On Feminism and MRAs

Tuesday, December 9, 2014
You know, I used to be blissfully ignorant of the douchebaggery that is the Men's Rights Activist (MRA) movement. I'd heard of it, of course - it's been mentioned on several of the feminist websites I frequent, and it always seemed to me that here were a bunch of bitter, middle-aged white dudes who were terrified about the possibility of having to give up their unearned privilege so that a more egalitarian society might be achieved.

And then I had a "conversation" with one of them. By accident. When the topic of conversation was something else entirely.

According to this model of social and ethical thinking, the reason women haven't achieved pay equity and gender equity in fields traditionally dominated by men isn't because there's institutional or societal bias at work. That's just crazy talk. This guy believes these outcomes "are factually explainable, or based on kneejerk [sic] acceptance of studies by special-interests [sic] using discreditable methods."

Also, rape culture is a myth.

And my view that I should not have to be subjected to harassment, micro aggressions and tokenism in my chosen fields is RADICAL.

And WOMEN are the ones who are privileged. 

And HIS female colleagues haven't had this experience [that they'd admit to], so it must not be true!

.....

You can imagine my delight with having my life's experiences mansplained away by an aforementioned bitter, middle-aged, white dude terrified about the possibility of giving up his unearned privilege.

Say it, sister
However, I learned long ago that getting into a pissing contest in someone else's space is impolite at best, so I disengaged. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not still feeling a bit stabby about the whole thing, mostly due to a lack of understanding.

What makes such individuals so painfully, blatantly obtuse about admitting that their experience isn't the only experience? Is it a failure of compassion? Of courage?  Of intellect? All three?

People I admire and respect tend to believe the answer lies in a failure of all three, with a good dose of Narcissistic Personality Disorder thrown in. The entire argument is just so unrealistic, I can't understand the cognitive dissonance that's required to hold the world view that men's rights are being abrogated in favor of women. Do these people actually, you know, speak honestly to women who struggle to work in male-dominated fields? Do they read the statistical analysis of salaries, elected officials, and representative percentages of women in STEM and academia? How do you look at those data and come to the conclusion that men and being kept down by the Woman?

The entire idea is nonsensical. As my friend Max notes, "MRA is a non sequitur. In order to be an advocate for men's rights, men's rights would have to be limited by some kind of external force or dominant group. Which, as a white man, I can clearly say is not the case."

The length people will go to in order to maintain their perception of themselves just boggles my mind. BOGGLES. In order to maintain the illusion that their success is due entirely to their own efforts rather than their own efforts with a boost from societal norms, these folks are willing to disavow reality in favor of a fantasy world where EQUALITY HAS BEEN ACHIEVED, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

Bitch, please. 

I do believe that there are issues that have been traditionally referred to as "women's issues" where men have an equal stake in the matter. Issues such as parental leave (as opposed to maternity leave), affordable child care, work/life balance, and more. If these issues affect working women, then by definition they affect working men as well, and it behooves us to remember that "family matters" are not the exclusive purview of women. There are a plethora of issues that are human issues, and affect both genders equally. Excluding men from such discussions devalues their involvement in family life, and is disrespectful, besides. 

But the idea that men are the oppressed in Western society? Get the fuck out of here.
____________

P.S. My belief that these dudes are bat-shit crazy does not mean I don't think there aren't issues afoot that abrogate the rule of law when societal pressure is severe enough. Case in point. The rule of law applies to everyone, equally, and this type of crap makes me as apoplectic with rage as the nutbags who insist that institutional sexism/racism/whateverism doesn't exist. 

2 comments:

TimBo said...

On the positive side, I had to look to almost the bottom of the page in my Google search before I found a link to a pro-MRA site.

As a single-white-grandfather I can assure you that society has nothing but respect and support for me raising my three young grandsons. I know that without a doubt I get far more support from my friends, neighbours, co-workers, and even random strangers than a single-grandmother ever would. To suggest that I face any kind of discrimination is absurd.

Janiece said...

TimBo, I think part of society's reaction to your situation is that people "expect" a grandmother to have the necessary patience, love, and humor to raise three young grandchildren, while seeing a man do it - a man with the capacity for the virtues required in this situation - is counter to our perceptions of gender stereotypes.

While I admire your life choice in doing right by those boys, I give you no more credit than our hypothetical Grandmother. In other words, both of you rock. <3