Adventures in Customer Service - Sears Home Repair

Wednesday, December 31, 2014
When it rains, it pours.

Remember back in 2010 when we had a horrible experience with Sears Home Repair? Well, it had been over four years since that incident, and we needed to have the oven door repaired after the unfortunate event of my breaking the interior glass on the oven. We decided to give them a try, and I made an appointment on-line for today. Since I'm in San Diego with the Mechanicky Gal, the Smart Man was the one who was dealing with the repair.

No good deed goes unpunished, that's for damn sure.

The repair person was supposed to arrive this morning. When noon arrived, they were a no show, no call, so the Smart Man called the Sears Home Repair service center. The agent indicated that he would the repair person call the Smart Man directly. After thirty minutes more of no show, no call, the Smart Man called the Sears Home Repair and cancelled the appointment. He has a new appointment with a local appliance repair shop to come out and the work. 

Apparently we're too soft. We had a terrible experience before, but decided to give them another chance. Our generosity was rewarded with another round of crappy customer service.

Lesson learned: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, but also shame on you for still having a grossly incompetent service organization. 

Moving forward, there will be no more second chances, for anyone. If you fail to meet our expectations, you are gone, without pity, without remorse, but with a big stinking pile of poor customer reviews and public humiliation.

Nice job, Sears Home Repair, for destroying any chance of redemption on the customer service front. You suck just as hard as you did in 2010, and I will now commence to writing my reviews, plural. 

Let's get out of this joint

Tuesday, December 30, 2014
I'm in San Diego for the next couple weeks because the Mechanicky Gal had hip replacement surgery yesterday. I promised I'd come out and hold down the fort during the surgery and immediately after, which kind of works out since together we make a complete brain. (For example, I remembered to send the Mechanickys my shopping list for the meals I wanted to cook, and then totally left the recipes on my desk. And I forgot to bring toothpaste. And shampoo. Because apparently personal hygiene is optional when your sister's in the hospital? Go, me.)

The surgery was highly successful, the hip is stable, physical therapy has begun, and there's relief all around, especially on the part of the Mechanicky Guy.

But we couldn't just leave it as "Mechanicky Gal is having surgery, let's move through the process in a calm and seemly fashion." Because, have you met us?

First we had an unseemly conversation with the Corpsman who put in Mechanicky's IV. It didn't start out that way, but he was a former Bos'n's Mate who had struck for Hospital Corpsman, and so we didn't embarrass him. We don't think. He relaxed pretty quickly when I told him I was looking for the appropriate plug to pull in case things went terribly, terribly wrong. Plus he got the IV in on the first try, which apparently never happens with Mechanicky, so he was pretty pleased with himself.

The ward nurse also thinks we're stupid due to the following exchange:

Ward Nurse: How's you pain level?

::crickets::

Janiece: Mechanicky?

Mechanicky: Were you asking me?

Janiece: No, dumbass, he's asking me, because sitting in the waiting room all day is so TERRIBLY PAINFUL.

Ward Nurse: (muffled laugh)

Mechanicky: Oh. It's fine, thanks.

Please note the ward nurse had been commissioned for approximately 5 minutes, although he was prior enlisted. I'm quite sure he didn't know what to make of us. 

Prior to surgery, Mechanicky had been pestering the surgeon to take photographs of the open joint, because that's how she rolls. The surgeon was less than enthusiastic about this request, because he's a busy guy, and has other things he needs to be doing during orthopedic surgery than take morbid pictures for his less than emotionally stable patients. Fortunately the Surgical Nurses and Techs apparently also have a morbid sense of humor, because instead of a picture of the surgical site, we got a picture of the severed femur (below the jump for the faint of heart).


Adventures in Customer Service - FedEx

Monday, December 29, 2014
The Smart Man and I tend to be the kind of people who try to get things done ahead of time. We don't like the stress of running around naked with our hair on fire, and have discovered that pre-planning goes a long way toward making our lives easier.

And then a crappy customer service experience ensures that our blood pressure will rise, regardless of how organized and together we are. 
We shopped early and often for our niece's Christmas. We found awesome stuff. We were done shopping well before Thanksgiving, and we thought we were the shizzle. And then we made a poor choice: The UPS Store was closed on the Sunday we went to drop off her gifts, so we decided to go to our local FedEx Store, instead. 
God, what a mistake. Here is what ensued: 
Sunday, November 30th, 2014: We dropped the gifts off at the FedEx store in Parker, CO. We requested that FedEx pack the box with their own materials, and ship it to Maryland via ground, since there was plenty of time for it to get there.

