Hello, little Monkey. Aren't you cute?

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

So I've been studying for this thrice damned certification exam for the last month. I was supposed to have it completed by today, the last day of October, in order to meet one of my performance objectives.

So I signed up to take it on October 24th, thinking that if I bombed it, I'd have another week to remediate, and then I could take it again and still make my deadline.

I bombed it.*

Given who I am, this type of event is very difficult for me. It made me feel physically ill, and I shed a few tears in my disappointment. You see, I have a lamentable tendency to conflate my worth as a human being with my professional achievement, and while I think I've made progress in separating these things, I slip when something untoward happens. Which means I have a hard time keeping the stories I tell myself positive and forward-thinking.

So I dropped my entire life, canceled all my plans, and did basically nothing but study for the next week so that I could take the exam again. I scheduled the appointment for yesterday, and felt reasonably prepared both prior to my arrival at the testing center and also while I was taking the exam itself.

I missed the passing score by .7%.

The stories I started telling myself  went from bad to worse, of course. I questioned my decision to leave my old, soul-crushing gig for my new, fabulous job, since at least I was competent at the old job. I wondered what the hell my new boss was thinking, hiring me to do this work when I'm not even smart enough to pass a stupid certification exam. I speculated when I'll be given notice to find employment elsewhere, obviously in the fast food service industry, since that's all I'm qualified for. And (best of all!) I started questioning every personal decision I've ever made, berating myself over every failure in relationship and judgement in my life to date.**

Once I stopped crying, I had to tell my boss, with whom I have limited history, that I had failed to meet my certification objective for my first quarter of employment. By .7%. His response? He told me he was sorry that I had come so close, and since he was positive I would achieve the goal in short order, he was probably going to leave my performance review intact. So I cried some more, not only because I can't seem to get this damned monkey off my back, but also because people are sometimes kinder than I anticipate.

So. Onward and upward. I still feel like shit, but I'm back to studying, and will try again next week. 

___________
*Okay I didn't bomb it. But I failed to achieve a passing score, which is all that matters with these types of exams. Pass or fail, no "also-rans."

**Yes, I do realize how very much this falls into the "overreacting" category, especially in light of recent events on the East Coast. I have no perspective, I'm aware of that, and I'm working on it, while simultaneously trying not to throw up. This is an aspect of my usually-under-control depression and anxiety that periodically raises its ugly-ass head. I think that stupid monkey brings it along when he visits.

Heads Down

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I'm afraid I'm going to be out of action for the rest of the week - I have a certification exam (which I've convinced myself I will fail in a most spectacular fashion), and then I'm off to Oklahoma City for a technology meeting with various and sundry vendors. 

If we're lucky I'll be back on Friday with a new edition of Boogie Blogging Friday, but no promises.

P.S. No, I did NOT watch the debate last night. In spite of Rachael's hilarious analysis (Obama to Romney: "QUIT HITTING YOURSELF WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF?") I have already voted and watching politicians lie their asses off makes me twitch under the best of circumstances. So we watched Fringe from Netflix, instead.

Free Shit Friday Winner

Sunday, October 21, 2012
Of the Cranberry Walnut jam is Aileen, with a random number of 2. Enjoy!

2012 Flower Pr0n - Fall Edition

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Free Shit Friday - Cranberry Walnut Jam

Friday, October 19, 2012


Today's Free Shit is a jar of my homemade Cranberry Walnut Jam. Please note the spiffy new label - the Amazing Aileen had them made for me because she's, well, awesome. 

I always feel a little melancholy when I make this variety - it was my Auntie Deb's favorite, and it always reminds me of her. I'm thinking that from now on I should donate the jar I normally gave her to the Meals on Wheels program, instead. The seniors who benefit from that program always appreciate some homemade treats, and Deb used to routinely volunteer at the Senior's home near her house.  It seems appropriate, somehow.

da Rules.

Exercising my Franchise

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


This will be going out in today's mail, along with my Hot Daughter's ballot. The Smart Man prefers to vote in person, and will be participating in early voting at our local polling place.

