On the state of the Republic and my uneasy heart

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

The last two weeks have left me angry, sad, afraid, and completely scattered. I have so many thoughts and feelings about the events of January 6th and its aftermath, my mind is skipping from thought to thought, and my emotions are all over the place. I need to get a handle on these things, since I'm jumpy and on edge, and it's interfering with my work and my relationships. So here are my thoughts and fears, my rage and concerns, my grief and reactions, in no particular order. 

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Lipstick on a Pig

Let's not mince words and refer to the group who invaded the Capital building as "rioters" or "protesters." They weren't. The correct word is insurrectionists. And just in case you need a refresher, here's the relevant Title: 

§2383. Rebellion or insurrection

Whoever incites, sets on foot, assists, or engages in any rebellion or insurrection against the authority of the United States or the laws thereof, or gives aid or comfort thereto, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.

In the case of these particular insurrectionists, they were attempting to prevent the United States Congress and the Vice President of the United States from following the Constitution and executing their duty under the law in certifying the electoral vote. Insurrectionists

Language matters. Using "soft" language to describe the events of the 6th deescalates the seriousness of the crimes committed in the Capital building, including the murder of a Capital Police Officer who was killed for doing his duty.

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This is why we can't have nice things

While my rage has diffused somewhat since the 6th, it has only gone from "apoplectic with rage" to "rage." The people who chose to breach the barriers of the Capital, and those who gave aid or comfort to those people, are fucking traitors to the Constitution and the nation it created. They claim to be patriots, and try to romanticize their bullshit by comparing themselves to the American revolutionaries who precipitated the birth of our nation, but they are wrong, spectacularly wrong, on both counts. Patriots don't attempt to hunt down and kill our political leaders because a legal and fair election didn't go their way. The American revolutionaries of our history rebelled against the Crown because they believed they were being treated unfairly and wanted a say in their government. Do you see the difference? The insurrectionists of January 6th do have a say in our government. They just didn't get the outcome they wanted - in other words, they lost. And in their mind, that means they're justified in throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportion, attempting a coup against the legally elected government of the United States. Traitorous motherfuckers, the lot of them, and all of them should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and given the maximum sentences. 

And I'm also going to indulge in some "I told you so." On November 15, 2016, I wrote:

To those 47% of you that voted for Trump, I have to say - this is your dumpster fire. He has shown the country and the world who he is, again and again and again. But you wouldn't believe him. So when he continues to be who he is, I don't want to hear about how "you didn't know." Of course you knew. You just didn't care because he appealed to your baser instincts and you fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

You knew. You didn't care. And so you own this criminal piece of shit administration, this insurrection, this four years of lies, corruption, bad behavior, and mishandling of the epidemic. I hope you enjoy being on the wrong side of history. And if you voted for this reprobate twice? I don't even know how to respond to such an incredible display of poor judgement and White supremacy. 

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Accountability: It's not just for the "low-class" anymore

So tRump finally became the bestest President in history by getting his ass impeached not once but twice. He's winning!

Actually, he's really not. He's a big fat loser and the walls are closing around him because he finally went too far even for Vice President Pence and Majority Leader McConnell. He miscalculated his ability to act with impunity, and now he and his ill-begotten children are going to pay, and pay, and pay. Whether he wins or loses, he'll pay with the humiliation of another Senate trial. He's already paying with a loss of allies, advisors and champions. He'll pay as investigators continue to dig into what exactly happened on the 6th. He'll pay when the state and city of New York and the state of Georgia indict him. He'll pay when he has to declare bankruptcy (again!) due to his lost relationships with other businesses. His retRumplican sycophants will pay with a loss of political contributions for their complicity in enabling him. His shitty, entitled kids will pay with the loss of their social standing and reputation (like they needed any help on that score). And you know what? Fuck him. Fuck him and all his smug, criminal family. I have no sympathy for these immoral Marie Antoinette wannabes - they deserve far worse than what's going to happen to them. Nothing would please me more than for every damn one of them to disappear into the obscurity they so richly deserve. After their legal and financial troubles are widely reported, scrutinized, and commented upon, I mean. 

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IDOR got your tongue?*

I find it funny (in a "Can you believe this shit?" way rather than a "funny haha" way) that the insurrectionists were So. Fucking. Stupid. I mean seriously - they filmed themselves going into the Capitol building, they took pictures and filmed themselves actually committing their crimes, and then promptly posted all this to social media where any old body could see it and use it to identify them as insurrectionists. Way to out yourself, genius! 

