2013 Flower Pr0n - San Diego Edition the Second

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Free Shit Friday - Amaretto Fig Jam by The Mechanicky Gal

Friday, March 29, 2013


Today's Free Shit Friday offering is a Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men/Mechanicky Gal Joint.

The Mechanicky Gal has an extremely prolific fig tree in her back yard, and recently made a foray into jam making. This is the first of three offerings from that endeavor, a jar of Fig Amaretto jam.

da Rules

The winner of the Simply Vera sandals is Barbara Mizzoni-Young. Barbara, please send me your contact details and I'll get those in the mail whenever I get around to it. 

Bigotry by any other name

Thursday, March 28, 2013
Social media has been awash the last few days with commentary regarding the gay marriage cases currently before the Supreme Court. Most people with whom I associate are firmly on the "pro" side, but there are a small number of people I count as friends who are firmly on the "con" side, almost exclusively for religious reasons.

I myself am firmly on the "pro" side, for reasons I've previously discussed. My position is unequivocal, and based not on religious belief but on my own ethics and informed by my life experiences. But religion does seem to be the crux of the matter in the case of gay marriage.


To be perfectly frank, I'm not particularly interested in the religious beliefs of others, as it's often the least interesting thing about them. I myself am an Atheist, but not an activist about it, and unless the issue comes up as a 1st Amendment matter, I don't give a crap what other people believe. I'm perfectly aware that religious belief informs the decisions of people of faith, just as my lack of belief informs my own - I just don't consider it my business as a general rule. And I'm very appreciative of the fact that my friends who are people of faith choose to manage that aspect of their lives without making it a bone of contention between us. I attempt to behave in the same way and extend them the same courtesy.

But now I'm on the horns of a dilemma.

If someone believes that my daughter is "choosing" a "sinful life" because of their religious beliefs, my tendency is to shrug my shoulders and say "whatever." Those same people invariably believe I'm going to burn due to my non-belief, but I can't see how their beliefs affect me and mine one way or another. I think they're fundamentally wrong, of course, but attempting to change their mind on this matter strikes me as an exercise in futility. I'm not banging my head against that particular wall, thankyouverymuch.

But if someone believes that my daughter should not be afforded the sames rights and privileges under our secular laws as a straight person and then acts to ensure she is discriminated against - based purely on their bronze age religious belief - then my reaction is anything but "whatever." To enact such a policy is a clear violation of the 1st Amendment, and it baffles me how people cannot see that this is so. After all, I have no desire to force same-sex marriage into their Holy places, why do they see fit to try and force their Holy Matrimony into my secular law? Add to this the fact that they're clearly trying to marginalize my daughter, and I tend to get mighty confrontational, mighty quick.

And yet.

In almost every way, I find my friends who disagree with me on this issue to be decent people, worthy of my respect and admiration. I truly believe they are sincere in believing they are making a moral choice in their stand against gay marriage, because they are sincere in the execution of their faith. But they're still advocating discrimination against my kid, and that matters to me. It matters a lot. 

So what's a conscientious equal rights advocate to do? It's clear to me that I'm not going to "respect their beliefs" as they request - their beliefs in this matter are not worthy of my respect, whether I'm looking at the issue from the perspective of a citizen, a secular humanist or a parent. But it's not clear to me that they deserve to be kicked to the curb of my life, either, although to be honest, it's a close call, and one I'm still struggling with.

People used their religious belief to justify bigotry against people of African descent for centuries. Some people still do. Did using a Holy Book to rationalize their prejudice make it any less egregious? I don't think it did. And how is this different, or in any way less wrong, even if it's being perpetrated by otherwise decent people?

Really, North Dakota? Really?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Remember back when I was really, really hoping South Dakota would just up and secede from the Union? Yeah. Now I'm really, really hoping North Dakota decides to join its plucky neighbor in getting the hell out of here so that we might enjoy a civilized society. For a change.

Seems that North Dakota now has the most restrictive abortion laws in the country, including restriction on abortions in pregnancies over six weeks old, refusal of abortion for reasons of birth defects, and a requirement that doctors performing abortions have hospital privileges. Because apparently ND's single abortion clinic is just completely out of control.*

Here's the thing. I am deeply ambivalent about abortion. I don't think abortion is a "net good" in this world. I would prefer no one faced that choice. But my own position has landed on the side of self-determination for the woman in question, and my political position is that we could significantly reduce the number of abortions in this country if we actually provided sex education and family planning to those who need it most. Seriously - prevention, people. Chop, chop, get with the program.

