What's the Haps

I realize I haven't been posting much lately. Between the latest political landscape and getting ready for our AFSP Out of the Darkness walk, I've become emotionally tired, and as Sister Stacey says, I've run out of spoons.

But I'm starting to get inquiries from my readers, so I thought an update might be in order. An update informed by today being "Talk Like a Pirate Day."

1. Miss Jackson Pi has been feeling poorly of late. She's always been a delicate flower when it comes to her digestion, but vomiting happens often enough that I spoke to her vet about it. She's now on a new (pricey) kibble and taking doggie probiotics. That dog lives a healthier life than most people I know. But she is getting her teeth cleaned on Friday, so she's just going to have a bad week. Poor Bubbie. (It's better than a peg-leg, Argh.)

2. I've been kind of blue lately. I think the upcoming AFSP walk is bringing everything that punched me in the heart about Moe's death to the front of my mind, and it's pretty draining, as well as making me touchy and weepy. (Cap'n needs a hug, Argh.)

3. Recently I've started yoga practice using an iPad app. Apparently I am currently the most inflexible person on the face of the earth. (Argh-ouch.)

4. We went to Santa Fe over Labor Day with Sister Stacey and Brother J.R. and it was FABULOUS. I love that city, and my "turn left at the adobe house" joke never stops being funny. (Argh.)

5. The end of fiscal year is fast approaching, which means I'll be getting my FY2018 work assignments in the next month or so. I'll probably pick up some more accounts, which is fine with me. If I don't stay busy, I live inside my head too much, and that place smells of psychological pharmaceuticals and orange soda. (Argh.)

6. I've been putting my costume together for the annual Douglas County Library Foundation Gala. The theme is Alice in Wonderland, and I shall be going as the Red Queen, because of course I am. Nothing too over the top - just a tiara, scepter, appropriate jewelry, a red dress and these. (Argh.)

Hubba, hubba

7. You want to know why I'm out of political spoons? This is why. I honestly do not understand how Republicans - Republicans I know and respect - can support the things and the people they support. I just don't get it. And every time I try to get it, I get more confused, because the argument for cruelty and against decency also makes no sense to me. This work makes me very, very tired, and I'm no closer to understanding now than I was when I wrote this or this. So I keep calling, writing, faxing, and e:mailing my Congressional Representative and my Senators, hoping my small voice will join with others to save us from ourselves. (Walk the Plank, Matey! No, really - walk the mother-fucking plank, you shameful piece of shit.)

8. Summer is winding down, and that means the growing season is almost over. I still have dozens of tomatoes and about eight zucchini out there, waiting to ripen, but it won't be long until the plants will be ready to be pulled up and mulch applied for next year. (Eat yer tomatoes or gets the scurvy, matey!)

News and Updates from the Big Brown House

1. We ordered the new floors for the common areas on the main floor the other day. We decided on something called "deluxe vinyl" because it claims to be kid-proof, pet-proof, and has a lifetime warranty. Here's the sample:

"A De-Luxe Apartment in the Sky"

The chaos begins April 17th, and Miss Jackson Pi will be visiting the kennel/day care while it's being installed. Because nobody needs her help with this project - especially not me.

2. Spring is apparently here. All my trees and bushes are budding, and my flowers are starting to come up. Which means, of course, that we're expecting a snowstorm this evening into tomorrow. Because that's how we roll here in Colorado. In the meantime, I've ordered the first raised bed for our yard, and have my "How to Start a Vegetable Garden" pamphlet from the Farmer's Almanac. I intend to plant tomatoes, broccoli, peppers and zucchini. If it goes well, I might try flowers in the next one. 

Preparing for our dystopian future by growing our own food.

3. Miss Jackson Pi was admitted to our local animal hospital on Wednesday morning. She'd been refusing to eat, and when she started vomiting up her water, there was blood in it. So off we went, so she could get some IV fluids, an X-Ray, and an ultra-sound. They don't know specifically what's wrong with her, so are treating her symptomatically, and hopefully she'll be able to come home later today. She still feels pretty crappy, but we're hoping she's on the mend.

