Lazy Sunday
I also have a nasty, thorny bush in the planter under our front window that needs to be pulled out. Because I hate it, and it's too big. However, the Smart Boy has volunteered to take it out for me, and then recommend a replacement plant. Since he's spent the summer working at one of our local greenhouses, he's better qualified to address these issues than me. Of course, almost anyone is better qualified to address these issues than me - I have no gift for horticulture.
We've also been making our way through the third season of The Wire. That is the best show evah. If you haven't seen it, run right out and buy it on DVD, or put it in your Netflix queue.
See? Boring. But that suits us. At least for this weekend.
The P-Chip
Similar to the V-Chip, which reads information encoded in the rated program and blocks programs from the set based upon the rating selected by the parent, the P-Chip would analyze political commentary and ads and take appropriate measures when my predetermined rating was reached.
And by "appropriate measures" I mean send an automated signal that would taze the talking head or the candidate when they said something stupid, obvious, or both.
"Clearly, the McCain campaign selected Sarah Paulin because she's a woman." Really? You think? ZZZTTT!
"Clearly, the Obama campaign selected Joe Biden because he's white." Really? You think? ZZZTTT!
"The federal government is currently running a substantial budget deficit." Substantial? $490 billion is substantial? What do you consider enormous? ZZZTTT!
"My opponent wants to either: a., destroy the natural landscape to get a few barrels of oil, or b., increase our dependence on foreign oil in order to save a few ferrets." Yeah, I'm sure it really is that simple, you 'tard. ZZZTT!
"We want health care for all Americans! While we simultaneously lower taxes! And increase spending for other social spending! While we simultaneously lower taxes!" Clearly, you've never had to organize even a rudimentary budget. ZZZTTT!
You get the idea.
What?
Happy Birthday, Dad
I regret that he never got to know my children.
McCain's VP Pick
My response? Meh.
I don't like McCain. I used to. I liked him just fine, actually, until he compromised his values to feed his ambition, on an issue that should of had him frothing at the mouth. Plus I really don't think he's very bright, you know? So his VP selection could of been a genetically fused super-human taking the best traits of every Nobel Prize winner in history, and I still wouldn't vote for him.
So in spite of her accomplishments and reputation, and over and above the pending investigation to find out whether she tried to have a state official fire her ex-brother-in-law from his job as a state trooper, there's not much this woman can do to shore up McCain. At least in my mind.
But I am happy to see a woman on one of the tickets. Even if I know it's a blatant pander to the PUMA-'tards, I support seeing more women in positions of (potential) power.
When Hillbillies Attack, Part II
My Hot Mom used to live in Houston, where she was relocated by her corporate employer after the energy bust of the 80's. She lived there for many years, and while Houston is a pretty cosmopolitan city in terms of the arts, it's still filled with, you know, Texans. Many of whom Hot Mom is still friends with.
Recently, prairie dogs have been infiltrating Hot Mom's property. Since she shares her back fence with a horse pasture, it's not really surprising, but she really doesn't want them taking up permanent residence. They destroy property and carry the plague, which Hot Mom considers to be an undesirable outcome. Since she doesn't live in Boulder County, where it's illegal to kill vermin, she was looking for a way to shoot the little fuckers.
So she reached out to her Texas friends to see if what kind of BB gun she should invest in for her Rambo-Grandma killing spree.
Yeah. She asked Texans.
Their recommendation? The Whisper VH, offered by GAMO USA, makers of fine quality adult precision airguns, ammunition's, accessories and optics. Approved by the NRA!
From the website: "The Gamo Whisper VH shoots .177 cal. match grade pellets at 1000 fps. It is equipped with a deluxe recoil pad and has a base for mounting its specially designed Varmint Hunter Scope. The brilliant red beam of the laser sight finds your target quickly and precisely, while the flashlight illuminates your target in low light or no light."
That's right, folks. An air-gun with a silencer, a scope, and a laser sight. All for the low, low price of $329.95! (Plus Shipping).
For my Hot Mom. Who's never fired a weapon - of any kind - in her life. Yeah.
The mental image of my Hot Mom stalking the prairie dogs from her deck with her brand new Gamo Whisper VH fills me with trepidation and awe, and makes me feel like I've been transported into the Bizarro World version of A Christmas Story.
Yeah. I'm sure this'll work out just fine...if she doesn't shoot her eye out.
Tip o' the Coon-Skinned Cap to my Hot Mom for the source material.
Cross Your Fingers
Keep your fingers crossed that he's all healed up - because whether he actually is or not, he thinks he's ready to rock and roll. Plus he needs a bath and a haircut. He's quite the fuzzball at the moment.
------------------
Updated 8/28/2008 4:15 p.m. He has to wear his soft cast for another two weeks or so, and he's still on limited activities.
It's going to be a long couple weeks...
Cats Cause Blindness in Babies
According to this article, babies in Brazil are more susceptible to toxoplasmosis than European babies. "Toxoplasmosis, caused by Toxoplasma gondii, is the most common parasitic disease found in humans around the world. Infection can cause inflammatory lesions at the back of the eye that sometimes affect vision." The genotype found in Brazil is far more virulent than other types.
Here's the cat connection. Turns out the Toxoplasma gondii completes its life cycle in cats, and is most easily caught by close contact with cats, more specifically, cat feces. Once contracted, it can cause a number of bizarre behavioral effects in humans, such as some forms of schizophrenia, and is one of the leading causes of blindness in Brazil.
