Link Me Up, Scotty - Embrace Reality after Denying It Edition

Wednesday, July 31, 2013
My shippie Jim Wright discusses the resolution of the George Zimmerman trial, and how our society has lost sight of the key outcome in this case - that a 17-year-old kid is dead.
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Freeze-dried Fruit Cup and Professional Scary Former Congressman Allen West leaves us with this little gem as it relates to being a black man in America: “I am a black male who grew up in the inner city of Atlanta and no one ever followed me in a mall. I don’t recall any doors clicking when I crossed the street. And I never had anyone clutching their handbag when I got on an elevator. I guess having two awesome parents who taught me to be a respectful young man paid dividends.” Sigh. Mr. West has yet to meet a logical fallacy he has not embraced wholeheartedly and with vigor in support of the whacky. What a tool. H/T Skepchick.
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So it turns out the Polar Ice Cap formally known as the North Pole can now be referred to as "Lake North Pole." But please, climate change deniers, just keep sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "lalala." Because nothing says "mature, reasoned discourse" like blatantly denying verifiable facts in service to your economically driven delusions. H/T everyone.
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In spite of my stabby list of things about middle age that blow big chunks, there's a lot to be said for this time of life. It's affording me a freedom that I seldom experienced in my physical prime, and is detailed exquisitely in this essay about Life After 50. The money quote: "What are you doing these days 'for the sheer joy of it?' I hope a lot." H/T Sista Stacey.
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The Incomparable Carolyn has pointed me to an incredible Etsy shop called Megan Lee Studio. She makes science and education based art, and I could spend some serious-ass money up in there, in addition to lining her pocket in the service of performing random acts of kindness. Here's my first purchase, hopefully the first of many, destined for the wall of my office space.


She had me at "Hopper."
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Jef with One F is thinking about how to talk about sex with his daughter as a parent living in Texas. He did some research into the Purity Movement as part of his preparation, which makes this the money quote: "I'm a dad, and I am perfectly aware that the sexual health of this child is going to be part of my job. I'm not looking forward to it, to tell the truth, but if the alternative is fetishizing chastity while giving Oedipus a handie then by God I'm going in full guns blazing." A courageous dad, and a lucky daughter. H/T Skepchick.

Stabby Monday

Monday, July 29, 2013
H/T Thorvaaldr, who knows me so well.
Because who the hell needs another Miscellaneous Monday when there's so much to be stabby about?
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You know, I tend to be rather conservative when it comes to change. I just don't care much for it as a general rule, and I tend to arrange my life around that preference. But I don't intentionally sabotage the efforts of those around me because they choose to do things differently than me. In spite of my conservatism, I recognize that change is sometimes good. And there are certain people in my life who need to quit being whiny bitches and accept that "because we've always done things this way" is not an acceptable reason for refusing to change.
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This "being middle-aged" thing fucking blows. My plumbing is a mess. I've recently developed a tendency to become dizzy and light-headed. I can't sleep through the night to save my life. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY NECK? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

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Remember how I worked my ass off in order to live a courageous life? This is why people who lack moral courage, either personally or professionally, drive me insane. It's not that I think they can't be decent human beings, or make meaningful and long-lasting contributions to our society. They can. But I sure don't want them at my back when the chips are down. If, as the Incomparable Anne notes, courage is the key to living a non-meh life, then having courageous friends and colleagues is the key to having non-meh relationships.
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You know how I mentioned that I was recently accepted to Colorado State University for the Fall term? Well, prior to deciding on CSU, I was looking into several other on-line Universities, and CRAP ON A CRACKER, THESE PEOPLE NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER. Seriously, they're stalking me via phone, via text, via e:mail. And they won't give up. Even if I was inclined to apply to their programs, their desperation would give me pause. Are you listening, Rasmussen College? You're like a bad boyfriend who can't take a hint.
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We've been on the Federal Do Not Call list for many, many years. That doesn't prevent people from calling us, however, each and every day of the week, in order to sell their wares. What the hell is the point of the law if it's not enforced?
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There are a great many people who should just not have children. Seriously. If you're this couple, or this woman, please, do us all a favor and get yourself sterilized before it's too late. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