Voting is my right, guaranteed by the Constitution. It is the way in which I give voice to my values, priorities, and concerns. It's a responsibility of citizenship, and while the media saturation that comes with living in a swing state during the election season makes me want to set my hair on fire, I wouldn't trade it for any other system. Nor will I give in to cynicism or despair and abrogate my duty by failing to vote in each and every election for which I'm eligible to vote.

Go. Vote. Be heard.


Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History - RADM Grace Hopper

Tuesday, October 16, 2012
This is Rear Admiral Grace Hopper. She had a Ph.D in mathematics from Yale University. She joined the Naval Reserves under the WAVE program in 1943 in order to serve during World War II. She served at the Harvard Computation Lab as a civilian contractor after the war was over, and continued her service in Naval Reserves until she was forced into retirement in 1986 at the age of 79.

She had an incredibly accomplished life, earning award after award for her work in Computer Science, developed the first compiler for a computer programming language, conceptualized the idea of machine-independent programming languages, which led to the development of COBOL, helped to develop UNIVAC 1, and released the first compiler languages.

When I joined the Navy in 1984, there were not a ton of female role models. Women weren't even permitted to attend the Naval Academy until 1976, and the first woman to achieve flag rank did so in 1972. Women weren't allowed to serve on combatant vessels until 1993.

But there was always Grace. Excluded by law and inclination from combat service, she took on the field of Computer Science in the most male dominated culture in the country. And she was accomplished. She was worthy of respect. She did not apologize for her gifts or her work, instead making her mark on every aspect of her chosen profession with humor and grace.

I'm a systems engineer. The work of RADM Hopper is the cornerstone of my profession. As she noted, "Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems." Just so.


In her own words: 
A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things.
I've received many honors and I'm grateful for them; but I've already received the highest award I'll ever receive, and that has been the privilege and honor of serving very proudly in the United States Navy.

I admire and respect RADM Grace Hopper, who excelled in both my chosen fields - the military and STEM. Courageous, smart, non-conformist. Ill-behaved.

___________
This blog post is inspired by Ada Lovelace Day, an initiative to "share stories of women — whether engineers, scientists, technologists or mathematicians — who have inspired you to become who you are today. The aim is to create new role models for girls and women in these male-dominated fields by raising the profile of other women in STEM."

Something to think about

Monday, October 15, 2012
I recently finished a book called The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion, by Jonathon Haidt. It was recommended by most of the current events podcasts I subscribe to, and I was hoping to get a better understanding of those with whom I don't agree. The synopsis:

Dr. Haidt's starting point is moral intuition—the nearly instantaneous perceptions we all have about other people and the things they do. These intuitions feel like self-evident truths, making us righteously certain that those who see things differently are wrong. Haidt shows us how these intuitions differ across cultures, including the cultures of the political left and right. He blends his own research findings with those of anthropologists, historians, and other psychologists to draw a map of the moral domain, and he explains why conservatives can navigate that map more skillfully than can liberals. He then examines the origins of morality, overturning the view that evolution made us fundamentally selfish creatures. But rather than arguing that we are innately altruistic, he makes a more subtle claim—that we are fundamentally groupish. It is our groupishness, he explains, that leads to our greatest joys, our religious divisions, and our political affiliations. In a stunning final chapter on ideology and civility, Haidt shows what each side is right about, and why we need the insights of liberals, conservatives, and libertarians to flourish as a nation.
The reason I read nonfiction (and books about philosophy and politics specifically) is to give my brain something to think about other than Variable Length Subnet Masks and Per VLAN Spanning Tree Protocol. By that yardstick, this book succeeded wildly.