Thursday, December 4th, 2014: Package was supposed to be delivered at my BIL and SIL's home. My BIL was there all day, working from home. He did not hear the doorbell ring, and (more tellingly) the dogs did not bark anytime throughout the day. The dogs ALWAYS bark when someone approaches the house. Because it's their job, and they're good at it. 
Friday, December 5th, 2014: FedEx's on-line tracking tool claims the package was delivered the day before at 10:30 a.m.
Saturday, December 6th, 2014: Package still has not appeared at the Maryland house, so I called FedEx to open an investigation. I receive an investigation number.
Sunday, December 7th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.
Monday, December 8th,  2014: FedEx calls to report no progress has been made.
Tuesday, December 9th, 2014: FedEx calls requesting additional information. The call went to voicemail because I was a call with a client. I returned the call within 30 minutes of receiving the voicemail. The woman who left the message is not at her desk, and left no notes in the investigation file so another associate could help me. The assure me they will tell the original caller I called back so that she may reach out again. No further communication is received.
Wednesday, December 10th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.
Thursday, December 11th, 2014: I call for a status and FedEx indicates their "investigation" is complete. Please note their "investigation" consisted of sending the driver back out to my BIL's house to "look around" and see if he can "see" the package. I am directed to assume the package is "lost" and open a claim. I attempt to open a claim. I am unable to do so on-line or on the phone because FedEx's tracking software does not recognize that the "investigation" has been closed. The FedEx agent takes my e:mail address, which is on file with shipment. I spell the address phonetically, in case there's a mistake, and she e:Mails the forms for the claim. Several hours later, I still have not received the forms, so I call back. FedEx emailed the forms to the wrong eMail address, and sends them again to the correct address.
Friday, December 12th,2014: I complete the claim, and eMail it to the FedEx claims department. I receive a confirmation eMail.
Saturday, December 13th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. The Smart Man and I go back out shopping...at the mall...less than 2 weeks before Christmas. We repurchase our niece's gifts, take them home, wrap them, and go to the UPS Store for packaging and shipment.
Sunday, December 14th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.
Monday, December 15th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.
Tuesday, December 16th, 2014: No communication from FedEx
Wednesday, December 17th, 2014: No communication from FedEx
Thursday, December 18th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. The new package is delivered by UPS, on time, with no trouble. Amazingly enough, when the UPS guy rings the bell, not only does my BIL hear it, but the dogs ALSO sound the alert. Funny how that happens.
Friday, December 19th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.
Saturday, December 20th, 2014: I look for a way to check on the status of our claim on the FedEx website and find no tracking system is available. I call FedEx, and the agent informs me that the last recorded status on the claim was "under review" since December 13th. The agent is unable to find additional details because the claim department only works Monday through Friday, but assures me that it is "very unusual" for a claim to have such a status for such a long period of time. Given our experience thus far, I am not convinced.

Sunday, December 21st, 2014: No communication from FedEx.  

Monday, December 22nd, 2014: No communication from FedEx

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014: No communication from FedEx

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014: No communication from FedEx

Thursday, December 25th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. Since it's Christmas Day, the Smart Man and I feel very fortunate that we had the wherewithal to purchase all new gifts for our niece and send them in time for the holiday.

Friday, December 26th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Saturday, December 27th, 2014: Received a notice via the U.S. Mail that our claim has been rejected because...wait for it...their records indicate the package was delivered.

Based on my records and my research, this little experience cost us $310.00 in cash, and approximately $439.00 in the time* we wasted fucking around with these incompetents.We have no idea what happened to the original package. It could have been stolen from the FedEx truck. It could have been lost in transit. What it WASN'T was delivered to my BIL's house. 

So here are my questions to FedEx, who did a poorer job of delivering this package than any other shipping company in this country, including the U.S Postal Service, the Pony Express, and the stagecoach. 

1. Why do your employees take such a lackadaisical attitude toward the loss of a consumer package? With the exception of the agent who initially started the investigation, not a single agent I had contact with showed even the slightest bit of interest in this claim. In fact, I don't think they could have given less of a fuck if they'd made an effort. 

2. How come the person who presumably made the initial mistake (the driver) is responsible for the investigation? Talk about the fox guarding the hen-house - what possible outcome did you expect from such a plan? A full confession that the driver delivered it to the wrong house, or (even more unlikely) that the driver stole it and is now terribly sorry for his dishonesty? Perhaps your company should do a little research on what "impartial investigation" means.

3. And while we're on the subject, what kind of a half-assed investigative effort is sending the driver out to "look around" so he can report back on whether or not the package is still where he supposedly left it a week ago? In my business we're required to provide Root Cause Analysis for such events, not tell our customer that we have no idea why all their incoming calls have been misrouted to the wrong agents, sorry for all that lost revenue, suck it up, buttercup! 

4. Why is your company so piss-poor at communicating? You're a multinational, for fuck's sake. You can't have some sort of automated system that keeps people apprised of the status of their investigation/claim? You're not running this shit out of your garage, FedEx, why do you act like it?

5. What happened to you, FedEx? Your used to be the gold standard for package delivery -  you were well known for both your efficiency and accuracy. Now, at least among the people I associate with, you are considered the low-rent option, so much so that people couldn't believe we'd even consider using FedEx instead of UPS. 

While I recognize that there is a fairly large segment of the population who might make an effort to "get over" on their shipping company, it seems to me that FedEx' processes and attitude automatically assume the person making the claim is a criminal, attempting to defraud the company for their own gain. I don't mind providing receipts for our purchases when we make a claim, it's a reasonable precaution that protects the company. I do mind the automatic assumption that the driver couldn't POSSIBLY have made a mistake, so we bear no responsibility whatsoever, tell your niece we're sorry for the lost Christmas, too bad so sad! 

It should be obvious by now that I am LESS THAN IMPRESSED with our customer service experience. It should also be obvious that we shall never use FedEx again, and would instead resort to the aforementioned Pony Express rather than give them a single penny more of our money. And you may also rest assured that I will endeavor to make sure no one else I know, anywhere in the world, will use FedEx or buy their stock.

Fuck you, FedEx. Your complete inability to execute on any aspect of this transaction tells me you don't give a rat's ass about the impact of your incompetence, or the reputation of your company. And if you don't give a shit, why should I? 
____________
*Calculation based on our currently hourly wages, assuming 2,080 hours worked per year. 

Fragile

Monday, December 22, 2014

I've been feeling a bit more emotionally stable the last several months. We made it past the first year after Moe's death, and I was trying to look toward the future with some optimism.

But Christmas has always been a tough time for me. I'm prone to depression at this time of year (more than usual, I mean), and depending on the year, it can range from feeling a bit blue to weeping in such a deep morass of misery I thought I'd never crawl out (last year).

But now it's three days before Christmas, and I find that depression and grief are starting to creep back in.

