A Modest Proposal*

Friday, July 7, 2017

I think we've all had to work with that guy.*** You know the one - the one who loves the sound of his own voice, and can't shut up in meetings even though his comments add no value to the conversation. The one who thinks the rules don't apply to him, and thinks being called to task for breaking them indicates you have a problem, not him. The one who has no filter and no self-control, so in times of stress becomes rude, surly, and unable to constructively discuss the issue at hand. The one who is seemingly incapable of seeing the world as it is, only seeing what he wants to see and telling himself his stories often enough that he truly believes what he tells himself is true even in the light of demonstrable facts to the contrary. That guy.

I've had to deal with that guy in a number of different contexts - work, school, volunteer work, family. It's never fun, and never easy, but I've come up with some strategies for dealing with him.

But what if that guy is the de facto leader of the free world? Will the same strategies work when the stakes are so damnably high? Let's find out.

Strategy One: Remove that guy from the group. This is always my first choice. Whether that guy is a teammate, a classmate, or a "I can't believe I'm related to this putz" family member, getting rid of them will always yield the best possible result. Remember, that guy is incapable of looking at the world objectively or critically. No matter what you try to do, or how you approach their behavior, you are never going to convince them that they are anything other than tremendous and that everyone else is the problem. So if you give him the heave-ho, then this specific problem is resolved, permanently. AIRLOCK.

Unfortunately, this is not an option for dealing with 45. Our rank and file Republican Senate and House are not going to impeach this motherfucker even if he kills a sitting Senator in broad daylight and it's caught on film, nor will they invoke the 25th Amendment even if he's in a coma. Party loyalty and all that. So, moving on.

Strategy Two: Try to work around them. This strategy is sometimes necessary, and always sticks in my craw. It bugs me because in this context, "working around them" usually involves coddling their enormous egos, and "making nice" in order to keep the peace. Yeah, fuck that. Like the Dixie Chicks, I'm not ready to make nice, and doing so with this Administration would only be construed as an act of weakness, anyway.

Strategy Three: Marginalize their ass. I really consider this to be the only viable option when it comes to 45 and his Administration of stumbling bumpkies. We need to marginalize him, prevent him from harming the country on a long term basis, and try to encourage the other two branches of government to get in our corner.

What does this look like? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Let's start with the press. While I realize that 45's daily faux pas with his damnable Twitter account is like manna from heaven, can you please just ignore these half-baked rantings? He's clearly using them to distract from the other half-baked bullshit he's up to, and I think the press should concentrate on the shenanigans that have a real, lasting, negative impact on our country, using the "if I report it, is there a chance we can stop it/change it" yardstick. 45's an embarrassment, an unserious bully with no sense of decorum, class, human kindness, critical thinking, or morality. It doesn't matter how often he's called out on his boorish behavior - he's never going to change because he never thinks he does anything wrong. Please, allow the comedians, the psychologists, and the public to analyze and poke fun and lament about what a tool he is, and concentrate on what he and his administration are doing to destroy our institutions and our cultural norms. White House press briefings are a joke? Treat them as such and send cardboard cutouts to sit in your designated seats. The Administration lies their ass off as a matter of course? Fail to report their fantasies except in a "look what these liar, liar, pants on fire doofus' are saying now" kind of way, and invest your Twitter following time and money in more investigative journalism.

Next, let's concentrate on the legislative branch. From a "balance of power" perspective, Congress really is the only organization that can provide meaningful long term road blocks to 45's lunacy. Unconstitutional or immoral Executive Orders can be overturned by the Courts or rescinded by the next President, but shitty, immoral, bigoted laws are harder to shitcan once they're on the books. Our Senators and Representatives need to understand, really understand, that their jobs are at stake when they support initiatives like the Republican Health Care fiasco. Nothing changes a politician's mind faster than the real possibility of not getting re-elected. In politics as in sales, you get the behavior you pay for, and we need to make sure we're using currency these self-involved dipshits understand.

Lastly, let's take a good, long, hard look in the mirror. Don't like 45 or his complicit legislative branch? Well, so what? What are you doing personally to limit the damage these boot-licking, "fuck you I've got mine." horror show human beings are doing? Are you involved? Do you contact your elected representatives on the issues that matter to you? Do you protest when the government is trying to do something with which you vehemently disagree? Do you contribute money to organizations who fight the good fight as their core mission? Do you vote? If the answer to these questions is a sheepish "no," then you're part of the problem, and you need to either get off your ass and take some action, or admit that you're comfortable enough with the status quo that working to make things better isn't important to you. I'm not suggesting that every person is a position to do all these things - people's lives are complicated, and we all have many priorities that pull us in different directions. But you gotta do SOMETHING.

Don't normalize this bullshit. Don't fool yourself into believing that people from other countries aren't judging the shit out of us as a citizenry for this terrible choice we've made. Don't think that your actions (or inaction) don't have serious, long-term consequences for us and those who come after us. Take some responsibility for the direction of our country, and actively participate in our representative democracy by making sure your voice is heard and that you vote in every election, every time. It's never been easier to broadly communicate your opinions, ideals, and thoughts to those who make decisions for us all.

It's time to adult, y'all. The 2018 midterms are closer than you believe, and we should all think about it, and make a plan that will allow us to take control of our country's destiny.

It's a modest proposal, after all. 
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*While it would be tempting to suggest our current political woes would be dealt with appropriately by eating 45 and his Administration, that is not what I'm proposing. Jonathan Swift notwithstanding, I suspect the fat and gristle content would preclude such a plan, even if it wasn't outside social norms to eat your elected officials.**

**Really, I'm not suggesting we eat the President or his Administration. I don't need the Secret Service knocking on my door. The Jonathan Swift reference is satire. Also: Ew.

***In my experience that guy is almost always a man. I'm quite sure there are numerous examples of that woman out there, but I've worked my entire adult life in male-dominated fields, and so have an excess of exposure to that guy. 

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