In Support of Mental Health

Thursday, June 26, 2014
The Smart Man and I have lived here in the Big Yellow House for twelve years. We bought it when the Smart Twins moved in with us in 2002, and it remained my son's home until he left for boot camp four years ago. Moe spent a portion of that time living with her father, but moved back in with us as a college student, and stayed until shortly before her death last year.

I've always loved our house. I spend a ton of time here, since I work from home full time. I've watched my kids grow into fine adults in these rooms, and enjoyed raising two dogs here. It was the Smart Man and my first home together.

Since Moe died, though, one aspect of my grief has been my continued residence here. I have trouble going into her childhood bedroom. I have the nice china her father bought me years ago in boxes in the basement, waiting for her to claim it. The paint she used to paint her room when she moved back in with us is still in the garage. Everything about this house reminds me of my loss, and not in a good, "let's remember the good times" kind of way.

We never intended to stay in this house, even before Moe's death. It has no bedroom on the main floor, and only a 1/2 bath. It has three stories which I'm sure will become problematic as we approach our decrepitude. It's a home designed for raising kids. We thought we'd sell and make a "retirement home" selection once the Smart Man's family moved out here, but for the sake of our mental health, I think we're going to move sooner than we anticipated.

That means getting this house ready for sale. It means selecting a new community for our retirement home. And it means moving our shit (hopefully for the last time). We absolutely HATE moving. Only the grief of losing our daughter would force us to move more quickly than we planned.

But I think it's the right thing to do. Wish us luck.

11 comments:

Phiala said...

Many hugs and much love. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, even when it's difficult (verging on impossible).

Janiece said...

Thanks, Phiala. YOU TOO.

Megan said...

Good luck. And yes, find a "forever home". Moving sucks.

Random Michelle K said...

Good luck with the house hunting.

And even more luck with the moving. I've said before that I think I'd rather burn the house down around us than move all this shit ourselves.

I'm glad you're able to make a choice that's good for your health. I know that, for me, I will still refer to the spare bedroom as "Grandmom's room", and it's been four years since she moved out.

On the bright side, you can look for a home that is NOT in a development with a restrictive covenant! I suggest bright purple for the new house color.

Anne C. said...

Phi said what I was thinking: "I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, even when it's difficult..."
I'm happy to help in any way I can. And I can say that blithely because I know you two are the type to hire movers. ;)
Seriously though, anything I can do, I will. <3

David said...

Good luck to you, and hugs.

I remember going on one of those "haunted tours" when I was in New Orleans, many years ago. One of the things that the guide said was that a way to get rid of ghosts was to rearrange the floor plan.

I don't know whether that would work and I remain agnostic as to whether ghosts really exist at all, but sometimes I think that guide was onto something in that old spaces can harbor old (figurative) ghosts, and a new location can perhaps lay them to rest.

Best to you.

Tania said...

I think it's a good decision, though a hard one. If I lived closer (thought, yeah, like Anne said, you'll hire movers), I am strong and have a car with COVERED cargo space, I'd help you move.

Love to you, dear.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Whenever, I'll come help you move. I know you will be hiring people to actually DO the moving, and really, I'm not lifting heavy stuff, but there is other stuff that needs diing, and i'll be there to help.

Carol Elaine said...

Hugs and love always, Janiece. Good mental health is critical and I'm glad taking steps to make yours better.

Ditto Michelle re: moving to a new area where you can paint your house whatever you want. May I recommend the purple that Michelle suggested, paired with neon green (or neon blue) trim?

Janiece said...

HOAs are required by law in all new communities in the State of Colorado.

So we'll be dealing with nosy motherfuckers no matter where we go, unless we choose a much older neighborhood. Which brings challenges of its own.

Phiala said...

Mandatory HOAs? EWWWW.

I like my older neighborhood *just fine*.