You've been mostly dead all day

Surprise! While I feel I've been mostly dead all day, I'm not dead yet.

After receiving a note from a reader wanting to know if I was all right, I decided it was probably time to at least check in and let everyone know I'm still treading water up in here.

Things here are basically hair-on-fire in both my personal and professional life. Let's review, shall we?

We received a closing date on the Big Brown House of April 23th. This means, of course that we have to arrange movers for the Big Yellow House, movers for the pool table, and packing. And then there's the tasks associated with selling our current home. Painting, and deck sealant, and porch painting, and carpet replacement, and carpet cleaning, oh my.

And then there's the professional thing. It would be wildly inappropriate for me to air my company or my clients' dirty laundry here, but I will say this. My professional pressures are starting to keep me up at night and make me grind my teeth. This really isn't acceptable to me, as I believe I need to prioritize my health and well-being ahead of this sort of thing. I'm nearing the end of my patience with people who blatantly ignore their own rules when it's convenient and then expect me to work nights and weekends to accommodate that breakage. 'Nough said about that.

And my travel schedule! What a glorious thing. I'm being scheduled for one or two trips a week, every week. I finally put my foot down and declared one week a month to be a travel-free week so I could see that guy I live with and our hopelessly neurotic dog (who by all accounts misses me terribly  when I'm not home). So there's that.

All in all it's currently a very hectic life for me right now. I've decided the best way to manage the next couple months is to go heads down until IT'S OVER. Bear with me, Hot Chicks and Smart Men - eventually we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Vaccination and the Social Contract

There's been a flurry of Internet activity the last several weeks over the resurgence of Measles, herd immunity. and vaccinations. I've written on this subject more than once, and my feelings on this topic are pretty clear (and backed up by actual science, to boot).

But I feel the need to speak to this topic once again, inspired by a reprobate named Dr. Jack Wolfson, whom you should consider the new (now no longer a doctor) Andrew Wakefield, except with less morals.

After the outbreak of Measles at Disneyland, Dr. Wolfson felt the need to speak publicly about his opinion regarding vaccines and how they should be eliminated. At first I just considered his commentary to be the normal bleating of anti-vaxxers everywhere, but I was wrong.

In my opinion, Dr. Jack Wilson is a sociopath, with all that implies.

When contacted by CNN about the need to vaccinate healthy children in order to provide herd immunity to children who cannot be vaccinated due to health concerns, he responded:

"It's not my responsibility to inject my child with chemicals in order for [a child like Maggie] to be supposedly healthy," he said. "As far as I'm concerned, it's very likely that her leukemia is from vaccinations in the first place." 

"I'm not going to sacrifice the well-being of my child. My child is pure," he added. "It's not my responsibility to be protecting their child." 

CNN asked Wolfson if he could live with himself if his unvaccinated child got another child gravely ill. 

"I could live with myself easily," he said. "It's an unfortunate thing that people die, but people die. I'm not going to put my child at risk to save another child." 

Wow. Just.....wow.

Who thinks like this? My friend BrainDoc explains the real risk associated with vaccinating otherwise healthy children:

[Physicians] weigh benefit vs. risk when making a decision how to treat a patient, and vaccines are no different. Vaccines are comprised of chemicals, and, yes, they carry risk. They are injected into the body, so adverse events (side effects) may occur. These generally range from fairly common but mild (low-grade fever, muscle soreness) to really rare and can be severe (e.g., encephalitis, anaphylaxis, development of the disease the vaccine is intended to prevent). These are measured in events per 1,000,000 or million doses (e.g., anaphylaxis occurs in measles at a rate of 3.5 to 10 per million doses).

So basically, Dr. Wolfson is unwilling to have his children take a .0000035% chance of a severe reaction in order to protect the lives of children whose mortality rate would be quite high if they contracted Measles.

Again - who thinks like this? Vaccination for herd immunity is an aspect of the social contract, as well as a public health issue. The social contract demands that members of society give up some small amount of self-determination for the common good. In some cases, that means paying taxes so you can enjoy the services of the fire department and police. In other cases, it means you can't steal other people's shit. And in this case, it means you don't get to wantonly put other people's children in danger because doing so "isn't my responsibility."

It IS your responsibility, you sociopathic. self-important, non-critical thinking mother-fucker. You live in our society, you take advantage of the benefits of doing so - the reciprocal aspect of that is you need to get your children vaccinated, not only for their benefit, but for all our benefit.

Unless, of course, the social contract doesn't apply to you, Dr. Wolfson. If that's the case, I fully support your decision and will immediately notify public institutions that you no longer need their services. No more roads, police, firefighters, public schools, clean water, safe food and drugs for YOU.

After all, it's a small price to pay to keep your kids "pure," right?

Adventures in Customer Service - FedEx

The Smart Man and I tend to be the kind of people who try to get things done ahead of time. We don't like the stress of running around naked with our hair on fire, and have discovered that pre-planning goes a long way toward making our lives easier.

And then a crappy customer service experience ensures that our blood pressure will rise, regardless of how organized and together we are. 

We shopped early and often for our niece's Christmas. We found awesome stuff. We were done shopping well before Thanksgiving, and we thought we were the shizzle. And then we made a poor choice: The UPS Store was closed on the Sunday we went to drop off her gifts, so we decided to go to our local FedEx Store, instead. 

God, what a mistake. Here is what ensued: 

Sunday, November 30th, 2014: We dropped the gifts off at the FedEx store in Parker, CO. We requested that FedEx pack the box with their own materials, and ship it to Maryland via ground, since there was plenty of time for it to get there.

Thursday, December 4th, 2014: Package was supposed to be delivered at my BIL and SIL's home. My BIL was there all day, working from home. He did not hear the doorbell ring, and (more tellingly) the dogs did not bark anytime throughout the day. The dogs ALWAYS bark when someone approaches the house. Because it's their job, and they're good at it. 

Friday, December 5th, 2014: FedEx's on-line tracking tool claims the package was delivered the day before at 10:30 a.m.

Saturday, December 6th, 2014: Package still has not appeared at the Maryland house, so I called FedEx to open an investigation. I receive an investigation number.

Sunday, December 7th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Monday, December 8th,  2014: FedEx calls to report no progress has been made.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2014: FedEx calls requesting additional information. The call went to voicemail because I was a call with a client. I returned the call within 30 minutes of receiving the voicemail. The woman who left the message is not at her desk, and left no notes in the investigation file so another associate could help me. The assure me they will tell the original caller I called back so that she may reach out again. No further communication is received.

