Snoozing...On a Sunday Afternoon (With apologies to The Rascals)

During these times of isolation, social media is more important than ever. It's a way for us to share a joke, feel connected, and keep in touch with our friends and family. It gives an avenue to recognize the courage and efforts of those who risk the most to keep our population healthy and happy, namely the medical establishment and people who work in the supply chain. It's a way to share ideas, tips, and recipes while we're all stuck at home.

Unfortunately, it's also a place where people are completely unembarrassed to display their ignorance, nastiness, and general assholery, now more than ever.

Enter Facebook's lovely feature called "Snooze."

This feature allows you to put people in a 30 day time out when their social media presence in your life is just too much. It hides their posts for 30 days, and when it expires, you can then see their content once again, giving you the opportunity to either snooze them again, remove them forever, or read what they post.

I love this feature, and until this pandemic is over, I'm going to be using it with reckless abandon. RECKLESS ABANDON, Y'ALL.

• You believe 45 has suddenly decided to suspend his pathological need to lie about every fucking thing specifically for this emergency? SNOOZE!
• You think your high school diploma makes you as qualified as an epidemiologist to discuss how far the disease will spread, and how fast? SNOOZE!
• You believe that this entire thing - including the U.S.'s lack of sufficient medical supplies and the federal government's late response - is the fault of a President who has been out of office for over three years? SNOOZE!
• You believe you know more than an infectious disease specialist who has literally spent their entire adult life studying and preparing for this specific emergency? SNOOZE!
• You think our current President knows more about disease vectors, effective preventative measures, epidemiology, and hospital usage statistics than those who have made the study of such things their life's work? SNOOZE! 
• You hypocritically attempt to take people to task for criticizing the federal government's response because it's "mean-spirited," but then run right out and post personal attacks and other nastiness on a daily basis? SNOOZE!
• You are thoroughly convinced your belief in conspiracy theories that would make Chuck Norris blush makes you a qualified intelligence analyst? SNOOZE! 

SNOOZE! SNOOZE! SNOOZE!

I started snoozing yesterday, and today my feed is already less tainted by the Dunning-Kruger Effect and other forms of hypertension-inducing dumbassery. SNOOZE!

Rules to Live By - Be Kind or Be Silent

You want to know why I don't post political content on social media anymore?

It brings out the worst in people. Folks who are normally civil, polite, and wouldn't dream of confronting others in a rude way in person suddenly become perfectly comfortable calling others out in public while checking their manners at the door.

It doesn't seem to matter how long the poster has known someone, what their feelings are about one another, whether or not they're family. None of it matters when someone is sitting behind a keyboard, and someone presses their particular buttons. Suddenly their manners go out the window, and they're hurtful, rude, and act like they were raised by wolves. They make the discussion personal, not realizing that such behavior only serves to isolate them from the people they care about and makes their argument null and void. After all, if I can't trust your self-discipline, judgement, and critical thinking skills when you're trying to make a political point, then why should I trust those things when we aren't talking about politics? 

I've fallen victim to this viscous circle myownself.  I would get wrapped around the axle, make unkind statements, take things personally. And you know what? I didn't like myself very much when I would fall victim to the political baiting. I don't want others to feel bad. I don't want others to make me feel bad. I want to emulate my beloved lost Auntie, who taught me through word and deed that being kind is the very best way to make a difference in this world, as long as you apply that kindness to every aspect of your life.

That doesn't mean people shouldn't be politically active, or have strong opinions about their views. That's what voting and activism is all about. But do you have to be a dick about it?

My dear cousin, whose politics are basically diametrically opposed to my own, and I have had this discussion. I love my cousin. She loves me. We don't agree on politics. I'm not going to tell her she's stupid, or lacks compassion, or a NAZI for Christ's sake.* And she doesn't make it personal with me, either. Because we love each other, and I don't believe any of those things are true, and she doesn't believe all the usual insults about liberals are true of me, either. We just disagree, and that's okay. ALL politicians, regardless if they fall on the left or the right, require a loyal opposition to ensure our Republic works the way it's supposed to. Right now, I play that role. When President Obama was President, that was her job. WAD=Working As Designed.

Remember, folks - if you're a jerk to those who do not share your political point-of-view, but polite to those on the same side of the aisle, you're still a jerk.