On Saturday the Smart Man and I decided to run a cleaning cycle on our self-cleaning oven. We let it run, and then let it cool until it unlocked. But obviously I didn't wait long enough, because the inside glass broke when I was wiping it down. Now, this is the sort of bone-headed move that happens to us on a semi-regular basis. We did some research, and apparently it's a relatively simple matter to get someone to come out and replace the glass, and as long as we're careful, we can continue to use the oven in the mean time. It's not that big of a deal. But the incident brought me to tears - a response completely out of proportion to the event.

So now I have to admit that in spite of my best efforts, I'm struggling. I'm not sure how much is due to the hole in my heart left by the departure of Moe-Moe, and how much is due to my "normal" holiday depression. I suspect it's a lot more of the former than the latter.

Sister Stacey and the Superlative J.R. are arriving tomorrow from NYC to spend the holidays here at the Big Yellow House, and I can't wait to see them. My lovely MIL and my own Hot Mom will be here on Wednesday, and I'm looking forward to that, as well.

But I should probably quit trying to fool myself about the speed in which I'm moving on my grief journey and admit that I'm still more than a little fragile when it comes to these triggering events.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Terrorism and Germs Edition

Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Steven Taylor over at Outside the Beltway asks the critical question, "What Does 'Linked to Terrorism' Mean?" As he notes, terrorism is a tactic, not an organization, and when we conflate "terrorism" with "Muslim extremism," it leads to sloppy thinking and poor analysis.
_______________

A Christian organization erected a billboard in Virginia stating that being gay is a choice by leveraging photos of "identical twins" where one is straight and the other gay. The problem, of course, is that it's all a big, stinking pile of word poop, because the model in question is not a twin, but is in fact, gay.  I am shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED, that a Christian, anti-gay organization would be caught with their pants on fire as it relates to sexual identity. Not. H/T everyone.
_______________

According to actual scientists and registered dieticians, fad cleanses don't actually do anything for your health or weight control program. Surprise, surprise. However, there are studies that show some benefit to actual fasting on a periodic basis. I'm trying to decide if I want to incorporate fasting into my health and fitness plan, but more research (on my part) is needed. H/T Skepchick
_______________

Tree Lobsters takes on the passive aggressive assholery that is "playing devil's advocate."
_______________

NPR reports on a study of the gender wage gap and how it increases during the middle of women's careers. This was not my personal experience, but my career trajectory was very odd, to say the least.  H/T Random Michelle
_______________

NPR takes a look at the possibility of an "Endless Ebola Epidemic." Crap on a cracker, the germs are going to get us yet.
_______________

You know I'm going to link to my Eric Gardner's essay entitled Antonin Scalia, the Government, and Your Butt. Because he's my platonic semi-celebrity boyfriend, that's why.
_______________

Where does fat go when you lose weight? I've always wondered, and now I know.
_______________

Video of the Week: A public service announcement about how many LGBTQ kids are treated by their birth families if they choose to come out. It makes me APOPLECTIC WITH RAGE that some parents would choose to behave in this fashion simply because their kids are honest with them about who they are. And it makes my heart sing to know there are places like the Ali Forney Center who are equipped and ready to help these kids during the worst moments of their lives. Advocacy matters, because no kid deserves this. H/T Queereka

Facebook - Let's bring back original content

Thursday, December 11, 2014
For some time, I've been noticing that my Facebook feed has become a lot thinner on news and photos of people I care about, writings from people I respect, and links to news stories that make me think, and a lot fatter on crap.

And by "crap," I mean the junk you put on Facebook because...reasons? And by "you," I mean all you people who are otherwise intelligent and interesting people under normal circumstances, but think that your Facebook page is filled with deep wisdom and insight from all your re-posts, but is in fact banal and boring. Let's give some examples, shall we?
  1. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of political commentary superimposed over a photograph that may or may not be relevant, you're posting crap. If we're friends, it's a pretty good bet that I already know your political leanings, and informing me of them again, and again, and AGAIN, does not engage me to your cause or make me change my mind about MY political opinions.
  2. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of inspirational words that help you live a better life superimposed over a photograph that may or may not be relevant, you're posting crap. I'm happy that you're trying to maintain your mental and spiritual health, because I want you to be happy.  But quite frankly I'd rather hear about how fabulous you felt after a weekend retreat than look at just one more "words of wisdom" post.
  3. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of LOL cats, videos entitled "You're not going to believe what happened next," music videos, and jokes about bodily functions, you're posting crap. 
  4. If you look at your page and all you see are re-posts saying things like "I'm against child abuse! Share if you agree!" you're posting crap. Because really, what does that say about you? That you're against child abuse? As opposed to what? A re-post that says "I'm totally FOR child abuse! Beat 'em till they bleed?" And what are you trying to say about me, who refuses to re-post this crap - that I'm for child abuse by omission?
  5. If you look at your wall and all you see is a combination of items 1-4 above, you're posting crap.
Here's the thing. I use Facebook because I want to connect with the people I care about. I want to be informed about their lives, learn about their happenings and accomplishments, their triumphs and their pain. I want to look at links that provide me with thought-provoking content, and act as a spring-board for the exchange of ideas.

Do I object to occasional re-posts of something that will make me think or give me a chuckle? Of course not. I re-post such things myself occasionally, in addition to news about our new house, our crazy dog, and my daily life. But the re-posts aren't all I post.

I'm thinking I'm going to start getting brutal with the blocking. I only have so many hours left on this earth, and I don't want to waste even one more on people's Facebook pages who consist of nothing but items 1-4. I want to start using Facebook in the way I used to use it - as a tool to bring me closer to those I care about, rather than a banal and boring timesuck.

ORIGINAL CONTENT. Let's all get on board, shall we?