So there you have it. Definitive proof that dogs are better than cats. QED.
'Tard of the Week - PUMA
This week's second winner is an organization called "PUMA," which stands for "Party Unity My Ass." As near as I can tell, these folks are HILLARY supporters who got their hopes crushed when she lost. (That's right PUMA-'tards. She lost. She wasn't robbed, she wasn't cheated. She lost.) Their tag line? "P.U.M.As are NOT sore losers. We simply believe Obama is grossly unqualified for the Oval Office."
Yeah. I'm sure that's it.
Even a cursory perusal of their website shows just how mature and considered their response is:
- Obama to be coronated in a Greek Temple, where they compare Obama's run for the presidency to the Communist rallies in the U.S.S.R.
- And McCain Panders to PUMA ON Leno, where they compare the Obama/Biden ticket to Osama bin Ladin.
- Obama...The Pimp Connection, where they talk about how Obama knows people who are in cahoots with the Mob.
I've got news for you 'tards: you're not required to vote for Obama. That's why the U.S. has free elections. Just because you're a registered Democrat does not obligate you to vote for their candidate. But that's not really the point for you, is it? The point is a snarling, consuming hatred for Obama. The name PUMA suddenly becomes a lot clearer.
Here's the rub: The policy platforms on which Senators Obama and Clinton ran were virtually identical. There was no substantive difference - when people were voting for their candidate, they were essentially voting for the person they wanted, not the policies. Which is fine - people have to make their decisions somehow, and making them based on experience, character, etc. is as good a yardstick as any.
But now that the decision has been made - and you can stop fooling yourselves, it has been made, regardless of your delusions - you have to start taking policy into account again. If you truly believe Obama's policy is inferior to McCain's...then vote for McCain. I won't agree with your decision, but at least you made a considered choice, and I can respect that. But if you choose to vote to McCain because Obama made your girl take her ball and go home? Then you are a 'tard. Because you've allowed your childish disappointment to negatively affect your franchise.
And another thing...this kind of devotion to political candidate is more than a little creepy. Seriously. Seek help.
'Tards.
IT - Making Our Lives Easier
But I'm back from a couple of days of vacation today, and my E:Mail application is running so slowly, I may get through this pile of messages in time for me to log off at the end of the day. Maybe.
You're killing me, Smalls.
From the "Things that Make Me Laugh" File
According to Google's "trends" section, Cosmic Variance has 158,050 subscribers. Within my subscriptions, XKCD is a distant second with 23,420, and Post Secret a distant third with 23,075.
How cool is it that a blog about physics and astrophysics has 27 times more subscribers than Go Fug Yourself? Don't get me wrong - I love Go Fug Yourself. But I'm under no illusions about the mental acuity required to get a kick out of it.
Cosmic Variance, trendsetting blog. Damn cool. Super cool, in fact.
"Street Corner Science"
Orbit of the Electron to Cosmic Variance.
'Tard of the Week - "Recreate '68" Protesters
Because of the overwhelming interest in demonstrating during the DNC, permits were issued using a lottery system, and specific rules were put in place to prevent safety hazards such as blocking emergency access.
The group in question, "Recreate '68," has been vocal in their criticism of the lottery system, and claims they did nothing wrong.
The reason these folks are such complete and utter 'tards is not that they wanted to conduct a protest. It's not because they found the lottery system for permits unfair. It's not because they chose to flaunt the system and protest in an illegal manner. All of these things are mainstays of our democratic society, and even if I don't agree with their positions, we live in a free society.
It's because their quotes and statements give the impression that they're somehow outraged and surprised at the outcome of their actions.
These folks were pepper-sprayed and arrested after being warned repeatedly by Denver Police to break up their illegal activities. While I may or may not agree that what they were doing was right, the DPD is responsible for upholding the law and public safety. These people were in violation of both, and the DPD issued the consequences, decisively.
"Recreate '68," you are 'tards. The city did exactly what they said they were going to do based on the current law. You don't think the law is fair, correct, Constitutional? Then do what you need to do to demonstrate your displeasure, whether that's an illegal demonstration, a court case, whatever. Follow your conscience, and good luck with that. But don't act outraged and surprised when the police take your illegal activities to their logical conclusion. It's especially retarded when the very name of your group implies you were deliberately seeking out violent confrontation between yourselves and the police.
Fucking 'tards.
I'm Voting for Michelle Obama, and Other Thoughts
* I fervently hope the Secret Service is on the ball on this one. If something happens to Senator Obama or members of his family, it might just break my heart, not to mention what it would say about our society. Plus, it would totally suck for the Obamas.
* I'm glad Teddy Kennedy was well enough to make the trip to Colorado for the DNC. I have some serious (serious) issues with some of the things he's done over the years, but he's still the Lion of the Senate, and has fought for some of the things I think are important. All things considered, the world will be a poorer place when he's gone.
* I'm heartily sick of the intersection between religion and politics. Seriously.
* I'm even sicker of hearing about Senator Clinton and her supporters. She lost. Grow the fuck up and get over it. And I say that as a female Democrat.
* I find Vladimir Putin to be more than a little scary.
* Am I the only one who is deeply ambivalent about the idea of a beauty content for nuns?
* My first memory is the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. I was three months shy of my third birthday, and my Smart Dad was out of town on business. My Hot Mom made spaghetti for dinner, and the TV was on. My Hot Mom started crying, which of course is a traumatic thing for a 3 year old. When I asked what was wrong, she said that a great man had been killed by a bad man. I didn't understand, but it stuck with me.