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*ACTUAL Nazis and White Supremacists are exempt from this rule. Because sometimes there really is just one side to the story.

The Great Social Media Experiment

I've been on hiatus since December 18th.

Not just from Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, but from Facebook, Twitter, my RSS feed, pretty much everything on-line with the exception of e:mail, SMS, my reading apps, and Google.

And aside from a mild itchiness of habit for the first week or two, I've been surprised at how little I've missed it. So here are the pros and cons of my two month experiment:

Pros

1. Reduced the "noise" in my life.
2. I feel more present in my life. 
3. I feel more generally focused.
4. I'm angry or upset a lot less.
5. The time suck is gone.
6. I read more. A LOT more. 
7. I'm no longer exposed to people who will say the most hateful shit imaginable in order to make some sort of point against me in an on-line disagreement. 

 Cons

1. I'm missing news from my friends and family.
2. I'm not staying abreast of the news, which I consider my civic duty.
3. I've had some interesting things to share or write about the last two months, and no where to put them. 

The Verdict

Obviously there are far more "pros" to giving up social media than there are "cons." But they bear similar weight within my own value system. The "pros" relate to my mental health and sense of balance, but the "cons" relate to my duty to people I care about and to myself.

What I've decided is that I need to find a balance between both. I want to spend some time on Facebook and such, but not much. I want to spend some time reading the news, but only once a day, and from only reputable sources (rather than links through FB, blog entries, etc.). To help with my peace of mind, I need to MAKE time to engage in meditation, as advised by Sister Stacey and the 10% Happier folks.

I'm going to try and reintegrate some of these things into my daily life. I'll be hiding, unfriending, or outright blocking people with reckless abandon (see pros #1, #4 and #7). I'll be limiting my FB time by not reinstalling the app on my phone (see pro #5). And if if social media starts infiltrating my new serenity with its redunkulousness, polarization, nasty-ass people, and lying liers of lies, I'm fully prepared to force it out the airlock with few regrets.

So I'll see you on Facebook or Twitter. Occasionally. In short doses. 

Holiday Break

I know I just came back from hiatus, but I need to take a break from social media, y’all.

Between the news, polarizing content, and getting myself wrapped around the axle, I have found that I’m less than present in my daily life.

I need to take a break, and practice being present. I need to read more. I need to watch less TV. I need to start excercising with some discipline. I need to start eating healthy food. I need to start practicing some disciplined self-care.

And social media and our terrible world are interfering with all these things, the things I need to do to for my own benefit and for the benefit of the people around me.

See you all after the holidays. Maybe.

Stressin' on Facebook

I have a new Facebook policy.

As I've mentioned before, I've been hiding people with reckless abandon since last Spring, because I really didn't want to be inundated with "all politics, all the time." Those people who never posted anything but political content were hidden, because damn. I don't consider Facebook a political news site, and I was weary of those people who did.

Once the election was over, I thought I'd unlock the content of those individuals I'd previously hidden.

Crap on a cracker, what a mistake.

So here's my new policy, put in place for my own self-care and stress management:

I recognize that people can post whatever they like on their own pages. Not my circus, not my monkeys. But I can choose to read whatever I like, and from now on, if you post the following crap, I will delegate you to the back porch of my Facebook house, where I don't have to look at what you choose to post.

1. If you think it's okay to disrespect an entire group of private citizens based on the behavior of one or two individuals, you're out. Examples: A conservative expresses a belief that women who terminate their pregnancies should go to jail, so you assume that all conservatives, everywhere, care more about a fetus than viable living children and so are heartless scumbags. You have no idea how all conservatives, everywhere, feel about that opinion. and I'm not interested in your ill-conceived conclusions. The same rule applies to everyone, conservative, liberal, or moderate.

2. If you think it's okay to re-post content from Facebook pages called "Conservatives are Fascists" or "Liberals are Hypocrites," then to the porch you go. Such sites do nothing but deliberately foment distrust, polarization, and anger between people of differing views. If you endorse such a site, I have no choice but to assume you also consider ALL conservatives to be fascists or ALL liberals to be hypocrites. I have friends and family on BOTH sides of the political spectrum, people I love and respect. Why the hell do I want to interact with you when you've just insulted me and the people I care about?

