Link Me Up, Scotty - Elders and Giving Edition

Monday, November 30, 2015
Signs that you might be in a manipulative relationship. And not just for romantic relationships, either.

H/T Rivi
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If I ever decide to jump the fence, Rachael Acks would be one of my first stops, and here's one of the reasons why.
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There's a group of nuns who pose as prostitutes in order to infiltrate brothels and rescue girls who are victims of human and sexual trafficking. How awesome are these ladies?
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Brother Seth on Thanksgiving and war.
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End of life decisions and discussions about how what senior family members want if they can no longer live independently are incredibly important. While I'm extremely grateful for both our sake's that my Hot Mom is still able to live on her own with minimal assistance, the time may come when that's no longer the case. And I want her to have the care and assistance that makes the end of her life dignified, hopeful, and loving.
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Mistakes are not all created equal, and they're often a learning experience that enhances our skills and our lives. 
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A Florida mom opened her home on Thanksgiving to her son and 12 of his fellow Marines who couldn't make it home for the holidays.  Semper Fi, Mom.

H/T Judi
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Elders often don't get enough to eat, or the nutrients they need to stay strong and healthy. Meals on Wheels and other nutrition programs supported by the Older Americans Act are the bomb-diggity.
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Myanmar is the most generous nation in the world, followed by the United States. I really like the criteria used in this case: the poll asked participants, "in the last month, have you donated money to a charity; volunteered time to an organization; helped a stranger or someone you didn't know who needed help?" 

I've been sadly disappointed in we Americans lately, so was happy to read this news. Note to self: I need to make more of an effort to help strangers more often.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Politics and Thanksgiving Edition

Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Doctors, soldiers, and other contributing members of society are tweeting their ID cards to that waste of human space Donald Trump, asking him where HIS "special ID" is. Since he's not a contributing member of society, he may have one from "Douchcanoe, Inc.," but I doubt it.
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Kindness and generosity wins the day (and the year, an the decade).
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Hiring vets isn't just good PR, it's smart. Glad to see Colorado companies realize this, and are working to hire more.

H/T Judi
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10 teachers reveal the most ridiculous things parents have ever said to them. My personal fave:
One of my 5th graders had been flashing gang signs, drawing gang symbols, an bragging about dealing hard drugs. I showed his mom one of his many drawing of gang symbols. She was pissed. She asked me if she could see the drawing and a pencil. Upon giving these to her, she began editing. She said, "the f*cker didn't even draw it right."
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Paging John Adams...How about some facts about Syrian refugees and the United States? Because you sure as fuck are not going to get any of those from the Republican candidate for President. 
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Gratitude is good for the heart, the head, and the health.
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The always erudite Ta-Nehisi Coates on hope and art. 
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On de-escalation and why it's second nature to women. This type of social norm makes me very, very tired, even though I know I do it ALL THE TIME.
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Scalzi lists the Republican candidates in order of preference. I don't know that I would place my "let's all emigrate to Europe" mark in the same place he would, but amusing nonetheless.
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Video of my heart: Franchesca Ramsey takes on Thanksgiving myths with a real dose of history.

On Refugees, Risk, and the Value of Courage

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

In the beginning, there was death, and also facts

Everyone's talking about it - the press, the Presidential candidates, the President, the Governors. Every other post on social media relates to it, with people coming down on both sides of the issue, usually, predictably, along party lines. Some people want to ensure the Syrian refugees are welcomed in the West, and are helped to build a new life. Some people want to keep them out, on the grounds that they may be dangerous.

When the terrorist attacks occurred in Paris and Daesh took responsibility, I decided I needed to know more about this group. Who they were, what they wanted, their philosophy. I quickly expanded my search to include facts about terrorism in America, what the risks are, where the danger lay, and the historical context of refugees in America. It's a complicated subject, and I won't try and regurgitate what I've read. Anyone with an open mind and in Internet connection will easily find the same material I did, and I'm far from an expert on these topics. But I will state some facts that have informed my opinion on this topic.
  1. ISIS (Daesh) is an apocalyptic cult. It is based in 7th Century Islamic law, and its adherents are attempting to bring on the end-times by, among other things, establishing a caliphate in Syria.
  2. Daesh has very definite ideas about who is an apostate when it comes to their medieval belief system. Number one on their list of better-off-deads is people like me, followed closely by moderate Muslims who prefer to live in the 21st Century instead of the 7th. Christians are last on their list, provided said Christians pay a tax called jizya and acknowledge Sharia.
  3. Approximately 23.2% of people in the world identify as Muslim - roughly 1.6 billion people. Daesh's total fighting force is estimated at 20,000 fighters, or approximately .0000125% of the Muslim population.
  4. Many of the refugees from Syria who are seeking refuge here and in Europe are fleeing Daesh. The Caliphate has taken over their neighborhoods, and rather than being hung, or crucified, or being sold into slavery, they ran.
  5. So far, none of the perpetrators of the terrorist attacks in Paris have been identified as refugees. They've all been identified as European nationals.
  6. Since 9/11, nearly twice as many people in the United States have been killed by white supremacists, antigovernment fanatics and other non-Muslim extremists than by radical Muslims.
  7. Drawing a direct line between the United States' military endeavors in the Middle East and the rise of Daesh is a completely supportable thesis.
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My thoughts on the topic of Daesh and the plight of the Syrian refugees can be divided into three areas: Geopolitics, risk, and values.

