Of Courage and Fear

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

I fear for our Republic.

Not because of any external threat. I'm afraid for my nation because instead of being the "home of the brave" it's now the "home of the afraid."

On September 11, 2001, I was 36 years old. I had already voted in five Presidential elections, and five mid-terms. Fifteen years later, I've added three more Presidential elections and three more midterms. And each year, I notice that our electoral decisions are driven not by our civic duty, not by a desire to ensure America's success and independence, but by fear.

Since 9/11, I have watched as we've become a nation of scaredy-cats, jumping at every shadow, and allowing fear to rule the societal decision we make. Consider:
  • We used to be a nation who valued freedom and liberty. And yet we allowed legislation that led to the single greatest compromise of our personal freedom and liberty in the history of our country: the so-called "Patriot Act." Small strides have been made to rescind specific portions of the Act, the ones people consider most egregious, but let's all be honest here: Once a government agency has the authority to spy on its own people, they're not just going to stop because some pointy-headed wonk tells them to. They're just not, and most politicians are too afraid to force the issue. Organizations like the EFF try to lead, but it's an uphill battle.
  • The far right has managed to demonize Muslims to the point where people are starting to consider them an existential threat. This belief leads us to profiling, active discrimination against Muslims, demands to deny American Muslims their civil rights, and hate crimes against Muslims. Can we not see how profoundly un-American this is? Do we really want our nation to continue the legacy of discrimination and demonetization of the "other," or do we want to live up to our promise of the great melting pot, taking in your tired, your hungry, your poor? Do we want to honor the First Amendment to the Constitution, or abandon it in practice because we're afraid? Hell, after 15 years of this rhetoric, people I know and love are now bigots when it comes to Muslims, and I can't tell you how disappointed and sad this makes me.*
  • We're now a nation that is addicted to security theater, spending time and money on programs that change nothing, in an effort to make ourselves feel better. This desire is so strong that we're willing to give up our Constitutional Rights in order to fool ourselves. 
I've also noticed that as a society, the privileged among us are getting more and more vociferous about protecting their unearned privilege, almost always at the expense of those with less opportunity. How can we be so afraid of allowing others to compete on an even playing field? Is it so tough to admit that our own success may not be a result wholly driven by our own hard work? That being a member of a privileged group** might have played some role in our lives?

Nothing makes this so evident as the campaign of that misogynistic bigot Donald Trump. The man's a complete joke, an unserious clown who is eminently unqualified to lead the last super-power on the planet. And yet his message resonates with significant portion of our population. He wants to "make America great again." Anyone with a lick of sense and a poor grasp of history knows this is a dog-whistle - what he's really saying is he wants the country to go back to the days when straight, white men had all the power and everyone who fell into "other" categories - women, brown people, LGBT+ people - could like it or lump it. Has there ever been a more clear-cut example of privilege, fighting for its unearned place in our society? And yet, this message resonates. Why?

I think it's fear. Fear of the unknown, Fear of giving up that which you haven't earned, but feel entitled to. Fear of the "other." Fear of having our nice, comfortable existence taken away. Fear of being a minority. Fear of being left behind. Fear of having to compromise.

Living my life without fear is something I strive for each and every day. It's a cornerstone of my life, and it's not easy. In fact it's hard as hell, and sometimes I fail. But it's the key to, as the Incomparable Anne™ notes, living a non-meh life.

And I think it's the key to living in a non-meh country, too. I want to live in a country governed not by fear, but by courage. A country that makes the hard decisions, for the benefit of all, not the easy decisions, for the benefit of the few. A country that will stand bravely, and not give in to fear.

Maybe we've never been that country, although I think we've had flashes of amazing courage in our history. The more I learn about our sociological history, the more I don't know. But I want us to be brave. For us, and for our children, and for our grandchildren. I want our legacy to be one of courage, of doing the right thing. It's not easy, and sometimes we'll fail. But we're worth it, and so is America.


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*I understand why people allow themselves to be led in this direction. It's a response to a lack of power, and a lack of understanding, and an abundance of fear. And yet, as the Smart Man notes, a bigot is a bigot, regardless of motivation, and as such the behavior is unworthy of my respect. 

**Please note that a "privileged group" includes many variables such as race, religion, country of origin, socioeconomic status, stability of the birth family, sexual orientation, availability of good schools, and more. Many of these intersect, so that an individual might be privileged in one variable, and oppressed in another. It's complicated, and I'm not trying to oversimplify. 