3. If you use terms like "libtard" or "sheeple" to attack the opposition, then really - your argument is forfeit and you're off to the porch. If you TRULY believe that hyper-partisanship is out of control and we should all be a little more respectful of the loyal opposition, then don't start the conversation with an ad hominen attack.

4. If you post articles from sources that are widely acknowledged to be utter garbage because of their hyper-partisan conspiracy theories, then we'll not be interacting on this forum. Think "Natural News," "Addicting Info," "Info Wars, or "Breitbart." There are plenty of fact-based journalists out there - on both sides of the aisle - without resorting to this trash.

And as always, if your content proves you to be a bigot, not only do you get the back porch, you get the boot. With extreme prejudice.

I'm sure there are people out there who are currently my friend or currently follow me who will take offense at these rules and unfollow me or unfriend me or whatever. That's fine. They have the right to manage their Facebook account however they see fit, just as I do. But I'm sick of being insulted, disrespected, and discounted because I'm liberal and that offends some people. And I'm sick of my friends and family members who are conservatives being insulted, disrespected, and discounted because they're conservative and that offends other people. People complain about the tenor of conversation on social media, and while I can't fix the internet, I have the power to fix my own little corner of it.

On the subject of Orlando

I had to take a break from social media last week, and gave my RSS feed only the most cursory of scans. 

In the aftermath of the mass shooting at the nightclub Pulse in Orlando, the rhetoric was just too much for me. Every screed, every wild bit of speculation, every insensitive, hateful, homophobic, racist, bigoted, ammosexual comment was like a small cut on my skin. After only one day of this spew, I felt like someone had put me in a blender for a quick toss with the milling blade.

Events like this always affect me in this way to a greater or lessor extent, but this one...this one was exceptionally bad, because I have an intimate tie to the LGBT community. I know the pain the families of those victims are feeling. I know the crushing grief the parents of the dead are under today, and every day, for the rest of their lives. I grieve with them, and for them.

And I grieve with the larger community, too. I'm sorry your community was targeted. I'm sorry there are those in the world who are so hateful, so confused, so full of rage that they reach a place where they honestly believe members of the LGBT community have no right to exist in the world. I would take away this prejudice, this hate, this bigotry, if I could. I would protect you from this evil, and shield you from the consequences of their hate. But I can't, and that makes me grieve all the more.

But I can refuse to have it in my life.

If you believe the victims of this violence "deserved it" because they were gay, because they chose to go unarmed in a purportedly civilized society, because the U.S. is slowly moving toward equal rights for the LGBT community and deserves to be punished, because your Deity hates homosexuals and wants them to die, because people "not like me" don't deserve the same chances, the same rights, the same safety as you...then get off my world. Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, politicians, I don't care who you are. Get off.

Get the fuck off my world. And don't come back.

On the Courage of Caitlyn Jenner

The Internet is abuzz with the Vogue cover of Caitlyn Jenner, and the way in which she's publicly sharing her personal journey of acceptance. Many commentators believe that doing so is an act of courage. Others think it's some sort of attention getting scam. Still others believe there are more important things to think about and discuss, and some believe she's going to burn for her decision to live an authentic life.

There's a lot to unpack, here.

On the Nature of Courage

First of all, let's all agree that there are many types of courage. The physical courage of first responders, military personnel in combat, and ordinary citizens who make a decision to put themselves in harm's way for the sake of others is worthy of our respect.

The moral courage of doing the right thing in the face of certain condemnation and negative consequences to oneself is another kind of courage, and I personally have a great deal of respect for people who face these choices and come out the other side with honor and dignity.

There's the courage of people who take risks that the rest of us would never dream of. Astronauts. Explorers. Test pilots.

And then there's the kind of courage Caitlyn Jenner has shown in her transition process. Here is a human being who has decided to live an authentic life. A life of which so many people do not approve, and are not shy about communicating. A life so far removed from her previous existence she actually had to have major surgery in order to be true to her authentic self.

It's my contention that the courage of Caitlyn Jenner is as worthy of respect as any other type. Not only is she subjecting herself to numerous surgeries (and their inherent risks) in order to be her authentic self, she's facing loud and public condemnation for her choices. And she's moving forward anyway. Would you open your internal private journey to the world in such a way? I'm not sure I could, and I choose to share far more of my inner self in public than most people.