Geopolitics

When I observe the world stage, and the continuing conflicts between radical Muslims and the West, I can come to only one conclusion: What we're doing isn't working. Bombing the hell out of Afghanistan, toppling Saddam Hussein, leaving without a plan or providing nation building - all of these things have made the situation worse, not better. It's led to minor and major terrorist attacks, the fraying of our alliances, and the continued deterioration of our nation's reputation on the world stage. Our strategy didn't work, and calling for "more of the same" seems the height of stupidity.

I'm not going to try and pretend that I'm in any way qualified to devise a strategic vision for dealing with the Middle East in all its complexities. Smarter people than me have failed for decades, and I don't have the education or the experience to even take a stab at it. But I do believe that any such strategy needs to be driven by a common goal that we can share with the regional stakeholders, and guided not by American arrogance in assuming our way is the only way, but by compassion.

By agreeing to help with the Syrian refugee crisis, Americans are telling moderate Muslims that we stand beside them in their struggle against Daesh. We're saying that we consider Daesh our common enemy, not a "Muslim problem." We're welcoming moderate Muslims into our community, a community built on civilized, egalitarian behavior, and offering them the protection of the greatest country in the world. To deny them refuge because they're Muslim, or only to allow those who pass a religious litmus test is profoundly bigoted, and reinforces the worst stereotypes about America.


Risk

The argument I keep hearing about opening our borders to the Syrian refugees is that the Boston Marathon bombings were carried out by refugees, so therefore we must ban all refugees in order to protect our citizens.

I do not deny that the cretins responsible for the Boston Marathon terrorist attack were Chechen immigrants. Their parents were granted asylum in this country, and that's why they lived here. But they weren't refugees, and they were not connected with any specific terrorist organization. I don't think you can draw a direct line between their immigration status and their decision to do evil.

I don't think Americans have a very good understanding of risk. For example, drowning causes approximately 3,500 deaths in the United States each year. Unintentional deaths from shooting causes approximately 600 deaths in the United States each year. And yet, people are much more cavalier about water safety than they are gun safety, especially as it relates to their children.

Daily, we drive our kids around in automobiles, even though 1 of every 4 unintentional injury deaths among children younger than 13 is caused by auto accidents. And yet, we accept this risk without thought, while collectively losing our shit over the possibility that a Daesh fighter might sneak in with the Syrian refugees.

I am in no way suggesting that the risk is "zero," nor do I think intelligence and law enforcement organizations should be lackadaisical in their approach to these issues. Due diligence is required when accepting any refugee population into our boarders. But a realistic evaluation of the risk/reward is required, and decisions should be made based on facts, not logical fallacies and emotion. And the fact of the matter is that I have more to fear from the white, Christian, secessionist whackadoos than I do from any moderate Muslim refugee.


Values

I served this country in uniform for 17 years. I don't think that service gives me more moral authority to speak to the values of the United States, but it did give me an impetus to analyze why I thought America was worth that service, and why I promised to give that last, final measure if required.

I served because I believe in America. I believe we're a nation of people who can accomplish anything. I believe we're a nation that values helping others, that values protecting the weak and opposing the oppressor. I believe we're a nation who wants to be seen by the world as a moral leader, who wants to retain our position as a Superpower and shape the world to our liking. And I believe we're a generous people.

So when I see that a growing number of states are "refusing" to take in Syrian refugees, I am deeply, profoundly ashamed. When I see that my fellow Coloradans are signing petitions to encourage Governor Hickenlooper to reverse his position on taking in the people who are fleeing Daesh, I am horribly embarrassed for them, and I judge their courage and compassion wanting.