News and Updates from the Big Brown House

I realize I haven't been writing much about, you know, my life since 45 won the election. Mostly it's just been Link Me Up posts pointing people to those who are far smarter and more qualified to discuss our current political climate than I. But this is my space, after all, so I thought I'd catch the world up on the goings-on here at the Big Brown House.

1. Yesterday was the twins' birthday. This day affects me weirdly now. On the one hand, it reminds me that my baby girl will never be older than 22, and I grieve anew for her loss. On the other hand, it's also the Smart Son's birthday, and he's grown into a fine human being, a man of good character, humor, honor, and curiosity. I'm hopelessly proud of him, and celebrate his time on this earth and am delighted he's my son. So, weird.

2. We're attending an "invitation only" sale this evening at our local flooring store. The carpet we bought when the house was built was the default option with no upgrades, and we basically hate it. It's separating at the seam to the hard wood floor and the hardwood is thoroughly scratched at the points where it overlays a thoroughfare. I suspect you can imagine the reason for that. (cough*Miss Jackson Pi*cough). So we're replacing the carpet and the wood floors in the main areas and halls (but not my office or the bedrooms). This was always the plan, but it will be expensive and a pain in the ass, to boot.

3. Miss Jackson Pi had an upset tummy over the weekend, and now I feel like I need to write a note to the Bissell Corporation thanking them for the efficacy of their SpotClean Pro™Portable Carpet Cleaner. This machine is the cat's pajamas, y'all.

4. From a leadership perspective, it's irksome that leaders have to spend 90% of their time on 10% of the people, leaving little time or room to actually accomplish goals. This was true when I was a Senior Non-Commissioned Officer in the Navy, and it's true now.

5. The "March for Science" demonstrations are scheduled for April 22nd. That's Earth Day, for those of you keeping track at home. I'll be attending here in Denver with some science-loving friends, and I've been knitting "brain hats" for us to wear to the event. Here's an example:

Brainz...it's what's for dinner.

Once I'm done knitting the hats for our group, I may consider taking orders from long-time readers and friends for the cost of the yarn. These take longer than my usual projects, though, and the yarn is much more expensive.

6. I paid off my Fiat this month. So both my Jeep (for which I paid cash) and the Fiat are now free and clear. I figure I'll just keep driving them until I retire, and in the meantime save all that car payment money for my retirement transportation needs.

7. After finishing his general education courses at our local Community College, the Smart Son has been accepted into two of our state universities here in Colorado. I don't know which school he'll end up selecting, as his GI Bill allows him to go to any state school, anywhere, with tuition paid in full. Ah, to have so many choices!

8. I have been assigned a task at my day job that is incredibly tedious and will take a long time to complete. I think I'll have to pace myself, as I'm already so bored I want to take my eye out with a spork.

9. I like lipstick. This is not exactly "news," but as someone who smoked for many years, I have trouble finding a product that will not seep into the fine lines around my mouth and make me look like the Joker. But the new matte liquid lipsticks were made for me! My current faves are Tarte Tarteist Lip Paint and Revlon Colorstay Overtime Lipcolor. The Revlon has the advantage of coming with lip gloss in addition to the lip paint, which is convenient.

This counts as my once yearly public display of girliness, by the way.

Miscellaneous Monday

Who let the dogs out

Having a young adolescent dog is far more time-consuming and tiring than having a senior dog. Especially an adolescent dog who has developed some bad habits that need to be corrected. If you need us, we'll be dazed and confused on the couch, mumbling, "Jackson, no!"

Fringe benefits

Have I mentioned how much I'm enjoying the fringe benefits that come with my support of my employer's accounts in Southern California? Well, I am. I've seen more of the Mechanickys this past year than any other since I left San Diego for Denver in 1995. I LERVE that about my job.

Happy Easter?

As I'm sure you all know, Easter was yesterday. And Easter is a weird holiday for me. Because Easter is a Christian holiday in a way that Christmas isn't. Christmas is the Christian version of the mid-winter festival, which is also celebrated by many other communities for different reasons. And while Easter also has Pagan roots and symbolism (see: Ishtar and Eostre), Easter's status as a co-opted Pagan holiday by Christianity is not as well-known or internalized by our culture as Christmas. So it baffles me when people who know I'm an Atheist ask me what I'm doing for Easter. "Ignoring it" doesn't seem like a very courteous response (even though it's true), but pointing out the Christian entitlement inherent in such a question isn't appropriate either. Most Christians who ask this question don't mean it a negative way, and in fact are attempting to be inclusive. Since I have no desire to be an Atheist Asshole, my current strategy is just to dodge the question and move along smartly.