On Feminism and MRAs

Tuesday, December 9, 2014
You know, I used to be blissfully ignorant of the douchebaggery that is the Men's Rights Activist (MRA) movement. I'd heard of it, of course - it's been mentioned on several of the feminist websites I frequent, and it always seemed to me that here were a bunch of bitter, middle-aged white dudes who were terrified about the possibility of having to give up their unearned privilege so that a more egalitarian society might be achieved.

And then I had a "conversation" with one of them. By accident. When the topic of conversation was something else entirely.

According to this model of social and ethical thinking, the reason women haven't achieved pay equity and gender equity in fields traditionally dominated by men isn't because there's institutional or societal bias at work. That's just crazy talk. This guy believes these outcomes "are factually explainable, or based on kneejerk [sic] acceptance of studies by special-interests [sic] using discreditable methods."

Also, rape culture is a myth.

And my view that I should not have to be subjected to harassment, micro aggressions and tokenism in my chosen fields is RADICAL.

And WOMEN are the ones who are privileged. 

And HIS female colleagues haven't had this experience [that they'd admit to], so it must not be true!

.....

You can imagine my delight with having my life's experiences mansplained away by an aforementioned bitter, middle-aged, white dude terrified about the possibility of giving up his unearned privilege.

Say it, sister
However, I learned long ago that getting into a pissing contest in someone else's space is impolite at best, so I disengaged. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not still feeling a bit stabby about the whole thing, mostly due to a lack of understanding.

What makes such individuals so painfully, blatantly obtuse about admitting that their experience isn't the only experience? Is it a failure of compassion? Of courage?  Of intellect? All three?

People I admire and respect tend to believe the answer lies in a failure of all three, with a good dose of Narcissistic Personality Disorder thrown in. The entire argument is just so unrealistic, I can't understand the cognitive dissonance that's required to hold the world view that men's rights are being abrogated in favor of women. Do these people actually, you know, speak honestly to women who struggle to work in male-dominated fields? Do they read the statistical analysis of salaries, elected officials, and representative percentages of women in STEM and academia? How do you look at those data and come to the conclusion that men and being kept down by the Woman?

The entire idea is nonsensical. As my friend Max notes, "MRA is a non sequitur. In order to be an advocate for men's rights, men's rights would have to be limited by some kind of external force or dominant group. Which, as a white man, I can clearly say is not the case."

The length people will go to in order to maintain their perception of themselves just boggles my mind. BOGGLES. In order to maintain the illusion that their success is due entirely to their own efforts rather than their own efforts with a boost from societal norms, these folks are willing to disavow reality in favor of a fantasy world where EQUALITY HAS BEEN ACHIEVED, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

Bitch, please. 

I do believe that there are issues that have been traditionally referred to as "women's issues" where men have an equal stake in the matter. Issues such as parental leave (as opposed to maternity leave), affordable child care, work/life balance, and more. If these issues affect working women, then by definition they affect working men as well, and it behooves us to remember that "family matters" are not the exclusive purview of women. There are a plethora of issues that are human issues, and affect both genders equally. Excluding men from such discussions devalues their involvement in family life, and is disrespectful, besides. 

But the idea that men are the oppressed in Western society? Get the fuck out of here.
____________

P.S. My belief that these dudes are bat-shit crazy does not mean I don't think there aren't issues afoot that abrogate the rule of law when societal pressure is severe enough. Case in point. The rule of law applies to everyone, equally, and this type of crap makes me as apoplectic with rage as the nutbags who insist that institutional sexism/racism/whateverism doesn't exist. 

A Week of Gratitude, Day 7 - The Smart Man

Sunday, December 7, 2014
In the first year after Moe died, my ability to execute on even the simplest tasks was seriously compromised. My memory was completely shot, and what intellectual rigor I had retained had to be reserved for my job. Especially for the first six months, my emotional fragility was extreme, and I would cry often, at seemingly unrelated events.

I was incapable of taking care of myself, but I was so very fortunate to have someone who was willing and capable of doing so until I could recovery to a degree where I could manage my own life.

That person is, of course, the Smart Man. Throughout the first year, he kept me on track, managed our business, looked out for triggers that might set me off and avoided them. He was supremely understanding and patient with my grief-induced brain scatter, and ensured others treated me kindly, and with grace. When my inability to concentrate made me nearly non-functional on a professional level, he encouraged me to seek my doctor's help, and made sure I took at least minimal care of my body, even when I couldn't have cared less.

And he did all these things at the expense of his own grief journey. The Smart Man and Moe were very close, and her death hit him very hard. But he's been so concerned about my well-being that he's not paid sufficient attention to his own.

Today I'm grateful for a partner who has provided me with the love, support, patience and attention I've needed to round the corner of my grief, and try to come back to the world.

A Week of Gratitude, Day Six - Financial Stability

Saturday, December 6, 2014
During my first year of grief, I really came to appreciate the freedom financial stability brings to my life.

When it became obvious that I was not currently capable of maintaining the travel schedule and intellectual rigor required by my job in the Military Industrial Complex, we had to make some decisions about my career. I needed a job without so much travel, and one that used skills I had used for many years, rather than a new technology that required intense periods of concentration and learning.

The problem, of course, is that such a position bears far more resemblance to the work I was doing 10 years ago than my current career trajectory. Making such a move would almost certainly require that I take a pay cut.

Fortunately, we were in a financial position that allowed us to make this change without having to drastically change our lifestyle. I was able to find a less demanding position, with a good enough salary that we're now building a new house...because neither one of us is particularly interested in continuing to live here.

Today I'm grateful for the combination of luck and work that has given us the financial freedom to allow us to make the changes we require to move forward.