The Weekly List - Housecleaning my mind

Saturday, July 27, 2013
1. When I choose an action, I choose the consequence of that action. And this rule applies to everyone else, too.
2. Even if I know someone to be a horrible human being, even if I know their shortcomings are demonstrable and beyond dispute, I still cannot expect others to share my opinion of them, especially if I have chosen not to share all the facts about how I have formed my opinion. People have the right to make up their own minds.
3. People aren't perfect. And love doesn't require them to be.
4. Again, I am not the only competent person in the room.
5. The reason I get so wrapped around the axle about my personal relationships is because my personal relationships are critically important to me. If I didn't care about the people I choose to share my life, they wouldn't have the power to hurt me so.
6. Expecting others to recognize my virtues is not admirable. It should be enough that I continue to work on being a better person for my own sake.
7. It's hard not to compare myself to others, but I need to concentrate on health and fitness, not weight.
8. While it's true that Information Technology is kind of a life-force sucking endeavor, it's the industry I've chosen, and pays the bills with room to spare. It behooves me to remember this truth. 
9. Relative to item 4, it's not my responsibility to solve other people's problems. People have agency, and are capable of managing their own business.
10. While being used fills me alternately with impotent rage and regret that I didn't see it coming, the responsibility for the bad behavior does not in fact lie with me, and I need to remember that.

Free Shit Friday - Raspberry Jalapeño Jam

Friday, July 26, 2013

Today's Free Shit Friday offering is jar of my new Raspberry Jalapeño Jam. This is another new recipe for me, so whoever wins must provide some feedback on whether or not I should keep it in rotation.

da Rules

The winner of the Peach Ginger jam is Sista Stacey, with a random number of 10. Enjoy! 

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7/29/2013: ETA: I tried this yesterday with cream cheese and tortilla chips. Heavenly, and not hot at all.

Link me up, Scotty - Living in a Civilized World Edition

Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Steve Buchheit explains why denying public employees their pensions in the name of "saving money" makes you a big, fat hypocrite (and an immoral asshole).

This is why I love The Bloggess so very, very much. I don't understand the hoopla about the new royal baby, either. He's a baby. And I can assure you he's soiling his diapers just like every other baby in the history of the world.

I've long thought football was barbaric and risky. Now Malcolm Gladwell is stepping up his campaign to ban football from colleges, and I'm cheering him on from the sidelines. Go, Malcolm!

Fourteen-year-old Tuesday Cain explains why adults should act like, you know, adults, and manages to shame her detractors in a most satisfactory way.


Miscellaneous Monday

Monday, July 22, 2013

I Read the Book

The Summer Reading Program is in full swing. A month in, and we've read 184 books for the contest, with over a month to go until it's over. It appears we're going to make it to the full donation amount this year, for the first year ever. Keep reading, bibliophiles!

I've been trying to do my own part, as well - I've read twelve titles since the program started, and I'm working to finish as many as I can before Labor Day. I've been digging spending so much time reading, but the other thing is that school begins this Fall, and I'll have less time for leisure reading once that ship sails. I'm surprised at how much I'm looking forward to going back, actually, in spite of sacrificing my leisure reading to do so. And in other news, I kind of wish I'd studied to be a virologist instead of an engineer.

Trust in Me

I'm getting old. Aside from the many, many bodily indicators that this is the case (Knee pain! Chronic insomnia! Slower metabolism! Rosacea!), I find there are certain virtues I value more now that fifty is approaching like an oncoming locomotive. Chief among these, I think, is whether or not an individual (or an organization) is reliable. Do they do what they say they're going to do? Do they communicate when circumstances prevent them from doing so? Can I trust them not to leave me hanging, not to behave badly, not to do the wrong thing? Reliability breeds trust. Being unreliable breeds distrust. And I'm pretty much through with wasting my time on people I can't trust. Because I'm old.

Smooth Criminal

Last night's insomnia included an earworm of Smooth Criminal by the Glee cast members Naya Rivera and Grant Gustin along with 2cellos. I've decided to share this with my loyal readership, because that's just how I roll.


