True Tales of Living with a Jerkbrain - Stress Dreams

Friday, September 30, 2016

Me: Man, I'm tired, I think I'll turn the light out and go to sleep.

Jerkbrain: HAHAHAHA

Me: Fuck you, Jerkbrain. My doc increased my sleep medication.

Jerkbrain: WHATEVS.

***sometime later***

Me: Wait, what? What is this dream? Why am I making such poor choices in this dream?

Jerkbrain: HAHAHAHA

Me: What the fuck, Jerkbrain? I'm trying to rest, and this dream is increasing my stress. NOT RESTFUL.

Jerkbrain: WHATEVS.

***sometime later***

Jerkbrain: Our next episode of "Stress Dreams" is sponsored by the letter "P."

Me: Seriously? What now?

Jerkbrain: "P" is for "powerless," which is what you'll feel as the dream unfolds.

Me: Dude, there are people in this dream who have been dead for some time. Why are bad things happening to them, and why can't I stop it?

Jerkbrain: See? POWERLESS. Don't tell ME your doc increased your sleep meds. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW??

Me: Fuck you, Jerkbrain. And the dream you rode in on.

Jerkbrain: WHATEVS.

***towards morning***

Jerkbrain: Oh, look - the last cycle of REM sleep is coming up. IT'S ON, BITCHES.

Me: Kill me now.

Jerkbrain: Oh, no. I'm going to make you SUFFER.

Me: Why? What did I ever do to you to deserve such a fate?

Jerkbrain: Nothing. I'm just a sadistic bastard. HAHAHHAHA...

Me:You are SUCH an asshole.

Jerkbrain: WHATEVS.

The end.

Link Me Up, Scotty - You're beautiful edition

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

My man Tim Gunn on how the fashion industry is failing American women. Dear baby Cthulhu, yes. Finding professional attire that makes me look like I want to look is like the proverbial search for the Holy Grail. I have no illusions about looking like a runway model, but I'd prefer not to earn the nickname "Lumpy-Stumpy."

H/T Mistress Tania
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From the eyes rolling to the back of my head files: Privileged White Dude explains why "He'll never date a feminist." Since he doesn't believe the wage gap, rape culture, and patriarchy are actually real, the feeling is oh-so-mutual.
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From the rampant hypocrisy files: True-Blue "America Fuck Yeah" patriots lose their shit over football players who choose not to stand for the National Anthem, but think booing the President at a football game is the epitome of respectful and correct behavior. I just don't understand the cognitive dissonance required to hold both these ideas in the same mind at the same time. Please note: I support both the footballs players AND the self-proclaimed patriots in their expression of free speech, whether I agree with them or not. I can't do otherwise, because, you know, CONSTITUTION.
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My shippie Jim Wright on his 9-11 Facebook post that went viral - until Facebook removed it for not being "patriotic" enough. Please note I don't consider this a First Amendment issue - Facebook isn't a branch of the government, and is not required to comply with the Free Speech clause. It's more of a "douchecanoe" issue for me. Because while I think it's important to know our history and act accordingly, disaster porn turns my stomach.
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The 2016 Paralympics are in progress. These athletes make my heart happy.
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Guess what? The only people who don't think the Trumpsicle is biased against women and minorities are...what for it...white men without a college degree.
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The Douglas County Library District where I am a member of the Board of Trustees is seeking out folks to sit on our board for a three year term starting January 1, 2017. Details may be found here.
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What the fuck is wrong with these people? No, really - WHAT? Setting someone on fire because they resemble a group you fear? DOOMED, we are.
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Brother Eric, a public defender, muses on the effectiveness of our criminal justice system, and asks some fundamental questions about what we're trying to accomplish when we throw someone in prison.
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An interview with a religious scholar about the history of Atheism, and why people like me were considered "monsters" until very recently. Of course, in some circles I still am, and I'm okay with that.

Maureen's Marchers - A Labor of Love

Monday, September 12, 2016

July 31, 2013 was the worst day of our lives. On that day, the Parker Police Department came to our home to tell us that our daughter Moe had taken her own life the night before.

The following year is basically a blur to me, hazy with the overwhelming intensity of my sadness and grief. I don't remember much about it, other than wishing my new reality away and waking each morning with a heaviness in my heart that I knew would never go away.