* The winner of the "Headlines of Our Lives" contest is Matt and his "dangerous, delicious animals." Yay, Matt! This weekend I'll be putting up a batch of "Triple Berry" jam, and there's a jar with your name on it.
UCF Powers - Activate!
Because he's a really nice man, and I command you! Dance, my monkeys, dance!
Okay, that was rude. Please?
Ah, Vacation...
I don't really have any plans, since I'm between quarters at DU, the Smart Man is working, the Smart Boy is in school, the Boogie-Dog isn't allowed to be an active doggie, and there's no fucking way I'm heading anywhere near downtown this week.
I do have to turn in the last of my yearly knitting on Friday for the annual Head-Start and Adopt-a-Family programs. The lap robes for the VA hospital are delivered several times a year. So far I've done 100 scarves, 500 hats and 12 lap robes. I don't think I'll have any more bags ready before Friday, so that will probably be my total for the year. On the bright side, I have a head start for next year (no pun intended).
So for today, I think I'll make up stories about how Jim Wright is the BIGGEST ASSHOLE WHO EVER LIVED. EVER. I'm open to suggestions for tomorrow...
Nothing to See Here, Move Along, Move Along...
So we're all good!
I'm Learning This Song
Which is kind of cool, since the Talking Heads has a female bass player who also played the same instrument I have in the early days of the band.
So really, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to play Psycho Killer just like Tina.
Yeah, right.
Things I Leared at the Baseball Game
- My Smart Man and I are not the only couple who plan on attending a baseball game in every MLB stadium in the country.
- Tickets to baseball games at Coors Field are more expensive than at other stadiums.
- If you're doing a Todd Helton bobble-head give-away, you'll sell a lot of tickets in Denver.
- Soft Serve Ice Cream is popular at baseball games.
- Brian Fuentes is indeed the best closer in Rockies history.
- The Denver Police Department is too busy preparing for the Democratic National Convention to provide traffic control at Coors Field this weekend.
- If you continuously miss your turn when attempting to get on the highway from LoDo, you'll eventually end up in a bad section of town.
- The Denver Police Department deploys their riot squads in Chevy Suburbans, with the squad members riding on the outside of the vehicle. They deploy without sirens or lights. They look kind of scary.
- That is all.
On the Origin of the Species "Curmudgeon"
The Smart Man does not appreciate it when people leave fliers on his windshield or his house. He considers it littering, and believes that people who commit this act should have their flier stapled to their forehead. And not with one of those wimpy-ass desk staplers, either. He thinks the flier should be applied with a pneumatic staple gun. That'll teach those litterers to leave their fliers on his property, goddammit.
How old do you have to be before you can be labeled a "curmudgeon?" The Smart Man isn't even in his 40's, and yet he seems to be well on his way down the curmudgeon road.
He's currently practicing shaking his fist and screaming, "Get off my lawn!"
Good thing he and Jim Wright don't live in the same state...
Reds vs Rockies
We always enjoy seeing live baseball, and when the line-up is anything but Reds vs Rockies, we both root for the home team. When the Reds are in town, the Smart Man roots for the Reds, I root for the Rockies.*
This year, both the Reds and Rockies kind of suck, which is too bad. But we're going to the game tonight and again tomorrow, and we'll enjoy ourselves anyway, because we both like live baseball.
So we'll be out and about today and tomorrow. Have a nice weekend!
*No, this does not cause domestic strife. We really don't take sports that seriously around here. It's just a game, people.
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Like The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns takes place in Afghanistan. The story revolves around two women, Miriam and Laila, whose lives intertwine in unexpected ways. Since Afghanistan hasn't been a very nice place to live for quite some time, the characters are exposed to horrific violence, misogyny, and a variety of crappy circumstances. Like the characters in his previous book, Mr. Hosseini puts these women through the ringer, to the point where it's almost painful to listen to the events as they unfold. The author believes in redemption, but the road that leads there is never easy, and always demands a dreadful price.
I think this story was better than his first effort. His descriptions of the women's helplessness in a Taliban controlled Afghanistan are stark, painful, and immediate. I really cared about Miriam and Laila, and I winced whenever something terrible happened to them.
This book was read by Atossa Leoni, a German born actress of Iranian descent. Her cosmopolitan voice was perfect for the story, and her pronunciation of the Afghan words included in the story went a long way in helping make the story realistic.
Worth your time, if you don't mind stories that include real-world depictions of violence.
An Open Letter to the Colorado Democratic Party
It pains me to have to be so blunt about this, but I don't love you. I don't care about you. I have no personal loyalty to you, your platform, your ideas, or your candidates.
The fact that I registered to vote as a Democrat does not mean you own my vote, my money, my time, or my loyalty. It doesn't mean I'm guaranteed to vote Democrat in any election, and if I believe the Republican candidate is the better choice, that individual will get my vote. You are not entitled to anything from me.
The fact that I volunteered as a Democratic election judge does not mean I'm interested in campaigning for your candidate, your issue, your party. I'm interested in democracy, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you do not have a corner on that market.
So do me a favor and stop fucking calling me. Are we clear now?
Signed,
A Frustrated Voter
Welcome to Grade School...er, College, Part I Lost Count
Our final paper was due last Sunday night (less than a week ago), and the e:mails are flying again. The crux of the matter appears to be that since the professor has had the papers for almost a week, how come we haven't received our grades yet? Huh? How come, howcome, howcomehowcomehowcome???