A Week of Gratitude, Day Five - Family Matters

Friday, December 5, 2014
After we lost Moe, I wasn't the only one who suffered. The rest of Moe's family, including her family by choice, have also been hard pressed to make sense of her death, and to come to terms with our loss.

But one thing we had was each other. Each of us were dealing with our grief in different ways, as is appropriate, and it helped me tremendously to know that I wasn't the only person who missed her desperately, and had a unfilled hole in my heart. The circle of Grief required that each of these family members provide whatever support I needed without asking me for support in return, but I was always aware of their own grief.

Today I'm grateful that my suffering over Moe's death has not been a solitary affair, but one in which my family shared.

A Week of Gratitude, Day Four - The Gift of Literacy

Thursday, December 4, 2014
In 2014, I have read more books in a single year than ever before. Most of them have been audiobooks, although I've finished my fair share on my Kindle, too.

Reading has always been a huge part of my life. I can't remember a time when I couldn't read, and books have been my constant companions for decades. For me, the worst part about boot camp was that I had no time to read.

For the last year, they have provided a much needed distraction in my life. I've not been reading as much non-fiction as I normally do, but for this year, learning new things has not been my priority.

This year, I've been grateful for the gift of literacy, and all that books have done for me.

A Week of Gratitude, Day Three - Family by Choice

Wednesday, December 3, 2014
In this last year, I have learned an incredibly valuable lesson. And that lesson is, family is as family does.

I have a small cadre of friends who have proven to me, time and time again, that they would go to the ends of the earth for me. In the last year, they have checked on me often, sent me encouraging words electronically, in person, and through snail-mail. They have respected my grief, and followed the rules of the Circle of Grief without fail, in spite of having troubles of their own. They've been unfailingly supportive of me without invading my privacy or my space. I could not have asked for a better, more sensitive support system in this, the worst year of my life.

This year I've been grateful for the friends that I call family, and who consider me the same way.

A Week of Gratitude, Day Two - MIss Jackson Pi

Tuesday, December 2, 2014
I'm a good, GOOD dog. As long as you don't look too closely.
I have to admit - getting Miss Jackson Pi was more than a little impulsive on my part. Because she was a rescue, we didn't know a lot about her past, or how easy or hard it would be to train her (hint: it was the latter). We knew that she had been cared for from a medical perspective, but not how she'd been treated or trained.

So the first few months were...challenging.

She's better now, for the most part. Her house manners are excellent (better than Boogie's in some ways, truth be told), and her reactivity has decreased steadily. She's still a head-case when it comes to leash aggression, but we're not sure she'll ever get over that, since we don't know what happened to instigate it.

Mostly, she's just funny. A complete goober, with no sense of dignity or appropriateness. She prefers to be near me whenever possible (that whole "work from home full time" thing), and she keeps me good company. She also gets me out of the house, even on days when I'd really rather not, even though I know it's good for me.

In the last year, I've been grateful for having another dog in my life, even if she does occasionally shed explosively.

A Week of Gratitude, Day One - My Strong and Healthy Body

Monday, December 1, 2014
In the year since Moe died, I have become more and more grateful for my strong and healthy body.

I have controlled my clinical depression for years with exercise. After Moe passed, in consultation with my doctor, I have resorted to medication plus exercise in an effort to help me maintain some level of functionality as it related to my work. Being non-functional in my personal life was one thing, but doing so at work wasn't really an option. We have a mortgage.

But I've stuck with the program. At first it was because I didn't know what else to do. And after my hysterectomy, I did it to regain my strength. Now I do it because after I run I feel better than at any other time. My joints can't tolerate my running every day, but three days a week, I feel almost normal for a while.

This year I've been grateful for my body, which is both strong enough and fit enough to permit the level of exercise I've needed to maintain both my mental and physical health.

Happy Anniversary, Hot Chicks and Smart Men

Saturday, November 29, 2014
Today is the anniversary of my first post on this blog. It's been seven years, and 2,572 blog posts.

The nature of this space has changed somewhat over the years. For the most part, the comments sections have moved to other forms of social media. I don't write as often as I used to, and when I do write, it's in fits and starts. But I still consider Hot Chicks my on-line home, and when I have something to say, I typically say it here. Facebook and other social media forums have their place for me, but for long form writing, blogs are still the thing.

Over the years, this place has become something of a stream of consciousness repository for me. I've shared may of my most important values and beliefs here, and my readers have come to know me far better than I know them.

I've read that the shelf-life of blogs is typically pretty short. They get abandoned, or they get taken off-line, or they get archived. I don't know if I'll ever do that with Hot Chicks, but for now, we're still chugging along, towards the light. Thanks for sticking with me, Hot Chicks and Smart Men, and sharing my life.

Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 27, 2014
I love Thanksgiving, I think because I like the idea of being mindful of what I'm grateful for in my life. Whether the gratitude relates to health, family, friends, or circumstances, I believe it's good for me to acknowledge those things that bring peace, laughter and love to my life.

Last Thanksgiving I chose to do a month of gratitude, because I was still very raw and fragile from losing Moe three months previous. I felt I needed a reminder of the things that brought light, however faint and distant, to the darkness that was my life. This year I think I'm going to do something a little different.