On Seeking Attention

I think it's fair to say that Caitlyn Jenner is seeking attention by being so public about her transition. Why she is being so public can be argued, although I prefer to think it's because she knows that doing so will make issues of gender identity more mainstream. If people choose to attribute cynical motives to Caitlyn, then that's their prerogative.

But please spare the world the amazing ignorance inherent in assuming that someone would actually CHANGE THEIR GENDER simply to get attention and make money. Seriously.

On the News Cycle

You know what? There are lots of things in this world that are important. That matter. That affect the lives of thousands or millions of people. As heirs of the enlightenment, we all have an obligation to approach these things in a humanistic way.

But I think people tend to fall into the moral equivalence fallacy when it comes to the type of news stories that signify significant social change. Are there events in the world that affect more people than the trans community and their families? Of course. War, food insecurity and extreme poverty come to mind. But that doesn't mean that Caitlyn's story and the trans community as a whole isn't important. It may not be important to specific individuals - in fact I'm quite sure a large portion of the population couldn't care less. And that's okay. But don't pretend that because you don't care about someone's personal story means it's irrelevant to everyone else. Your narcissism is hanging out, and it does not become you.

On Religious Objections

I love it when Christians act like...well, Christians. But if you can't, if you really can't bring yourself to mind your own damn business, then be prepared for the consequences of your free speech, including being called a bigoted asshat and being told to fuck right off with your neolithic ideas.
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I'm a human being with a fondness for the categorical imperative. I have a vested interest in other human beings being treated with kindness and respect. And what I've seen on social media and in some quarters of the press makes me ill. Leave the woman alone. If you're not interested in her transition, if her journey doesn't engage you, then don't read about it. Don't talk about it. Hide stories or commentary about it.

But spare us all the vitriol of your disapproval. You're outing yourself, and not in a "being your authentic self" kind of way. Or maybe you are. Which is a damn shame.

Facebook - Let's bring back original content

For some time, I've been noticing that my Facebook feed has become a lot thinner on news and photos of people I care about, writings from people I respect, and links to news stories that make me think, and a lot fatter on crap.

And by "crap," I mean the junk you put on Facebook because...reasons? And by "you," I mean all you people who are otherwise intelligent and interesting people under normal circumstances, but think that your Facebook page is filled with deep wisdom and insight from all your re-posts, but is in fact banal and boring. Let's give some examples, shall we?

1. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of political commentary superimposed over a photograph that may or may not be relevant, you're posting crap. If we're friends, it's a pretty good bet that I already know your political leanings, and informing me of them again, and again, and AGAIN, does not engage me to your cause or make me change my mind about MY political opinions.
2. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of inspirational words that help you live a better life superimposed over a photograph that may or may not be relevant, you're posting crap. I'm happy that you're trying to maintain your mental and spiritual health, because I want you to be happy.  But quite frankly I'd rather hear about how fabulous you felt after a weekend retreat than look at just one more "words of wisdom" post.
3. If you look at your page and all you see is re-posts of LOL cats, videos entitled "You're not going to believe what happened next," music videos, and jokes about bodily functions, you're posting crap. 
4. If you look at your page and all you see are re-posts saying things like "I'm against child abuse! Share if you agree!" you're posting crap. Because really, what does that say about you? That you're against child abuse? As opposed to what? A re-post that says "I'm totally FOR child abuse! Beat 'em till they bleed?" And what are you trying to say about me, who refuses to re-post this crap - that I'm for child abuse by omission?
5. If you look at your wall and all you see is a combination of items 1-4 above, you're posting crap.

Here's the thing. I use Facebook because I want to connect with the people I care about. I want to be informed about their lives, learn about their happenings and accomplishments, their triumphs and their pain. I want to look at links that provide me with thought-provoking content, and act as a spring-board for the exchange of ideas.

Do I object to occasional re-posts of something that will make me think or give me a chuckle? Of course not. I re-post such things myself occasionally, in addition to news about our new house, our crazy dog, and my daily life. But the re-posts aren't all I post.

I'm thinking I'm going to start getting brutal with the blocking. I only have so many hours left on this earth, and I don't want to waste even one more on people's Facebook pages who consist of nothing but items 1-4. I want to start using Facebook in the way I used to use it - as a tool to bring me closer to those I care about, rather than a banal and boring timesuck.

ORIGINAL CONTENT. Let's all get on board, shall we?