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On Being Charitable
Thursday, January 26, 2012
So I was having a conversation over on Facebook yesterday with my good friend NeuronDoc on the topic of that leprous toad Joe Paterno, and she made a rather telling comment related to people's desire to be charitable:
I support a large number of charities. I love, love, love Kiva. I support DonorsChoose every year. I support my various friends and family members when they participate in charitable endeavors such as "Walking for a Cure." I try to be generous with my disposable income. But I'm woefully short on good deeds. And this does not move me forward in my desire to be a mensch.
The fact that I donate a portion of my disposable income is not a good deed. It's disposable, and so by definition, I won't really miss it. It doesn't really cost me anything in terms of sacrifice, and while the outcomes of my donations are positive, it doesn't really say much about me personally. My disposable income is a renewable resource.
A true mensch is someone who donates and sacrifices things that are not renewable. Things like time. To use NeuronDoc's example, someone who spends hours each week running a soup kitchen for the least among us has donated something that they'll never, ever get back, or get more of. My piddly donations to the various charities I like does not compare, and I would do well to kill my internal self-congratulatory smugness at my "generosity." I'm not generous in the way I'd like to be, although my donations might be labeled "laudable."
NeuronDoc reminded me of an important truth. Helping others should not be the antiseptic act of simply writing a check. It should be a much more personal affair. A fact I shall try to keep at the top of my mind moving forward.
"Donating money to charities is not a good deed. Oh, fine, donating money to worthwhile causes is laudable, but I don't consider it a good deed. Running a soup kitchen is a good deed."NeuronDoc is, of course, absolutely correct, and her observation made me hang my head in shame.
I support a large number of charities. I love, love, love Kiva. I support DonorsChoose every year. I support my various friends and family members when they participate in charitable endeavors such as "Walking for a Cure." I try to be generous with my disposable income. But I'm woefully short on good deeds. And this does not move me forward in my desire to be a mensch.
The fact that I donate a portion of my disposable income is not a good deed. It's disposable, and so by definition, I won't really miss it. It doesn't really cost me anything in terms of sacrifice, and while the outcomes of my donations are positive, it doesn't really say much about me personally. My disposable income is a renewable resource.
A true mensch is someone who donates and sacrifices things that are not renewable. Things like time. To use NeuronDoc's example, someone who spends hours each week running a soup kitchen for the least among us has donated something that they'll never, ever get back, or get more of. My piddly donations to the various charities I like does not compare, and I would do well to kill my internal self-congratulatory smugness at my "generosity." I'm not generous in the way I'd like to be, although my donations might be labeled "laudable."
NeuronDoc reminded me of an important truth. Helping others should not be the antiseptic act of simply writing a check. It should be a much more personal affair. A fact I shall try to keep at the top of my mind moving forward.
In which my engineering brain takes me 'round the bend
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
So I was at the gym this morning, and as I was starting my power walk I noticed my heart rate monitor was having some trouble. The receiver, which I wear on my wrist, was not getting a signal from the transmitter, which I wear around my chest. I'm sure the issue is simply a matter of replacing the battery in the transmitter, but it would be FAR TOO SIMPLE for me to leave it at that. So as I'm tooling around the indoor track, I had this internal monologue:
Me: Well, that's a bummer. I'll have to see if I can find time to pick up a new battery.
Engineering Brain (EB): But what about TODAY? You won't have any measurements for TODAY.
Me: I wonder what size it takes?
EB: Why are we still walking? There's no point in continuing if we can't MEASURE.
Me: What?
EB: We must MEASURE. Everything must be MEASURED.
Me: What the fuck are you talking about?
EB: If you don't MEASURE it, it doesn't COUNT.
Me: Of course it counts. You see me walking.
EB: But there's no MEASUREMENT.
Me: I can use the measurement from the last time I power-walked for 30 minutes until I can get a new battery. No biggie.
EB: NO BIGGIE? You plan on replicating data and it's NO BIGGIE?
Me: I think you're getting a bit...obsessive...about all this. Now that I have baseline data for my activities, maybe I should just use those data points.
EB: It's like I don't even know you anymore.
Me: I'm just kidding. Our new FitBit will arrive tomorrow. Then you'll have whole new worlds of obsessive measurement to keep you busy.
EB: FitBit! Yay!Broken. I think my brain is broken...
Other People Are Not Idiots
Monday, January 23, 2012
So I was reading an entry in a blog I really like, and the author indicated that he and his wife were trying to adopt a new attitude about other people. He called the theory "Other People Are Not Idiots," and it basically posits that "Other people are not idiots. They have reasons for doing what they do and standing by the things they stand by."
This gave me pause.
I have a tendency towards intellectual elitism. It's not becoming, I know, and I continuously struggle with it. But the fact of the matter is that I often fail in my efforts to place a higher value on human attributes that are under the control of the individual. I often assume that other people are idiots, and so become a purveyor of snobbish and cynical arrogance.
My failure to correct this aspect of my life benefits no one, least of all me. I don't want to become a bitter old woman, constantly angry, constantly holding others in contempt because they fail to see - and value - the world in the same way that I do. Such an attitude implies a stunning failure of empathy on my part, not to mention being inherently unkind.
So I've decided to make a concerted effort to be more mindful and more empathic towards the viewpoints and beliefs of others. There's a reason they disagree with me. There's a reason they may interpret specific events differently than me. There's a reason they may choose not to embrace new ideas or change their minds about old ones.