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Thursday, December 11th, 2014: I call for a status and FedEx indicates their "investigation" is complete. Please note their "investigation" consisted of sending the driver back out to my BIL's house to "look around" and see if he can "see" the package. I am directed to assume the package is "lost" and open a claim. I attempt to open a claim. I am unable to do so on-line or on the phone because FedEx's tracking software does not recognize that the "investigation" has been closed. The FedEx agent takes my e:mail address, which is on file with shipment. I spell the address phonetically, in case there's a mistake, and she e:Mails the forms for the claim. Several hours later, I still have not received the forms, so I call back. FedEx emailed the forms to the wrong eMail address, and sends them again to the correct address.

Friday, December 12th,2014: I complete the claim, and eMail it to the FedEx claims department. I receive a confirmation eMail.

Saturday, December 13th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. The Smart Man and I go back out shopping...at the mall...less than 2 weeks before Christmas. We repurchase our niece's gifts, take them home, wrap them, and go to the UPS Store for packaging and shipment.

Sunday, December 14th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Monday, December 15th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. 

Wednesday, December 17th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. 

Thursday, December 18th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. The new package is delivered by UPS, on time, with no trouble. Amazingly enough, when the UPS guy rings the bell, not only does my BIL hear it, but the dogs ALSO sound the alert. Funny how that happens.

Friday, December 19th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Saturday, December 20th, 2014: I look for a way to check on the status of our claim on the FedEx website and find no tracking system is available. I call FedEx, and the agent informs me that the last recorded status on the claim was "under review" since December 13th. The agent is unable to find additional details because the claim department only works Monday through Friday, but assures me that it is "very unusual" for a claim to have such a status for such a long period of time. Given our experience thus far, I am not convinced.

Sunday, December 21st, 2014: No communication from FedEx.  

Monday, December 22nd, 2014: No communication from FedEx. 

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014: No communication from FedEx. 

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. 

Thursday, December 25th, 2014: No communication from FedEx. Since it's Christmas Day, the Smart Man and I feel very fortunate that we had the wherewithal to purchase all new gifts for our niece and send them in time for the holiday.

Friday, December 26th, 2014: No communication from FedEx.

Saturday, December 27th, 2014: Received a notice via the U.S. Mail that our claim has been rejected because...wait for it...their records indicate the package was delivered.

Based on my records and my research, this little experience cost us $310.00 in cash, and approximately $439.00 in the time* we wasted fucking around with these incompetents.We have no idea what happened to the original package. It could have been stolen from the FedEx truck. It could have been lost in transit. What it WASN'T was delivered to my BIL's house. 

So here are my questions to FedEx, who did a poorer job of delivering this package than any other shipping company in this country, including the U.S Postal Service, the Pony Express, and the stagecoach. 

1. Why do your employees take such a lackadaisical attitude toward the loss of a consumer package? With the exception of the agent who initially started the investigation, not a single agent I had contact with showed even the slightest bit of interest in this claim. In fact, I don't think they could have given less of a fuck if they'd made an effort. 

2. How come the person who presumably made the initial mistake (the driver) is responsible for the investigation? Talk about the fox guarding the hen-house - what possible outcome did you expect from such a plan? A full confession that the driver delivered it to the wrong house, or (even more unlikely) that the driver stole it and is now terribly sorry for his dishonesty? Perhaps your company should do a little research on what "impartial investigation" means.

3. And while we're on the subject, what kind of a half-assed investigative effort is sending the driver out to "look around" so he can report back on whether or not the package is still where he supposedly left it a week ago? In my business we're required to provide Root Cause Analysis for such events, not tell our customer that we have no idea why all their incoming calls have been misrouted to the wrong agents, sorry for all that lost revenue, suck it up, buttercup! 

4. Why is your company so piss-poor at communicating? You're a multinational, for fuck's sake. You can't have some sort of automated system that keeps people apprised of the status of their investigation/claim? You're not running this shit out of your garage, FedEx, why do you act like it?

5. What happened to you, FedEx? Your used to be the gold standard for package delivery -  you were well known for both your efficiency and accuracy. Now, at least among the people I associate with, you are considered the low-rent option, so much so that people couldn't believe we'd even consider using FedEx instead of UPS. 

While I recognize that there is a fairly large segment of the population who might make an effort to "get over" on their shipping company, it seems to me that FedEx' processes and attitude automatically assume the person making the claim is a criminal, attempting to defraud the company for their own gain. I don't mind providing receipts for our purchases when we make a claim, it's a reasonable precaution that protects the company. I do mind the automatic assumption that the driver couldn't POSSIBLY have made a mistake, so we bear no responsibility whatsoever, tell your niece we're sorry for the lost Christmas, too bad so sad! 

It should be obvious by now that I am LESS THAN IMPRESSED with our customer service experience. It should also be obvious that we shall never use FedEx again, and would instead resort to the aforementioned Pony Express rather than give them a single penny more of our money. And you may also rest assured that I will endeavor to make sure no one else I know, anywhere in the world, will use FedEx or buy their stock.

Fuck you, FedEx. Your complete inability to execute on any aspect of this transaction tells me you don't give a rat's ass about the impact of your incompetence, or the reputation of your company. And if you don't give a shit, why should I? 

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*Calculation based on our currently hourly wages, assuming 2,080 hours worked per year. 

Standards for Public Safety Officers

What the hell is the deal with the lack of physical fitness standards for Police Officers? Our own small department appears to have some, as every officer I've ever seen has been trim and looked strong. But the Denver Police? Crap on a cracker, these people need to put down the fork and get on the treadmill.

Lest you think I'm being judgey and fat-shaming these officers, be aware that I don't consider an officer's physical appearance to be important. What I'm talking about is physical ability. Fire Departments and the Armed Forces have such standards. They have them because being physically able to perform their duties is a condition of employment. Policing is sometimes (but not always) a physical job, requiring the ability to run and the ability to physically control a situation without shooting someone or beating them with a baton.

So. Standards. Get some, Police Departments.

People Behaving Poorly

You know, the Smart Man and I have a tendency to keep to ourselves. And by that I mean that we're not "joiners." With the exception of my seat on the Library Board of Trustees, we're not really engaged in our community from that perspective, although we do participate in the various human services drives around the County, such as school supply drives, Thanksgiving dinner giveaways, Toys for Tots, Adopt-a-Family, etc. But we really don't want to join. 

And there's a reason for that. People do not know how to act. 

