Today is the anniversary of my first post on this blog. It's been seven years, and 2,572 blog posts.
The nature of this space has changed somewhat over the years. For the most part, the comments sections have moved to other forms of social media. I don't write as often as I used to, and when I do write, it's in fits and starts. But I still consider Hot Chicks my on-line home, and when I have something to say, I typically say it here. Facebook and other social media forums have their place for me, but for long form writing, blogs are still the thing.
Over the years, this place has become something of a stream of consciousness repository for me. I've shared may of my most important values and beliefs here, and my readers have come to know me far better than I know them.
I've read that the shelf-life of blogs is typically pretty short. They get abandoned, or they get taken off-line, or they get archived. I don't know if I'll ever do that with Hot Chicks, but for now, we're still chugging along, towards the light. Thanks for sticking with me, Hot Chicks and Smart Men, and sharing my life.
Thanksgiving
I love Thanksgiving, I think because I like the idea of being mindful of what I'm grateful for in my life. Whether the gratitude relates to health, family, friends, or circumstances, I believe it's good for me to acknowledge those things that bring peace, laughter and love to my life.
Last Thanksgiving I chose to do a month of gratitude, because I was still very raw and fragile from losing Moe three months previous. I felt I needed a reminder of the things that brought light, however faint and distant, to the darkness that was my life. This year I think I'm going to do something a little different.
This year, I'll be writing a "Week of Gratitude" in the first week in December, and I'm going to limit my topics to those things that helped me survive the first year following Moe's death. I feel like I'm past a milestone now, and I want to acknowledge the things that helped me achieve some level of emotional stability and peace. I still struggle with the loss, but I feel I've graduated from "barely/not functional" to "managing well," and I want to mark this milestone by recognizing the things that helped me get here.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Last Thanksgiving I chose to do a month of gratitude, because I was still very raw and fragile from losing Moe three months previous. I felt I needed a reminder of the things that brought light, however faint and distant, to the darkness that was my life. This year I think I'm going to do something a little different.
This year, I'll be writing a "Week of Gratitude" in the first week in December, and I'm going to limit my topics to those things that helped me survive the first year following Moe's death. I feel like I'm past a milestone now, and I want to acknowledge the things that helped me achieve some level of emotional stability and peace. I still struggle with the loss, but I feel I've graduated from "barely/not functional" to "managing well," and I want to mark this milestone by recognizing the things that helped me get here.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Scientists, and Politics, and Veterans, Oh, My
Scientists are seeking permission to implant embryos that have received cell surgery to replace defective mitochondrial DNA with DNA from a healthy donor. The resulting child would have DNA from three different parents, although the child would have nuclear DNA only from the two parents. There are ethical concerns about such a procedure, of course, but I think medical ethicists can address those so that such procedures don't devolve into horrifying Mengele-like experiments. Go, science!
______________
Apparently the 2014 midterms had the lowest voter turnout since 1942. Really, America? Really? Only 36.4% of us could be bothered to give enough of a crap to make the effort to participate in our republic? Such behavior embarrasses the hell out of me, and gives new voice to the maxim that the people get the government they deserve. The problem, of course, is that I've voted in every election since achieving my majority, and can't see why I deserve the POS that is our government.
______________
The Oatmeal explains "Net Neutrality" to that dumbass Ted Cruz.
______________
Turns out Colorado has a granite veteran's memorial out in the middle of nowhere. The story of Soldierstone is an interesting one, and I hope to make it up there some day.
______________
In Focus features the art installation "Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red," a dedication to the British service members who were lost during WWI. An amazing project, and profoundly moving. H/T everyone.
______________
People who wear the uniform of our country are also just "people." This art project touches me deeply, as it portrays my brothers and sisters-in-arms as individuals, not just generic "heroes" in uniform.
______________
My platonic quasi-celebrity boyfriend Eric Garland on the state of the state in Missouri.
______________
Apparently the 2014 midterms had the lowest voter turnout since 1942. Really, America? Really? Only 36.4% of us could be bothered to give enough of a crap to make the effort to participate in our republic? Such behavior embarrasses the hell out of me, and gives new voice to the maxim that the people get the government they deserve. The problem, of course, is that I've voted in every election since achieving my majority, and can't see why I deserve the POS that is our government.