And I remember one other thing. The incredible way in which our family and friends lifted us up with love, provided a light at the end of the most horrifying tunnel in the world, and provided a solid point of emotional stability in a world that was dark and heavy on even the best of days. I am forever grateful to those who cared for us in that time, and they, along with the Smart Man, saved my sanity that year.

Two of the friends who made such a huge difference in our lives during that time are Sister Stacey and Brother J.R.. Sister Stacey was the first one on the scene (in spite of living over 1,500 miles away), and her compassionate, level-headed presence eased the most horrifying days of my life. The following year, they came to our home to help us recognize Christmas, and establish new traditions and remembrance. We were very good friends before Moe died, but now they're family, in every sense of that word.

And once again this year they're participating in the Annual "Out of the Darkness Walk," benefiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Westchester County, in our daughter's name. 

This is the third year they're walking in this event, and every year they choose to continue in my baby's honor makes me so very grateful that they're my brother and sister in this life and that they see fit to include us in their own family. 

So once again, I will ask my friends, family, and readers to consider a donation to the AFSP's important work in preventing suicide in my Moe-Moe's name. This tragedy can occur in any family, regardless of race, creed, orientation, or economic status, and I want so very much for no other parent to have to go through this most awful of circumstances.

You can pledge your donations at their Maureen's Marchers Fundraising Page. Thank you, Sister Stacey and Brother J.R.. Your continued support means more than you know.

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER!

Friday, September 9, 2016

Well, not really a chicken dinner. But we do have winners!

The Sixth Annual Maureen "AJ" Ramey Memorial Summer Reading Program brought to you by Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men is over, and here are the stats:
  • Number of books read: 286
  • Amount donated to the Douglas County Library Foundation to purchase the naming rights on the new Maureen "A.J." Ramey Memorial Garden at the new Parker, CO library (pictures forthcoming): $500.00
  • Amount donated to other under-served libraries: $425.00
That's almost $1,000 to support local libraries across the country, and I'm going to call that a BIG FAT WIN. Go, us!

I used the following methodology to pick the WINNERS:
  • Numbers 1-286: Page entries
  • Numbers 287-336: Sister Stacey and Brother J.R., in recognition of their donation to the Brooklyn Library.
  • Numbers 337-386: Sister Kathy and her darling husband Tim, in recognition of their donation to the Royce City Library.
  • Numbers 387-436: The Mighty Nicole, in recognition of her donation to the Royce City Library.
  • Numbers 437-511: Moe's Hot Grandma Jud, in recognition of her donation to the Wellington Public Library.
  • Numbers 512-561: NeuronDoc, Neurologist to the UCF, in recognition of her donation to the District of Columbia Public Library.
  • Numbers 562-661: Mistress Tania, in recognition of her donation to the The Imagination Library of Fairbanks.
  • Numbers 662-711: John in memory of his beloved Alysia.
Then I used a random number generator to pick the WINNERS:
  • Number 424, The Mighty Nicole
  • Number 165, Mom in Northern, who read The Beach House by Jane Green
  • Number 513, NeuronDoc, Neurologist to the UCF
  • Number 76, Mechanicky Gal, who read English Tea Murder by Leslie Meier
Winners, please let me know which prize you desire - an Amazon Gift Card, or an assortment of Janiece's Homemade Jam. If you want the gift card, please provide the e:mail address where you want it sent. If you want the jam, please provide the address where you want it sent and let me know if there are any food allergies I should be aware of. 

Thanks to everyone who participated, And we'll see you next year!

