I have a number of training milestones I need to achieve (including more of the dreaded certification exams); I need to learn new processes and get to know the people I'll be working with; and I want to start meeting with my new employer's customers and start to prove that I am in fact worth the trouble they went to in order to recruit me.

It's funny how things work out. I've been approached by head hunters two or three times a month for the last eight years or so, but there's only been two occasions when I've seriously considered their offers. The first time was when I thought my job would be off-shored, so I was trying to be proactive, but I didn't accept for financial reasons. And this time I was ready to entertain an offer because (as I noted before), the things that are important to me were no longer important to my company. And at that juncture, a solid, ethical company approached me to join their team to do work I find interesting with people I find exceptional.

I've been extraordinarily lucky in my professional life. I've never really been unemployed. I've had access to opportunities at times in my life when I was in a position to take advantage of them. And I've managed to maintain some semblance of work-life balance and make enough money to support myself and my family very comfortably. A good outcome, by any measure.

So today I'm going forth to the next stage of my professional life with the support of my family and friends. It's time, and I'm ready.

Why I will not discuss politics with you

Thursday, July 5, 2012
You know, I like living in an adversarial political system. I think it works. I think it's the best available system. But it also means I don't always get my way. I didn't want George W. Bush to get a second term. But he did. And I survived. Just as conservatives will survive the Presidency of Barack Obama. I'm okay with both those things, although naturally I'd prefer my own point of view to prevail.

But I've come to a point where I just don't want to hear from people on political matters unless they've taken at least a modicum of interest in finding out the facts surrounding the policy under discussion. Even a small effort would be appreciated, because really - I don't want an aneurysm, and the willful ignorance out there is starting to push me over the edge. And let's make no mistake - it's a bipartisan problem. There are just as many dumbass liberals out there as dumbass conservatives, and I don't want to talk to any of them, although I have a natural tendency to be more tolerant of the dumbass liberals. I suppose that's only natural, in spite of my efforts to guard against confirmation bias.

So here are my rules for political discussion. If any of these apply to you, I would prefer to discuss something other than politics with you. Like shoes, or tasty recipes for mac-n-cheese, for example. But not politics.
  1. You think that saying "Obama is DUMB!" is a cutting argument, worthy of consideration in a debate surrounding policy. Really? That's the insult you think clinches the argument when discussing a Columbia graduate, the former Editor of the Harvard Law Review, and a Constitutional Law Professor? Oh, honey, no.
  2. You think that Fox News would only provide the most accurate and truthful interpretation of public policy. 
  3. You think that MSNBC News would only provide the most accurate and truthful interpretation of public policy.
  4. You think that Rachel Maddow, Anderson Cooper and the Log Cabin Republicans have nothing to offer to the public discourse because they are members of the LGBT community and don't give a good goddamn if you approve or not.
  5. You make sweeping statements like "No liberals will criticize the President" or "All conservatives are racists." Aristotle is your friend. He will help you, if you let him.
  6. Bigoted language or imagery - of any kind - doesn't bother you because you can count the number of people you know personally that could be considered members of a protected class on one hand. Privilege is a blinding bitch, you know?
  7. The last book, newspaper, or news magazine you read was assigned by your high school teacher or your college professor. 
  8. You think Sarah Palin is the epitome of critical thought in political discourse. Here's the thing. Conservatives are not stupid. They are not uneducated. There are many, many public figures who choose a conservative point of view who can only be described as stunningly intelligent. So why choose the one who has a demonstrable lack of understanding as it relates to the issues of the day as your hero?
  9. You think the single biggest reason to oppose the candidacy of Mitt Romney is the fact that he's a member of the LDS Church. Really? If you're liberal, this is the "issue" that matters most to you?
  10. You think the single biggest reason to oppose the candidacy of Barack Obama is the fact that he's black. Really? If you're conservative, this is the "issue" that matters most to you?
Thanks. I feel better now.

Independence Day

Wednesday, July 4, 2012
I've been a bit cynical as it relates to politics and such lately, so this Independence Day I was glad to read a post over at Popehat about the naturalization of Filipino WW2 veterans. Something to think about as we celebrate our nation's birth.