Seriously, I feel like I'm stuck on a cross country car trip with a bunch of ill-behaved children. Unfortunately, I can't leave them on the side of the road...
Headlines of Our Lives - Who Wins?
Here are the entries:
Here's Nathan:
Parker Woman Sought in Connection With Attacks on University of Denver Students
A retired Navy Chief, is being sought for questioning regarding a series of attacks on University of Denver Students. The common thread linking the students is that they all seem to have turned in subpar work in spite of numerous opportunities to bring their grades up.
Witnesses have not been able to provide police sketch artists with an accurate description, but all agreed that in each case, immediately before the violence began, the suspect was heard screaming, "TONG, MOTHERFUCKER! TONG"
Here's Anne:
Vigilante Karma Threatens Phelps
Former naval officer, Janiece Murphy, was arrested for alleged harassment of Rev. Fred Phelps, the controversial minister of Westboro Baptist Church. She was taken into custody outside a Canadian cemetery, dressed in a white toga-like robe, calling herself “Karma.” Police were summoned to the scene by an emergency call placed by Phelps via cell phone. When initially approached by police, Murphy claimed to be a peaceful protester, but when Phelps emerged from the van in which he had taken refuge, Murphy pulled a Taser from her robe and began shouting “Karma’s coming to fry your ass, you fucking fucktard!” Police restrained her from attacking Phelps, who reportedly retreated into the van and refused to emerge for a week.
Defense council plans to plead not guilty by temporary insanity due to provocation.
Here's Jeri:
Currently training her seventh pool boy, Janiece hold several patents for innovative telecommunications system designs that warp time and space, making wait times more bearable for contact center customers across the galaxy. She has recently been assigned police coverage to protect against a credible organized crime threat on her life contracted by college students jealous of her magna cum laude grade point average.
Here's Matt:
Saber-Toothed Cow Farmer Leads Nation in Production of Delicious, Dangerous Animals
Cattle rancher and geneticist Janiece Murphy has gone on record as saying the cattle industry is suffering under the weight of the mundane, which she aims to correct. After years of experimentation and genetic modification, Murphy has done it with the creation of a new species, the saber-toothed cow.
"It was simple really," Murphy stated in a press release. "Using some proprietary technology and a sample of saber-tooth cat DNA, I have created an animal that is delicious and will pull the cattle industry out of its rut."
The enhanced bovine features large fangs and powerful jaws, as well as the grace of movement seen in large, preditory cats. The dangers of farming these new animals will enliven cattle farming, which has lost its excitment as the West was tamed.
Reactions from cattle farmers everywhere are mixed.
"I don't know why we need dangerous cows," said Joe Joerton, a dairy farmer from Normal, IL. "I don't need to risk my neck for a pail of milk."
"This new saber-toothed cow is incredible," said Edward Dingle, a cattle rancher from Bend, OR. "I was getting tired of the cattle game, but this new cow gives me reason to get up in the morning."
In light of her successes with what the media has dubbed the 'Mad Cow,' Murphy has hinted at further animal upgrades.
"Since the saber-toothed cow worked out so well, I've been seriously thinking of revisiting my sheepasaurus rex idea from a few years ago," Murphy said.
You can find Lance's entry here.
You can find Michelle's entry here.
Vince's entry:
Colorado Psychic Healer Predicts New Spinal Cord for Follower
"You are getting a new spinal cord tonight!" yelled Colorado psychic healer and tent-revival preacher Janiece "Hot Legs" Murphy to a hunchback last evening during a crusade and anti-homeowner's association rally in Denver, CO.
Healings are "popping like popcorn," she screamed to an adoring crowed, "so get your hot butter ready!" Murphy often holds healing sessions at her home, where the line of people waiting to be healed often extends down the hall and stairs, through the living room, out the door and across the lawn, greatly annoying her homeowner's association.
Murphy, who also claims that her Giant Schnauzer "Boogie" channels a 27,000 year-old alien transsexual goddess called "Mugwump", has been known to use unorthodox measures to ensure proper healing. She was seen at the revival/rally kneeing a "cancer patient" in the stomach and commanding the cancer to leave "by the authority invested in me by God and the United States Navy." Later Murphy was seen banging a crippled woman's leg with a meat tenderizer while singing "Love Me Tender" to it.
May the best author WIN!
My New Nerd Love - Let Me Show You Him
According to this article in the Reader's Digest, he was identified by Gen. David Petraeus to head up the task group in charge of detainees and prisons in Iraq. He arrived in April of 2007, and hit the ground running. "Abu Ghraib was a leadership failure that telegraphed to 1.3 billion Muslims that we had no respect for them," he is quoted as saying. He considered it a moral failure that shamed us as a nation, and a betrayal of the military's core values.
General Stone, you had me at "leadership failure."
His unorthodox ideas and policies have led to unprecedented success in the Iraqi detention program, in spite of his total lack of experience in this field prior to this assignment.
And yes, he's got the Nerd Cred - four master's degrees and a doctorate from Stanford, Pepperdine, the U.S. Naval War College, and the University of Southern California.
That's my brother-in-arms, baby. Nerd Love. There's nothing like it.
Nerd salute to my Hot Mom, who's got some Nerd Love of her own.
I'm Baaaa-aaack!