______________
The Oatmeal explains "Net Neutrality" to that dumbass Ted Cruz.
______________
Turns out Colorado has a granite veteran's memorial out in the middle of nowhere. The story of Soldierstone is an interesting one, and I hope to make it up there some day.
______________
In Focus features the art installation "Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red," a dedication to the British service members who were lost during WWI. An amazing project, and profoundly moving. H/T everyone.
______________
People who wear the uniform of our country are also just "people." This art project touches me deeply, as it portrays my brothers and sisters-in-arms as individuals, not just generic "heroes" in uniform.
______________
My platonic quasi-celebrity boyfriend Eric Garland on the state of the state in Missouri.
Link Me Up, Scotty - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Edition
From the "no good deed goes unpunished" file: A Hasidic Jew in New York City reported his son's sexual abuse at the hands of the head of a prominent Jewish family to the secular authorities. I'm quite sure you can take some pretty accurate guesses about what happened next. Closed communities with repressed sexual mores seldom handle these types of incidents well.
____________
Oh, Colorado, sometimes you embarrass me so much. Remember when I blogged about that raving nutbag Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt? Yeah, well, guess what? He actually won a seat in the Colorado assembly. Colorado Springs is a very strange place. It's like the altitude sucks the critical thinking skills right out of people.
____________
There's a reason getting Miss Jackson Pi when we did was a good idea.I think I knew this intuitively, although I had trouble articulating it at the time. And while she's been challenging, she's also soft, and sweet, and wants to be near me all the time. Not a bad trade.
____________
Robochick provides unprecedented access to Emperor Penguins nesting grounds. Such stories go a long way in convincing me how clever and innovative people can be.
____________
Angels and Ministers of Grace, defend us.
____________
The problem with the rampant disrespect of President Obama, from the point of view of a Canadian. However, when confronted with this reality, his opponents will deny that it has anything to do with race, oh, no! H/T Juan.
____________
Video of the Week: Laci Green on why she's a feminist. Since I'm suffering from Imposter Syndrome today, this is especially apt.
____________
Oh, Colorado, sometimes you embarrass me so much. Remember when I blogged about that raving nutbag Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt? Yeah, well, guess what? He actually won a seat in the Colorado assembly. Colorado Springs is a very strange place. It's like the altitude sucks the critical thinking skills right out of people.
____________
There's a reason getting Miss Jackson Pi when we did was a good idea.I think I knew this intuitively, although I had trouble articulating it at the time. And while she's been challenging, she's also soft, and sweet, and wants to be near me all the time. Not a bad trade.
____________
Robochick provides unprecedented access to Emperor Penguins nesting grounds. Such stories go a long way in convincing me how clever and innovative people can be.
____________
Angels and Ministers of Grace, defend us.
____________
The problem with the rampant disrespect of President Obama, from the point of view of a Canadian. However, when confronted with this reality, his opponents will deny that it has anything to do with race, oh, no! H/T Juan.
____________
Video of the Week: Laci Green on why she's a feminist. Since I'm suffering from Imposter Syndrome today, this is especially apt.
The Power of Mentoring and a Moral Imperative
Several years ago I volunteered to act as a mentor for the daughter of an old friend of mine. At the time she was about twelve, and was intensely interested in science and engineering. I knew that she'd probably have a tough row to hoe with her aspirations (says the voice of experience) and I wanted to help if I could.
Well, now she's about fourteen, and a Freshman. She's still as bright and hard-working as before, but now she's also extremely attractive in a rural Texas High School.
Upon starting high school, she immediately wanted to get involved in activities that peaked her interest, like any bright young person. But there was a problem. She was typically the only girl who wanted to participate in these activities, and the male advisers were none too pleased to have a girl n their domain.
When I first learned of her troubles, my first reaction was to board a plane immediately, go to Texas in my very fiercest dress and tell these jerkwads how the cow ate the cabbage, Fucko. However, closer reflection told me that this was not the best way to ease this girl's suffering at her treatment, especially since she has to attend that school for the next 4 years.
So after some thought, I sat down and wrote her a very long e:mail, explaining how I saw her situation and why, what challenges she could expect, and provided a bit of advice on how to work in a male dominated environment without losing yourself in a culture that's usually not very welcoming. I explained how excellence forgives most sins, and recommended she not lose sight of her own goals and aspirations in light of bad treatment.