This year, I'll be writing a "Week of Gratitude" in the first week in December, and I'm going to limit my topics to those things that helped me survive the first year following Moe's death. I feel like I'm past a milestone now, and I want to acknowledge the things that helped me achieve some level of emotional stability and peace. I still struggle with the loss, but I feel I've graduated from "barely/not functional" to "managing well," and I want to mark this milestone by recognizing the things that helped me get here.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Scientists, and Politics, and Veterans, Oh, My

Friday, November 14, 2014
Scientists are seeking permission to implant embryos that have received cell surgery to replace defective mitochondrial DNA with DNA from a healthy donor. The resulting child would have DNA from three different parents, although the child would have nuclear DNA only from the two parents. There are ethical concerns about such a procedure, of course, but I think medical ethicists can address those so that such procedures don't devolve into horrifying Mengele-like experiments. Go, science!
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Apparently the 2014 midterms had the lowest voter turnout since 1942. Really, America? Really? Only 36.4% of us could be bothered to give enough of a crap to make the effort to participate in our republic? Such behavior embarrasses the hell out of me, and gives new voice to the maxim that the people get the government they deserve. The problem, of course, is that I've voted in every election since achieving my majority, and can't see why I deserve the POS that is our government.
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The Oatmeal explains "Net Neutrality" to that dumbass Ted Cruz.
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Turns out Colorado has a granite veteran's memorial out in the middle of nowhere. The story of Soldierstone is an interesting one, and I hope to make it up there some day.
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In Focus features the art installation "Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red," a dedication to the British service members who were lost during WWI. An amazing project, and profoundly moving. H/T everyone.
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People who wear the uniform of our country are also just "people." This art project touches me deeply, as it portrays my brothers and sisters-in-arms as individuals, not just generic "heroes" in uniform.
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My platonic quasi-celebrity boyfriend Eric Garland on the state of the state in Missouri.

To my Brothers and Sisters in Arms...

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


Thank you.

Link Me Up, Scotty - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Edition

Monday, November 10, 2014
From the "no good deed goes unpunished" file: A Hasidic Jew in New York City reported his son's sexual abuse at the hands of the head of a prominent Jewish family to the secular authorities. I'm quite sure you can take some pretty accurate guesses about what happened next. Closed communities with repressed sexual mores seldom handle these types of incidents well.
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Oh, Colorado, sometimes you embarrass me so much. Remember when I blogged about that raving nutbag Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt? Yeah, well, guess what? He actually won a seat in the Colorado assembly. Colorado Springs is a very strange place. It's like the altitude sucks the critical thinking skills right out of people.
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There's a reason getting Miss Jackson Pi when we did was a good idea.I think I knew this intuitively, although I had trouble articulating it at the time. And while she's been challenging, she's also soft, and sweet, and wants to be near me all the time. Not a bad trade.
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Robochick provides unprecedented access to Emperor Penguins nesting grounds. Such stories go a long way in convincing me how clever and innovative people can be.
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Angels and Ministers of Grace, defend us.
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The problem with the rampant disrespect of President Obama, from the point of view of a Canadian. However, when confronted with this reality, his opponents will deny that it has anything to do with race, oh, no! H/T Juan.
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Video of the Week: Laci Green on why she's a feminist. Since I'm suffering from Imposter Syndrome today, this is especially apt.

The Power of Mentoring and a Moral Imperative

Friday, November 7, 2014
Several years ago I volunteered to act as a mentor for the daughter of an old friend of mine. At the time she was about twelve, and was intensely interested in science and engineering. I knew that she'd probably have a tough row to hoe with her aspirations (says the voice of experience) and I wanted to help if I could.

Well, now she's about fourteen, and a Freshman. She's still as bright and hard-working as before, but now she's also extremely attractive in a rural Texas High School.

Upon starting high school, she immediately wanted to get involved in activities that peaked her interest, like any bright young person. But there was a problem. She was typically the only girl who wanted to participate in these activities, and the male advisers were none too pleased to have a girl n their domain.

When I first learned of her troubles, my first reaction was to board a plane immediately, go to Texas in my very fiercest dress and tell these jerkwads how the cow ate the cabbage, Fucko. However, closer reflection told me that this was not the best way to ease this girl's suffering at her treatment, especially since she has to attend that school for the next 4 years.

So after some thought, I sat down and wrote her a very long e:mail, explaining how I saw her situation and why, what challenges she could expect, and provided a bit of advice on how to work in a male dominated environment without losing yourself in a culture that's usually not very welcoming. I explained how excellence forgives most sins, and recommended she not lose sight of her own goals and aspirations in light of bad treatment.

The next day, she attended her first debate tournament. The adviser in this case was one of the asshats who had treated her poorly, and she was very nervous - it was her first experience with debate, and it's not like she had the support of the adult who was supposed to be nurturing her interest in forensics.

She kicked ass.

She was named "Top Speaker" at the tournament and won all her debates, which led to a lot of "How do you like me NOW, Mr. Asshat?" commentary among her supporters.


The entire incident got me thinking, though, which is always a dangerous turn of events. Mentoring my friend's daughter is easy. She's extremely bright, works hard, and has tremendous natural gifts in the areas she's interested in. She basically needs encouragement and support from someone who's "been there," a role I'm happy to assume. Her mastery of the subjects she's interested in puts her in a good position to take advantage of the excellence forgives most sins school of thought.

But not every girl has those gifts, or that mastery. Not every girl has incredibly supportive parents. Why should these girls have to tolerate being driven out of classes and clubs they're interested in for the sin of being average while female? They shouldn't. They absolutely shouldn't, and it's shameful how often it happens. Such a state of affairs requires action.

I'm delighted that I'm able to make a difference in the life of such a gifted young woman. She really is the bee's knees, and I know she'll go far in whatever endeavors she chooses. But I think I would do well to seek out additional opportunities to mentor young women who want to study or work in male dominated fields, young women whose natural gifts make excelling in the face of adversary a little harder.

It's a moral imperative.

The Fuzzy Headcase - A Status Report

Thursday, November 6, 2014
I went to day care today. I'm tired.
Shortly after my last blog post about Ms. Jackson Pi, we went to see her vet. After a thorough explanation of her behavior and a consultation with another vet who specializes in animal behavior, we made the decision to put her on Prozac. Or, as our vet diplomatically put it, he thinks "she could benefit from some pharmacological intervention" aka "your dog is a head case."

