Let's get out of this joint

Tuesday, December 30, 2014
I'm in San Diego for the next couple weeks because the Mechanicky Gal had hip replacement surgery yesterday. I promised I'd come out and hold down the fort during the surgery and immediately after, which kind of works out since together we make a complete brain. (For example, I remembered to send the Mechanickys my shopping list for the meals I wanted to cook, and then totally left the recipes on my desk. And I forgot to bring toothpaste. And shampoo. Because apparently personal hygiene is optional when your sister's in the hospital? Go, me.)

The surgery was highly successful, the hip is stable, physical therapy has begun, and there's relief all around, especially on the part of the Mechanicky Guy.

But we couldn't just leave it as "Mechanicky Gal is having surgery, let's move through the process in a calm and seemly fashion." Because, have you met us?

First we had an unseemly conversation with the Corpsman who put in Mechanicky's IV. It didn't start out that way, but he was a former Bos'n's Mate who had struck for Hospital Corpsman, and so we didn't embarrass him. We don't think. He relaxed pretty quickly when I told him I was looking for the appropriate plug to pull in case things went terribly, terribly wrong. Plus he got the IV in on the first try, which apparently never happens with Mechanicky, so he was pretty pleased with himself.

The ward nurse also thinks we're stupid due to the following exchange:

Ward Nurse: How's you pain level?

::crickets::

Janiece: Mechanicky?

Mechanicky: Were you asking me?

Janiece: No, dumbass, he's asking me, because sitting in the waiting room all day is so TERRIBLY PAINFUL.

Ward Nurse: (muffled laugh)

Mechanicky: Oh. It's fine, thanks.

Please note the ward nurse had been commissioned for approximately 5 minutes, although he was prior enlisted. I'm quite sure he didn't know what to make of us. 

Prior to surgery, Mechanicky had been pestering the surgeon to take photographs of the open joint, because that's how she rolls. The surgeon was less than enthusiastic about this request, because he's a busy guy, and has other things he needs to be doing during orthopedic surgery than take morbid pictures for his less than emotionally stable patients. Fortunately the Surgical Nurses and Techs apparently also have a morbid sense of humor, because instead of a picture of the surgical site, we got a picture of the severed femur (below the jump for the faint of heart).



I had to get out of that joint!

As you can see, they "dressed" the bone appropriately for the occasion. We couldn't stop laughing, of course, because we're weird and what could be funnier than medical waste dressed up with red hair? NOTHING, that's what. I have decided to call him "McBony," pending approval from Mechanicky.

Mechanicky's prognosis is excellent, and she's highly motivated to do what's necessary to achieve the outcome she wants. As she notes, "I have shit to do," and so she can't be revisiting this issue due to negligence.

We'll see what today brings during the "rehab" part of the show. I'm sure we'll find some wildly inappropriate thing to laugh about, ensuring the hospital staff will be delighted to see us go when the time comes.

4 comments:

vince said...

Friendship done right. :-)

All the best to the the Mechanicky Gal.

neurondoc said...

I love McBony

Steve Buchheit said...

Glad she's doing well. Also, most ortho's I know have wicked senses of humor. It helps when you do those kinds of things to people's bodies.

Nathan said...

I have to admit, I couldn't figure out WTF that was a picture of until I read the whole thing.

Excellent!