Miscellaneous Monday - Forward Thinking Edition

Monday, January 27, 2014

Dog Day Afternoon

The Smart Man and I are finally ready to get the ball rolling in terms of our getting another dog. Boogie's been gone since Thanksgiving 2012, and while I suspect we would have been ready sooner if Moe hadn't died, we miss having a dog, and feel we're ready to take on the time commitment of raising and training another pup. We're investigating breeders now, and believe we may have a pup by early Fall.

His name shall be "Milo," and he shall be a good, good boy. And handsome. That, too.

Whole Foods

As I noted last week, I'm working hard to try and get my depression under control. One of the things I'm doing is trying to eliminate refined sugar and white flour from my diet, while simultaneously increasing "whole foods," as I've read some journal articles that lend credence to the idea that depressive minds do not do well with these types of foods. So no dessert for me, not even Weight Watchers or other low-cal options*, and I've incorporated some whole food smoothie recipes into my daily meal plans, as well. So far this seems to be working in terms of my daily mood, so I'm going to stick with it for a while and see what happens.

Side note: I don't want to turn into one of those people - you know, the ones whose conversation is "all food, all health, all the time," but my current drive toward better mental and physical health is taking up a considerable portion of my mental and physical energy at the moment. You have my permission to smack me a good one if I start acting all self-righteous and smug about it, though. Because I would TOTALLY DESERVE IT.

The Nature of the Manipulator

I read something on Captain Awkward this morning that really resonated with me: "Manipulators want to isolate you so that the only voice you listen to is theirs."

Oh, my, YES. There have been any number of people with whom I've had relationships who have fallen in with a manipulator who used this tactic to isolate and then control their victim. And I'm of two minds about this.

There's a part of me that believes that this type of controlling, isolating behavior is a form of emotional abuse, and that the person being manipulated needs help and compassion, not judgement.

And yet I'm honest enough with myself to also admit I believe that those who fall into this trap and thus fail to see reality (or the other party in the relationship) clearly are also culpable when their outside relationships fall apart and they find themselves isolated and alone. Because let's face it - if the Smart Man tried to force me to give up my familial relationships through lies and manipulation, there's a very good chance he'd find himself on the wrong side of the door with my fist-print in his throat.

And then I feel guilty because I know I'm indulging in victim blaming to a certain extent, as well as having a failure of compassion.

And then I feel like I'm letting people off the hook, because I believe in self-determination, agency, and choosing your own outcomes in your life.

Stupid moral dilemmas.

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*I have started using Noosa as a special dessert-like treat in lieu of traditional options. While the caloric and fat density on those things is really high, it also contains pretty decent ingredients compared to other choices.

11 comments:

Phiala said...

Organic dairy products are higher in CLAs and other good fatty acids (same sort of things as in fish oils, largely), because of the grass rather than grain in their diet. Those benefits only appear if you don't eat all low-fat organic dairy. Thus, the Noosa is contributing good things to your diet, and omega 3 fatty acids may contribute to reducing depression. So the Noosa is tasty AND good for you.

Phiala said...

Also, I really hate it when blogger doesn't give me an option to subscribe to comments until AFTER I've already posted what I intended to say.

So I'll just have to add, for substance, that I tried Noosa for the first time (ate half of it yesterday and half today), and it was so yummy that I gave myself a tinfoil cut on the tongue while licking the lid.

Janiece said...

Phiala, Noosa is indeed the Bomb-Diggity, and a good substitute for the the refined sugar treats.

I'm glad that it's good for me, as well, since I don't drink milk at all, and eat cheese in very small quantities. My "regular" yogurt is indeed the fat-free, light variety.

Phiala said...

Having just looked them up, Noosa isn't actually organic, but their website claims the cows are grazing a reasonable amount (the important part is diet, not certification per se). I'd assumed they were organic because I found it in the organic case at my grocery.

Carol Elaine said...

I'm just sad that Noosa seems to have changed their recipe to include gelatin. I know there wasn't any when I first tried it last summer, but I looked at the ingredient list towards the end of the year and saw it there. This makes me sad. :(

As for being conflicted about what to when a loved one finds themselves under the sway of someone manipulative, there's only so much you can do to help someone if they're not willing or able to see that they need help. It's laudable that your instinct is to be there for them, but you can't help someone if everything they do pushes you away (even as they might say that they don't want to lose you).

All you can really do in that situation is let the person know that, if they ever need help leaving the relationship, you'll be there for them, but that you can't put yourself at emotional and mental risk for their sake.

Janiece said...

Carol, in this case, "being there" for this person would put my emotional and mental health at risk.

I have adopted a policy of non-involvement and non-contact, because that's what's best for me. And I can't think of a single thing that would make me change my mind about that under any circumstances.

Anne C. said...

Carol, Noosa says their gelatine is kosher, but looking up kosher gelatine, that could mean any number of things. The most common type appears to be derived from fish. Which doesn't help you. :(

I thought you were vegan though - doesn't that mean no animal products of any kind?

Anne C. said...

Straight from the horse's mouth:
"What is the source of your Kosher Gelatin?

The Kosher Gelatin we use is a bovine gelatin. Regretfully, we understand that our product may not be acceptable to vegetarian consumers because of this."

Bill Ward said...

But don't forget to take a little chocolate ... for your soul's sake.

Carol Elaine said...

Janiece, I totally understand your need to completely disconnect from that person. *hugs*

Anne, I fell off the vegan wagon Christmas 2012. Still very much vegetarian and I still prefer to cook and eat vegan more often than not, but I definitely can't call myself even mostly vegan these days, what with my daily Greek yogurt and the parmesan crusted tofu I made tonight. However, I do almost all of my shopping at Trader Joe's and I know the majority of their ingredients are usually ethically sourced.

Unfortunately, all gelatin that I've seen is derived from animal bones of some sort, whether bovine or fish. Vegetarian gelling agents are usually pectin, agar or seaweed based and will say so in the ingredients.

Janiece said...

Carol, the feeling is mutual, so it's not like it's a hardship.