The challenge, of course, is discovering those reasons, and trying to see the world from their point of view in light of those reasons. Often people (including me) can't articulate the reasons for a specific belief, and become defensive if asked to defend their position. So I must learn to tread lightly, instead of approaching such matters like a bull in a china shop, as is my custom.
Repeat after me: Other people are not idiots. They have reasons for doing what they do and standing by the things they stand by. It's not fair to label someone an idiot without having a full understanding of their thought process and reasons for the conclusion. If I don't agree, it's my responsibility to bridge that gap.
It's only fair.
This gave me pause.
I have a tendency towards intellectual elitism. It's not becoming, I know, and I continuously struggle with it. But the fact of the matter is that I often fail in my efforts to place a higher value on human attributes that are under the control of the individual. I often assume that other people are idiots, and so become a purveyor of snobbish and cynical arrogance.
My failure to correct this aspect of my life benefits no one, least of all me. I don't want to become a bitter old woman, constantly angry, constantly holding others in contempt because they fail to see - and value - the world in the same way that I do. Such an attitude implies a stunning failure of empathy on my part, not to mention being inherently unkind.
So I've decided to make a concerted effort to be more mindful and more empathic towards the viewpoints and beliefs of others. There's a reason they disagree with me. There's a reason they may interpret specific events differently than me. There's a reason they may choose not to embrace new ideas or change their minds about old ones.
The challenge, of course, is discovering those reasons, and trying to see the world from their point of view in light of those reasons. Often people (including me) can't articulate the reasons for a specific belief, and become defensive if asked to defend their position. So I must learn to tread lightly, instead of approaching such matters like a bull in a china shop, as is my custom.
Repeat after me: Other people are not idiots. They have reasons for doing what they do and standing by the things they stand by. It's not fair to label someone an idiot without having a full understanding of their thought process and reasons for the conclusion. If I don't agree, it's my responsibility to bridge that gap.
It's only fair.
The Joy of Diversity...and Hope
Saturday, January 21, 2012
As I've mentioned before, the community in which I live is not very diverse. The property values are high, the schools are excellent, and there's not much in the way of affordable housing. These things tend to conspire to make Parker a haven for conservative, middle class Whitey McWhiterson families. This has always bothered me about my community, as such homogeneous demographics mean our priorities as a community tend to be very narrow and structured. When the Smart Twins were participating in intramural sports, the teams
and the spectators were a sea of white faces. White, white and more
white. When my son played baseball one season, I don't recall a single
child of color who played in his league. Same deal at the pool when my
daughter took swimming lessons. We moved here because of the quality of the schools, but one of the requirements for our next home - our retirement home - was that the community needed to be more diverse.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the Parker Field House.
Saturdays are intramural sports day here in Parker. Depending on the season, the Field House (where I go to exercise) hosts indoor soccer, basketball, in-line hockey, lacrosse - pretty much whatever they can organize and support, including clinics. I enjoy watching the kids play as I lift, walk and use the arc trainer - especially the littlest kids (so cute). But I've noticed a change in the demographics in both the kids and spectators since last I spent time in those circles.
Some of the children - and their supporters - are people of color. And so are some of their coaches.
And this makes me very, very happy. Living in a diverse community makes me happy. Watching my community expand their perception of what constitutes the "Family of Man" makes me happy.
While realizing that this is spectacularly simplified view, I think one of the reasons the Tea Party and other beneficiaries of unearned privilege have so much trouble with our first black President is because they've simply never been exposed to cultures outside of their Whitey McWhiterson norm. If the only people you've ever been exposed to are "just like you," then expanding your view to include "outsiders" requires a leap of imagination and empathy that many people simply don't have. So they demonize and degrade, and fail to realize that you can disagree with someone's politics and policies without assuming their differences makes them worthy of hate.
I hope that the slow inclusion of people of color in my primarily white community will help to alleviate that attitude. People of color who may or may not believe in your god aren't "outsiders." They're Americans. Just like us.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the Parker Field House.
Saturdays are intramural sports day here in Parker. Depending on the season, the Field House (where I go to exercise) hosts indoor soccer, basketball, in-line hockey, lacrosse - pretty much whatever they can organize and support, including clinics. I enjoy watching the kids play as I lift, walk and use the arc trainer - especially the littlest kids (so cute). But I've noticed a change in the demographics in both the kids and spectators since last I spent time in those circles.
Some of the children - and their supporters - are people of color. And so are some of their coaches.
And this makes me very, very happy. Living in a diverse community makes me happy. Watching my community expand their perception of what constitutes the "Family of Man" makes me happy.
While realizing that this is spectacularly simplified view, I think one of the reasons the Tea Party and other beneficiaries of unearned privilege have so much trouble with our first black President is because they've simply never been exposed to cultures outside of their Whitey McWhiterson norm. If the only people you've ever been exposed to are "just like you," then expanding your view to include "outsiders" requires a leap of imagination and empathy that many people simply don't have. So they demonize and degrade, and fail to realize that you can disagree with someone's politics and policies without assuming their differences makes them worthy of hate.
I hope that the slow inclusion of people of color in my primarily white community will help to alleviate that attitude. People of color who may or may not believe in your god aren't "outsiders." They're Americans. Just like us.
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