Link Me Up, Soctty - Inspiration and History Edition

Monday, September 28, 2015
Fellow UCFer, history professor and all-around Smart Man David has some thoughts on how Pope Francis and his message is MESSING WITH THE GOP, MAN. While this Pope isn't liberal by any yardstick I'd ever use, his behavior is Christ-like enough that the historical ramifications for the religious right are, shall we say, amusing. 
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I was going to link to something about the resignation of John Boehner, but then I remembered that I don't really care.

ETA: Yes, I do care. Unfortunately. But simultaneously I JUST DON'T CARE. 
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Trauma workers find comfort in pausing after a patient dies to honor their life. I think this is eminently worthy, regardless of your religious tradition. It provides dignity and respect to a profound event, when the caregivers might not otherwise have a chance to process what they've witnessed.
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Quantum physics is complicated. And very, very cool.
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A retired Army nurse if making a run for Louie Gohmert's Congressional seat in East Texas. We could all be so lucky.
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A recommendation for raising well-rounded kids: Take them to the library.
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People define their success on a scale from 1 to 10. And then the people who love them do the same.
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Video of the Week: Dorothy Turner Johnson has led an extraordinary life, and offers some advice on how to come to the end your life with grace and a sense of a life well-lived.


Decrepitude, Incoming

Thursday, September 24, 2015

When the Smart Man and I bought our new digs, we joked that we were purchasing a ranch style home in order to prepare for our upcoming decrepitude. We figured since I "could not be turned down" for life insurance, it was probably time to make plans for our elder years while we were still able bodied and in our prime earning years. Go, us.

Except decrepitude is no longer an abstract concept around here.

I've been having trouble hearing conversations for the last several years, and here lately the Smart Man's inability to get my attention without shouting has grown worse. So off I went to the audiologist to get my hearing tested. It had been ten years or more, and it was time.

Turns out I have mild hearing loss in my right ear, and moderate hearing loss in my left. I have severe hearing loss at the highest registers in both ears. The latter I suspect is a direct result of my time in the Navy, and the rest could be related, as well, but there's no way to prove it either way. The audiologist was not particularly concerned about the high register loss - people don't speak at that pitch, and I no longer have to listen for equipment alarms.

But the moderate loss in my left ear, and the unevenness of the loss between the ears, is a concern. There's about a 10-20db difference, which means I have trouble telling where sounds are coming from, and I have trouble distinguishing between voices and ambient noise unless I'm concentrating on it, or looking directly at the speaker. Both of these things are troublesome both to me and the people around me.

So it's time to take my first step into decrepitude, and get a hearing aid for my left ear.

Getting technological help to ensure I hear well is not up for discussion. I'll be getting fitted for my new hearing aid on Wednesday of next week, and I hope it does the job it's designed for without frustration and hand-waving.

But I'm still not sure how I feel about it. It's unobtrusive, and the color I selected blends right in with my hair, so it's not necessarily a vanity thing.

Maybe it's just the harbinger of other, less manageable aspects of decrepitude. And I'm not looking forward to that at all.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Entitlement and Justice Edition

Tuesday, September 22, 2015
An interesting take on how Millennials look at the political process and how they prioritize issues. Both parties would do well to take heed - the youngest of the baby boomers are now over 50, and this is the demographic that will define America's political future. And that can't happen fast enough for me.
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And speaking of the Baby Boomers, I think the author of this piece makes a pretty good case for the idea that the Baby Boomers are also "The Most Entitled Generation." I've long believed this to be the case, and worry that the Smart Sailor will be forced into a life not of his own choosing in an effort to make up the deficits created by his grandparents' generation.
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So not only is Ben Carson a political whackaloon, he also knows nothing about the Constitution. Oh, and he's a bigot. That, too.

How can someone so accomplished be so willfully ignorant in other areas? I don't get the cognitive dissonance inherent in such a point of view.

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The new business strategy for some pharmaceutical companies is to buy old, neglected generic drugs and then raise the price by anywhere from 212% to 982%. Because they need to "invest" in their companies, apparently. More like "invest" in their off-shore bank accounts. This type of corporate behavior makes me positively apoplectic with rage. I'm not averse to companies making a profit, especially if they did the work and made the investment to development something innovate. That is certainly not the case here, where a drug like Doxycycline, an antibiotic that's been around forever and a day, went from $20 a bottle in October 2013 to $1,849 by April 2014. One company increased the cost of a 65 year old drug commonly used for the treatment of opportunistic diseases that infect AIDS patients from $13.50 a pill to $750 a pill AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. That's some shameful shit, right there. What the fuck is wrong with people?