I'd be interested in how the other Atheists who hang around here handle this, as well as my Christian readers' thoughts on the subject.

Miscellaneous Monday - Where Have You Been Edition

Hiatus 'R' Us

Not really. Time just got away from me, and as a result, things have been a bit dormant around here of late. First the Mechanicky Gal came for a long weekend, and we had a marvelous time eating crap, going to the spa, going shopping, and eating tasty food that wasn't crap. And going to the gym. That, too. The day after she left, I left for Las Vegas on business, and had a series of really long days. Then home, and trying to catch up from being gone/on vacation. You know how it is.

My Brain is Still an Asshole

I'm still struggling with my depression. Moe's death has been on my mind quite a lot the last week or two (probably because her birthday is coming up), and my sleep has been riddled with disturbing dreams. I'm still working with my depression counselor on strategies to improve my mental health, but I'm wading through a year of "firsts," and I'm not sure what will set me off. Add to the fact that I had to change doctors on March 1st due to a change in my employer provided health insurance and the whole thing is just one big UGH.

Note to self: Regardless of your work schedule, the most reliable method of keeping your brain under control is daily, vigorous exercise. Not walking - vigorous, with your heart rate over 140 for at least 60 minutes. Failure to make time for this critical health care activity results in your brain falling down the rabbit hole. Once in the rabbit hole, it becomes more difficult to motivate yourself to participate in said exercise. Learn it, live it, love it.

Unseemly

When I was in Las Vegas this time, I was staying at one of the luxury casinos because, reasons. I was in one of the "standard" rooms (i.e., the cheap seats), and this was my bathroom:

This bathroom is bigger than the quarters shared by up to twelve female Chief Petty Officers on my last ship.

The entire thing made me feel extremely odd, since I was there on business, and didn't feel comfortable living in the lap of luxury on the company's nickel, not to mention that I was there by myself instead of with my family. I guess I'm not cut out to be a ka-billionaire with more money than sense, as the whole thing just seemed very unseemly.

Losing Their Shit

I'm having an absolutely marvelous time watching the homophobes of the religious right simply lose their shit over Governor Brewer's decision to veto that excretable bill allowing discrimination against people who offend their religious sensibilities (read: Teh Gayz, and also anyone who's not like them). Their ranting includes:

• Penis cakes. I'm not even sure what this means. As my friend Megan notes, "I, perhaps foolingshly, assumed that a cake at a gay wedding would not automatically be shaped like the participants' genitals." 
• Christians being second class citizens. You know, like all the other groups of people who are denied services based solely on an aspect of their protected class. Oh, wait...
• Being forced to provide services on an equal basis is akin to slavery. You know, I don't think that word mans what you think it means.
• And my personal favorite, how Christians are now persecuted for their beliefs, because God told them to treat an entire segment of the population like dog shit. Again:

As a purely pragmatic matter, I think Governor Brewer's veto was wise. This issue was decided many years ago (can you say "lunch counters?" I knew you could), and this piece of shit bill is quite obviously unconstitutional. Defending it in Federal Court would have cost Arizona tons of cash, and really we all know they'd much rather spend it on keeping those dirty brown people out of their state.

Score one for the right side of history, and let's move on.

Miscellaneous Monday - Behind the Curve Editioin

Crying Uncle

I was in Las Vegas the week before last on business. I have a number of clients out there now, and while I'm happy to be busy with real opporutnities and working with highly professional colleagues, Las Vegas really is one of my least favorate cities in the world. The reason for this will be left as an exercise for the class.

And in what is becoming a really unpleasant annual tradition, I had to reroute to Ohio after my meetings due to the death of the Smart Man's Grandma. Her death was not unexpected, and she lived a good, long life, but these things are never easy. The Smart Man and I are really over funerals at this point. I mean SERIOUSLY OVER. I was horrified to discover while in Ohio that I now have multiple funeral outfits, and the Smart Man is ready to burn his funeral suit.