But because I am pro-choice, this sort of law makes me seethe, especially the part of about restricting a woman's access to abortion in the case of birth defects. Because forcing a woman to carry a non-viable fetus to term in order to soothe the conscience of a bunch of Bible-thumping men** is beyond the pale when it comes to egregious misogyny.

Thankfully, it does not appear that the law will withstand the inivetible legal challenges that are forthcoming. But North Dakota has certainly established itself as a place where a woman's right to self-determination is considered subservient to the faith-based arguments of men.

____________
*I'm adding the Red River Women's Clinic to my list for charitable donations. That's a tough row to hoe, right there. 

**Only 14.9% of the ND State Legislature are women, one of the lowest percentages in the country. I was pleased to learn that my own home state has the highest percentages of women in the local legislature. Go, Colorado.

I Hope

Monday, March 25, 2013

Tomorrow the Supreme Court of the United States will hear oral argument on Hollingsworth v. Perry, the case challenging California's ban on same-sex marriage. On Wednesday, the Court will hear oral arguments on U.S. v. Windsor, a challenge to Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). 

I'm not going to spend time discussing the merits of the two cases or the possible outcomes. There are many, many people on the Internet who are far more qualified than I who are discussing that daily. 

What I'm going to talk about is hope. 

Hope that after these cases are over, my daughter will be able to marry whom she chooses, in any state in the Union.

Hope that after these cases are over, my daughter will be able to speak for her chosen partner in case of medical emergency, and that her partner will be able to speak for her, without relying on the generosity of their partner's parents.

Hope that after these cases are over, my daughter and her chosen partner will be able to enjoy the financial benefits of marriage, to include survivor's rights.

Hope that after these cases are over, my daughter and her chosen partner will be able to present themselves as spouses, legally and in every state in the Union, without having to explain themselves to self-righteous bigots.

Hope that after these cases are over, the door might be open for my daughter and her chosen partner to adopt a child on the same basis as a straight couple. 

For my daughter and for all who came before her, and all who will come after, I hope. 

2013 Flower Pr0n - San Diego Edition the First

Sunday, March 24, 2013
Hot Bee on Rosemary Action
A Rose, by Any Other Name

Free Shit Friday - Summer Sandal Edition

Friday, March 22, 2013


I'm one of those people who gets new sandals every Spring. Which means that when I purchased this year's selections last week, I had to make room in the closet the Smart Man makes me share with him* for my loot.

So the next few weeks will be simply CHOCK-FULL of shoes, up for grabs to whomever wants them.

This week's selection is a pair of Size 8 Simply Vera sandals in bronze with 2.5 inch heels.

da Rules.

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*I don't understand this at all. More closet space means more shoes, after all. PRIORITIES.

WWMRD?

Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Today is the birthday of one of the greatest Americans of all time - Mr. Fred Rogers. There's a grass roots movement afoot to make today a national holiday in Mr. Rogers' honor. I'm supportive of the idea, but I doubt it will ever happen. It doesn't seem like our culture spends a lot of time rewarding those who make being kind and supportive their life's work.

I love Mr. Rogers, and I love him more now than I did when I was a youngster watching him on T.V. I'm sure that's because as a preschooler I had no idea how very special he was, not only as a T.V. personality, but as a human being. But I do now. Mr. Rogers was, quite simply, a mensch. This was a man who spent his life - his whole life - encouraging others to be the very best they could be. He told kids that they were special, that they had something special to offer the world. He believed that each and every individual had intrinsic value no matter what. And best (and most mysterious) of all, he resisted the cancer of cynicism in his life, regardless of how bad things got.

There's a lot to admire about Mr. Rogers, but for me, that last characteristic is the most profound, and the most meaningful. I'm prone to cynicism and disgust, because from my perspective, there's an awful lot of things in this world that encourage that reaction. But Mr. Rogers didn't see things that way - he saw a world where even when bad things happen, there are still plenty of people who do extraordinary things, things that uplift the human condition and demonstrate the virtues he embodied.

This particular virtue - the ability to see the best in others while accepting their flaws without giving in to cynicism - is something I've aspired to my entire life, and I've always fallen short. It's so much easier to be cynical, to sneer and roll my eyes at the condition of the human race rather than attempt to see what's best in us and to work to optimize those characteristics.

But doing the easy thing and doing the right thing don't often meet in this world. I need to work harder at personifying the virtues Mr. Rogers demonstrated. I need to let go of my cynicism, and try to see the world (and the people in it) in ways that lift me up. I need to spend more time "looking for the helpers" and less time "railing at the asshats." When confronted with a situation that makes me tired, or bored, or cynical, I need to pause before reacting and ask myself, "What would Mr. Rogers do?"