H/T Brother Vince
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Even though suicide takes the lives of 40,000 Americans annually, the budget afforded to prevent it is well below moneys earmarked for diseases that kill fewer Americans per year. The dearth of services for mental health patients is a shame on us all, and I don't understand why breast cancer (for example) - which kills a comparable number of people per year - is so well funded while mental health research gets so little.

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A homophobic preacher is drowned out by a bagpipe player's rendering of "Scotland the Brave." Before the police come and take the bigot off. This is so much more effective than trying to reason with (or shout down) such douchebags.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Science and Art Edition

Saturday, September 19, 2015
Researchers may have found a physical, treatable reason for depression, namely that depressed people are allergic to inflammation.The article also notes that "inflammation is caused by obesity, high sugar diets, high quantities of trans fats, unhealthy diets in general, and other causes." I'm a bit skeptical about this since the research is still pretty preliminary, but what if it's true?

H/T Kat
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A small New Hampshire Library has decided to reinstate their Tor exit node, to the thundering support of their constituents. Once again, public libraries leading the way in the public space in defense of civil liberties and the Constitution. Proud to call you colleagues, Lebanon Libraries Board.
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So there's a guy in Washington, PA, who owns a Barber Shop. It's a "gentlemen's barbershop," as he specializes in beards, men's haircuts and providing a "masculine" atmosphere. And he's just been fined $750 for declining to cut a woman's hair.

You know, I've spent my entire life working in male dominated fields. I understand the historic issue associated with denying service to people who have been traditionally oppressed. And I understand why some women would want to go to a barbershop instead of a salon - my own hair is about 1.25" long, after all. But I don't understand the value of complaining and fining this dude because his privately owned business does not have the equipment or the skill set to cut women's hair. Women aren't his target market. I try to be empathetic to people who have differing priorities and see these things through a different lens. But I don't get this. Like men suing to join "Curves," it just seems like a political statement that doesn't need to be said.
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Sheikh Sultan Sooud Al Qasssemi is a wealthy member of one of the ruling families in the United Arab Emirates. He's also a collector of Arab art, which he displays all over the world in an effort to "take the narrative away from the extremists. "

"We are building bridges of communication with the western world and the eastern world. And I think that art is a global language, much like music, and that people will identify with artwork even if they don't understand the history of the Middle East."

Some of the pieces from his collection are truly thought-provoking, and provide insight into the lives and culture of the artists. 
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My quasi-celebrity platonic boyfriend Eric Garlard weighs in on the longevity of craft beer. Having recently completed The Great Douglas County Brew Tour, sponsored by the Douglas County Library (natch), I find this prediction heartening.

P.S. The Smart Man and I now own a "beer passport" to document all the tap rooms we visit, and what kind of beer we tried. HA!
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Ken White over at Popehat provides a thoughtful analysis of the culture of fear that drives ridiculous over-reactions like the one that took place in Irving, TX over young Ahmed Mohamed's homemade clock.
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Here are ten things Genotopia learned by reviewing Richard Dawkins. It's no secret I think Richard Dawkins is a misogynistic douchebag, so these really resonated. My favorite: "4) Fundamentalist atheists HATE being called that. So do it early and often."
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Video of the Day: Just watch. HAHAHAHA!

Link Me Up, Scotty - Mensch and Reprobate Edition

Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Sandler O'Neill & Partners, a banking firm, lost 66 employees during the 9/11 attack. Immediately afterward, they set up a Foundation to pay for the college tuition of the 76 children who lost a parent, and 54 of those (now) young adults have completed their schooling, with 22 children still eligible.

The money quote:
[I]...ask[ed] him why he instantly did so very much the right thing, the extraordinary thing, when it would have been so easy and normal and understandable to just do enough.

"Because there was a moment in time to stand up," Dunne says, bluntly. "Because we believed that what we did would echo for a hundred years in the families of our people, their kids and their grandkids. Because how we conducted ourselves in those first few hours and days would define who we really were and what we were about." 
H/T Sister Rivi
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The Secretary of the Navy, Ray Mobus, has announced that by the end of the year, all Navy jobs will be open to every service member regardless of gender, provided they can meet the established standards. No exceptions. When I was in uniform, women were always considered "less than," and this was the major reason why. It's hard to convince a misogynistic culture that women are equal to men when there are categories of jobs women can't do, by law. About fucking time.

H/T Shippie Jim
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NPR reports on scientific literacy in United States using results from the Pew Research Center and The director of the International Center for the Advancement of Scientific Literacy at the University of Michigan. The results are painfully, horrifyingly, distressingly predictable. HOW CAN 33% OF AMERICANS NOT KNOW THAT IT TAKES A YEAR FOR THE EARTH TO GO AROUND THE SUN. NOW PAGING COPERNICUS.