The Weekly List - Why people fucking SUCK.

Saturday, July 20, 2013
1. We occasionally have such a failure of compassion and a vilification of the other that we commit genocide.
2. There are segments of humanity who think rape is a perfectly acceptable behavior.
3. We victimize the weakest among us.
4. We use our religious beliefs as justification to deprive one another of our rights, our dignity, our lives. 
5. We manipulate the greatest scientific achievements of our species so that we may destroy each other more efficiently. 
6. We have an unbearable need to control one another's lives, even when their actions have no bearing on our own lives or the net good of the world.
7. We can easily ignore the suffering of others.
8. We routinely lie to ourselves about who we really are.
9. We have a tendency toward willful ignorance.
10. We're mean to animals. And to each other.

Free Shit Friday - Peach Ginger Jam

Friday, July 19, 2013

Today's Free Shit Friday offering a jar of Peach Ginger jam. This is a new recipe, and while it smelled good while I was preparing it, there's always the possibility that it will taste like ass. So I'll need a report from whomever wins.

da Rules.

The winner of last week's Cherry Pineapple jam is -CGL- with a random number of 7. Enjoy!

Celebrate my Life

Thursday, July 18, 2013
Today's my birthday. I'm forty-mphyisgh today.

But this isn't me fishing for well-wishes and prezzies. Quite the opposite, in fact.

As I've gotten older, I've found myself spending less and less of my personal energy on not only my own birthday, but the birthdays of those I care about.

I know that some people feel that celebrating birthdays is important because it acknowledges the importance of an individual's existence. That's defensible, I guess, but from my perspective there is no inherent virtue in having been born. If anyone deserves a present on the anniversary of a birth it's the mother. After all, she's the one who went through labor, and breast-feeding, and ALL THOSE THOUSANDS OF DIAPERS. ZOMGWTFBBQ, THE DIAPERS. I didn't do shit except make a mess. So thanks, Mom!

So instead I've taken to celebrating people because they're fucking awesome and I love them. Do I think you need a giant metal chicken in your life? UPS is on its way! Do I see you have a special accomplishment that requires acknowledgement? 1-800-FLOWERS is on its way! Do I see some special something that just screams at me that it must be owned by you or do I recognize that you need a bit of extra help right now? IT'S ON ITS WAY.

Acknowledging people in this way makes me furiously happy. It gives me a chance to celebrate the people I've invited into my life when I feel inspired to do so, not on some relatively arbitrary day.

Being forced to acknowledge someone's birthday because "that's just what you do" makes me feel icky. Because that's not what I do. I think what I do is better, more satisfying, more spontaneous, more indicative of my love. I want to celebrate the lives of the people I care for. And I want them to celebrate mine.

Miscellaneous Monday

Monday, July 15, 2013

And so it begins (again)

You know how I was supposed to restart classes in the Fall for enrichment at my local Community College? It turns out that they won't accept my credits from University of Denver because I already had the maximum number of transfer credits they accept (45). And they won't move credits in and out because it may have a negative effect on financial aid (which I don't use). Which means that the two college level math classes I took are lost in the Ether. And guess what? While I've come to realize that math is not my enemy, I'm not so fond of it that I'm willing to take the same classes over again because my podunk Community College can't manage my records appropriately. Also? The advising department doesn't respond to correspondence in a timely manner.

So instead I'm transferring to Colorado State University. The admissions officer (who also evaluates my transcripts) has been extremely conscientious and responds to my inquiries promptly. The tuition is half that of DU, and I get a veteran's discount. And perhaps best of all, my boss has agreed that as long as I'm actively pursuing my degree, I don't have to tackle any more new professional certifications for my gig at the Military Industrial Complex. So I have that going for me.

I'll be starting in the fall semester, and based on my own calculations I'll have to take 30 credits in order to graduate, the minimum amount.

Bonus: Sista Stacey is a student there, as well, so we'll be CLASSMATES.