The crux of Dr. Haidt's argument is that there are six basic moral foundations and our values (and decisions) spring from these:
  1. Care/harm for others, protecting them from harm.
  2. Fairness/cheating. Justice, treating others in proportion to their actions, giving them their "just desserts." This is also referred to as "proportionality."
  3. Liberty/oppression. This characterizes judgements in terms of whether subjects are tyrannized.
  4. Loyalty/betrayal. Are you loyal to your group, family or nation, or do you betray them? This is also referred to as "ingroup."
  5. Authority/subversion. Respect for tradition and legitimate authority.
  6. Sanctity/degradation. Avoiding disgusting things, foods and actions. This is also referred to as "purity."
As I was reading, it seemed apparent to me that my own moral foundations rest firmly in care/harm and liberty/oppression, with sprinkles of fairness/cheating and loyalty/betrayal. I understand the authority/subversion foundation (but don't think I share it much), and don't get the sanctity/degradation foundation at all. According to Dr. Haidt, that's because I'm WEIRD. While this is not a newsflash, in his case he means I'm a person who is Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic. And those demographics typically reflect a strong affinity to the care/harm and liberty/oppression moral foundations. But being WEIRD means I'm a minority. Most of the humans in this world are not included in these demographics, and it behooves me to at least attempt to see the world from their point of view before I dismiss their ideas, opinions and values as not worthy of my consideration.

So now I more thoroughly understand that the religious right's bigotry against the LGBT community is based on the sanctity/degradation moral foundation. And I understand how someone who places value on loyalty/betrayal might think that a liberal who desires to expand the "ingroup" to include previously excluded humans might find that threatening.*

The best point that I think Dr. Haidt made is that almost every political group has something of value to offer our community. I don't agree with much of the Libertarian and Conservative platform, but that doesn't mean that their desire to protect tradition, free markets and proportionality in crime and punishment is somehow evil or they that don't have what they consider to be our nation's best interests in mind. It just means those goals and priorities need to be balanced with social justice and protecting the least among us - my own priorities. I think that reminder is probably worth the cost of the book and the time it took to listen to it. 

______________
*I still think they're full of shit, of course. Bigotry is not something people get a pass on with me, no matter what moral psychologists say. But I understand it.

2012 Flower Pr0n

Sunday, October 14, 2012


The world as it is

Saturday, October 13, 2012
Sometimes, when I'm going about my business, taking care of things that need to be taken care of, I can forget that there are people in this world that should not be allowed to share space with me and mine.

I'm not talking about those who are mean-spirited, or unkind, or monumentally selfish. Those people - and there are many - certainly make the world a worse place to live, and oftentimes it's easier to forget that they exist once you've excised them from your life. A sudden reminder that they continue to pollute our communities with their particular brand of venality is always a little jarring, but banishment from society seems a bit harsh for simply being a self-centered douche.

But I just don't get shit like this. What the fuck is wrong with someone who would do such a thing?

I don't get it. And it depresses the hell out of me that there are people in the world who do.

On the 2nd Amendment

Thursday, October 11, 2012
Yesterday I got yet another call from the NRA, a recording talking about how great they are at protecting my 2nd Amendment rights and how the President intends to take away all our gunz, oh, noez. Also: Nazis.

And it got me to thinking. I'm a huge fan of the Constitution. HUGE FAN. I spent over half my adult life under oath to defend it, and I took that responsibility seriously. But I have an admission.

Some aspects of the Bill of Rights are more important to me than others.

I'm awfully fond of the 19th Amendment, for example, since it guarantees my right to exercise my franchise as a fully equal participant in public life. I simply LOVE the 1st Amendment, as it guarantees me the right to speak my mind and relieves me of the burden of living a lie as it relates to my (lack of) religious belief. Basically, I'm rather fond of all the Amendments that protect me from my government.

Which brings us to the 2nd Amendment, the right to bear arms.

I have no doubt that when written, this Amendment was designed to do just that - protect the citizenry from the military might of the government. And it worked, as far as it went. As a general rule, the government does not routinely deploy its Armed Forces domestically to impose its will. Bad form, and all that.