The barbarians are at the gate, y'all, and they're us. 
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Donald Trump's public appearances most closely resemble a sideshow at a three ring circus, but the message under the hoopla and spectacle is a damn ugly one. And in other news, water is wet. If the GOP allows Trump to win the nomination for their party, I believe it will be the catalyst for the largest minority turnout for the general election in history. Which is not a bad thing.
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I'm sure most of you have heard about the yokels who had a 14 year old aspiring engineer arrested when he brought his home-made clock (AN ASSIGNED PROJECT, Y'ALL) to school. And in a completely tone deaf and bone-headed move, they then suspended the young man and refused to admit any fault in the incident. Did I mention the young man's name is Ahmed Mohamed, and he's Muslim? That makes the District's "reasons" for their behavior become much clearer, at least from where I sit.

And then President Obama did this, and won the Internet:


Link Me Up, Scotty - Social Sciences Edition

Monday, September 14, 2015
Turns out not all the public servants in Kim Davis' county are afraid to follow the law. I wonder how long this dude will keep his job after all the hoopla dies down.
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Palliative care physician B.J. Miller did a TED talk about end of life discussions and how we can approach death in a way that honors life. This topic has been on my mind a lot of late, and I can also recommend "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End," by Atul Gawande.

H/T Laura
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Popehat brings up some interesting questions about the whole "Politically Correct" disclaimer.

For myself, I tend to agree with Neil Gaiman: "I started imagining a world in which we replaced the phrase “politically correct” wherever we could with “treating other people with respect”, and it made me smile." Word.
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An MIT professor has a theory about evolution, the second law of thermodynamics, and how the pseudoscience of "creationism" is even more boneheaded than previously believed. (Hard to believe, I know)

H/T Debbie the Librarian
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High School pal, New York Times best selling author, and all-around good egg Chris Tomlinson wrote a good article this week on bias and how it affects (or doesn't affect) business decisions. Some lessons I need to take more to heart myself.
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Hillary Clinton is cleared of wrongdoing by the Justice Department as it relates to her deleting e:Mails from her personal e:Mail account when she was the Secretary of State. I have a whole blog post percolating in the back of my mind on this topic, so stay tuned.
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30 inspirational posters for the introvert. My personal fave: "Keep your friends close, but not so close that they expect you to go out with them on weeknights."

H/T my fellow introvert, Kathy



Reading Program Winners!

Friday, September 11, 2015
The Fifth Annual Maureen "AJ" Ramey Memorial Summer Reading Program brought to you by Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men is over! This is a bummer for me, because it's an indicator of incoming cold weather, and I really don't like cold weather. I totally need to buy a tropical bungalow somewhere for my winter needs.

We read 442 books this year, which is a personal best for the Hot Chicks and Smart Men reading program! I think that's pretty awesome, and I may increase my own contribution to the Foundation next year to accommodate the many, many books we read each summer.

As it is, the big winner here is the Douglas County Libraries Foundation, who will receive the following donations from this year's contest:

Janiece will donate $300.00 to the Foundation (yay!)
NeuronDoc will donate $50.00 to the Foundation (yay!)
The Incomparable Anne™ will donate $50.00 to the Foundation (yay!)

For a total of $400.00 to the cause!
And now to announce the WINNERS* (drumroll, please).

279: MAW read An Unnecessary Woman, by Rabih Alameddine

365: Brenda read The One-Eyed Man, by L.E. Modesitt, Jr

Congratulations, winners! Please send your e:mail address to hotchicksdigsmartmen at comcast dot net, and I'll get your Amazon gift cards to you!

Thanks everyone, and we'll see you next year!

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*The first random number was actually 223, but that was one of my entries, and I decided it was bad form to give myself a gift certificate from my own content. You're welcome.


Maureen's Marchers, Hitting the Road Again

Thursday, September 10, 2015

The fall after we lost our daughter to suicide, our dear friends Stacey and JR participated in their local "Out of the Darkness" walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

They've continued to walk every year since, and 2015 is no exception.

I'm not yet ready to participate in suicide prevention and survivor advocacy, although I come closer each year. In the meantime, I'm happy to support Sister Stacey and Brother Jim in their own efforts on behalf of my lost Moe and those like her.