The latest example of this truism occurred yesterday at our local dog park. We like to take Miss Jackson there so she can run herself out several days a week, and up until yesterday, our experiences with other dog owners has been overwhelmingly positive. Yesterday, however, brought quite a few larger dogs to the park, many of whom liked to play roughly. One dog owner thought the play was too rough for her taste, so she put her dog on leash and went for a walk in the open space surrounding the park, instead. That was her prerogative, as the dog park is an public space where you don't get to impose your personal rules on others. The rest of us were keeping a sharper eye on the dogs that remained, though, to ensure things didn't get out of hand. In other words, a normal day at the dog park.

And then a man came in with his dog, a small terrier. As dogs at dog parks do, the remaining dogs crowded around to inspect and greet the newcomer. The other dogs then started to engage in rough play. Well, evidently this owner didn't like the way the larger dogs were ganging up on his terrier, so instead of calling out to the other pet owners to help break it up, he barged into the pack and picked up his dog. The other dogs (of course) were still very much interested in the terrier, so they didn't back off, but were still pushing to get to the terrier. Not in an aggressive way, mind - all their ears were forward, no tails were tucked.

So this guy decides that at this point, his best course of action is to start kicking the larger dogs.

I already had Jax by the collar when this occurred, as I went and collected her when it appeared things were getting too intense for the terrier's owner, and the Smart Man was right behind me. All the other owners converged on the scene as well, pulling their dogs back, to give the man a chance to get his dog away. But apparently we weren't moving fast enough for him, as he continued to kick at the dogs.

One of the dogs that got kicked belonged to a huge man who was at the park with his daughter. He blew his top, charged the guy and pushed him really hard while shouting about the guy kicking his dog. The pusher pushed him hard enough that the kicker fell on the concrete, dropped his dog, and just laid there. I was still holding Jax away from the action, but the other folks crowded around the kicker to make sure he was all right.

The entire incident made me sick to my stomach. While I had empathy for both owners (people who care about their dogs have a tendency to defend them, after all), both of them behaved deplorably. The entire thing made me want to wade in and treat them both like recalcitrant children, and order them to use their words. 

And this, in a nutshell, is why the Smart Man and I have no interest in getting involved with "community" groups. Any time you find yourself in non-self selected groups, there is always going to be members who don't know how to act, and cause conflict and confrontation as a result. I'm required to put up with such shit in a professional context, and I'm well compensated for my trouble. But at the dog park? In the neighborhood? Fuck that. I'll stick with the people who have proven to me that they do know how to act.

People suck.

Attention Cyclists

I live in Parker, Colorado. We have a lot of open space in our community, and much of it has paved trails for residents to enjoy. I've used these trails for years - first to walk Boogie the Giant Schnauzer, then to run or walk on my own, now to walk young Jackson. I share the trail with a variety of other residents - walking, running, or cycling.

And I have a bone to pick with the cyclists.

Cyclists, I don't think that it's too much to ask for you to announce yourself when you're about to pass a pedestrian. A simple "on your left" is sufficient to let me know you're coming upon me and my dog at speed. When you speak, I'm able to shorten Jackson's leash and put her on my right side to ensure she doesn't get in your way as you pass me.

When you don't announce yourself, I often have no idea you're behind me until you actually try to pass. This means that my dog, who is still young and quite reactive, is startled by the speeding object on her left, and acts as most dogs do - she lunges and tries to follow. Even Boogie the Giant Schnauzer engaged in this behavior before he hit old age. A speeding "target," especially for a sight hound, is an invitation to chase.

What I'm afraid of is that you'll try to pass me without speaking and she'll successfully knock into your bike as you pass, resulting in a wipe out. I really don't want the cyclists who use our paths to get hurt, which is why announcing yourself is not only the courteous thing to do, but the safest thing to do. I don't expect people to get out of my way when I walk Jax. The Smart Man and I are training her daily to ensure her manners improve every week. We take our responsibilities as pet owners seriously, and work to ensure our dog doesn't scare anyone or approach them without our permission. When you buzz past on your bike without observing the common courtesy of speaking, then you put all of us in danger, in spite of my family's best efforts.

And may I also remind you - there is a standard right-of-way on trails in Colorado:

Everyone yields to horses. And cyclists yield to pedestrians. So basically, you are supposed to yield to everyone else. Speaking before you pass ensures everyone stays safe.

So don't be surprised if when you fail to announce yourself when passing me and my dog, My reaction is not only to control my dog, but to shout as you pass, "ON YOUR RIGHT." Dipshits.
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ETA: An interesting conversation between pedestrians and cyclists over on Facebook leads me to make the following recommendation: Use a bell. It cannot be mistaken for extraneous conversation, and "most" people are culturally conditioned to associate a bell with a bicycle in this context. There still might be some confusion on which side the cyclist will pass, but applying standard driving rules (pass on the left, slower traffic on the right) will manage some of that. Thanks for the suggestion, Brother Seth!

FML

So one of the reasons I took my gig in the Military Industrial Complex was the assurance by the hiring manager that I would not be spending all my time responding to something called "RFPs." "RFP" stands for "Request For Proposal," and it's a legal mechanism  whereby organizations ask vendors to propose solutions for a specific need, and the competitors do so by delivering reams and reams of paper copies of their response.

The reason that was important to me is that I hate RFPs. I hate them with the heat of a thousand burning suns. I want the entire concept to die in a fire, and take the knob who thought of it with them. They're wasteful, bureaucratic, inefficient, result in substandard designs and fail to serve their designed purpose.

However, due to a variety of reasons that are not open for public discussion*, a significant portion of my professional hours are now dedicated to RFP response. KMN.

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*I don't blame my hiring manager or my colleagues for this turn of events - it is what it is, and things change. But that doesn't change that "what it is," is sucky. And boring. That, too.

Stabby Monday

H/T Thorvaaldr, who knows me so well.