Did they think this was a game, and their goal was to be "seen" being a big, bad tough guy on social media and the news? Wrong answer, idiot. The FBI, the Capital Police, the Metro Police and the Secret Service aren't laughing. At all. And now you're shocked - shocked you say! - to discover that your group is being rounded up and arrested for your part in this travesty? Get the fuck out of here. Your misanalysis of the situation does not excuse your acts. 

And to add insult to their injury, these dumbasses had previously flocked to a social media platform that marketed themselves as a private, secure, unmoderated platform championing unfettered free speech. Here was a place where the right-wing extremists could exalt in their hate and also plan their misdeeds without interference from the "liberal media." However, Parler didn't hire the best or the brightest or even the minimally competent to architect their platform. Which led to the platform having such a basic, giant security hole in its software that you could launch a Saturn V through it. And people did. Prior to AWS shutting down their servers, hackers waltzed on in and scraped every bit of data they could find, including all the messages, photos, and videos on the site, which included the metadata associated with each object. For those who don't work in technology, this means the people who have archived Parler's data now have a treasure trove of information that will help law enforcement identify and analyze the ringleaders of the insurrection. Parler's technical team made it easy for them, and you can rest assured that ALL of this data is now public, right down the GPS coordinates of where the posts were made. You can even find out what your neighbors have been posting, if you're so inclined.

I could make a "stupid is as stupid does" or "we deserve a better class of insurrectionist" joke here, but it seems like shooting fish in a barrel. 

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Dishonor before Death

I have a special kind of hate in my heart* for the veterans who chose sedition on the 6th. These are the same hypocrites who are constantly parading around their veteran status with grand announcements about how their "oath never expires" and then turn around and join the "Oath Keepers" or "The 3%ers," or other extreme militias/hate groups who participate in domestic terrorism. Make no mistake - these people have absolutely betrayed their oath, no ifs, ands, or buts. Their oath was to defend the Constitution, and here they were, shaming their service by attempting to stop the Constitutionally mandated duty of Congress and the Vice President. I am ashamed of them, and ashamed that their previous "service" lumps them in the same category as me and the other honorable, patriotic veterans of my acquaintance. They even wanted to kill their own Vice President for the heinous crime of following the Constitution in the execution of his duties. Yeah, you're keeping your oath, all right, you piece of shit. 

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Business first

I have mixed emotions about the way Twitter, Facebook, Google, Apple, AWS and others have basically shut down the social media presence of extreme and far right activists, including retRumplicans. I understand exactly why they did it, of course. These companies currently occupy four slots in the Fortune 50, and the one who didn't make that cut - Twitter - is extremely powerful in this context because tRump relied on it so heavily to stoke his populist flames. But let's be honest, here. They're in business to make money, regardless of what their PR folks would have you believe. Their fiduciary responsibility is to their shareholders, not some nebulous ideal of protecting democracy or whatever. And having the federal government in an uproar and forcing citizens to become even more uncertain about the future of our nation is not good for business. A stable society that respects the rule of law is a much better business environment than chaos and insurrection. The second these companies started to consider tRump and his ilk a liability rather than an asset to their business plans, they made a business decision and dumped him and his hard-core supporters like a hot rock. 

On the one hand, speech encouraging violence and sedition should be banned by private companies. But then it raises the question of who gets to decide? Big Tech executives? Why are they empowered to do so? What makes them more qualified to determine what crosses the line and what doesn't? How would I feel if the current "banning" bias was against liberal thought and opinion rather than conservative? These companies represent a huge market share in the areas where they do business, and I'm not sure I want private corporations to have this much power over political discourse. 

Yes, yes, the 1st Amendment does not apply to corporations, only the government. I took a college level civics class, unlike actual retRumplican politicians who have presumably passed the Bar. But this is not the 18th Century, and I'm not sure our Founders had an instant information society driven by private industry in mind when they wrote the Bill of Rights. In this specific case, I'm starting to think some measure of government regulation over these issues might be in order, or at least worth discussing. I miss the Fairness Doctrine. 

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Worn out, worn down

I've spent the last four years on a slow boil from a politics perspective, wondering when this nightmare would end. And the answer appears to be "Not in my lifetime." Anonymous sources have been telling reputable media outlets for weeks that the reTrumplicans in Congress knew full well the election wasn't "rigged" or "stolen." But they continued to support this nonsense because tRump's base and their base have significant overlap, and it's more important to them to get reelected than to be honorable people and fulfill their oaths to the Constitution. 