But let's make no mistake - the government does not restrain itself in deploying those troops because they're scared the citizens are going to effectively marshal themselves into an effective fighting force with their .45 caliber handguns and hunting rifles. Seriously, folks - lay down the crack pipe and think about it. Do you really think your 2nd Amendment rights would give you any kind of fighting chance if the Federal government decided it was serious about giving you a beatdown using the full might of the Armed Forces?*

The Founding Fathers had no way of knowing where the technology would take us, of course. Tanks, RPGs, drones, on and on and on - all of it makes the idea of a "well regulated militia" kind of a joke.

No, what those who are interested in real power are interested in is violating your other rights. Such as the right to speak truth to power. And the right to be protected from unreasonable search and seizure (*TSA*cough*cough*). And the right to a trial, and to be protected from cruel and unusual punishment. Those are the rights that a corrupt and tyrannical government will abrogate in order to maintain their power.

I don't think we should voluntarily give up our rights under the 2nd Amendment. It's part of our heritage, and giving up anything that's guaranteed under the Bill of Rights gives the enemies of freedom an opening to have other, more pertinent, rights taken away. But I would like to see the rights that the government actually fears get a little more support. You know - just for fun.

__________
*I'm not talking about the fact that giving such an order might very well lead to either mutiny or the refusal of unlawful orders, depending on your point of view. We're talking about the original intent of the 2nd Amendment, here, not the psychological ramifications of using the Armed Forces against its citizenry.

A Trip Worth Taking

Tuesday, October 9, 2012
One of the downsides of my new gig with the Military Industrial Complex is that I travel, probably 3-4 times a month. Oftentimes my trips are only a day or two, sometimes they're for the whole week. Historically, I've not enjoyed traveling on business, but since I'm doing it so damn often now, I'm trying to get my mind right as it relates to these trips. While it's certainly true that I'd rather be home, I think it's appropriate to make an effort to make them a bit more enjoyable.

So when I was requested for a Monday morning meeting in Lansing, Michigan this week, I decided to fly in earlier than I might have on Sunday in order to give myself time to drive to Grand Rapids and meet fellow UCFer Shawn and his family. We've been friends for almost five years, but never had the opportunity to meet, so I was very excited to get the chance.

The drive from Lansing to Grand Rapids was fabulous.

I did not watch the lens while taking this photo. I'm lucky it's not sideways.
When I arrived in Grand Rapids, we had lunch at a local Mexican eatery, and then walked around the downtown area to look at the various entries for Grand Rapids' annual outdoor art show called Artprize. Most of the entries were multimedia, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. My favorite piece:

Driftwood horses in the river. They reminded me of "Lord of the Rings."
The best part of the day, though, was meeting Shawn, Donna, Amanda, Lydia and Lizzie.

It's never too cold for ice cream. Or water in a box.
These are all tremendously nice people. Shawn and Donna were as decent, kind and gracious as I knew they would be, and their children are all cheerful, polite and engaging. Every time I meet another member of my on-line group, I'm amazed and grateful at how very lucky I am to be included in such a diverse community. And how very lucky our community is, to have found each other through the wonders of technology without inadvertently including whackadoos in our numbers. I'd call it kismet if I was prone to the woo.

The next day I had my meeting, and here was the view from our meeting room:

Michigan's Capital Building

Now if I can arrange to have all my trips be so enjoyable, I suspect I'd like them a whole lot more. Thanks, Powers Clan, for a lovely afternoon.

'Tard of the Week - Congressman Paul Broun

Saturday, October 6, 2012
The despair built up until my head exploded. Messy.
A direct quote from the good Congressman, who happens to be a member of the House Science Committee:
All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell. And it’s lies to try to keep me and all the folks who were taught that from understanding that they need a savior...You see, there are a lot of scientific data that I’ve found out as a scientist that actually show that this is really a young Earth. I don’t believe that the Earth’s but about 9,000 years old. I believe it was created in six days as we know them. That’s what the Bible says."
This kind of mind-numbing stupidity is why when I hear people complain about how the United States is in decline economically, scientifically, technologically, I can't help but think - we totally deserve it. This chucklehead is claiming to be "scientist" (he's an M.D., which in my experience is not necessarily synonymous with "scientist") while simultaneously denying almost every scientific discipline in favor of his non-historical spiritual text. The amount of intellectual dishonesty required to maintain this level of cognitive dissonance is simply stunning. And not only do we continue to elect him and his ilk to positions of responsibility, we give them and their crazy-ass ideas a place at the House Science Committee table.