We are Americans. How can we refuse these people in their hour of greatest need, when they are fleeing civilization's enemy, an enemy we helped create? Will we ask our all-volunteer Armed Forces to go into harm's way once again, to defeat our enemy on their own ground, while we ourselves cower in our corners, afraid to help those who have suffered the most at the hands of this scourge?

Will we learn nothing from history, where we refused entry to our nation to millions of Jews who were then exterminated by madmen? Will we instead intern Muslims, as we did Japanese-Americans, to our everlasting shame?

These people, the ones who want to close our doors in the face of the wanting, they're afraid, and I understand their fear. They see what happened in Paris, in Boston, and they're afraid. They see their own loved ones in the faces of the dead and injured, and they want protection. For them, forsaking our values in the name of safety is the right course.

And yet, such forsaking is exactly what Daesh wants from us. They want to sow discord among civilized nations, and turn us one against the other. They want us to turn away from our fellows, and invade their territory, thus hastening the end times.

We are Americans. We have a history of courage, and conviction. We see ourselves as the land of the free and the home of the brave. We must embrace our courage now, and stand up to the bullies who would have their own way on pain of death. We must welcome those who have fled from our enemy, and provide succor, and protect them with our might. We must accept the risk of doing the right thing, as a nation, instead of allowing our Armed Forces to always act as our proxy in this regard. We must not give in to fear. Courage is the act of doing what's right, in the face of fear.

I am afraid. But I will muster my courage, and I will welcome my Syrian neighbors. Because I am American.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Feminism and Diplomacy Edition

The 32 types of anti-feminists. It's a little distressing how many of these people I've had contact with. Ugh.
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An interesting article on our relationship with pumpkins and squash.
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Turns out that all of the ringleaders of the Paris attacks that have been identified are...European nationals, and not refugees. SHOCKING.
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A tutorial on how terrorism actually works, and how letting fear drive our decisions is making the Caliphe cream his jeans.
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I found this Zen Pencils original work strangely compelling.
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Video of my Heart: I have never been prouder to be represented on the world stage by our President, and it brought home to me just how critical the 2016 Presidential elections really are. Can you imagine if the rhetoric being spewed by Trump or Carson was coming from the leader of our nation rather than from the (not so) fringe?


Llink Me Up, Scotty - Atrocity Edition

Sunday, November 15, 2015
Friend and fellow UCFer David with some wise words on the most recent incident of terror.
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Muslims around the world condemn ISIS and the Paris attacks, with an assist from Pope Francis.
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In light of recent events, this article from The Atlantic on the Islamic State and what they want is timely reading. It's long, but fascinating.
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There is a well-supported thesis that one can draw a direct line from the U.S.' military misadventures in the Middle East and ISIS. I believe this thesis should be part of any conversation on our future strategies, not so that we can engage in a shit-flinging monkey fest, but so that we might look at the situation with clarity and responsibility.
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An essay on the dangers (and mental sloppiness) of stereotypes and knee-jerk reactions.
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Link Me Up, Scotty

Saturday, November 14, 2015
Virginia becomes the first state in the Union to eliminate homelessness in its veteran population. Go, Virginia. You make me proud.
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The SCOTUS has accepted an abortion case out of Texas, and it promises to be the latest in a continuing battle to overturn Roe v Wade. Those that oppose abortion have been using regulatory tactics for years to limit the availability of abortion, and the law being challenged here is one such instance. To quote the Notorious RBG:
The decision whether or not to bear a child is central to a woman's life, to her well-being and dignity. When the government controls that decision for her, she is being treated as less than a full adult human responsible for her own choices.
Just so.
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Like all civilized human beings, I'm saddened and angry about the attacks in Paris. But this story makes me furiously happy. Parisians sing La Marseillaise as they calmly evacuate their stadium. 

Long time reader Beatrice lives in Paris, and I hope today finds her safe. Check in when you can, friend.
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Let's not forget that Muslim radicals kill more fellow Muslims than they do Westerners. It's everyone's problem, not simply a matter of "Muslims vs the West."
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Video of my Heart: Local a Capella group Face singing The Sound of Silence/Hey You. 

H/T Judi


Link Me Up, Scotty - Mental Health Edition

Wednesday, November 11, 2015
A new private hospital network is going to start helping the VA with mental health services for veterans. It's about fucking time.
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More details on Colorado's single payer health bill, coming to a ballot near me in 2016.

H/T Brother Seth
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Something to think about as the silly season approaches. Get up and help someone, indeed.
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Senator Clare McCaskill did a tongue-in-cheek bit on Colbert about how men are cordially invited to shut the hell up on certain topics. Naturally, men came out of the wood work to ensure the point was made.