And I don't really see any way to bridge this gap. Almost half of American voters chose White supremacy over character in November, in spite of all the evidence that proved tRump to be dishonest, misleading, incompetent, stupid, ego-driven, entitled, and generally a person of poor character. They were convinced by a con man that creating an egalitarian society is actually an abrogation of the rights of White people. He brought to the surface and stoked the idea that the Blacks and the browns and the wimmin were coming for their guns, their money, their place in society, their privilege. 

Well, that last item IS actually true. 

It makes me throw up in my mouth that these selfsame "patriots" who only wanted to ensure the election was "free and fair" are calling for national unity now that their tRump has come home to roost. You're four years too late and 74 Electoral College votes too short, you corrupt, dishonorable wretches. This is your legacy now -- an armed insurrection inside the Capital building, enabled and tacitly approved by you, in service to your ego and your ambition. 

So I'm sad and exhausted. I'm sad about what tRump's manipulations, lies, authoritarianism and fascist tendencies have done to people I know and care about. I'm exhausted by a political system that allows the minority to dictate policy to the majority based on shenanigans and greed. I'm sad about the no-end-in-sight polarization of our political parties which will probably continue until well after I'm gone. And I'm exhausted by my own cynicism about the country I swore to protect with my life. 

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*"IDOR" stands for insecure direct object reference, the security hole that hackers used to scrape Parler data from their servers.  

**My intense feelings surrounding this small group bothers me. Hate is a vile emotion, and poisons people from the inside. I have work to do in order to get a handle on this. 

Belief

Monday, January 4, 2021


I gained 3.8 pounds over the holiday based on my weekly averages, which is how I measure such things. I expect they'll come off pretty quickly (like this week), and then the hardest work begins: Losing the last 20 pounds. I believe I can do both these things in the 14 week timeframe I have set for myself. 

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I believe President-Elect Biden will be inaugurated to the office of President on January 20th regardless of what tRump and RetRumplicans want or do. I also believe this is absolutely the correct and legal course of action, because the accusations of RetRumplicans have absolutely no merit. They have presented no legally admissible evidence to any court of law (including SCOTUS) which proves their assertions of voter fraud in any state. Their strategy has been to follow the tactic of "If you say it often enough, it becomes true, regardless of the facts." And that strategy is working, and has been working for the last four decades, which makes me fear for the long-term future of the Republic. 

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I believe I will no longer engage in conversation or commentary, or invest emotional or intellectual labor regarding the Conspiracy Theory de Jour, regardless of who brought it up, what their political opinions are, who they support, or the motivation behind the bull-pucky. Bring me provable facts, or get thee gone is the new mantra. I have to thank my pal Juan for this one. Sensible advice at any time. 

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I believe Mitch McConnell is the single greatest threat to the Republic since the Civil War. Thanks, Kentucky!

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I believe the key to my mental health in 2021 is being honest with myself and others about gratitude, mindfulness, and letting things go. Then I must make emotional and intellectual decisions based on this honesty. I think I can more easily make gratitude a habit compared to the other two, but I have some work to do in all three focus areas. For me, the hardest part is achieving "forgiveness" along with "letting go." I'm afraid that's going to take a while. 

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I believe tRump's blatant attempt to fix the election in Georgia is a clear violation of the law. I also believe he won't experience any consequences for his criminal behavior, because at this point in our Republic's history, NO ONE is held accountable if they have enough power and/or money. NO ONE. It's all just political theater to appease the base rather than a true application of the law and justice. 

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I believe I need to continue to invest in my health after I achieve my goal weight, including an appropriate maintenance diet and regular exercise. 

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I will be taking the COVID vaccine one it becomes available to low risk individuals, because I believe in the power of science and the results of vaccines in saving populations from deadly disease (see: Polio, Small Pox, et al). 

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I believe I am deeply afraid for the law enforcement officers who will be trying to keep the peace on Wednesday in our nation's capital. It's going to be a long and dangerous day for these folks, and unlike the violent whackadoos who choose to be there, these professionals have no choice. Stay safe, y'all. Seriously.

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I believe I have never admired our judicial branch of government more. Throughout these election shenanigans, they have, without exception, upheld the law as they understand it with integrity and courage regardless of who appointed them. The judicial is our last line of defense, and their integrity has, in many ways, saved the Republic. 