Because who the hell needs another Miscellaneous Monday when there's so much to be stabby about?
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You know, I tend to be rather conservative when it comes to change. I just don't care much for it as a general rule, and I tend to arrange my life around that preference. But I don't intentionally sabotage the efforts of those around me because they choose to do things differently than me. In spite of my conservatism, I recognize that change is sometimes good. And there are certain people in my life who need to quit being whiny bitches and accept that "because we've always done things this way" is not an acceptable reason for refusing to change.
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This "being middle-aged" thing fucking blows. My plumbing is a mess. I've recently developed a tendency to become dizzy and light-headed. I can't sleep through the night to save my life. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY NECK? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

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Remember how I worked my ass off in order to live a courageous life? This is why people who lack moral courage, either personally or professionally, drive me insane. It's not that I think they can't be decent human beings, or make meaningful and long-lasting contributions to our society. They can. But I sure don't want them at my back when the chips are down. If, as the Incomparable Anne notes, courage is the key to living a non-meh life, then having courageous friends and colleagues is the key to having non-meh relationships.
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You know how I mentioned that I was recently accepted to Colorado State University for the Fall term? Well, prior to deciding on CSU, I was looking into several other on-line Universities, and CRAP ON A CRACKER, THESE PEOPLE NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER. Seriously, they're stalking me via phone, via text, via e:mail. And they won't give up. Even if I was inclined to apply to their programs, their desperation would give me pause. Are you listening, Rasmussen College? You're like a bad boyfriend who can't take a hint.
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We've been on the Federal Do Not Call list for many, many years. That doesn't prevent people from calling us, however, each and every day of the week, in order to sell their wares. What the hell is the point of the law if it's not enforced?
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There are a great many people who should just not have children. Seriously. If you're this couple, or this woman, please, do us all a favor and get yourself sterilized before it's too late. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

No, not Mos Eisley - the absolute circus that has become Black Friday in this country.

Seriously - what the fuck is wrong with these yahoos who run the retail industry? It wasn't enough that those people who work in the retail industry had to report for work at O-Dark-Thirty on the Friday after Thanksgiving or risk losing the only crappy job they were able to find in this economy. Now they have to leave their families on Thanksgiving Day in order to open their stores so that crazy people looking for a "deal" can try to save some money. I don't get it. I just don't. If you have to call in OSHA to help you manage your crowd control so that people don't get trampled to death, I think it's safe to say you're DOING IT WRONG.

It's one thing for people to have to work on holidays because they work in critical services. I've worked my fair share of holidays over the years for that purpose, and didn't begrudge it. But it's not like making sure the Target is open on Thanksgiving contributes in some meaningful way to the health and safety of our communities.

It's just greed, pure and simple. I think it's shameful - SHAMEFUL - that people have to leave their families on a holiday like Thanksgiving to line the pockets of consumers and the companies that compromise the well-being of their employees to cater to them.

Who Raised These People?

As noted in the douchenozzle post below, I've been noticing a trend in the people I've been exposed to lately that prompts me to ask, over and over, "Who raised these people?"

My word is my bond

When I give my word about something, that means that I have made a commitment to follow through on whatever it is that I've promised. Asking me again and again to change my mind after my word has been given says something not only about you, but about your opinion regarding my integrity. Something I do not appreciate, by the way.

You're not a special snowflake

No, you're really not. The rules do, in fact, apply to you, and you don't deserve special treatment because you might be inconvenienced by doing things the way everyone else in your community does them. You want to make a change? Fine - do the work necessary, and make the change apply to everyone, not just your own special self.

Mind your own beeswax, you presumptive motherfucker

If we're not friends, if I don't work for you, if you're not my professional mentor, if I don't respect you, then you should not presume to counsel me on my career arc. Because, you see, I'm not here for your personal convenience, and I don't give a good goddamn what you think.

Wake me when you run out of excuses

Gender diversity and feminism matter to me. This is not a secret. So if you have a history - a personal, documented history - of hiring only men in your organization, relying on the old trope that "women just don't apply for these jobs" as your excuse probably isn't going to prevent me from thinking you're a misogynistic asshat. The reason why is left as an exercise for the class.

Just because I'm a misanthrope doesn't mean you're not a ginormous knob 

It's true.I'm something of a misanthrope. I have little time and shorter patience for your shenanigans, and I'm not above speaking publicly about what a dumbass you are. And that might be considered poor manners in some circles. But it doesn't negate the fact that you are, in fact, a ginormous knob.

NOW GET OFF MY LAWN.

The 1950's Called - They Want Their Jim Crow Back

Every time I hear some privileged white person say that we live in a world that is beyond racism, beyond institutional bigotry, and we can all now skip through the Daisies in our new, colorblind world, I just want to heave. Preferably all over their shoes. Because they're wrong, wrong, wrong.

Today's reminder of just how wrong they are comes from Pine Bluff, Arkansas, where young Kimberly Wimberly graduated from high school this year. Ms. Wimberly is apparently driven, smart, works hard, and has the highest GPA in her graduating class. But apparently that's not good enough if you're also black, female, and a young mother. The principal of the school, one Darrell Thompson, decided that Ms. Wimberly would share the honor with another student who was white, and had a lower GPA.

Ms. Wimberly's mother attempted to speak to the school Superintendent about the issue, but was denied the opportunity on a technicality.

Now, let me be clear - I don't know why Ms. Wimberly was denied the opportunity to be the school's single Valedictorian. Perhaps the principal had some perfectly defensible reason for the decision - that's for the court to decide. But it does appear that a contributing factor in the decision was Ms. Wimberly's race, with her parental status possibly being an additional issue. In my opinion, the fact that Ms. Wmberly apparently has a child makes her academic accomplishments more incredible and admirable, more worthy of respect and recognition. But then, I'm not Principal Thompson, who evidently has a different opinion.

I certainly don't have all details, but it appears to me that Ms. Wimberly is guilty of Excelling While Black. And if it turns out that Ms. Wimberly was denied singular honors because good, Christian girls don't have kids in High School, I really will heave on Principal Darrell Thompson's shoes. With extreme prejudice.

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Fling of the Mortarboard to ntsc358, aka Warner , who has a knack for giving me hypertension.

English, Motherfucker - Do You Speak It?

You know, I'm not particularly militant when it comes to grammar. I don't scan the Internet, looking for instances of grammar misuse so I can pounce like some sort of grammar Nazi sniffing out those who pollute the world with the misuse of "affect" and "effect." I'm quite sure I leave participles dangling all over the place, and just yesterday I used the word "sprinklered" in a sentence.

But I do have some expectation that people should be able to speak and write coherently in their native language.

Yes, in their native language. I have nothing but respect for bilingual individuals - the ability to learn another language has always escaped me, so I tend to believe that skill is really quite amazing.

What irks me are people who were born to English speaking parents, who are educated in English speaking schools, many of them college educated, and they apparently lack the ability to speak or write their own language in some sort of coherent way.

That's right - I'm looking at you, who use the word "irregardless." Or you, who enunciates the word "asking" like it's spelled "axing." Or my personal favorite - those whose comments on-line are filled with misspellings, caps-lock and ellipses. Because believe me, nothing says "illiterate, ill-informed douchebag*" like Internet commentary full of caps-lock and ellipses.