The next day, she attended her first debate tournament. The adviser in this case was one of the asshats who had treated her poorly, and she was very nervous - it was her first experience with debate, and it's not like she had the support of the adult who was supposed to be nurturing her interest in forensics.
She kicked ass.
She was named "Top Speaker" at the tournament and won all her debates, which led to a lot of "How do you like me NOW, Mr. Asshat?" commentary among her supporters.
The entire incident got me thinking, though, which is always a dangerous turn of events. Mentoring my friend's daughter is easy. She's extremely bright, works hard, and has tremendous natural gifts in the areas she's interested in. She basically needs encouragement and support from someone who's "been there," a role I'm happy to assume. Her mastery of the subjects she's interested in puts her in a good position to take advantage of the excellence forgives most sins school of thought.
But not every girl has those gifts, or that mastery. Not every girl has incredibly supportive parents. Why should these girls have to tolerate being driven out of classes and clubs they're interested in for the sin of being average while female? They shouldn't. They absolutely shouldn't, and it's shameful how often it happens. Such a state of affairs requires action.
I'm delighted that I'm able to make a difference in the life of such a gifted young woman. She really is the bee's knees, and I know she'll go far in whatever endeavors she chooses. But I think I would do well to seek out additional opportunities to mentor young women who want to study or work in male dominated fields, young women whose natural gifts make excelling in the face of adversary a little harder.
It's a moral imperative.
Well, now she's about fourteen, and a Freshman. She's still as bright and hard-working as before, but now she's also extremely attractive in a rural Texas High School.
Upon starting high school, she immediately wanted to get involved in activities that peaked her interest, like any bright young person. But there was a problem. She was typically the only girl who wanted to participate in these activities, and the male advisers were none too pleased to have a girl n their domain.
When I first learned of her troubles, my first reaction was to board a plane immediately, go to Texas in my very fiercest dress and tell these jerkwads how the cow ate the cabbage, Fucko. However, closer reflection told me that this was not the best way to ease this girl's suffering at her treatment, especially since she has to attend that school for the next 4 years.
So after some thought, I sat down and wrote her a very long e:mail, explaining how I saw her situation and why, what challenges she could expect, and provided a bit of advice on how to work in a male dominated environment without losing yourself in a culture that's usually not very welcoming. I explained how excellence forgives most sins, and recommended she not lose sight of her own goals and aspirations in light of bad treatment.
The next day, she attended her first debate tournament. The adviser in this case was one of the asshats who had treated her poorly, and she was very nervous - it was her first experience with debate, and it's not like she had the support of the adult who was supposed to be nurturing her interest in forensics.
She kicked ass.
She was named "Top Speaker" at the tournament and won all her debates, which led to a lot of "How do you like me NOW, Mr. Asshat?" commentary among her supporters.
The entire incident got me thinking, though, which is always a dangerous turn of events. Mentoring my friend's daughter is easy. She's extremely bright, works hard, and has tremendous natural gifts in the areas she's interested in. She basically needs encouragement and support from someone who's "been there," a role I'm happy to assume. Her mastery of the subjects she's interested in puts her in a good position to take advantage of the excellence forgives most sins school of thought.
But not every girl has those gifts, or that mastery. Not every girl has incredibly supportive parents. Why should these girls have to tolerate being driven out of classes and clubs they're interested in for the sin of being average while female? They shouldn't. They absolutely shouldn't, and it's shameful how often it happens. Such a state of affairs requires action.
I'm delighted that I'm able to make a difference in the life of such a gifted young woman. She really is the bee's knees, and I know she'll go far in whatever endeavors she chooses. But I think I would do well to seek out additional opportunities to mentor young women who want to study or work in male dominated fields, young women whose natural gifts make excelling in the face of adversary a little harder.
It's a moral imperative.
The Fuzzy Headcase - A Status Report
I went to day care today. I'm tired. |
So we started her on the medication, and gave it a few weeks to work.
We have noticed a difference in her behavior. When she gets wrapped around the axle, it's a bit easier to calm her down. When she starts obsessing about an object (squirrel, dog, etc.) it's a bit easier to get her attention. And she's stopped losing herself so completely on walks. While she still throws a hissy when she sees another dog, I can (eventually) get her attention and make her sit and look. There's been no more incidents of growling or snapping.