H/T Debbie the Librarian
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Because we really didn't need any more reasons to think Michelle Bachmann is a socially retarded numb-skull: She ended her trip to Israel by telling the Jews to convert to Christianity. 

H/T Brother Paul
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Police officer in Oklahoma is accused of raping 13 women, is currently on trial, and apparently no one cares. I'm sure the fact that the victims were all black women probably has nothing to do with that. Nah.

H/T Tempest
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Video of my Heart: Chanticleer performs Freddy Mercury's Somebody to Love. 

 

Link Me Up, Scotty - Diversity, Faith and Morality Edition

Monday, November 9, 2015
A black software engineer decided to leave his plum job at Twitter because of their abysmal diversity record. Many of the points made by Miley could be expanded to include women in engineering and technology, so I feel the man's pain. Yes, I am the only woman on my technical team...for the last seven years. Why do you ask?
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In the year 1959, a father gives his gay son the best advice in the world - "Don't sneak."

H/T Brother Juan
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There's a Lutheran pastor here in Denver who appears to be my kind of gal. If I wasn't an Atheist, I mean.

H/T Brother Juan
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An interesting study on how children raised in religious households tend to be more selfish than children raised in secular households. While I have a tendency to believe that children raised by assholes tend to be more assholish than their more generous counterparts, this does bring up an interesting point. Is religion really necessary to provide moral instruction? I come down unequivocally on the "no" side.
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Sex ed for the 21st century.  Coming back around to "Don't sneak."

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Our furry friends to the rescue, again. I heart service dogs.

H/T Cindy
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Two brothers are able to finish the NY Marathon due to the kindness of strangers. See, people CAN be awesome!

H/T Brother Vince
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Video of my Heart: College Humor takes on the "boys will be boys" rape culture that leads to one in five college women being sexually assaulted before graduation.

O Canada!

Friday, November 6, 2015
I'm sure you're all aware that Canada swore in their new PM this week, a gentleman by the name of Justin Trudeau. Prime Minister Trudeau made the astonishing decision to have a gender balanced cabinet - 15 men, and 15 women. And there's religious, racial, and ability diversity stuck in there, also - just ALL KINDS of people, working together, willy-nilly like they're all HUMAN or something.

So of COURSE the media had to ask him about his decision to embrace diversity and why it was important. His response was utterly appropriate: "Because it's 2015."

BECAUSE IT'S 2015, BITCHES, AND THIS IS WHAT A NON-DISCRIMINATORY CABINET LOOKS LIKE. SUCK IT.

There are two things that I find both depressing and amusing about this non-story. The first thing is that it's a story at all. Seriously - the guy made an effort to have a diverse cabinet, and include people of all backgrounds. Why is this so damn news-worthy? It's not like Canada is a homogeneous society, with no immigrants, no original peoples. I find it mildly distressing that it's such a big fucking deal.

And then there's the reaction of the Old White Dude Club™.

PM Trudeau's cabinet consists of highly qualified humans. There are Rhodes Scholars. Astronauts. Professional politicians. Economists. Business owners. Attorneys. Veterans. Scientists. Engineers. These people are impressive. And yet, the OWDC™ have taken to the Internets, crying foul and lamenting on how the WIMMINS TOOK OUR CABINET POSTS.

I swear, the way these people are going on (remember, kids - don't read the comments!) you'd think PM Trudeau was randomly picking people up off the street to fill these cabinet posts, not seeking qualified candidates while paying respectful attention to diversity. "Oh, you're a barista working your way through college? C'mon and be my cabinet member for workforce development and labor! You're TOTALLY just as qualified as MaryAnn Mihychuk, a geoscientist and founder of Women in Mining! Because you both have vaginas, and really, that's all that matters!"


I guess the insult to the injury here is that of the 15 cabinet posts occupied by men, only 10 are filled with people who could conceivably gain entrance into the OWDC™. The other five either have suspiciously dark skin or are disabled in some fashion. Only a 33% representation. OH THE HORROR.

Watching people give up their unearned privilege is a truly head shaking experience. They so often don't see the truth of their privilege, and watching them twist themselves in knots trying to justify it is amusing. But it's often uncomfortable, too, in a "I can't bear to watch this loser hit on that gorgeous woman anymore" kind of way.

Seriously, can't you at least wait for the appointees to screw up in some way, thus proving their unsuitability before you cry foul? Of course you can't. What am I thinking.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Grammar and Critical Thinking Edition

Thursday, November 5, 2015
Nothing makes my teeth hurt like people just making up words willy-nilly in an effort to appear smarter than they really are. Which is why I'm down with the new business-speak watch-word: Shut Up.