Finding your own way

In case you missed it, there's an excellent report from Frontline on how our nation's financial houses are basically screwing the American public in the form of compounding fees on our 401k's. Because really, what Wall Street needs is additional profits at the expense of the rank and file.

All my investments are now firmly ensconced in Index funds at the recommendation of John Bogle, founder of The Vanguard Group. Who says Wall Street doesn't need additional regulation? Besides everyone who doesn't work there, I mean. And Congress.

The Weekly List - Why people are fucking AWESOME.

Saturday, July 13, 2013
1. We created vaccines, which have saved more lives than any other scientific discovery in the history of the world.
2. We cry for one another. Even strangers.
3. We spend a significant portion of lives either learning from or teaching each other. Usually both.
4. We recognize that we will be judged by how we treat the least among us and act accordingly.
5. We've sent people to the Moon. To the fucking moon. With 1960's era technology.
6. We create art, in all its forms and splendor.
7. We see that some people just need to be taken care of. So we do.
8. We seek out the divine, in whatever way makes sense to us, in order to connect with something larger than ourselves.
9. We're capable of devoting our lives to a single idea, whether that idea is figuring out the secrets of the early universe, a cure for cancer, or an analysis of our ethics.
10. We consistently run into danger in order to save one another.

Free Shit Friday - Cherry Pineapple Jam

Friday, July 12, 2013

Today's Free Shit Friday offering is a jar of my Cherry Pineapple Jam. This one's my Hot Daughter's favorite, so I have an emotional attachment to it, bless my heart.

da Rules

The winner of last week's Strawberry Jam is Sista Stacey, with a random number of 3. Enjoy!


Wearing Me Down

Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Yesterday I was mansplained.

The details aren't really important. Suffice it to say that during a professional conversation, I made a point I thought was salient to the discussion, and a man-of-a-certain-age came right in behind me to provide the idea I had just proposed as his own, providing additional detail that my Ladybrain obviously was too vapor-ish to communicate.

And while the situation irritated me - as it always does - what I felt at that moment was mostly fatigue. 

I didn't know the man in question. I have no idea if he did what he did because he's a closet misogynist, or if he does that to everyone. I didn't really care, actually. Because I'm tired.

Tired of people assuming that because I'm a woman, my professional role couldn't be that of the engineer.

Tired of men talking over me.

Tired of men consciously or unconsciously stealing my ideas and calling them their own in such a blatant way.

Tired of having professional material mansplained to me.

I'm just tired. And while I've never been a huge, in-your-face-feminist, I know that challenging stereotypes, demanding my place at the table, continuing to excel in a male dominated field is important. It's important to me, and it's important to the women who come after me. It's work worth doing, and will leave the world a better place than I found it. I'm just lacking in motivation at the moment.

So tired.

The Weekly List - Books that took root in my mind and never let go

Saturday, July 6, 2013
1. Damage, by Joespehine Hart

2. Starship Troopers, by Robert A. Heinlein

3. Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro

4. Zoo City, by Lauren Beukes

5. The Deep End of the Ocean, by Jacquelyn Mitchard

6. The Left Hand of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin

7. The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain, by Barbara Strauch

8. The Prydain Chronicles, by Lloyd Alexander

9. The Neanderthal Parralax, by Robert Sawyer

10. Stiff, by Mary Roach

Free Shit Friday - Strawberry Jam

Friday, July 5, 2013

Today's Free Shit Friday giveaway is a pint of my Strawberry Jam.

da Rules.

The winner of the pint of Janiece's Amazing Apple Butter of Awesome is PaulM, with a random number of 11.

Paul, send your address along, and I'll get that in the mail when I damn well feel like it. 

Feeding the Need

Thursday, July 4, 2013
I've been a professional student for many, many years. I started when I was 21 at the University of Hawai'i at Manoa, and have continued to attend whichever local University or College was available where ever I lived, taking whatever interested me. The problem with such a plan, of course, is that eventually you end up with 155 credit hours, a 3.98 GPA, and no degree.

When I took my job in the Military Industrial Complex, I lost my Tuition Assistance benefit. I also had a few other things I needed to be learning for the first year, and didn't feel I had the time or the money to continue.