Crap on a cracker - enough already.

Pedaling Faster

My company offers bereavement leave as one of our benefits, and so I was out of the office Monday through Wednesday of last week. Right after I'd been assigned a major RFP (100 locations, 13K lines). So now I'm pedaling as fast as I can to catch up, as I'm constitutionally unable to be the one whose deliverables are late to the Proposal Manager. Because it's horrifying, that's why, and I have no intention of being that person.

Filling in the Lines

The last 12 months has been really hard on me physically. The grief of losing my daughter along with a very stressful year professionally, personally and physically has resulted in some weight gain, an erosion of my physical fitness, and a return of my depression.

I'm working on it, though. My physical health is improving steadily, my weight is decreasing steadily, my conditioning is returning, and I'm doing better with depression management. So - progress. Go, me.

HOWEVER.

The grief associated with Moe's death has left its mark on my face. I look in the mirror and I feel like I've aged 10 years, and the evidence supports my subjective opinion. I now have deep nasolabial folds, as well as marionette lines around my mouth.

I'm not quite ready for my lower face lift just yet, but I wanted to do something about this.* Which is why I'm a patient at a local medical aesthetics practice. They've done my botox for several years, and when I asked for a consultation about my lower face, they recommended Radiesse Volumizing Filler. I had my appointment today, and based on preliminary results, I'm pretty happy with the results. No photos just yet, as my skin is discolored from the injections and I have some swelling and bruising. Maybe when things heal up.

I'll never have my 20 year old skin again, but I'm executing a holding action.

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*Someone once asked Diahann Carroll if she believed in plastic surgery. Her response? "Oh, God, yes." Better living through medicine, baby.

Miscellaneous Monday - I'll Be Back Edition

Limited resources

Now that the holidays are over, I've been spending a considerable amount of time trying to get my depression under control. For me this means paying strict attention to nutrition, exercise and sleep, so that I can stabilize my emotions. What that means, of course, is that I have less attention for other things. So I've had to prioritize, and HCDSM has gotten the short end of the stick. I'm not going to apologize for prioritizing my mental health, but I do intend to return to regular writing at some point. Patience you must have, my young Padawan.

I have a dream

Today is MLK day here in the United States, and for the first time EVAH, I have the day off. I've just never worked anywhere that observed the day. Of course I had to work the day after Thanksgiving, so I suppose it all evens out.

This is my favorite quote by MLK. It resonates with me now more than ever.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.  - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Time suck

I'm taking a class right now called "Introduction to Computer Based Systems." It's required for my degree program, and while the material isn't particularly hard, going through the material, performing the labs and writing the assignments is taking an exceedingly long period of time each week. I'm filling in some gaps in my knowledge, though, so I'm trying to keep a good attitude about it for the sake of my mental health. 

Miscellaneous Monday - A New Year Edition

Thank goodness that's over

Christmas, that is.

The holidays have never been an easy time for me, and in light of my daughter's death last year, this season was particularly tough. So I've been crying a lot, and my sleep has been disturbed with dreams of my daughter, as my subconscious screams against reality.

I'm trying to look at 2014 with a little more hope, but I know I have new milestones I will have to endure that will probably result in additional emotional upheaval. But this is how it goes - small steps of healing, followed by rough times, lather, rinse, repeat.

Frankly, it's exhausting.

Nowhere to run to

Now that my insides are no longer falling out, I have an eye towards resuming my conditioning so I can run outside this summer. I was up to nine miles on Sundays before things started falling apart, but I suspect I'll have to start over at this point. Which means I'll be off to the field house, running around the indoor track. Around...and around...and around.

We don't need no education

Or least we don't need no "upper division" writing course that should have been called "Remedial Writing for the Semi-Literate." Thankfully it's over, but I still found the entire experience worthy of a devastating side-eye.

The final papers were supposed to include "peer review" of our draft papers. Being a fan of OCD, I submitted my paper a week in advance. Of the other three members of my group, one submitted her draft several days late. The other two were complete no shows.Now I could give two fucks about how other students choose to manage their work and their time. We're all adults here, and I'm not paying almost a thousand dollars a course to run herd on other people to make sure they get their work in on time.