I don't expect everyone to be master craftsmen when it comes to writing or speaking publicly. These are skills like any other, and they require practice and education to master. But right, wrong or indifferent, people are going to judge you in some part on the grounds of your mastery of these basic skills. Skills you should have learned during your primary education. Isn't a little effort worth your while?
 
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*Still wondering - is "douchebag" one word or two? 

Wal-Mart - A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Wal-Mart sucks. Their business practices are despicable. What benefits they do offer are often a double-edged sword, having more to do with lining the pockets of other for-profit companies than with the well-being of their employees. And it's also just a dreadful place to shop - the DMV of retail. Simply walking in the store makes me want to take out my own eye with spork.

It's a pretty safe bet that the next time I shop at Wal-Mart, monkeys will be flying out of my ass.

So I'm watching with interest as the Supreme Court hears a motion relating to the largest employment discrimination case in history - against Wal-Mart. The case has been going on for 10 years, and basically alleges that Wal-Mart as a corporation has an institutional bias against women, and acts on it, regularly. Now I'm not exactly inclined to side with Wal-Mart on anything, so I'll leave the merits of the case to someone a bit more objective, but the motion being heard by SCOTUS has me very concerned. It's basically a question of whether or not Wal-Mart is "too big to sue." 

The argument seems to be that the case is too far-reaching to be deciding on the basis of single trial, and that the class-action status of the suit should be denied. Since I'm not an attorney, I'm not qualified to comment on the veracity of that legal argument. But I am a dirty, dirty liberal, and so my concerns about Wal-Mart, and what this motion means, have more to do with social justice.

I don't shop at Wal-Mart. I don't own their stock. I'm not a member of Sam's Club. I would never consider employment with their company. And the key factor to those decisions is that I have a choice. I'm affluent - I can afford to shop elsewhere. I live in a community with a variety of retails choices - I have the opportunity to patronize another company. I have professional education and experience (and a knack for being in the right place at the right time with the right skills) - working for minimum wage for a company who treats me like their beck-and-call girl isn't something I have to do.

And it makes me apoplectic with rage that because Wal-Mart has a ton of money and a bunch of politicians in their pockets they can essentially force low income and small town consumers and employees to tow their line.

It's not like a low income family can afford to shop somewhere else because Wal-Mart's business practices are offensive. They have to be able to buy as much with their money as they can, because nobody's going to let their kids go hungry on a matter of principle.

It's not like someone who lives in a rural community is going to be able to drive 50 miles several times a week to buy what they need. Wal-Mart's the only game in town, literally, because they've driven out all the other smaller, locally owned businesses.

And it's not like a single mother with limited education and skills who's supporting several kids has the resources to tell Wal-Mart to fuck off. She needs that job, and the fact that Wal-Mart pays her less and affords her fewer opportunities than her team mate who happens to have a penis has no bearing on that fact.

And now Wal-Mart is asking SCOTUS to take away the only recourse these people have - the class action suit. Which the Roberts court is likely to do, since corporations are actually people and all.

Lovely. A wretched hive of scum and villainy, indeed.

Adventures in Customer Service - Sears Home Repair

I swear to dog - my frickin' house is falling apart.

The latest casualty is the electric dryer, which, during last week's laundry lost it's ability to generate heat:

6/18: I made an appointment for a service technician to come to our home to repair our electric dryer. The technician, after arriving late, determined the issue and indicated he had to order parts to fix it. He did so, and made an appointment for today to come and install them.

6/23: I received a call from the Sears Home Repair service center asking if the parts had been received. I told the representative that one part had been received, but not the other. He told me he would check on the status, and hung up. I subsequently discovered that the second part had been delivered to our front porch, so I attempted to call the service center back and let them know. After waiting in queue for over five minutes, I hung up.

6:24: I called the service center again. I informed the representative that both parts had indeed been received at our home, and asked to confirm the appointment for today, 6/25/2010 between 8:00 am. and noon, as printed on the receipt given to us by the technician. The representative indicated he did not see an appointment for me on that date, but would schedule one for today at the same time.

Today: I waited for the technician to arrive. When he did not appear by noon, I called the service center to find out the status. The representative told me that the appointment had been cancelled because the parts were not shown to have arrived. Since I had spoken to another representative just the previous day and confirmed the appointment, you can imagine my disappointment that the Sears Home Repair call center had poked the pooch and screwed up the appointment after I had been without a dryer for a week. The best the representative could do was to reschedule my appointment for 6/30/2010.

I asked to speak to a supervisor, and when he got on the phone, he informed me that the customer relationship management software did show my call on the 6/24/2010, but they had no record that the parts had arrived. I asked him do whatever he needed to do in order to get a technician to my home TODAY, since I had informed Sears Home Repair of the status of the parts and received verbal confirmation of the appointment. The best the supervisor could do was reschedule the appointment for 6/30/2010 – the same offer as the representative. I asked him to escalate the issue, and again – the same offer. I’m unsure why the moron in question thought repeated apologies and an absolute refusal to provide customer service constituted an “escalation,” but he also refused to allow me to speak to anyone above him. I suspect some remedial training may be in order for the original, incompetent representative, and the powerless supervisor to whom I was “escalated.”

I love dealing with customer service people. No, really.

Fuck you, Sears Home Repair. I hope your General Manager enjoys reading my letter of complaint.

___________
Update: So we had also scheduled the handyman to come out today to do a few things. He was supposed to be here at 1:00 p.m., but called and said he'd be delayed, although he was "definitely" coming out today. Then he called at 3:00 p.m. and said he was still delayed. Then he called at 4:30 p.m. and said the owner would have to call me and reschedule the appointment. "I don't think that word means what you think it means."

At least he had the courtesy to call and keep me informed, and the tasks I had for him aren't critical (unlike the dryer). I just wonder - is it really so hard for people to actually do what they say they're going to do, and perform the work for which they're paid in anything less than a half-ass and perfunctory manner? No wonder there's oil pouring into the gulf - the yahoos in charge of safety probably thought of their job as "customer service."

Adventures in Customer Service - the Grim Death Experience

It seems like here lately that I've been inundated with "Adventures in Customer Service." Some have been positive, but most have been negative. Coupled with my worse-than-usual insomnia, it was really just starting to piss me the hell off.

But what I've realized, just this morning, is that there are companies out there that value customer service. There are probably more that don't, but I'm glad to have a few positive experiences to offset the negative.