Happy birthday, Mr. Rogers. 143.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Monday, March 18, 2013
When it comes to mental health, I'm in pretty good shape. I suffer from a mild anxiety disorder which interferes with my sleep but is (mostly) controlled by a low grade anxiety medication. I suffer from mild depression which is (basically) controlled by diet and exercise. That's it. And because that's it, I am lucky indeed. I don't have to medicate for my depression, and my "cure" has all sorts of other positive effects in terms of my long-term health. The medication I take for my insomnia is non-addictive and I've experienced no long-term side effects. I know for a fact that it could be much, much worse, and I'm thankful for my sake and the sake of those who love me that it's not.

But in spite of this, I do occasionally still get a visit from that lying liar of lies, depression. It manifests itself in all the usual ways - lack of motivation, fatigue, a general feeling of being blue, struggling with learning new things. I can deal with all these things, as I now have the emotional resiliency and perspective to know that this, too, shall pass, and my symptoms tend to be manageable and mild.

But it also brings up all the old insecurities and feelings of inadequacy that I thought I had vanquished. And those feelings are harder for me to manage.

I think everyone struggles periodically with feelings that they're not "good enough," that they will fail at whatever endeavor currently has the most value in their minds. But there's something about depression that brings those feelings to the fore, at least for me. When depression strikes, it doesn't matter how accomplished I am on a professional level, it doesn't matter that people I trust and respect, who trust and respect me in return, tell me I'm a great engineer with plenty to offer. All that matters is that I feel like I'm great, big fraud, and that soon everyone will discover that I am incapable of performing the work for which I'm (obviously!) overpaid.

This is true on a personal level, as well, when I convince myself that I'm not a good person, that I'm failing at becoming a person I can admire and love. That I'm selfish, or petty, or narcissistic, or mean-spirited. When I'm not depressed, I recognize that these horrifying stories are nothing more than lies that depression tells me when I'm vulnerable, but occasionally, when things are bad, I have trouble seeing the truth of it.

This, I think, is the challenge of mental illness - to learn to accept myself in the world in a positive way as opposed to always assuming the negative, the cynical, the worst. Being honest with myself about my behavior and the way my actions affect others is critical to leading an examined life, but the truth of the matter is that depression lies.

Free Shit Friday - Apple Butter Winner

Friday, March 15, 2013
I'm out of Free Shit to give away at the moment, as I've had no time to put up jam and I'm currently liking my current stable of shoes. So I've got nothing to offer today.

Last week's winner of the Awesome Apple Butter of Awesome is Steve, with a random number of 9. I'll get that in the mail forthwith.

"To This Day..."

Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Monday I was listening to some podcasts in a never ending attempt to catch up, and this caught my eye. Watch the whole thing, all the way to the end, and make sure you have your Kleenex.




Simply extraordinary, and one of the most profound narratives I've heard surrounding how these types of events shape our lives and ourselves. And it got me to thinking about my experiences of being bullied, and yes, doing bullying of my own.

I've written before about how I don't much care about what the Mean Girls are doing these days. While their behavior certainly had an effect on my life and who I became, I have no desire to resume those relationships under any circumstances, nor do I really care if these people have any realization about how their behavior affected others. For me, that qualifies as free rent in my mind, and I'm just not willing to go there.

But I do wonder about my own behavior, and how it affected my peers. I know for a fact that there were a couple of years, bad years, where I was so full of self-loathing and fear that I acted out against someone who was an easy target. It was the time-honored foulness of bringing another down in order to lift myself up, if only in my own mind.

I still cringe when I think about it.

I cringe because I know - I know - that my behavior negatively affected her life, at least for the years we were in school together, and my own suffering during those years in no way excuses my unkindness. I cringe because even after all these years, I'm deeply ashamed of being mean to someone who was vulnerable (as we all were). I cringe because what I did was fundamentally wrong and completely at odds with the person I've become, and the person I strive to be.

I don't know where this woman is today. I hope she has a fabulous, wonderful life, full of happiness and love. I hope she has the life she aspires to, in whatever form that takes, and that her success is measured in her own mind by whatever she holds dear and is not found wanting.

And I hope that she gives my mean, adolescent self not one second of her time or emotional energy. I hope I never cross her mind, because my mean, adolescent self doesn't deserve such consideration. I hope that my mean adolescent self is not still crouching in her mind, rent-free and hurtful.