Link Me Up, Scotty - A picture's worth a thousand words edition

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Popehat author Ken White explains why he stands for the national anthem, and also why he supports those who don't. It's like the dude lives inside my head sometimes.
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I love this drawing about what to do if you see a Muslim being harassed and you want to help. I myself am much more inclined to punch the harasser in the throat, so this advice is welcome to me.
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This amazing mortician willingly takes on clients no one else will touch - AIDS patients, the Boston Marathon bomber, homeless people with no families - and provides burial services. Because, as he says, "We bury the dead. It's what we do." An amazing person, with a true vocation.
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A photographer captures homeless men and women as they dream to be seen. This project breaks my heart.
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Native Americans are photographed in the places that mean the most to them.
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The Wildlife Photographer of the Year short list is out. Yowsa! I love the shot of the Orca.
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Garrison Keillor on why the Trumpsicle will have nothing he wants once this election is done.
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6 myths about suicide that every teacher and parent should know. This also breaks my heart.
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My shippie Jim Wright speaks on the duty of veterans to defend the Constitution of the United States, and how doing so means we must defend Colin Kaepernick's right to sit during the national anthem. Just so. I took that oath not once, but several times, and each time I did so in support of the ideals enshrined in our Constitution; not to an individual, not to "America," not to our government. You cannot claim to love our Constitution and then simultaneously call for punishment if someone legally exercises their First Amendment rights but says something you disagree with. That's called hypocrisy. 
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Sexist questions put to female interviewees, and their AMAZING RESPONSES, proving that Dame Helen Mirren isn't just a badass in her 70's, that shit goes back 40 years or more.  My hero.
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28 Reasons I’m DONE Talking To Most Of My Conservative Friends And Family Members. Not entirely on the money (I'm not Christian), but there are enough on-point comments that this piece speaks to me on a fundamental level.
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When people eat other people, strange diseases pop up. This is a variation of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, a devastating brain disorder that is invariably fatal. This terrible disease has touched our adopted family, so to me, this isn't just an episode of the X-Files
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Video of my Heart: Steve Connell's poem "We are the Lions," recited by the author.


Link Me Up, Scotty - Teach your children well edition

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

10 things a mother wants her daughter to know when she grows up. This isn't just for little girls.

H/T Kimby
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From the Mighty Girl files: When Sibongile Sambo applied to be a flight attendant, she was rejected because she didn't meet the height requirements. So she created her own airlines.

H/T Debbie the Librarian
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The REAL reason the President didn't visit Louisiana immediately. Go home, Republicans. You're drunk. Of course, we've known that since early in the primary season...
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It's time to start thinking about your annual flu shot. So here's some epic ranting about anti-vaccine dumbasses - health care workers who refuse to get their flu shot - for your pleasure.

H/T Sister Paula
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In an amazing slight of hand, the Federal government has passed a "Defense Bill" that essentially hands Native American sacred sites over to...a mining company. WHAT THE HELL.

H/T Brother Juan
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My celebrity boyfriend Neill deGrasse Tyson disassembles a tasteless "science" joke on Twitter. HA HA.
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I love octopuses - their alien intelligence and emotional complexity speaks to me. This one is ESPECIALLY cute. So cute, in fact, that scientists might name it Opisthoteuthis adorabilis. 
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My old chum Chris Tomlinson takes on the EpiPen controversy, and how it's a symptom of a much larger problem.
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An explorer's ode to our National Parks. Since it's our National Park System's 100th anniversary, I find these photos especially enchanting. Plus, black and white photography is the bomb-diggity.
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A report on OTC painkillers confirms that acetaminophen is basically worthless for pain relief. Please observe my shocked face.
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49ers Quarterback Colin Kaepernick makes a political statement by not standing for the National Anthem, and people lose their collective shit, accusing him of being a traitor (and worse). Here's why he's not a traitor, but is using peaceful protest to express his dissatisfaction with our government. ClueBat: This behavior is at the HEART of what it means to be American. Being American is not about blind loyalty or obedience to the majority. It's about knowing you yourself are responsible for our government, and then using legal means to change things that need to be changed. As a professional athlete, Colin Kaepernick has a wider footprint than most, and so feels obligated to use it. Even though I would never use the tactic he used, as a veteran I support his right to do so.
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Surely you've seen that ridiculous "how to talk to a woman who is wearing headphones" article? No? You can find it here. Just make sure you haven't eaten first. Then read my friend Eric's HI-LARIOUS satire of this attitude over at Standing on the Shoulders of Giant Midgets. I love my friends.
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Video of my Heart: During the World Junior Soccer Championship, an "under 12" team from Barcelona called "Barca" won their match and were ecstatic. But their opponents were heartbroken, so they took time out of their celebration to comfort the other boys with handshakes, pats, and hugs. This impresses me far more than any athletic victory.

Well done, boys. Well done, indeed.

H/T Brother Juan


OMGOMGOMGOMG

Monday, August 15, 2016

I MUST GO SEE THIS MOVIE.