If you have a few spare dollars lying around without a home, please consider sponsoring Maureen's Marchers in memory of my beloved Moe-Moe. Any amount will help. Thanks, friends.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Bigotry and Diplomacy Edition

Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Are you a person of color having trouble getting a fair shake? Then call "White Squad" to help you! This would be high-larious if the discrepancies it points out weren't verifiably true. And to the douchebags who thought it was "divisive" to point this out, well, there's a reason you're a douchebag.
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A good analysis of the Kim Davis fiasco and why she and her supporters don't think she's a hypocrite. I generally agree with the points made here, especially the ones about stopping the commentary about her appearance. It's completely immaterial to the issue at hand, and more than a little mean.
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One Denver High School is making strides in addressing conflict in their school that goes along racial divides. It's amazing what can happen when people are actually honest - rather than defensive - when trying to effect change. Bravo, GW.
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A fascinating article about Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, and why she doesn't feel like she "belongs" on the Supreme Court. My favorite Justice is still Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but I find Justice Sotomayor a compelling and interesting person.
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My Platonic Quasi-Celebrity Boyfriend Eric Garland has some interesting observations about the...shall we say...lack of consistency in certain arguments surrounding the right these days.
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Oh my goodness, go, Granny, go. I am totally going to be this Granny.
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Crap on a cracker, corsets are back, and not in a sexy, sexy times kind of way. More like a "squish my internal organs until they rupture" kind of way. Ugh.


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20 quotes from children's book every adult should know. I have a soft spot for Winnie the Pooh, but these are all worth remembering.
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Video of the Week: If you have 15 minutes you don't know what to do with, I highly recommend this interview with former Secretary of State General Colin Powell, where he discusses issues of the day including ISIS, e:mail, and the Iran deal. I can't get it to embed, so you'll have to follow the link if you're interested.


Last Day for the Summer Reading Program!

Monday, September 7, 2015
Today's the last day for the Fifth Annual Maureen "AJ" Ramey Memorial Summer Reading Program, brought to you by Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men!

I will close the comments on the contest at noon tomorrow, so get your books recorded before then to be eligible to win the prize.

Happy reading!

What the Fuck is Wrong with People?

Tuesday, September 1, 2015
As you all know, my family recently lost my Mother-in-Law to cancer. This has been a challenging four weeks, and in many ways, we still can't believe it, things happened so quickly. In short, it sucks to be us right now.

So imagine our surprise when yesterday the Smart Man received a call from the Funeral Home telling him a letter had arrived there to the family of Barbara Comer. He went down there, and received an envelope from a total stranger, Ms. Betty Burrell from Union, Ohio:


Because, really - that's what every family needs to help them through their grief process. EVANGELICAL FORM LETTERS.

As you can imagine, I was livid, not only on my own behalf, but because the love of my life has to deal with this bullshit. So I sent her a letter of my own:

Dear Ms. Burrell:

My name is Janiece, and I am the daughter-in-law of Ms. Barbara A. Comer, formerly of Dayton, OH, who passed away on August 22,2015 in Littleton, CO. I helped to care for Barb in the last days of her life, and gave the eulogy at her service. She was my family, and I couldn’t have loved her more if I’d been born to her family instead of marrying into it.

Today, in one of the worst weeks of his life, my husband had to make a trip to the Parker Funeral Home to retrieve a “letter” you sent postmarked August 5, 2015. It turned out your “letter” wasn’t a letter of condolence at all. How could it be, since it’s obvious you never knew Barb? Instead it was an evangelical FORM LETTER (including cut-and-paste scripture) you send to families after you troll the obituaries.

And now we come to the crux of my communication to you: What the hell is wrong with you? How arrogant you must be to assume that your beliefs are the beliefs of the family members of the recently deceased. How full of hubris, to assume that now, in some of the worst days of our lives, that we would be open to your evangelical twaddle so that you can feel you’re fulfilling your duty as a Christian. Such outreach is wildly inappropriate, offensive, and fundamentally unkind – none of those things being a virtue the last time I read the Bible.

Let me clue you in, Ms Burrell: This IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about US. It’s about Barb, who received the sacraments and the service that were in keeping with her own faith tradition. It’s about her children, who did not share their mother’s faith, but made sure it was respected in her life and after her death. It’s about those of us who loved her, who do not need the additional stress of having to deal with the likes of you instead of having the freedom to grieve and settle her estate without your evangelical harassment.

I sincerely hope that you reevaluate this practice moving forward. It is NOT appreciated, and I suspect most families don’t have the strength or will to call you on your poor manners during the worst times of their lives. But I do, and will have no second thoughts about returning your harassment if you contact my family again.

Janiece


I have to admit, there's a small part of me that wants her to try and contact us again so I can break out the Shovel of Doom™. Test me, Ms Betty Burrell, and incur my wrath. I dare you.