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I believe 2021 will be a year where I spend more time and money on charitable acts/agencies. Charitable giving has always been a part of our budget, but this year I want to get more personally involved, for a variety of reasons ranging from mental health to a way of paying rent on the bit of earth I occupy. 

My Reasons for Gratitude, 2020

Friday, January 1, 2021
This has been a tough year for gratitude. Between politics, the pandemic and the deaths of people I've long admired or who mean the world to people I care about deeply, I've found myself despairing for the future more than once. And yet, gratitude during such times is more critically important than when things are easy. 

So here's my 2020 gratitude list, and while I had to dig for things to be grateful for, it behooves me and my mental health to meditate on these things, now more than ever. 
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This year the Smart Man and I decided we really needed to accept our status as middle aged people and take better care of our bodies through nutrition and exercise. While we haven't met all of our health goals, we've come a long way this year, and I'm grateful to have the means to join a gym and buy fresh, healthy food to eat.
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During the COVID-19 pandemic, our livelihoods were not negatively impacted by the shelter in place and social distancing orders. We both work for companies that supply telecommunications infrastructure. and we work from home even during healthy times, so we really weren't affected economically by the crisis. I know many, many people were not as fortunate, and I'm grateful to be a member of the former group, and to have the means to help those in the second group.
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This year was tough from a mental health perspective, so I decided to start counseling to see if I could achieve some level of peace with my life's circumstances and the world around me. I'm grateful to have this opportunity due to the fact that we have excellent insurance and the ability to save for co-pays without sacrificing our quality of life. 
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This year has been especially difficult for those who work in the healthcare industry, especially those individuals who have cared for COVID patients 24x7. Your dedication to duty, compassion, and fortitude is not unnoticed, and I'm incredibly grateful for you in all that you do. 

Bonus gratitude: These folks keep coming back, day after day, month after month, in spite of the fact that a significant percentage of the population deride them for the scientific knowledge, accuse them of lying and killing people when a patient dies from COVID, and show such an extreme refusal of the scientific facts of the pandemic that healthcare workers feel unvalued, depressed, and despondent. I see you, healthcare workers - your work and generosity of spirit humble me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all you've done, and will continue to do in this most terrible of times. 
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I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to once again act as an election judge for my county during the November general election. This year I was assigned as an assistant poll manager, and this work brought home to me how very important is the process of representative democracy. I live in a county where my political views are in the minority, and yet it is always a privilege to ensure people get to exercise their franchise in a legal, non-exclusionary way, regardless of their political beliefs, ethnicity, income level, or any other characteristic that is not their status as a citizen of the United States.

Bonus gratitude: Colorado citizens volunteered in record numbers to act as election judges in this election cycle, including many volunteers in the 16-35 age group. As citizens of a representative democracy, we will ever get the government we deserve by exercising our franchise in whatever way our consciouses dictate. Knowing so many Coloradans understand this fundamental truth makes my heart happy. 
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I'm grateful that our country has reached a point where we will elect a BIPOC woman to the Office of the Vice President. When Kamala Harris took the stage to give her victory speech wearing a white suit, I wept with pride and joy at her accomplishment, and reflected with gratitude on all the women who paved the road she walks on. 
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I'm grateful to live in a state whose population voted to enact a state-wide Paid Family and Medical Leave Insurance program to ensure Coloradans who experience personal or family medical issues will continue to receive a partial salary when they're off work. This program is expensive - .9% of a worker's wages, matched by their employers - but Coloradans passed it with a margin of almost 15%. This was a mandate on supporting the well-being of others, and I'm so grateful to live in a state that cares about such things. 
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I'm grateful that in spite of the obstacles put before him and the lack of collaboration from the previous president, President-Elect Joe Biden will be sworn in on January 20th, 2021. He was not a perfect candidate by any stretch, but he was a smart and civil candidate, with the character needed to heal our great national divide. If I wasn't an atheist, I would pray for his success. 
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I'm grateful for the vaccines that are becoming available for those in our population who are at the greatest risk. Science is an amazing thing, and vaccines are the single greatest achievement of humanity in the history of the world. 
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As ever, I am grateful to the friends and family who lift me up when I stumble, catch me when I try to fall, look out for my physical and mental wellbeing, and can be counted upon to show in word and deed they are kind, considerate, generous, moral people of good character. I'm so lucky to have all of you in my life, now more than ever. 
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I'm grateful that the dumpster fire of 2020 is over, and look with hope and optimism to the new year and a opportunity to do more and be more of the person I want to become, unencumbered by a deadly pandemic or the poison of the last election cycle.