Some Thoughts on Disney World

Monday, April 1, 2019

Or as Moe's BFF calls it, "Didney Worl."
Last month, the Smart Man and I took a vacation to Florida. One of the things we did there was visit Disney World with our awesome, awesome niece and her parents. We were there for 5 full days, and I have some observations on our visit.

1. Disney World is crowded. Really crowded. And because of where people are what they're doing, people who are there have a profound lack of situational awareness. They stop in the middle of foot traffic, turn around abruptly with no clue who's behind them, block the only available foot path with their strollers. I decided on day one not to get wrapped about it so as not to drive myself crazy, but by day five my patience was wearing thin. The driver that took us to the rental car place at the end of our stay told us that the current crowd wasn't that bad, since we were off-season. He said the worst is New Year's, when the Parks are so full they're at capacity, and people wait in line to enter the Park only after someone else leaves. Yikes. You will never catch me there at New Year's.

2. Disney World is not a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type vacation. If you don't plan ahead, there are lots of things you and your kids won't be able to do because the lines are too long or all the slots are taken. Disney has this thing called a "fast pass" whereby you can essentially make a reservation at a ride or a show and skip the plebe line. Each ticketed guest gets three of these per day, and once you use them, you're relegated to the plebe line. The issue is that in order for the Fast Pass line not to turn into the plebe line, they have to limit the number of Fast Passes for every hour on every attraction. So if you don't reserve early, you'll be SOL. This is good in some ways - if you're a planner, you can manage your day in such a way that that you can skip the most egregious lines. If you're not a planner, however, be prepared to spend at least half your day in lines, and also be prepared for the fact that your kid isn't going to get to do some things they want, such as have dinner with specific characters, visit the "Bippity Boppity Boutique," or attend the Jedi Academy. Remember the Navy adage, kids - Piss Poor Planning leads to Piss Poor Performance.

3. There are benefits to staying on a Disney owned resort. We did not have to rent a car while we were there because Disney provides free transportation to and from all their properties, and the buses have designated entrances to the Parks, while private vehicles do not. There were a couple of days where the line of cars waiting to get into the parking lot (where you have to pay to park, natch) was pretty long, and we sailed right past. Additionally, Disney guests gain entrance to the Parks an hour before they're open to the plebes.

4. Disney is expensive, especially if you eat on property. So bring money, especially if you like a cocktail.

5. Speaking of cocktails, they are, in fact, available in the Parks. The Magic Kingdom has stricter rules about it than the other three Parks, but if you are so inclined, you can find a beer or a fruity drink.

6. Disney is known for their customer service, and I have to say - they deserve it. Chronic issues just don't happen there. For example, how often do you overhear employees bitching about management, their hours, their pay, etc. in public places? This does not happen at Disney. How often do service people make you feel like you're imposing on them when you ask them to do their jobs? This never happens at Disney. The staff is relentlessly cheerful, helpful, and most importantly, empowered to ensure their guests get what they need to be satisfied and cared for. Every time there was the slightest problem, the employee on the ground had the authority to make an on the spot decision to make things right. No "I have to speak to my manager," or "It's against policy." They just fix it, immediately. Trust - it's not just for Special Prosecutors anymore.

7. Did I mention it was crowded? Popular rides often had waits of 120 - 180 minutes, or longer, in the plebe line. And there was a line for everything. By day five, I never wanted to get in line for another thing as long as I lived. And we saw one set of parents who had lost their four year old daughter in the crowd and my heart broke for them. Their fear was palpable and overwhelming, and I sincerely hope they found her none the worse for wear.

8.  Be prepared to walk and walk and walk. Make no mistake - Disney makes every effort to accommodate people with disabilities and/or limited mobility, and they're good at it. But unless you want to rent a scooter, you're going to be walking about seven miles a day. So make sure you take a lap or two around the couch before going so you're not gimpy by day two.

9. Disney is fun, especially if you're enjoying it with a kid. Our awesome niece is an old pro when it comes to Disney World (this was her third trip), and I think she enjoyed showing us around and playing tour guide to her bumpkin Auntie and Uncle. Of special note - the women who played Cinderella's step-sisters were delightful in a "I'm a mean character, but I won't take it too far and scare the kiddies" kind of way. Watching those two mug was one of the best parts of the trip.

10. While we thoroughly enjoyed our time there, I think introverts like us are going to need a good, long break before we consider going back.

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