H/T Ginger, an actual architect.
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The National Geographic Photography Contest, Part II.
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Photographs from the World Indigenous Games.
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Education does not exist to persecute you. There are matters of fact, objective matters, and matters of opinion, subjective matters. When we confuse the two, we look even more ignorant that we did when we made a false claim (or use made-up words). The money quote: 
The problem comes from people whose opinions are actually misconceptions. If you think vaccines cause autism you are expressing something factually wrong, not an opinion. The fact that you may still believe that vaccines cause autism does not move your misconception into the realm of valid opinion. Nor does the fact that many other share this opinion give it any more validity…
You can be wrong or ignorant. It will happen. Reality does not care about your feelings. Education does not exist to persecute you. The misinformed are not an ethnic minority being oppressed. What’s that? Planned Parenthood is chopping up dead babies and selling them for phat cash? No, that’s not what actually happened. No, it’s not your opinion. You’re just wrong.
H/T Brother Vince
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From the What the fuck is wrong with people files: Dude rapes a young girl hundreds of times over the course of years starting when she was a toddler, admits his crimes, gets sentenced to 50 years in prison, and people are STICKING UP FOR THIS SHITBAG AND BLAMING THE VICTIM. Fuck me.

H/T Tempest
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The root cause of Robin Williams' suicide was not depression, but a form of dementia called "Lewy Body Dementia LBD." It's easy to assume that everyone who chooses to end their life is a victim of depression, but the truth is often far more complex, and there's so many variables it's tough to pin down.
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Video of my heart: The USNA Midshipmen obviously don't have enough to do.


Link Me Up, Scotty - Undergarments and Race Edition

Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Because giving back matters. It really, really matters.
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Why black people don't like to discuss race with white people. I try to be honest with myself about my own privilege and the fact that I live in an inherently racist society, but I still find myself getting defensive about it. It's hard not to, but it behooves us all to work on this.

H/T Tempest
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Why are Sports Bras so utterly dreadful? Good question, and the answer is surprisingly complex.
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A plan to prevent every single suicide. Every single one.

H/T Steve
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Anonymous is making good on its promise to out alleged members of the KKK, and their hit list includes four Republican Senators. Shocked I am.
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President Jimmy Carter is hanging in there. I have tremendous respect for President Carter, and hope he continues to feel reasonably strong and fit. But the man's 91 years old, so I think those of us who admire the man should probably brace ourselves.
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A woman broke up a Planned Parenthood protest by holding up a sign thanking PP for treating her for her chronic yeast infections and chanting "yeast infections!!" at the top of her voice. Mary Numair is my new same-sex girlfriend.

H/T Brother Juan
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I shuddered when I discovered that Rupert Murdoch had acquired National Geographic. And so it begins.

H/T Brother Juan

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Want to know why voting at the local level matters? This is why. I live in Douglas County, and attended public school in Jefferson County. And I'm pleased as punch that both these counties told their incumbent school boards to get lost.
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Signs that someone might be considering suicide. And why it's dreadfully important to just ask if you suspect someone has suicidal thoughts.
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Suddenly Dying

Tuesday, November 3, 2015
I have a friend. We met in 1998 in P'ohang, Korea, while on deployment with Commander, Naval Forces Korea. We've kept in touch over the last 17 years, and while we weren't close, he was the last of my shipmates still on active duty and I always thought of him and his family fondly. In fact, we spoke on the phone just two weeks ago.


And then last week, a news article reported that he "died suddenly in his home." I subsequently learned that he was the victim of suicide.

I don't know any of the details of what led my friend to take his life. I don't know if he was sick, or mentally ill, or if there was some other outside influence that acted as a precipitating event. But what I do know is that he didn't die suddenly. 

After Moe died, I slowly came to realize that in most cases, people don't "die suddenly" of suicide. They die slowly, by inches, every day losing a  little more hope, a little more will, until suddenly they can't hold on anymore and see only one remaining option. Oftentimes, their family and friends have no idea about this slow death, and are powerless to stop it.

I don't know if my friend's family knew how he was struggling. I don't know if he was under a doctor's care, or if his decision blindsided them the way Moe's death blindsided us.

What I do know, what I know past bearing, is how shell-shocked they must be, how disbelieving. I know how they are alternating between wanting to crawl out of their own skins in an effort to make it not so, and numb, terrifying acceptance. I know the crushing burden of their grief, and the self-blame, horror, and exhaustion of their acceptance as they attend today's memorial service. And my heart breaks for them, and for me, all over again.

Fair winds and following seas, shipmate. I'll miss you.