The training actually went better than I expected, after a couple of minor technical glitches. The students were appreciative of the opportunity, and they kept any 'tude cases under control so I didn't have to. As you can probably predict, if I take two days out of my production time and my students act like it's a burden for them to attend my class, I can get a little cranky.
I still have some follow-up work to tend to this morning in terms of providing some job aids and other deliverables, but overall, it was a positive experience. Yay, positive experiences!
I start my bass lessons back up tonight - my teacher has been out of town for the last three weeks, so I've been a big ole slacker in terms of practicing. Bad bass player! Bad!
'Cause Everybody's Doing It
Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...
HFDS - The Coach
Humanity, Foreground, Detail, and Shape
You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.
The Perception Personality Types:
Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History, Volume XIV
The daughter of Harry Alfred Day and Ada Mae Wilkey, she grew up on a cattle ranch in southeastern Arizona. She attended Stanford University in Stanford, California where she received her B.A. in economics in 1950. She continued at the Stanford Law School for her LL.B, serving on the Stanford Law Review, and graduating toward the top of a class of 102. She married John O'Connor in 1952, with whom she had three children.
In spite of her impressive career at law school, no law firm in California was willing to hire her as a lawyer, although one firm did offer her a position as a legal secretary. She therefore went into public service, taking a variety of positions in the public sector.
On July 7, 1981, President Reagan, who had pledged during the 1980 presidential campaign to appoint the first woman to the Supreme Court, nominated her as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, replacing the retiring Potter Stewart.
During her tenure on the SCOTUS, Justice O'Connor became the "swing vote" for many major cases, mostly due to her case-by-case approach to jurisprudence and her relatively moderate political views.
Justice O'Connor is one of my personal heroes. She was appointed when I was just about to turn 16 - a time where women were breaking barriers all over the country. She was moderate, thoughtful, and generally appeared to consider her duty to the Constitution more important than any political ramifications. She had a balanced life, and didn't give up who she was and what she wanted to accommodate other people's ideas of who should was supposed to be. She overcame personal adversity while sitting on the SCOTUS, and maintained her dignity and integrity.
When I grow up, I want to be Sandra Day O'Connor. Well-played, Justice O'Connor. Ill-behaved and admirable.
Could This Guy Be a BIgger Dick?
You done?
I think the answer to this question, is, no. No, he couldn't. Not even making a concerted effort would have made this fuckknuckle a bigger dick. In fact, he is officially the biggest dick on the planet today. And not in a manly, good way, either.
Hey, Rick Suhr: You are a gigantic penis-head. With no class. And crappy coaching skills. And not a shred of human kindness. You suck.
And if I ever meet you in person, I'll tell you what "I'm gonna' do." I'm gonna rip off your 'nads and throw them over the bar. After I set them on fire, of course. Perhaps that act will be awesome enough to impress you.
Seriously, dude. You suck.
'Tard of the Week - Christopher Kron
Breaking into the Junkanoo Restaurant and Bar last week in Lee County, Florida, Mr. Kron set off their burglar alarm. With the alarm blaring, he proceeded to ransack the bar, looking for a bottle of booze that met this standards.
Meanwhile, the alarm company called the restaurant per their normal procedures. Mr. Kron, being the epitome of brains in action, answered the phone and then gave the agent his real name.
Then, to ensure there was no doubt that he would get caught, he came back to Junkanoo's the next morning.
And did I mention the entire thing was caught on the establishment's video system? Yeah.
Nice job, you 'tard. Good luck with that career in ditch digging.
Saving the World, One Salesperson at a Time
The purpose of this instruction is to make these associates more self-sufficient, so they don't have to engage an engineer every time they have a simple addition or upgrade.
Yeah. I'm sure that'll work out exactly as planned.
The fact that this team, in its various iterations, has received this training on four previous occasions with no discernible result has apparently escaped the leadership team.
Hint to individuals in a leadership role: You're personifying the definition of insane on this one. If you don't hold these people accountable for performing the tasks they're being trained on, then the result will be the same: They won't do them. Instead they will continue to do what they've always done - send the work to my team.
And while it's fabulous to be needed, I'm giving up two days of production to conduct this training, and I'd like to feel like my time isn't being completely wasted. Just sayin'.
Cassini Mission: Coolness Abounds
Images like these give me hope for our sorry species...
Headlines of Our Lives - Janiece Edition
In the comments section, Jeri and I decided that our lives were really, really boring, and the headlines associated with our activities would probably be a snooze-fest.
But wait! Who says the headlines have to be true? No one, that's who!
So here's the deal. Make up a headline about my life, and post it in the comments. There should be some basis in reality, but not much. Here's Nathan's effort as an example:
Parker Woman Sought in Connection With Attacks on University of Denver Students
A retired Navy Chief, is being sought for questioning regarding a series of attacks on University of Denver Students. The common thread linking the students is that they all seem to have turned in subpar work in spite of numerous opportunities to bring their grades up.
Witnesses have not been able to provide police sketch artists with an accurate description, but all agreed that in each case, immediately before the violence began, the suspect was heard screaming, "TONG, MOTHERFUCKER! TONG"
Lovely. And funny! Go to it, my dancing monkeys. A prize will be awarded to the best entry!
Other members of the UCF are also playing, so visit their blogs and make up shit about them, too!
Okay...Bored Now
I had some homework to complete, and we had a small IT crisis to resolve, but other than that, we've basically been dinking around all weekend.
So I completed my paper, did all the chores, played Age of Empires III (The War Chiefs) and we've watched several episodes of The Wire on DVD.