And I've missed it.

I miss the satisfaction of structured learning. I miss learning about topics that are not technology related, but instead interest me for reasons other than making a living. I miss the challenge of developing new ideas and having someone who is knowledgeable evaluate and critique them.

So I've decided to go back yet again. I start on August 19th, and I'm taking a Biology class that also includes a three hour lab on Saturdays. And who knows, I may actually get a degree this time. But I'm not going to hold my breath.

Respecting Agency

Wednesday, July 3, 2013
I'm a big fan of self-determination. I believe people should have the inalienable right to chart the course of their life, to make decisions that lead them to the goals and outcomes they desire. And I believe that policies and attitudes that seek to restrict people's self-determination are simply a means to exert control over others. As I've noted before, "When people won't take 'no' for an answer, they're trying to control you."

Which leads to the idea of agency, or the capacity to act in the world.

One aspect of self-determination and agency is the idea that people have the right to set their own boundaries, to make decisions about who they want in their lives, to determine what is acceptable behavior in their own eyes, to suit themselves when it comes to their life choices.

What this means to me is that when people exercise their agency, their self-determination, I have an obligation to respect their right to do so.

But this does not obligate me to respect the way in which they exercise their agency. Because let's face it - people make shitty-ass choices each and every day, including me. We hurt those who love us, we make decisions based on others' emotional manipulation, we rationalize our behavior in a way that justifies our selfishness, we choose actions that don't lead to the outcomes we want, and on and on and on.

And yet, I value self-determination and I wish to honor others' humanity and their rights, so I must respect people's agency, even if it impacts me negatively, even if it hurts me or those I love.

Even if I don't respect or honor specific individuals, and their choices make me want to run around naked with my hair on fire.


The Empty Nest, Now With More Tidiness

Monday, July 1, 2013
Since my Hot Daughter moved out, the Smart Man and I have been executing on some long-delayed home improvement projects here at the Big Yellow House, and I'm pleased to report that we've made significant progress.

Here is the new spare bedroom, rescued from the swirling vortex of entropy and hoarding that was my Hot Daughter's bedroom:

Now fit for human habitation.

Clearly you want to visit. You know you do.


The bathroom also needed some work, and if you've stayed at our house in the last two years, you know why:

There's even room for your toothbrush!

So then we decided that it would be nice to have a secondary sleeping option for when we have a houseful of guests. But we didn't want to spend money on additional beds and such - eventually we're going to downsize to a more reasonably sized domicile. So the downstairs futon has been moved to the new library, and can be used as a fairly comfortable bed as needed:

Plus there's a place to sit and read.
 
This is what's left after dozens of boxes of books being donated to our local library, and there's a third shelf out of frame.


So now we're working the downstairs room that used to be the library, and that I've now dubbed "The Mystery Room." The reason is because it's a mystery to me what the architect thought it was actually for. It's a strange room, as the front door leads directly into it, the stairs to the second floor are right there, and the entrance to the kitchen is opposite the front door. It has a two-floor vaulted ceiling,* and most of our neighbors with comparable floor plans have a similar problem determining what to do with it.

This bookshelf needs a new home.

Please ignore the lack of vacuuming. Nothing to see here, move along.


We've considered turning it into a dining room, but the simple fact of the matter is that we don't often entertain. We don't like people very much as a general rule, and the ones we do like tend to be spread out over many states. And the idea of hosting the traditional "family holiday dinner" is enough to make us run screaming into the night and become feral people. Except we'd miss the Internet. 

The Smart Man thinks getting a couple of over-sized chairs and ottomans, along with some end tables, is a fine idea. I don't really have an objection to this, except that it wouldn't fill up the room and I doubt it would get used very much. The problem, of course, is that the house is just too big for two people, said the privileged white girl.

The only thing we know for sure is that our new Empty Nest is going to remain tidy, well maintained, and clean, even after we choose to get another dog.

So, give us some advice, Internet. What should we do with the Mystery Room?

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*We're having a painting service come in some time in the next month to paint in there. Because, scaffolding.