Which is why I hate, with the heat of a thousand burning suns, "peer review" and "group projects." Based on the purely empirical evidence of my grades and professorial feedback and the subjective evidence of the discussion boards, I am a better student than most of my classmates. This means I typically get no value from "peer review" and end up doing more than my share of work during "group projects."

Thankfully the next ten classes in my curriculum are all technology based, which doesn't lend itself well to such nonsense. And get off my lawn.

Six things you may not know about me

So there's a Facebook meme going around where you're supposed to tell everyone some number of things that they don't already know about you. I've been resisting, because I'm not really sure my entire life isn't already out there in the ether, and I'm entirely unsure what else could be said without going into territory that could only be described as unseemly.

However, I've been bereft of topics to blog about lately, so in a classic move used by victims of writer's block the world over, I'm totally going to be derivative and trite by co-opting this meme for my own purposes.

Six things you may not know about me

1. I used to be an expert with a bullwhip. While I haven't practiced in years, I still own one, and I suspect I could refresh my skills in pretty short order.

2. I was selected to Chief Petty Officer during my eighth year in the U.S. Navy.

3. I was well into my forties before I recognized that my aversion to math was some sort of self-and-society induced fear. Math is beautiful, and I'm good at it.

4. After going to college off and on since 1985, I have 185 credits and no degree. In that time, I've gotten one "B," in Microbiology from the University of Hawai'i Mānoa.

5. I was recently selected to serve as a trustee on the Douglas County Library Board. I suspect I'll be assigned to the technology committee with all due haste, since professional technologists seldom want to volunteer in the field where they work. I don't mind, though. I love the library, my entire family loves the library, and I want to help them succeed. 

6. When I was a youngster, I often played with toys that were marketed to boys, such as that classic favorite, Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots. This was barely socially acceptable, but my parents always supported my choices.

Miscellaneous Monday

Time to get busy

Today is my first day of work at my new gig. I already have several appointments and opportunities on my plate and a conference on my calendar, with more to follow, as well as the normal administrivia that's required for any new job. I'm optimistic and reasonably enthusiastic, and looking forward to digging in. Go, me.

She ain't heavy, she's my sister

I returned from San Diego on Thursday where I was visiting Sister from Another Mister The Mechanicky Gal and her beau, The Mechanicky Guy. I had a wonderful time as always, and it reminded me how very important my friendships are to me, and how much I loves me my sistas. Even if they do make me repeatedly climb the The Hill of Doom™ in the name of health and fitness.

And in other news, I have a fabulous new Michael Kors satchel!

How I am

Better.

Not "well," not "over it," Not ready to "move on." Really, I'm not even close to working through my feelings about Moe's death and how I want this seminal event to shape the rest of my life. But...better. I think about Moe a lot, each and every day, but the thoughts aren't always grief-stricken - sometimes they're a thought about, "she would have loved this" when I'm in a store. Sometimes they're a thought about social justice, and how she would have been so pleased about the progress of the LGBT community, had she lived. And sometimes it still hits me like a punch in the gut, and I want to scream with grief and despair. But the former is happening a bit more often, and the latter is happening a bit less often.

I think that's the best I can hope for right now.

Miscellaneous Monday - Drain on Society Edition

I'm a Drain on Society

So my last day at work in the Military Industrial Complex was Thursday. Since then I've been officially unemployed, and am sliding toward my new status as a drain on society. Unfortunately I don't seem to be very good at it, since I've been spending my time on new-gig related calls, exercise, homework, and visiting with friends and family. Clearly I need some instruction from a radical right-wing populist on the wonders of welfare chauvinism to ensure my performance in this area is up to par moving forward.

It also means things are going to be quiet around here while I'm off destroying the fabric of family life and participating in general debauchery on my MASSIVE WELFARE CHECK*. Just kidding - I'll actually be in San Diego with Sister-from-another-Mister The Mechanicky Gal, where we'll spend my MASSIVE WELFARE CHECK* on spa treatments and outlet store shopping.

Snorting with Derision

This semester I'm being forced to take an upper level English composition class entitled, "Effective Communication: Research and Writing." Because evidently the two already completed upper division classes on this very topic were substandard and couldn't be accepted at my current University. As Sista Stacey notes, I obviously need to take this class ONE MORE TIME, because my writing sucketh.