Really, America? Really? Perhaps the 'Tard of the Week shouldn't be Representative Broun, but the constituents who voted him into office.

_____________
H/T to Bad Astronomy and Outside the Beltway. Or perhaps I should give them a smack, instead, for raising my blood pressure so early on a Saturday morning.

Things for Thursday

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Tasty Food

I recently heard a story on NPR about Aurora, Colorado, and how it's one of the most diverse cities in the country. One of the things the city government is doing to try and leverage that fact is to advertise how many locally owned ethnic restaurants there are in the city limits. So last night the Smart Man and I went decided to try a German restaurant on the list called Helga's The food was delicious, the beer list extensive, the prices very reasonable, the service impeccable. And they offer HALF PORTIONS, which is a nice feature for people like me who really aren't interested in eating 2,000+ calories in a single meal. Plus they have amazing, amazing desserts. Yum.

In Lieu of the Debate

So we didn't watch the debate. Because really, let's be honest here - ever since the League of Woman Voters stopped hosting the Presidential debates they've become nothing but infotainment. No one's feet are held to the fire, no policy announcements are made, and oftentimes candidates never even answer the question that's asked, which the moderators totally let them get away with. It's play theater, and the candidates performance isn't indicative of what kind of President they'll be regardless. So instead of getting apoplectic with rage over the joke that is now the debate, we ate fried meat, drank good beer, and ate Bavarian Creme Torte. I'm pretty sure we got the better end of that deal.

From Hell's Heart I Stab at Thee

At certification exams, I mean. I'm back into study mode for the many, many certification exams I need to pass for my new gig. Each exam takes between 40 and 60 hours of prep (in addition to any required classes), and in the meantime I still need to do the production work for which I'm paid.* I suspect the rest of the year will be a bit hectic and overscheduled. Whee?

Better Living Through Chemicals

So Boogie the Giant Schnauzer had his visit with his vet regarding his mobility, and we decided on a twice daily dose of Neurontin and injections of Adequan, a glucosamene based osteoarthritis therapy for dogs. The injections schedule will be biweekly for one month, with maintenance injections thereafter.

So far Boogs seems a bit more spry in terms being stiff during movement, and I believe his hip discomfort is being mitigated by the Neurontin. He's still a bit unsteady, though, and it's too early to tell if the Adequan will have really positive results (he's only had two injections so far). We're very hopeful that this regimen will result in significant improvement in his quality of life once his muscular strength is rebuilt. Our goal is make sure he's as happy and healthy as possible, right up until the end. I'll keep everyone apprised of his progress. 

___________
*Yes, I totally realize that this is a good problem to have. Yes, I totally realize there are many, many engineers who would love to have this particular first world problem. But I'm still going to whine about it, while simultaneously recognizing how lucky I am. Cognitive dissonance FTW!

Free Shit Friday Winner (with bonus deer)

Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Sorry for the delay, folks - I was in Tallahassee earlier in the week on business. Since I work in the Military Industrial Complex, I'm not really permitted to log in to my Google account from my corporate network, and traveling with two laptops holds no appeal for me whatsoever, nor does circumventing my company's security policies.

Also: Tallahassee is not as awful as I was led to believe. In fact, it's kind of a nice little city.

TO THE WINNER.

The winner of the Free Shit Friday Raspberry Jam is Eric, with a random number of 6. Eric, I'll get that in the mail at some point. In the future. Possibly the far future, given my current track record.

As a bonus while you wait, here's a photo of the Morning Deer. The walking and running paths near the Big Yellow House are home to several small herds of deer, and I usually catch them several days a week either while walking the Incomparable Boogie or when running.