So we started her on the medication, and gave it a few weeks to work.

We have noticed a difference in her behavior. When she gets wrapped around the axle, it's a bit easier to calm her down. When she starts obsessing about an object (squirrel, dog, etc.) it's a bit easier to get her attention. And she's stopped losing herself so completely on walks. While she still throws a hissy when she sees another dog, I can (eventually) get her attention and make her sit and look. There's been no more incidents of growling or snapping.

The meds have not changed her personality or her energy level much - she's still prone to the same occasional freak-outs, the kind all dogs and cats have when they're young and excited.* But she's better behaved at Day Care, and her recall skills are much better, presumably because she's not quite as obsessive as she was.

So we're still working on her OCD behavior (leash aggression) from a training perspective, and will continue to give her the Prozac until she's made significant progress. I figure I can't blame her for needing a little "pharmacological help" when her dog mom needs the same. But she is a strange, strange dog, if a sweet one.

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*You know the ones - they run through the house or the yard at full tilt, ears back and tongue lolling. Because whatever it is is just so exciting. Or the air molecules are attacking. Or something.

Blessed are the Fighters

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

When I was reading my RSS feed, I came across an essay entitled Blessed are the fighters, for they shall inherit good funerals. In it, a funeral director explains how, in his experience, those individuals who live their lives fighting for what's right, sticking up for others, taking risks on others' behalf - those are the people who have wonderful funerals, full of stories and love. These are the funerals where you walk away from the service really feeling that you knew the deceased, and how they affected the lives of others. There's nothing vanilla about these funerals.

Which naturally made me think of Moe, and her memorial service.

When the Smart Man and I were planning Moe's service, the Funeral Director wanted to know how many people we expected. And we woefully underestimated the number of people who came - people came out of the woodwork. Friends. Family. Teachers. Workmates. Some of them spoke, in addition to her family members.

And what struck me about their comments and their attendance at her service was everyone's perception of her not only as a fighter, but as a person of strong passions and beliefs. Moe always felt everything very deeply, and was determined to try and make the world a better place. She wore the label "Social Justice Warrior" with discernible pride, owning it as the compliment it was, rather than the insult the misogynists and bigots would like it to be.

She fought for justice wherever she saw injustice, whether she was the person who was wronged, or not. From a parental perspective, this righteous indignation always filled me with pride, in addition to the irritation of having to deal with her school officials. She was never one to back down, and sometimes decided on a cause that may or may not have been a bit morally ambiguous. But I admired her grit, and her courage in facing social justice issues inspires me to fight, as well.

Blessed are the fighters, for they leave the world a better place than when they found it, and inspire others to do the same.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Come On Back Edition

Tuesday, November 4, 2014
An interesting take on Highly Sensitive People (HSP), how they choose to live, environments in which they thrive, and how they can add value to high performance teams. Note: It's good to remember that not all HSPs are Introverts. *cough*cough* H/T Rivi
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An examination of the Psychology of Irrational Fear. Sometimes this is the result of anxiety or other mental illness, more often it's a result of people ruining their emotional health by failing to train their mind in critical thinking skills.
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Brittany Maynard ended her life with a physician's help this week, a decision she made in light of her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. I know this is a contentious issue for a lot of people, but those of you who know me well won't be surprised to learn that I come down on the side of agency and self-determination.
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My celebrity platonic boyfriend John Oliver takes on the midterms to hilarious and disturbing effect. H/T Steve.
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Video of the Day: Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, has a new album out called Tell 'Em I'm Gone. I'm a fan of Yusuf's music, and I'm delighted he's back. Here's a track from the new album, a cover of Edgar White's Dyin' to Live:


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Also, don't forget to VOTE. Even though it's a nauseating experience where the choice is often between the corrupt and the crazy, it's still better than the alternative. 

Push Me Over - Into my Grave

Monday, November 3, 2014
One of the things I've noticed about getting older is my increasing unwillingness to concede to unreasonable requests. Maybe it's just me, but I have little to no patience with people or organizations who believe that regardless of what else is going on, they are the ones who should have priority.

I can pull dozens of examples from the 18 years I've been in the civilian work force, but why bother? The fact of the matter is that caving in to such requests never ends well, and the astounding lack of moral courage displayed daily all over the country boggles my mind.

People who roll over to these types of demands oftentimes claim that by doing so they're being "good corporate citizens" or "great team players."* Neither of those things are true. Doing so makes you a pushover, and damages your employer and the quality of your work.

So here is Janiece's list of the consequences of choosing not to confront when appropriate:

1.    Opportunity cost. If you fail to allocate your resources appropriately because you're holding out for the deadbeat, resource-bogarting client to actually issue a purchase order, then you're preventing those resources from working other, revenue generating deals. Please do the math.
2.    Quality control. You can have your project design and execution fast, or accurate, or cheap. Pick two. Because if you've convinced yourself that you're the exception and can have all three, I don't want to be on your project team. Ever. Getting thrown under the bus to protect a decision maker who goes off in the weeds in this particular way is never on my agenda.
3.    Credit where credit is due. In my business, I fill the role of the technical expert. I architect telephony solutions for clients that solve their business problems. Maintaining the corporate relationship is not part of my gig (although the technical one is) - that's what a professional sales team is for. In the last 14 years the occasions whereby a sales professional's inability to maintain the relationship has led to a crisis du jour are legion. So if the architecture is sound, but the sales person can't sell it, guess whose butt should be on the block?
4.    Piss poor planning leads to piss poor performance. Learn it, live it, love it. This happens ALL THE TIME, regardless of the company or the team. If you make a commitment on my behalf without speaking to me first and the commitment is missed, the fault lies with you. I'm not your beck-and-call girl, and have other obligations than your deal, cupcake. And when I work on weekends, it's because there's a genuine emergency,** not because you can't say "No, that's an unrealistic expectation" to your customer, or worse, failed to manage the relationship in a way that led to you knowing what the fuck is going on with your client.
5.    Job satisfaction and loyalty. If a manager is unwilling or unable to stick up for their associates when decency requires it, they should not be surprised when the ties that bind are loosened and their best and brightest fly away. I am really blessed in my civilian career to have worked for a number of managers who were actually leaders in this respect. The rest? Not so much.