So I'm bored now. I'm not used to having so much free time all in a row...
Welcome to Grade School...er, College, Part Troi
Last week's retarded correspondence revolved around the students sending additional e:mails around to the entire class bitching and whining about how they got such "low grades" on their papers. The grades in question ranged from 84% to 87%.
Please bear in mind that these are the same papers that the professor had to give back for rewrites because so many of the students turned in substandard work.
So the professor received failing work; rewrote the syllabus to account for the failure; allowed the failing students to rewrite the work to ensure they would pass; gave grades based on the rewritten paper; and is now being vilified for holding these failures to a certain standard of excellence in order to receive an "A."
After watching these e:mails make the rounds for a few days, I sent a single sentence e:mail to all: "I received a 97%." Shortly thereafter, another student (who's comments appeared to be intelligent and who didn't complain about the rewrite) replied with, "I received a 95%."
There were no more whiny-ass e:mails after that.
However, there was a comment on the message board indicating that the student in question felt their paper should be graded based on the amount of effort he put in, since he was an adult student and had so many other fish to fry. Shit on a shingle. Entitled much? After I was done gnashing my teeth and snatching my hair out, I responded with:
"I disagree. When I receive my degree, it will say "University of Denver," which I consider to be a fairly prestigious university. As such, I expect my degree not to be "watered down" with grade inflation.
"Like it or not, grades are the measure of academic achievement in this country. They should be based on as objective a standard as possible, and taking someones "effort" into it is not an objective standard of excellence.
"If an "A" (or "B," or "C") paper requires measurable benchmarks to be graded as such, I don't want a higher grade because I'm an adult student versus a traditional student. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to the traditional student who's degree will not differ from my own.
"That's the compromise we make as non-traditional students - we do have other obligations, and we "trade" the single-minded dedication a traditional student would have for a balanced life."
Too bad I can only choose my professors, and not my classmates, too.
Boogie Blogging Friday
Yesterday he decides to hang out on the patio for a bit and soak up some sun. He likes having his head in the grass for some reason, and then decided he needed to find out why I was lurking at the door with my camera, disturbing his "outside experience."
Presidential Moderators - Stuck in the 50's?
The moderators will be Jim Lehrer of PBS's "News Hour;" Tom Brokaw of NBC, and Bob Schieffer of CBS's "Face the Nation." Gwen Ifill, also of PBS's "News Hour" was chosen to moderate the one vice presidential debate.
Well.
The moderators for the presidential debate are all male, white, and over 65...sort of like, oh, I don't know...John McCain? Gwen Ifill, who is as qualified as any of the others, has been relegated to the VP moderation role.
If the moderators were all middle-age black journalists, do you think there'd be a ruckus?
I find this very disappointing, though not surprising.
2008 Flower Pr0n, Tree Edition
I love trees. I grew up here in Colorado, where aspens and evergreens are abundant in the mountains below the timber line, but Denver and its surrounds tend to be more of a "high plains" ecosystem. As such, trees must be cultivated rather than growing wild.
Then I joined the military, and lived and visited a wide variety of places - all of them different, and all of them beautiful in their own way. I saw lots and lots of trees. Hmm...trees!
But nothing compared to the first time my Smart Man and I drove across Missouri, Illinois and Indiana. Those states know how to grow trees, by golly!
In any case, my Smart Man and I planted a small Maple in our back yard a couple years ago. Typically nurseries will sell only male trees, as that's what homeowners want. So imagine our surprise when our little Maple turned out to be female! (But surprise in a good, "gee, now we have a male maple and female Maple" kind of way, not in a "damn, we have a girl, drown the little fucker" kind of way.)
So here's our little Maple's "flowers" for this season.
I love trees.
Religion and Politics
As an agnostic, my only concern about a candidate's religious affiliation resides in ensuring they're not freeze dried whack-a-loons who will hasten the end of the world once they get their crazy little hands on the button. Other than that, I simply don't give a shit about it. It's a private matter, and my concerns are more pragmatic - I want to ensure the candidate will address problems in this life, not in the next one. Their belief in a creator god and what happens when we die has little to do with their ability to govern now, at least from my secular point of view.
However, people of faith seem to take a keen interest in the religious life of the candidates. John McCain's desire to maintain his privacy in terms of his personal faith appears to incense the religious right. Everyone was alternately appalled and delighted with the rumor that Obama was a Muslim, in spite of his obvious willingness to share his Christian experience.
Why are religious people so interested in this matter? I could see it if you were voting for your pastor, your rabbi, your imam...but the issue at hand is who will provide our secular leadership. Issues of character? Of course. Platform positions? Absolutely. Fiduciary responsibility? You bet. But religious belief? Why does it matter, and why do you care?
I don't get it.
Boogie Status Report
We went in this morning to have his bandage/splint changed. His vet has decided not to reapply the splint. Instead, Boogie has a thick, well padded bandage on his lower leg, ending just below the hock. This will apparently immobilize the toe and the joint on either side, and allow it to heal with no possibility of future pressure sores.
He's much more comfortable with this new arrangement. Too comfortable. He's started charging around with his usual abandon.
The ulcer (pressure sore) on his hock is still pretty ugly and swollen, but it's open to the air now, and hopefully will dry out and heal pretty quickly. I'm already having to get after him to leave it alone. The next week should be chock-full of fun-filled activities consisting of me chasing the dog around the house saying, "Boogie, no! Don't lick that! Slow down! Don't run!" and other admonitions.