What I really wish is that I could go back and tell my mean, adolescent self to just shut the hell up, so that I might correct my failure of compassion. Because even though I wish only the best for this woman, I suspect that my hurtful comments have stuck with her, "to this day," and that makes me profoundly sad. 

The Agony and the Ecstasy

Monday, March 11, 2013
I travel. Periodically I travel for pleasure with the Smart Man, but far more often I travel for work. As I've noted before, I've been trying to look for things about business travel that give me pleasure, so that I'm not constantly boring myself to tears with bitching about how very much it sucks to travel by air in this country (*cough*TSA*cough*).

But sometimes it does blow, it blows goats, so here's the agony and the ecstasy of traveling by air:

The Agony
  • You're not that special. No, really, you're not, and neither is your rollaboard. If your suitcase is too large to fit into a normal sized overheard wheels-out, then it's TOO BIG TO BE A CARRY-ON. Quit thinking you're entitled to more space than everyone else and check your fucking bag like the rest of us. And while we're at it? Don't put both your bags into the overhead bin so you can reserve the space under the seat in front of you for your legs. You want that space for your legs? CHECK YOUR DAMN BAG.
  • You're still not that special. When the purser makes the announcement that it's time to turn off and stow your electronic equipment, then quit being an entitled jerk and turn off your damn phone (and it's almost always a phone). Yes, yes, in many respects the "electronic equipment" rule is stupid and outdated. I know that. The Flight Attendant knows that. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. But your entitlement makes the Flight Attendant's job that much harder, because then they have to tell you personally to turn off your damn phone. They're required, you see, to enforce the rules whether they agree with them or not. In chatting with a number of Flight Attendants on this matter, I have to tell you - they also think you're an entitled jerk, and they talk about you behind your back. Hint: They're not talking about how much they respect you because you're so important that the rules don't apply to you.
  • The next time you invade my personal space I will punch you in the throat. Modern airplanes are, by definition, tight quarters. In my opinion, this makes respecting the personal space of those around you more important rather than less. So when you constantly push your leg, arm or belongings into my tiny little area on a flight, I am more likely to be tempted to violence rather than less. See how that works?
The Ecstasy
  • The Midwest in the Fall. Last Fall I got a chance to fly over central Michigan, and then drive from Lansing to Grand Rapids. Quite simply - stunning. 
  • A Lesson in Patience. During one of my flights, I sat next to a woman named Elizabeth. Her husband of 60 years was in another row, and she couldn't find her book. Normally I don't like to chat on airplanes, as I find the experience claustrophobic and annoying, but Elizabeth was obviously suffering from mild dementia and it certainly doesn't hurt me to be kind to strangers. Over the course of our flight I learned: Elizabeth knows Pittman Shorthand, as she worked her way through college doing secretarial work (I even got a demonstration); Elizabeth's husband, a Marine who served in the Pacific Theater during World War II, and then came back to serve again during Korea and Vietnam, was recently taken to Washington DC via HonorFlight to see the WWII Memorial; Elizabeth taught English in primary, secondary, post-secondary and graduate school over the course of her career; and (sadly), Elizabeth's husband was being treated for cancer at the Cheyenne VA Hospital, and the prognosis didn't look promising. The number of times I had to tell her where I lived and what I did for a living is immaterial, as it was time well spent.
  • I'm Batman. I was in an airport recently, heading towards my gate, when I was passed by a black blur heading hell-bent for election down the concourse. The blur's mother and sister were following quickly, but when he made a sharp right turn into a cul-de-sac, I realized the youngster was dressed like Batman, complete with black cape and boots. Mom was calling the blur frantically, so a pilot reassured her that he'd hit a dead end. His sister (who was dressed like Wonder Woman) was rolling her eyes in the way that older sisters do, but Batman, Jr. was having a BALL, telling everyone he saw that "I'm Batman!"
  • Think where man's glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends. By far the very best aspect of my travel is the opportunity it affords me to meet and visit people I might not otherwise have a chance to see. Since starting my fabulous new job in the Military Industrial Complex, I have enjoyed meals with many of my far-flung friends, and the list would be longer if I wasn't usually so overbooked when I travel. I love this aspect of my travel schedule, and each time I get a chance to see a friend, it makes my travel a little less lonely, and far easier to bear. 
I wonder if people would call the TSA if I started wearing a Batman cape in the airport. 

Free Shit Friday - Awesome Apple Butter of Awesome

Friday, March 8, 2013

Today's Free Shit Friday offering is a pint of my Awesome Apple Butter of Awesome. This variety is my most popular flavor, so enter early, enter often.

da Rules.