Consider:

Last week, we had new floors installed in our kitchen and bathrooms. We're really pleased with the way they turned out, and our experience with the installers was so AWESOME I just have to share it.

We bought the project from Empire Today, as they had the material we were interested in. The sales person was competent, although their sales tactics made me roll my eyes a little - I'm in sales myownself, buddy. I know that your sales funnel will not be irreversibly compromised if we install this project on Wednesday instead of Tuesday when it's the middle of the month. You're not fooling anyone with your artificial metrics.

However, the installers that Empire subcontracted with - they were the cat's pajamas. They're a little company named "Abba Floors," and Andre and Lucas, the family team that came out to do our project were made of Awesome. With Awesome Sauce. They were communicative, courteous, on-time, friendly, and (most important) liked my dog. Noting that I'm a complete ignoramus when it comes to things like home improvement projects and floor installation techniques, they still treated me with respect, and explained everything about the project ahead of time. And here's the kicker: After they were done, and I had accepted and signed off on the project, the Smart Man came home and noticed a tiny piece of quarter round in the kitchen that was the wrong color. I called them the next day, explained what happened, and since they were under no obligation to come back after I accepted the job, I offered to pay them a trip charge to come back out and fix the issue. Well, they were out within four hours, and fixed the issue with no trouble - and would not accept a trip charge. They made it clear to me that customer service is vitally important to them, and it showed.

They do not have a website, so if anyone in the Denver area needs some labor for flooring, send me a note and I'll send their contact information along.

And:

When the fabulous Jeri was here a couple of weeks ago, the Smart Man, me, Stacey, JR and the Incomparable Anne™ went to our very first favorite Japanese sushi restaurant here in Parker, Junz.We've been going to Junz for years and years, and it's really our favorite restaurant in our part of town. So imagine our surprise when the service was inattentive and sloppy, and the sushi ordered by half of our party took over an hour to prepare, while other patrons who arrived after us received their sushi before us.

Well.

I realize I have no personal relationship with these people. It's not like we hang out. But we do have a professional relationship. Junz has been our "go-to" restaurant for date-night, special occasions and sushi with friends. We've never had a bad meal there, and never had poor service. So I felt a little betrayed by their behavior, and ended up feeling like I needed to apologize to my friends for the poor service they received.

Not being one to suffer in silence, I wrote a letter to the executive chef, explaining my concerns and describing our experience. And lo and behold, the manager called less than a week later, explaining that they had called a meeting immediately upon receiving my letter to determine what happened, and to come up with a plan to ensure it wouldn't happen again. He ended up expressing his hope that we would give them another chance, as they didn't want to lose a loyal customer.

I can't tell you how happy I was that they responded to my note - I really love that restaurant, and I didn't want to drop them like a hot rock for letting their customer service go to shit.

So in spite of feeling a bit put upon in regards to poor customer service in the last month, there actually are companies out there that care about how they treat their customers, and aren't afraid to share that feeling. Unfortunately, I think they may be in the minority. Which means when I do find a company that feels that way, I'll be holding on like grim death.

Matters of Fact versus Matters of Belief

I read an article the other day in the New Scientist, called "Living in Denial: Why Sensible People Deny the Truth." The author makes some excellent points regarding how denialism is the most natural thing in the world for humanity, and actually looking at the world with a critical frame of mind requires work, and lots of it. The basic hypothesis was that people deny the findings of science because to accept them would relinquish a level of control that makes them uncomfortable.

An extremely thought-provoking article, and I recommend it.

And I was thinking about it the other night while lying awake with no hope of recapturing sleep, and this quote from Pat Moynihan came to mind:

“Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

I realize I have a low tolerance for the woo and denialism - faith healing, homeopathy, dowsing, young earth creationism, climate science denialism, chiropractic - all of it drives me up the wall, because from my point of view, it seems so very ignorant. Willfully ignorant, in fact. And yet, people who choose to live their lives based on faith don't bother me. People who choose to believe in psychic phenomena don't bother me. I don't agree with their point of view - but they don't bother me.

What bothers me is when people attempt to confuse issues of belief with issues of fact. Issues of fact are those that can be settled by the scientific method. Issues of belief are those that can't. Seems simple enough, but I'm constantly amazed by the number of people who confuse this very simple rule of thumb in preference for what they FEEL. Here are some examples:

FACT: Vaccines do not cause autism. We know this is a fact because numerous scientific studies have proven it to be so.

BELIEF: Vaccines cause autism. We know this is a belief because when the evidence is presented, it consists of "mommy instinct" and logical fallacy, which does not meet the litmus test for the scientific method.

FACT: Evolution, or something very much like it, is the mechanism by which life developed on this planet. We know this is a fact because research and experimentation has proven it to be so.

BELIEF: Creationism, or Intelligent Design, or God Did It, is the mechanism by which life developed on this planet. We know this is belief because the hypothesis is based on religious dogma, which is by definition unfalsifiable. The scientific method does not support the hypothesis.

Conversely, I believe science and rationalism should keep its nose out of metaphysical hypotheses that cannot be falsified. I have no issue with the study of religion, and although I don't share the viewpoint of people of faith, I see value in learning about it. Like so:

BELIEF: God is real, and cares about each and every one of us.

FACT: There is no fact - the hypothesis is unfalsifiable, and as long as those who believe the hypothesis do not try to confuse their belief with FACT, there is no problem.

So what gets my goat about manufactured controversies such as vaccines or evolution is the deniers' predilection for attempting to confuse their BELIEF with FACT, and getting everyone else to do the same. The facts of a hypothesis have no correlation to a specific individual's (or group of individuals') emotional investment in the outcome - reality is king. If your point of view is so all-fired defensible, the logical shenanigans used by the anti-vaxers and the Intelligent Design crowd aren't necessary. Simply defend your position using the tools of the scientific method, and let the best hypotheses win.

I once had a devout friend ask me if I would change my mind about evolution and a creator God if I was confronted with irrefutable evidence that was contrary to the accepted scientific point of view. My response? "Of course." That's science, and to quote XKCD, it works, bitches.

You're Killing Me, Smalls

I know I promised a return to sunshine and puppies today. So here's a cute puppy named Sunshine:

Isn't she cute?  Aww. Now - on to why SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME.

When President Obama named former Senator Ken Salazar to the post of the Secretary of the Interior, our Democratic Governor appointed the former Superintendent of Denver Public Schools, a man named Michael Bennett, to fill his seat. So far Senator Bennett appears to be doing a fairly decent job, at least from my perspective, but he faces an election in the fall.