Really, it's a wonder I haven't been fired for being so noisy about these issues, and the older I get, the louder I get. But it's a safe bet that when I do get pushed over, it's because an undertaker is rolling me into my grave.


*  Writing that actually made me throw up in my mouth a little.
** See: Hurricane Katrina, when I worked like a dog for a week to ensure the American Red Cross had contact centers available to help people get reconnected to their loved ones. Your desperation to meet your quota does not compare.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Egregious and Awesome Edition

Saturday, November 1, 2014
So there's a police officer in Texas who's been indicted for sexually assaulting a minor...while on duty...on multiple occasions...while his fellow officers watched. Because nothing says "Trust us! We're public servants!" like brutalizing young people. The only bright side: The Texas Rangers kept the public trust when asked to perform an independent investigation. H/T Seth.
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Turns out scientists have identified over 100 genes that cause autism. Really? It's not vaccination? Shocked. Shocked, I am.
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Six things that are definitely harassment, no matter what you tell yourself.
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Video of the Week: The preview for my (hopefully) new favorite show. Because what could be better than Christian Kane...playing a librarian? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT. H/T Matt.


I'm Not Embarrassed

Friday, October 31, 2014
I've had tattoos my entire adult life. I've had one of them removed, but still have four. I like them, and each one has had a special meaning in my life.

But when I entered the civilian work force, I made an effort to hide them during interviews and when I met clients. Two of them are on my legs, and I made sure to wear opaque hose or pants to events. I thought I was doing myself a favor by being discreet, as oftentimes people can't reconcile a female engineering professional with tattoos.

Now? Now I really don't care much. I'll usually make an effort to cover the tribute tattoo on my arm when meeting new people professionally for the first time, but not because I'm embarrassed or self-conscious. I just don't want to have to explain its meaning to a perfect stranger.

After a few meetings, I will sometimes wear a sleeveless dress, and people will ask about it. I then explain that my daughter designed it before we lost her. That's an honest answer that keeps people from prying too deeply, and I'm okay with that.

But I'm not embarrassed.

Link Me Up, Scotty - Death, Ebola and Biker Editioin

Thursday, October 30, 2014
From the always wise Caleb White over at Confessions of a Funeral Director, a guide on How to Speak the Language of Grief. Based on my own horrifying experience, I can say without question that everyone should commit the "dos" and "don'ts" to memory.

One of the responses that touched me the most was from a colleague of mine, who after learning of my daughter's death, not only told me how sorry he was for our loss, but then said, "Tell me about your daughter." Not "tell me how she died," just tell me about her - who she was, what she stood for, what she valued. I loved that question. It allowed me to share what an amazing person she was, while also providing support.
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From the "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" file, the Koch Brothers are using a small portion of their wealth to help bolster this country's public defense system. Like Doug over at Popehat, I believe this to be a bipartisan issue that deserves attention from everyone, since it's one of the bedrock principles of our justice system. It's tough enough for the poor in this country to have a voice, they shouldn't have to suffer an inadequate defense, as well.
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Eric Liu takes on the issue of gun violence in this country and how it will take everyone's buy-in to reduce this scourge. H/T The Smart Man.
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A group of bikers has made it their vocation to stand up for children who are victims of child abuse. It's a nationwide movement, and the members take their duties very, very seriously. Also? THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYE. H/T everyone.
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America's abandoned insane asylums. H/T Steve.
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The Broadside Blog examines the Navy's propensity for constant inspections. Those were the days. Not.
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In Focus shows the many sides of everyone's favorite Sith Lord.

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Video of the Week: A comparison between the British and American reactions to Ebola:


On Sucking Up and Shining On

Wednesday, October 29, 2014



One of the "pleasures" in being a technical resource in a sales organization is that my work product and time are highly valued resources. In every organization where I've been employed, the sales staff far outnumbered the technical staff, which makes this pretty universal in my experience.

So naturally, the moment you show even a modicum of competence, suddenly everyone wants to be your friend.*

That's not necessarily a problem, of course - it's nice to be valued for your skills, especially when you're the token chick, as I've been most of my career. It's the way in which they try and accomplish their bogarting of my time. In a phrase, sucking up and shining on.

This ploy is so transparent it actually makes me cringe with discomfort when it happens. Of COURSE I want to be considered a top performer in my group. Of COURSE I enjoy having the respect of my colleagues and co-workers. But sucking up has always made me uncomfortable, regardless of who's on the receiving end. Because, EW.

I tend to gravitate more towards people who manage our relationship in a more professional way. If I've done good work, by all means, say thank you. If I've done poor work, by all means, call me out. But don't act like you're my best friend because you want me to prioritize your tasks over others'. It's beyond presumptuous, as it Implies you think you know me well on a personal level when that's clearly not the case. And what makes you think I like you at all? Studies show that typically any given individual is going to dislike 1 out of 7 people for no apparent reason. Just because I'm pleasant and professional does not mean I want us to move in together and share warm showers at night.

Because, EW.


*To be fair, the reverse is also true - if I could pick and choose the sales staff I support, I'd be all over that like stink on days-old fish. Just as I try to avoid the incompetents and the reprobates like the plague.