The Power of Mentoring and a Moral Imperative

Friday, November 7, 2014
Several years ago I volunteered to act as a mentor for the daughter of an old friend of mine. At the time she was about twelve, and was intensely interested in science and engineering. I knew that she'd probably have a tough row to hoe with her aspirations (says the voice of experience) and I wanted to help if I could.

Well, now she's about fourteen, and a Freshman. She's still as bright and hard-working as before, but now she's also extremely attractive in a rural Texas High School.

Upon starting high school, she immediately wanted to get involved in activities that peaked her interest, like any bright young person. But there was a problem. She was typically the only girl who wanted to participate in these activities, and the male advisers were none too pleased to have a girl n their domain.

When I first learned of her troubles, my first reaction was to board a plane immediately, go to Texas in my very fiercest dress and tell these jerkwads how the cow ate the cabbage, Fucko. However, closer reflection told me that this was not the best way to ease this girl's suffering at her treatment, especially since she has to attend that school for the next 4 years.

So after some thought, I sat down and wrote her a very long e:mail, explaining how I saw her situation and why, what challenges she could expect, and provided a bit of advice on how to work in a male dominated environment without losing yourself in a culture that's usually not very welcoming. I explained how excellence forgives most sins, and recommended she not lose sight of her own goals and aspirations in light of bad treatment.

The next day, she attended her first debate tournament. The adviser in this case was one of the asshats who had treated her poorly, and she was very nervous - it was her first experience with debate, and it's not like she had the support of the adult who was supposed to be nurturing her interest in forensics.

She kicked ass.

She was named "Top Speaker" at the tournament and won all her debates, which led to a lot of "How do you like me NOW, Mr. Asshat?" commentary among her supporters.


The entire incident got me thinking, though, which is always a dangerous turn of events. Mentoring my friend's daughter is easy. She's extremely bright, works hard, and has tremendous natural gifts in the areas she's interested in. She basically needs encouragement and support from someone who's "been there," a role I'm happy to assume. Her mastery of the subjects she's interested in puts her in a good position to take advantage of the excellence forgives most sins school of thought.

But not every girl has those gifts, or that mastery. Not every girl has incredibly supportive parents. Why should these girls have to tolerate being driven out of classes and clubs they're interested in for the sin of being average while female? They shouldn't. They absolutely shouldn't, and it's shameful how often it happens. Such a state of affairs requires action.

I'm delighted that I'm able to make a difference in the life of such a gifted young woman. She really is the bee's knees, and I know she'll go far in whatever endeavors she chooses. But I think I would do well to seek out additional opportunities to mentor young women who want to study or work in male dominated fields, young women whose natural gifts make excelling in the face of adversary a little harder.

It's a moral imperative.

3 comments:

John the Scientist said...

And you just know Mr. Asshat will turn around and point to her if challenged that he does not encourage girls. "No, girls don't want to join our club. The ones that really want to, can, see? We've got at least ONE girl".

My daughter is the only 7th grade girl in Algebra, next year she'll go to first period in the high school to take Geometry. With all the Chinese parents around here working in the labs, I can't believe there wasn't ONE other girl who could be there, too.

But those parents don't know how to coach their kids into navigating the US system, and when to study. They took the year end assessment tests too casually, while we beat the girl into shape and beat that "I don't need to study" crap RIGHT out of her head. She's always going to have to do better to appear just as good in the minds of many.

vince said...

Heather used to turn the "she's just a girl, she's so dumb" crap to her favor when we would be working on a computer problem and get stuck. She would play the "I'm just a poor female can't you help me" card and get faster (if more condescending) answers than I ever did. She was of the opinion that very often, asshats of that type were susceptible to manipulation, and she had no problem manipulating them.

I think a part of the problem is that, as a society, we rarely acknowledge the contributions that women have made to STEM thoughout history. It's sure not in the history books.

Also, great reference to Real Genius.

Janiece said...

John, I'm familiar with the problem of tokenism. Boy, am I FAMILIAR.

Vince, I just can't bring myself to manipulate the asshats in that way, even if they deserve it.