Of course, the Republicans are all frothing at the mouth in order to run against him. Personally, I don't really care who ends up with the nomination, because it's most unlikely I'd vote for a Republican in today's climate. But now I have to deal with political television ads. In March.

The front runner is a woman named Jane Norton, and she's already running attack ads here in Colorado to put herself forward as the candidate of choice for REAL CONSERVATIVES. Her ad includes details on how she defunded Planned Parenthood and is a real fiscal conservative, unlike EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET.

According to the Smart Man, she's a regular guest on the morning AM talk radio program here in Denver, and she is dumber than a box of rocks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Colorado's own Sarah Palin stupid.* I don't really care how dumb she is - I just don't want to start seeing political ads eight months before a frickin' mid-term election.

You're killing me, Smalls. YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING ME. Someone needs to break out the Shovel of Doom™ on this broad.


*Of course, she'll probably end up being my Senator, because my opinion of the federal government really isn't hellish enough at this point. I can't wait. Really.

Top Ten Things that Make Me Stabby

After Screechy Monkey Monday and a thoroughly shitty day at work yesterday, I've decided to just completely lose my mind and post my updated list of "Top Ten Things that Make Me Stabby." And by "stabby," I mean things that make me want to hit human beings in the face. With a shovel. Or a cleaver. It just depends on how far up the list they go and how much PMS I have that day.

10. People who talk in movie theaters. I don't hate this so much that I wish the perpetrators would die in a fire, but I don't think wishing a bad sunburn on them is too much to ask.

9. People who think their incompetence means you have some obligation to do their job for the good of the company/team/customer. This institutes a cycle of learned helplessness with no accountability and no exit strategy for the competent person. This one has slid down the list lately, as I've been less exposed to it lately. Everyone has gaps in their skill sets - everyone. The technology evolves so quickly, it's unavoidable. But everyone is also responsible for filling those gaps when they occur.

8. People who think the rules don't apply to them. Listen, you self-important twits - we live in a society that has a social contract. You are not exempt from the social contract, no matter how important you think you are. Get over yourself, and try to engage in some good manners, while you're at it.

7. Hypocrisy in public officials as it relates to their public duties. Don't try to get elected, for example, on your oh-so-fabulous "family values" and your close personal relationship with that fuckstick James Dobson and then turn around and cheat on your wife with some gay same-sex prostitute. Because I don't give a good goddamn about who you sleep with, but when you hold up your self-righteous morality as a selling point, you shouldn't be surprised when other people are gleeful when you fall off your high horse and bust your ass.

6. People who don't write thank you notes. Now I'm not really militant about this - an e:Mail does just fine to express your thanks if someone does you a kindness (although I tend to lean heavily toward hand-written snail-mail myself. I'm an old fashioned gal in that respect.). But if someone does something nice for you, show some damn class and thank them, you ungrateful git. Who raises these people, anyway? I forced both my kids to write thank you notes the whole time they were growing up. Now that they're adults, they're responsible for their own manners, of course, but I tried to teach them that recognizing other people's contributions to their happiness matters.

5. Sales people who make requests like, "Design me a call center for 1,000 agents." That's it. That's the whole request. Those of you who don't work in telephony may not know how ridiculous this is, but a comparable situation would be to request an architect "Build me a house." Yeah. I'll get right on that, Commander Detail.

4. Religious evangelists who come to my door and pretend like the "no soliciting" sign doesn't apply to them because they're not "selling" anything. Really? You're not "selling" anything? Fuck off, Mormon Boy. You are selling something, the payment just comes in the form of my own ideas and beliefs, and then deferred monetary payment to your church. You're not fooling anyone, least of all me.

3. People who are intellectually dishonest about their beliefs. You can take that however you want, but it really irks me when people willfully close their eyes to verifiable facts because they're too scared to deal with a challenge to their beliefs. Personal growth requires courage. Get some. 

2. People whose meetings go on. And on. And on. Like the Bataan Death March, but not as much fun. These folks have a serious case of "I'm talking and I can't shut up," and listening to themselves talk is their favorite hobby. The problem is that they want it to be everyone else's favorite hobby, too.

And the Number One Thing that Makes Me Stabby?

1. Making professional mistakes. I HATE THIS WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS. I'd rather take a beating from the current UFC Champion than deal with the requirement of having to fall on my sword for something I've missed. I've always been a top performer in my profession, and making mistakes in my technical validation really just pisses me the Hell off. Even if the mistake isn't necessarily my fault, if I'm responsible I still reach for the cleaver when this happens. Which sucks, because it's really, really messy, and no one's available to clean it up.

Tomorrow I hope to return to your regularly scheduled puppies and sunshine. I've just had a bad couple of days.

Screechy Monkey Monday

I'm feeling a bit like a screechy monkey today, so I've decided to dub the day "Screechy Monkey Monday," and hereby give the Internet permission to rant and rave to its heart's content. Yes, yes, I know that makes every day "Screechy Monkey Monday," just bear with me, would you?

I'm not feeling screechy for any particular reason, other than I really don't feel like working today. Mondays tend to be very meeting intensive at my company, and meetings that feature people who are talking and can't shut up are right up there on my top ten list of things that make me stabby.

So on to the screeching!

Screech-Fest the First - Suffer the Little Children

When it comes to gay rights, I'm a big believer in differentiating civil rights and trying to legislate the beliefs of churches and other religious institutions. Institutionalized bigotry is an ugly, ugly fact of life here on Planet Earth, and while I'm pretty vociferous about defending the civil rights of my gay brothers and sisters, I'm not down with trying to legislate churches to change their dogma to accommodate modern thinking. That pesky First Amendment goes both ways, and being a realist, I take the good with the bad. This doesn't prevent me from pointing and laughing at their hypocrisy and incredible hubris, of course, but I do admit their refusal to perform marriage ceremonies for gay couples is perfectly within their rights.

But what about the children of gay couples?

It seems that the lesbian parents of a child who was enrolled in the Sacred Heart of Jesus Preschool, a Catholic school in Boulder, CO, were recently informed that their child will not be permitted to attend the school next year. The reason? The child's parents are gay, and such activities are not condoned by the Catholic Church.