I can live with that. I'm just glad he's more comfortable. He's napping now, recovering from the trauma of the vet's office.
Hey, China - You Suck! Part II
During the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, there was a song sung by a really cute young girl. Everyone went "Aww!"
Well, it turns out that the young girl wasn't really singing. She was lip-syncing. Because the youngster who could actually sing just wasn't cute enough to represent China on international television.
For some reason, I find this particular piece of asshattery to be especially fucked up.
China, you well and truly SUCK. My heart goes out to Yang Peiyi, the actual singer. How would you like it if you had a fabulous talent, but weren't "cute enough" to showcase during a national shindig like the Olympics? Christ.
Suck, suck, suck, you fucknuts.
'Tard of the Week - Reginald Peterson
Reginald Peterson is this week's 'tard because he decided to call 911. Not because there was an accident, or someone was hurt, or a criminal was rampaging through the streets of Jacksonville, FL. No, no - Mr. Peterson called the police because the sandwich shop where he was having lunch made his grub without mustard and mayo.
After placing the call, Mr. Peterson then achieved "super-'tard" status by calling 911 again, because apparently the po-po weren't responding to his "emergency" quickly enough.
Mr. Peterson was subsequently charged for his report of condiment crime.
Seriously, dude. Get a sense of proportion. It's just a sandwich. Fucking 'tard.
Civic Duty
No cameras, computers, cell phones or other modern technologies are permitted in the polling place, so I'll be incommunicado for the duration.
As usual, help yourself to the chocolate and beer. Except for the yummy chocolates given to me by my new meat-friend Jeri. I'm afraid I'll be bogarting those.
Poor, Poor Boogie
He's on antibiotics, and the new splint is shorter to allow the sore to heal.
I knew this was a distinct possibility when we decided to splint the leg instead of have surgery, but I can't help feeling like it's my fault for not noticing his discomfort. There was a reason he was being so good about not being active - the damn splint was painful as hell.
Poor Boogie.
He goes back Wednesday morning for a recheck.
And the Winner IS....
Michelle!
And now for your prize!
Please send me your hat size (medium, large or extra large), and your favorite colors, and you will receive your personalized, made to order cold weather gear!
Congratulations, Michelle!
Boogie is Bored
His new strategy is when we take him out to potty, he collapses on the grass and refuses to move. He simply wants to be outside, and he's decided to take matters into his own paws.
We haven't been very firm with him on this matter, because we're soft, and feel sorry for him.
He gets his splint changed this afternoon. Three more weeks of forced inactivity to go.
I Think We'll Have a Winner Today
Denvention - Day 5
This morning I got my nerd love Bob Sawyer to sign my Denvention T-Shirt:
On the front I have Lois McMaster Bujold, David Coe, S.M. Stirling, David Brin and John Scalzi. On the back I have Elizabeth Moon, Joe Haldeman, Bob Sawyer and George R.R. Martin. Of course, now I'll never wear it, unless I go to another WorldCon.
After that, I met Jeri and Anne at a panel on Lois McMaster Bujold's writing circle - the gals who have been reading each other manuscripts forever, and now they're all published authors. Jeri says I get to be the fan moderator if the UCF writers ever make it to a panel like this. Woot! This is Lillian Stewart Carl, Peggy Rae Sapienza, Lois McMaster Bujold and Patricia Wrede.
I then went to a panel on misfits in SF&F, including panelists Larry Niven and George R.R. Martin. It was okay, but started to devolve when the misfits in the audience started to "participate." And by "participate" I mean the guy behind me was having a conversation with the panelists just loud enough for me to hear. I had a photo, but it's blurry as hell, so you're out of luck.
Then it was lunch at the Appaloosa Grill. The Smart Man stayed home today so it was just us gals. Doesn't Anne look hot in her sari?
Jeri made the suggestion that perhaps it might be worthwhile to use WorldCon as an excuse for the UCF to get together in person. It's as good a reason as any I can think of, so I thought I'd throw it out there.
I have to say, one of the things that made this experience so worthwhile was the convergence of so many members of the UCF in meat-space. I already knew I loved Anne and Tania, and now I know that Jeri is also as fabulous in real life as the other two. I consider myself extraordinarily lucky to have stumbled upon such interesting, caring, and fun people completely by accident. My life is indeed the richer for it.
Ask Janiece a Question - Answers
Who doesn’t? Hmm…Manalito the pool boy!
The giant has his sights set on you, Sir Gidard is still out cold, and you're pretty sure that squishy thing you just stepped on isn't a mud pie. What do you do?
Break into song, of course. Probably something from The Man From La Mancha.
Favorite female rocker, and why?
Tal Wilkenfeld. While her solo CD is Jazz, she plays for Beck, so I’ll count her as a “rocker.” She’s my favorite because she’s a freak of nature on that bass of hers, and I play the bass. I’m also a big fan of Sarah McLachlan, although I don’t know if you’d count her as “rock” or “pop.”
Denvention - Day 4
In the morning, all four of the UCF attendees went to Ms. Bujold's reading, where she read us the first two chapters of the new Miles novel. Squee! It was marvelous, of course. I can't wait until it comes out.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: Scalzi stalking Saturday! We accosted the poor man on his way out of his KoffeeKlatsch, and made him sit still for the official awarding of the UCF T-Shirt and a photo that proved our stalking temerity. The proof (cue trumpets):
That's right, fellow UCFers: that's an official UCF T-shirt over his arm. I think that should count as an endorsement. Bwahahaha!