The meds have not changed her personality or her energy level much - she's still prone to the same occasional freak-outs, the kind all dogs and cats have when they're young and excited.* But she's better behaved at Day Care, and her recall skills are much better, presumably because she's not quite as obsessive as she was.
So we're still working on her OCD behavior (leash aggression) from a training perspective, and will continue to give her the Prozac until she's made significant progress. I figure I can't blame her for needing a little "pharmacological help" when her dog mom needs the same. But she is a strange, strange dog, if a sweet one.
_____________
*You know the ones - they run through the house or the yard at full tilt, ears back and tongue lolling. Because whatever it is is just so exciting. Or the air molecules are attacking. Or something.
Blessed are the Fighters
When I was reading my RSS feed, I came across an essay entitled Blessed are the fighters, for they shall inherit good funerals. In it, a funeral director explains how, in his experience, those individuals who live their lives fighting for what's right, sticking up for others, taking risks on others' behalf - those are the people who have wonderful funerals, full of stories and love. These are the funerals where you walk away from the service really feeling that you knew the deceased, and how they affected the lives of others. There's nothing vanilla about these funerals.
Which naturally made me think of Moe, and her memorial service.
When the Smart Man and I were planning Moe's service, the Funeral Director wanted to know how many people we expected. And we woefully underestimated the number of people who came - people came out of the woodwork. Friends. Family. Teachers. Workmates. Some of them spoke, in addition to her family members.
And what struck me about their comments and their attendance at her service was everyone's perception of her not only as a fighter, but as a person of strong passions and beliefs. Moe always felt everything very deeply, and was determined to try and make the world a better place. She wore the label "Social Justice Warrior" with discernible pride, owning it as the compliment it was, rather than the insult the misogynists and bigots would like it to be.
She fought for justice wherever she saw injustice, whether she was the person who was wronged, or not. From a parental perspective, this righteous indignation always filled me with pride, in addition to the irritation of having to deal with her school officials. She was never one to back down, and sometimes decided on a cause that may or may not have been a bit morally ambiguous. But I admired her grit, and her courage in facing social justice issues inspires me to fight, as well.
Blessed are the fighters, for they leave the world a better place than when they found it, and inspire others to do the same.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Come On Back Edition
An interesting take on Highly Sensitive People (HSP), how they choose to live, environments in which they thrive, and how they can add value to high performance teams. Note: It's good to remember that not all HSPs are Introverts. *cough*cough* H/T Rivi
_______________
An examination of the Psychology of Irrational Fear. Sometimes this is the result of anxiety or other mental illness, more often it's a result of people ruining their emotional health by failing to train their mind in critical thinking skills.
_______________
Brittany Maynard ended her life with a physician's help this week, a decision she made in light of her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. I know this is a contentious issue for a lot of people, but those of you who know me well won't be surprised to learn that I come down on the side of agency and self-determination.
_______________
My celebrity platonic boyfriend John Oliver takes on the midterms to hilarious and disturbing effect. H/T Steve.
_______________
Video of the Day: Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, has a new album out called Tell 'Em I'm Gone. I'm a fan of Yusuf's music, and I'm delighted he's back. Here's a track from the new album, a cover of Edgar White's Dyin' to Live:
_______________
Also, don't forget to VOTE. Even though it's a nauseating experience where the choice is often between the corrupt and the crazy, it's still better than the alternative.
_______________
An examination of the Psychology of Irrational Fear. Sometimes this is the result of anxiety or other mental illness, more often it's a result of people ruining their emotional health by failing to train their mind in critical thinking skills.
_______________
Brittany Maynard ended her life with a physician's help this week, a decision she made in light of her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. I know this is a contentious issue for a lot of people, but those of you who know me well won't be surprised to learn that I come down on the side of agency and self-determination.
_______________
My celebrity platonic boyfriend John Oliver takes on the midterms to hilarious and disturbing effect. H/T Steve.