Here's the thing. I understand the Catholic Church wanting to keep their ranks PURE. They're fighting a rear-guard action against modernity (which they're losing, thankfully), and they see the demise of their way of life in the thousands of "Cafeteria Catholics" out there who love their faith, but not necessarily the church. But these fucknuts are being complete hypocrites about it. It doesn't appear the Archdiocese is expelling students who have parents who are divorced, or aren't Catholic, or use birth control. Only those whose parents are gay. Does that make the Archdiocese "Cafeteria Catholics" thereownselves? I sure think so, hypocritical bastards.

Tip o' the Mitre to Joe, my common law 2nd cousin-in-law twice removed. Shut up. Our family relationships are complex. 

Screech-Fest the Second - Lazy Bastards


I happen to think Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is a supercilious bully with almost no redeeming value as human being. But maybe that's just me.

Or maybe not - recently Mr. DeLay, in an interview on CNN's Candy Crowley Sunday he decided to share his wisdom regarding the high unemployment rate in this country.

"In fact there are some studies that have been done that show people stay on unemployment compensation and they don't look for a job until two or three weeks before they know the benefits are going to run out, " he argued.  "People are unemployed because they want to be? " asked Crowley.  "Well, it is the truth. And people in the real world know it," said DeLay.

Really, Tom? Really? Which studies would those be? The studies funded by the top 1% of wage earners in the United States? The studies funded by businesses that dislike having to pay into unemployment insurance?

Evidently the "real world" DeLay refers to is the world of the independently wealthy, because over the course of the last ten years, I've known many, many people who have been placed into the ranks of the unemployed due to no fault of their own. Without exception, they all started looking for work immediately, in most cases even before their unemployment benefits began. Now my personal experience is not a statistical universe, and I don't want to make too much soup from that stone. But even granting that I may hang around with hardworking, ethical, quality individuals (true), I have a hard time believing they're the statistical outliers Mr. DeLay implies. Call me Pollyanna, but I actually believe most people in this country WANT to have a job, they WANT to support their families doing honorable work for a fair wage. Sometimes I think I'm fast turning into a cynical, crazy dog lady, but I have to ask - how cynical do you have to be to believe that Americans using unemployment benefits are lazy bastards just looking for a handout? Evidently as cynical as former House Majority Leader DeLay, that unethical, cheating, lying fuckstick, an incredibly unpatriotic American. 

Tip o' the Check to The Coffee Party Movement. 

Screech-Fest the Third - My Eyes, My Eyes!

It seems there is art all around us. Ordinary people try to include beauty in their daily lives, as evidenced by this snow sculpture created by the Gonzalez family of New Jersey:

I thought this was ingenious, and arguably could be considered "art" by any objective judge. But the prudes in their neighborhood decided the snow sculpture was "X-rated," and sent the police (the police!) to the home to ask them to cover up the sculpture's boobs. The Gonzalez family obviously has a sense of humor, because they decided to comply:

I think the "after" picture perfectly visualizes the stupidity of the complaint, and demonstrates that people are simply spending too much time worrying about the wrong things.

Wave of the bosom to SkepChick.

So that's my nod to Screechy Monkey Monday. I'm now going to retire from the Web for the day in favor of frolicking with the Boogie Dog, tickling local babies in order to hear them laugh, and burning an effigy of Tom DeLay.

Attention Federal Government: I am not a Child

But apparently you are.

All the news I hear these days seems to revolve around how partisan bickering in our nation's capital is preventing any kind of progress in addressing the biggest problems of our generation: The national deficit. Health care reform. Economic recovery. Instead of coming to some sort of compromise in order to provide some relief in these areas, those who serve us in the Federal government continue to cut our noses off to spite our face in order to make the other guys look ineffective and incompetent.

Like Azrael in Dogma, these partisan hacks will let the universe (or at least the United States) burn so long as it propels their personal agenda forward. Aside from the utter short-sightedness of such a world-view, I have to say it's probably the most immoral point of view I've ever heard (sans Azrael). These people are in the business of "public service," and yet they would demonstrably sacrifice the public good in order to serve their partisan agenda.

And here's the thing - at what point does the incredible childishness of these self-serving fucknuts turn all of us into raving, populist nitwits like the Tea-Baggers? Every time I read the news, my fury grows, and I find myself feeling more betrayed, more disgusted, more cynical with our system to the point where I'm seriously considering supporting a Constitutional Convention.*

This week, the President has organized a bipartisan meeting to discuss the moribund Health Care Reform issue. Democrats and Republicans are already playing "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" as they approach this "summit," and I would be VERY surprised if anything useful or actionable comes from it.

But because I'm an opinionated git, I would like to make the following points to those who supposedly serve the public in our nation's capital:

• I am not a child. I am perfectly aware that entitlements and services cost money, and that the forecast of our expenditures far exceeds our income. I realize that in order to continue (or enhance) entitlements and services, taxes will have to be increased. That is why I'm a tax and spend liberal. Because I understand these things, and firmly believe a balanced budget is that pearl of great price. Choosing not to address these issues because you think I can't understand the reality of the situation implies something about our relationship that does not bear close examination. Let's talk about raising the age for entitlements, let's talk about reducing entitlements for those who have enough money to buy a small island, let's talk about increasing taxes. I'm ready to have those discussions, and you sticking your fingers in your ears (LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU) is not going to result in a favorable outcome, you 'tard.
• You are not a child, although you're sure acting like one. Name-calling, engaging in zero-sum games, and generally poking the pooch when you're supposed to be serving the public good just convinces everyone that retards like the Tea-Baggers are CORRECT that you really don't have any business in a position of authority. Pull your fucking head out of your ass, curb your ego, and remember that your first loyalty should be to the American public, not your fucking political party.
• I am not an idiot. Your constant pandering to the lowest common denominator, to the large minority whose support you require at this moment, or those who have money in the quantity you need to get re-elected is TRANSPARENT. Really - who do you think you're fooling?
• Learn the fine art of compromise. Seriously. You're not always going to get your way, and in order to govern with any kind of effectiveness, you're going to have to give up something you may think is important in order to make some kind of progress. I would think this skill would be fundamental for a politician, but based on your current performance, a remedial course is evidently in order.

I've been interested in politics my whole life. I've voted in every election since reaching my majority, and I've done my best to be a responsible, informed voter. I try hard to vote not for the candidate who would do me the most good personally, but for the candidate I thought would best serve our country. But in no time in my life have I felt more disgusted, more cynical, more hopeless about our political future in terms of our domestic policy.

Where are the people of courage who will stand up and speak the truth? Where's Lyndon B. Johnson when you need him? Oh, that's right. He's dead. And I'm afraid his vision and drive died with him.



*See: Citizens United v. the Federal Election Commission.