Here's the UCF having dinner at the local P.F. Chang's.
Hmm...Chinglish!
Ask Janiece a Question - Answers
Hm. Usually when these types of events occurred, it was because some peer acted inappropriately. People below me in the chain of command wouldn’t overtly attempt these types of shenanigans, and those above tended to be more covert in their belief systems.
However, I would say the most obvious example of such behavior was when I was put in charge of the Signalmen on my ship. They didn’t have a CPO, and the Radio shack had two after my promotion, so I took them. As part of my new duties, I decided to learn semaphore, since I wanted to have at least some knowledge of the duties required by my crewmen. I didn’t tell them I was learning it, however.
Well, one time when we were doing an underway replenishment, one of the Signalman was “chatting” with a Signalman on the other ship. This occurs fairly frequently, as it was good practice for them. I was watching, and so was visible to both crewmen. Let’s just say that a portion of their conversation concerned me and was “less” than professional, in a fairly sexually explicit way.
I didn’t say anything at the time, instead I saved that particular gem for the sailor’s next performance review. Because I’m just that evil.
What was your costume for Initiation?
I went as an OE-82 antenna:
Weirdest food you ever ate (outside of Initiation)?
I was stationed in the Philippines, so balut, of course.
Denvention - Day 3
I got to meet Matthew Jarpe today, who had a signing. I tried not to be all fan-girlish and freak him out, but you never know. Sorry, no pictures.
I ran into Joe Haldeman in the T-shirt line, who is a nice man, and also wears his suit with Birkenstock's. For some reason I find that incredibly endearing.
We had a snack with Tania and her friend Lance at lunch-time, and forgot to take pictures. Yeah, we suck.
We also attended a panel on birds and dinosaurs, moderated by my nerd-love Robert Sawyer. It was a bit confrontational, but pretty good.
We also went to an SM Stirling reading, as my Smart Man is a fan-boy of his Dies the Fire series. Most excellent.
Last but not least, we met Anne and Jeri for drinks after the reading. 75% of the UCF attendees, sharing nachos. "Hmm...Nachos!"
Tomorrow is Scalzi-stalking day for the UCF. I'm sure Jeri will live-blog the event, but I'll post as well. Ciao!
Ask Janiece a Question - Answers
Nasty, yeah. I wear mid-rise, and think they’re comfortable. I don’t care much for the high-rise “mom” jeans, and anything lower than about two inches below my belly button makes me feel like my pants are falling down.
Most comfortable shoes in the world.
Birkenstock’s. Why, yes, I am a wannabe hippy, thanks for asking.
Nightgown or pajamas?
Option C: T-Shirt and Boxers in the summer, T-Shirt and men’s flannel PJ bottoms in the winter.
Boogie Blogging Friday
In lieu of posting a picture of Boogie this week, I'm going to post a photo of this very pretty service dog who attending Denvention with her human. She's a good, good girl, and service dogs are the BOMB.
Go, Service Dogs!
Who Cares? Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 30
25,000th Visitor Contest!
Shamelessly stealing from Nathan, I will award a prize to my 25,000th unique visitor.
No, I won't tell you what the prize is ahead of time. But it will be cool.
If the person who is my 25,000th visitor is some whack-job from Pakistan looking for "Hot Afghan Women," then I will award the prize to the next highest visitor.
Good luck!
Denvention - Day 2
We saw Scalzi at the SFWA booth, where he recognized me from my name-tag, which surprised me a bit. Why, yes, fellow UCFers, he is more goofy in person. But I mean that in a nice way - he's just cheerful and funny, and, well, goofy.
We also saw him at an afternoon reading, where he showed off his Journey MP3 player, and even passed it around to the audience with the tinny little speaker playing:
Mary Robinette Kowel shared her reading with him, and is really a gifted reader. In addition to reading from her own work, she read from The Sagan Diary, which she also recorded professionally.
All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable day. Tomorrow I plan on ambushing Matt Jarpe, who I've not met, but owe a beer. He keeps sending me free, autographed stuff - it's the least I can do.
Ask Janiece a Question - Answers
Chicken tastes like chicken.
The modern pentathlon is it a valid Olympic competition?
You bet. I know I’m askeered of someone who has mad skillz with fencing, horsemanship, swimming, running and firearms.
How much over the speed limit WAS he going?
I’m afraid I’m going to have to defer to my buddy “Nunya” on this one. Because it’s not my place to tell.
What's your favorite book to read for comfort?
Any book set in the Vorkosigan universe by Lois McMaster Bujold.
Denvention - Day 1
If you're looking for a mate, do not do so at WorldCon. Damn. Just damn.
If you're attending WorldCon and you're in a panel, turn off your damn cell phone. And if you must answer, leave the fucking room, don't chat while the panelists are talking. I swear to Christ, these people have NO FETCHING.
A couple of the panels we attended were pretty good, one was "meh."
Here's a photo of the SCFD bear, peeking into the Convention Center:
Here's a photo of the last panel we went to today, on age and wisdom in SF, or how to write an older protagonist. Name that author!
And here's a photo of one of my all-time favorite authors. I've read every word he's written, and buy (and read!) every book as soon as it's available. It's the NERD LOVE. He was also extremely gracious and told me to call him "Bob" after I kept saying "Mr. Sawyer" and "sir."
More fun tomorrow!