_______________
Video of the Day: Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, has a new album out called Tell 'Em I'm Gone. I'm a fan of Yusuf's music, and I'm delighted he's back. Here's a track from the new album, a cover of Edgar White's Dyin' to Live:
Also, don't forget to VOTE. Even though it's a nauseating experience where the choice is often between the corrupt and the crazy, it's still better than the alternative.
Push Me Over - Into my Grave
One of the things I've noticed about getting older is my
increasing unwillingness to concede to unreasonable requests. Maybe it's just
me, but I have little to no patience with people or organizations who believe
that regardless of what else is going on, they are the ones who should
have priority.
I can pull dozens of examples from the 18 years I've been in the
civilian work force, but why bother? The fact of the matter is that caving in
to such requests never ends well, and the astounding lack of moral courage
displayed daily all over the country boggles my mind.
People who roll over to these types of demands oftentimes claim
that by doing so they're being "good corporate citizens" or
"great team players."* Neither of those things are true. Doing so
makes you a pushover, and damages your employer and the quality of your work.
So here is Janiece's list of the consequences of choosing not to
confront when appropriate:
1.
Opportunity cost. If you fail to allocate your
resources appropriately because you're holding out for the deadbeat,
resource-bogarting client to actually issue a purchase order, then you're
preventing those resources from working other, revenue generating deals. Please
do the math.
2.
Quality control. You can have your project
design and execution fast, or accurate, or cheap. Pick
two. Because if you've convinced yourself that you're the exception and can
have all three, I don't want to be on your project team. Ever. Getting thrown
under the bus to protect a decision maker who goes off in the weeds in this
particular way is never on my agenda.
3.
Credit where credit is due. In my business, I
fill the role of the technical expert. I architect telephony solutions for
clients that solve their business problems. Maintaining the corporate
relationship is not part of my gig (although the technical one is) -
that's what a professional sales team is for. In the last 14 years the
occasions whereby a sales professional's inability to maintain the relationship
has led to a crisis du jour are legion. So if the architecture is sound,
but the sales person can't sell it, guess whose butt should be on the block?
4.
Piss poor planning leads to piss poor
performance. Learn it, live it, love it. This happens ALL THE TIME, regardless
of the company or the team. If you make a commitment on my behalf without
speaking to me first and the commitment is missed, the fault lies with you. I'm
not your beck-and-call girl, and have other obligations than your deal,
cupcake. And when I work on weekends, it's because there's a genuine emergency,**
not because you can't say "No, that's an unrealistic expectation" to
your customer, or worse, failed to manage the relationship in a way that led to
you knowing what the fuck is going on with your client.
5.
Job satisfaction and loyalty. If a manager is
unwilling or unable to stick up for their associates when decency requires it,
they should not be surprised when the ties that bind are loosened and their
best and brightest fly away. I am really blessed in my civilian career to have
worked for a number of managers who were actually leaders in this
respect. The rest? Not so much.
Really, it's a wonder I haven't been fired for being so noisy
about these issues, and the older I get, the louder I get. But it's a safe bet
that when I do get pushed over, it's because an undertaker is rolling me
into my grave.
* Writing that actually
made me throw up in my mouth a little.
** See: Hurricane Katrina, when I worked like a dog for a week to
ensure the American Red Cross had contact centers available to help people get
reconnected to their loved ones. Your desperation to meet your quota does
not compare.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Egregious and Awesome Edition
So there's a police officer in Texas who's been indicted for sexually assaulting a minor...while on duty...on multiple occasions...while his fellow officers watched. Because nothing says "Trust us! We're public servants!" like brutalizing young people. The only bright side: The Texas Rangers kept the public trust when asked to perform an independent investigation. H/T Seth.
____________
Turns out scientists have identified over 100 genes that cause autism. Really? It's not vaccination? Shocked. Shocked, I am.
____________
Six things that are definitely harassment, no matter what you tell yourself.
____________
Video of the Week: The preview for my (hopefully) new favorite show. Because what could be better than Christian Kane...playing a librarian? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT. H/T Matt.
____________
Turns out scientists have identified over 100 genes that cause autism. Really? It's not vaccination? Shocked. Shocked, I am.
____________
Six things that are definitely harassment, no matter what you tell yourself.
____________
Video of the Week: The preview for my (hopefully) new favorite show. Because what could be better than Christian Kane...playing a librarian? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT. H/T Matt.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)