Privilege and the Digital Divide

Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I live an extremely privileged life, let me count the ways: I'm white; I'm reasonably well-educated; I'm firmly in the upper middle class; I'm straight; I'm married; I have access to top quality health care; on and on and on.

But recently I've come to realize how privileged I am in another way: I am absolutely on the right side of the Digital Divide.

A recent report on Moyers & Company entitled "Who's Widening America's Digital Divide?" A synopsis:
America has a wide digital divide — high-speed Internet access is available only to those who can afford it, at prices much higher and speeds much slower in the U.S. than they are around the world. But neither has to be the case, says Susan Crawford, former special assistant to President Obama for science, technology and innovation, and author of Captive Audience: The Telecom Industry and Monopoly Power in the New Gilded Age. Crawford joins Bill to discuss how our government has allowed a few powerful media conglomerates to put profit ahead of the public interest — rigging the rules, raising prices, and stifling competition. As a result, Crawford says, all of us are at the mercy of the biggest business monopoly since Standard Oil in the first Gilded Age a hundred years ago.
So, is there anyone out there who is shocked in any way that media conglomerates such as Comcast, Verizon and AT&T are gouging the American public on the one hand and denying the poor essential services on the other in the name of profits? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah. Me, neither.

In my mind, having access to the Internet - and all that that entails - is an essential service. Leaving aside the ways in which the Internet lends itself to time-wasting idiocy, it really is an essential service in the area of education and professional life. I can't think of single job that pays decently that does not require an on-line presence in order to get hired, whether that's an on-line application process or job search engines such as Monster or LinkedIn. I can't think of a single secondary educational institution that doesn't require access to the Internet for research, communication, and collaboration. In this country, you simply cannot get a decent education or a decent job without on-line access.

And yet, this essential service, this mechanism that allows people to get out of poverty and get ahead, isn't treated like the utility it is. It's treated like a luxury, and only those who can pay the price of admission are allowed the benefits. So over a third of Americans don't have regular access to the Internet because they can't afford it, and many rural residents can't get high-speed Internet at any price because the infrastructure simply isn't there.

How in the name of all that's holy does this country expect to excel in the STEM fields when such a large percentage of our young people are forced to go in search of open hot spots simply to get a chance to do their homework? How much potential is lost due to this lack of access that is forcing an even deeper divide between the haves and have-nots? What the fuck is wrong with us as a society that we continue to marginalize such a large percentage of our citizenry in order to line the pockets of corporate giants?

Welcome to the Gilded Age, indeed. I hope you're on the right side of the divide.

Money Well Spent

Monday, March 4, 2013
Yesterday I spent the day doing our taxes. I think it's fair to say that no one likes to go through the bureaucratic nightmare that is figuring out the many, many worksheets and forms required by the IRS in order to determine their tax burden, and I'm no exception.

And no one likes to give up their hard earned money if they think it's going to be wasted by the asshat politicians who aren't competent enough to pour pee out of a boot even when given instructions. But it's not all wasted, and each year I do a little exercise that helps to remind me that paying taxes is - overall - a net good in maintaining a civilized society and upholding my end of the social contract.

So here is what the Smart Man and I could have paid for this year when our employers withheld taxes on behalf of the Federal government:
  • Support for a family of ten to live above the poverty line
  • The salary of an E7 in the Armed Forces with twelve years of service
  • Financial Aid to Women, Infants & Children (WIC) for over 75 families
  • The salary of a Colorado Firefighter-Paramedic
  • One month's worth of operating expenses for a Free Clinic
  • Pell Grants for eight students who wish to continue their education but need assistance to do so
It makes me feel a little better to think of my tax burden in these terms. It becomes money well spent, and thinking of it so makes the burden a little lighter.

Content Advisory

Friday, March 1, 2013
Today I'm turning over a new leaf.

That's right, I've finally bored myself right off the Internet with the self-indulgent crap I've been writing here at Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, and I'm ready to return my usual pithy content and stay away from the pity party bullshit.

Yes, yes, my life was a shitstorm for a while, and I needed a place to vent. But things are looking up - my Hot Mom's on the mend, next week is my last scheduled travel week for a while, and I have some things to be grateful for and to look forward to. And I have other things I want to write about - feminism, and politics, and books, and mental health. And I can't do any of those things if I'm too busy crying in my beer about how the Universe is pissing in my Wheaties.

So. Welcome back, Janiece. Nice to see you again.