Happy Independence Day: A Story About Becoming American

Sooper Sekret Projekt - REVEALED!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Well, I'm finally in a position to announce my SOOPER SEKRET PROJEKT: I've decided to leave my employer of almost sixteen years because I've accepted a position in the Military Industrial Complex. The reasons for my decision are many and varied, but I think it's sufficient to say that the things that are important to me are no longer important to my leadership team. In cases like these, change is good. 

I know. Not as exciting as "I'm publishing a book," or "I'm starring in an episode of Leverage."

Sixteen years is a long time to stay with the same company, though, and I find my mind is careening between terror and manic excitement. I think the opportunity is a fabulous one - I wouldn't sacrifice my existing investment for anything less than spectacular. But I've been a top 10% performer at my current job for many, many years. Leaving for an unknown quantity is a scary proposition, yet I know in my heart I can succeed in this new venture. I just wish that bitch Drama-Me would stop telling me ugly stories about my abilities. You know how that goes. However, if she doesn't shut the hell up so I can proceed with my courageous life, I'm going to drown that bitch in the nearest pond. Which may be a good idea in any case.

I've decided to call my new employer Global Dynamics here at Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, partly because I'm disappointed that Eureka was canceled, and partly because how mind-blowingly cool would it be to work THERE? Unfortunately, my new gig isn't nearly that exciting. I'll basically be doing the same thing I do now - presales system engineering for VoIP solutions in large organizations. Exciting to me, boring to you. Which is why I don't normally write about it much. Erlang theory and traffic shaping are vital and important to the successful execution of my work, but seriously - a complete and utter snooze-fest to the non-telephony engineer. So I'll do my best to spare you that dreadful experience, no matter how excited I become.

My last day at my current job is Friday, and I'll be starting at Global Dynamics on Wednesday the 11th. Wish me luck.

Miscellaneous Monday

Monday, July 2, 2012

A Mother-Daughter Experience

This weekend I went to the movies with my Hot Daughter. We went to see Brave, of course, which I highly recommend. Merida is my kind of hero, and my daughter and I both agree that her relationship with her mother Elinor bears a more than passing resemblance to our own relationship when she was a youngster. I think Pixar should be giving us some royalties, yo. Also: If a horrifying, gnarly bear was threatening my own curly-haired, non-traditional, self-rescuing princess, I would TOTALLY break my bonds and beat that motherfucker to the ground. Elinor's kind of the Bomb.

I Need to Hire Molly Maid for my Mind

You'd think that middle age would have brought me some level of wisdom, but alas, my mind still requires a quarterly house-cleaning. Like dust, there are certain ideas that keep coming back over and over again, in spite of the fact that I think I've learned my lesson. No, people aren't going to change just because I want them to. No, people won't suddenly gain the ability to think critically and logically just because I place value on those attributes. No, people aren't suddenly going to start looking at the world in a more compassionate way just because that's the outcome I desire. They're just not. Which means I need to look at people and make my own determination as to whether they enhance my life with their presence, or simply make me feel bad. I hate making that determination, but seeing (and accepting) people for who they are is part of living a courageous life. And just because I accept the truth doesn't mean I need to invite their egregious bullshit into my life. So there's that.

A Class Act

So Anderson Cooper finally decided to make a public declaration regarding his sexuality. I've always thought he was an incredibly ethical reporter, and I'm glad he's decided to live a transparent life. The money quote:
I've also been reminded recently that while as a society we are moving toward greater inclusion and equality for all people, the tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible. There continue to be far too many incidences of bullying of young people, as well as discrimination and violence against people of all ages, based on their sexual orientation, and I believe there is value in making clear where I stand.
The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn't be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.
Just so.

Running, Redux

My knee is feeling better, so I've resumed my normal workout schedule. I'm back to running 20 minutes 4-6 days a week, on the track, not the treadmill. I'm pretty sure it was the treadmill that did me in, but we'll see - if my knee starts to ache again, I'll probably excise running from my regimen permanently. I'm getting too old to beat up my body for anything less than saving my life and protecting those I love. Priorities, people.