So I read the syllabus and completed my first week's assignment, and I have to tell you - really? While I understand that many adult learners lack skills in basic writing skills, I would not consider the curriculum to be "upper division." More like, "lower division remedial." I suspect I'll be snoozing through this one, while the University laughs all the way to the bank.

My Platonic Boyfriend

My platonic boyfriend Eric Garland cracked me up with additional advice for the GOP on stopping their death spiral of irrelevance, bigotry and cognitive dissonance. The money quote: "Every year you are campaigning against the gay butt sex, you will lose more voters." Progress by attrition - it's not just for family dynasties anymore.

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*Not actually a true statement.

Miscellaneous Monday

The Doctor

The Smart Man was out of town last weekend, so I was on my own here at the Big Yellow House. This is an unusual turn of events, as I'm usually the one who's running all over the country while he holds down the fort.

I had plans with the Incomparable Anne™ on Saturday afternoon/evening, but I also decided to get caught up on Doctor Who. I watched nineteen episodes in three days, and I'm still not caught up. I'll probably finish Season 6 just as Season 7 becomes available on Netflix. Because that's just how I roll.

Let's Roll

Thursday is my last day at the Military Industrial Complex. My new employer is very excited to have me coming on board, which is flattering, and I'm looking forward to moving on.

That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not also looking forward to my week off between gigs, which I'll spend in San Diego with Sister from Another Mister The Mechanicky Gal. I'm sure we'll be getting into all kinds of trouble. Note to self: Make sure The Mechanicky Guy has sufficient funds for bail just in case.

My Brain is still an Asshole

Today is Day One of my re-commitment to health and fitness, and after an hour and twenty minutes on the elliptical this morning, I'm reminded that my recent lack of motivation in the fitness area is my asshole brain betraying me again. I always feel so much better after workouts that last over an hour, but the last month I've been finding EVERY EXCUSE to do less, or not to do at all. Chop, chop, asshole brain, or I'll trade you in on a new model.

Miscellaneous Monday - New Beginnings Edition

And So We Begin Again

We're approaching the end of the Worst Year Ever here at Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men, and one of the side effects of the various crises and health issues has been Significant Weight Gain due to emotional eating and a lack of physical activity. So right after Hallowe'en, I shall begin again on an "eat less, move more" program to drop the poundage. I've been cleared to resume running by my doctor, and have begun the process of reconditioning in preparation for this effort. I'm giving myself six months to reach my goal, because in May 2014 the Smart Man, my Hot MIL and her traveling companion will be heading Northwest for an Alaskan Cruise. One of my strategies for managing my grief is to begin structuring my life around attainable goals and desirable milestones, trying to find my "new normal."

Note: I kind of hate my new normal, but it's what I've got, so I'm trying to work with it.

Once More, Into the Breach

The breach of new employment, that is. I've decided to leave my position in the Military Industrial Complex in favor of an opportunity that will allow me to return to work in the Enterprise Contact Center space. While I've enjoyed learning the ins and outs of Next Generation 9-1-1 technologies, I feel my previous role was a better fit for me from both a skills and temperament perspective. I start the new gig on November 18th, and I'm optimistic about the change. I'll miss my colleagues in the Military Industrial Complex, though. They could not have been more supportive during the Worst Year Ever, and I'll always be grateful for that.

The Holidays Approacheth

The holidays are coming, and I have to admit I'm at a loss as to how to manage them. I'm prone to holiday depression in any event, and this year, I suspect my state of mind will be more than a little compromised. I've considered ignoring them entirely in an effort to just get through them, I've considered volunteering, I've considered surrounding myself with family, etc., and none of those options sound bearable. What I really want to do is jump my ass straight to January. But I'm forced to live in the land of reality so I need to come up with an alternative plan. I hear Aruba's nice this time of year.

Miscellaneous Monday

Crisis Fatigue

Crap on a cracker I'm sick of politicians and their manufactured crisis du jour. I'm starting to skim over the articles in my RSS feed, because the continued and egregious misbehavior of our politicians is giving me high blood pressure. I don't understand why it's so difficult for these people to do their damn jobs. Well, that's not true. I do understand why, and it makes me apoplectic with rage. The subversion of our Republic for the sake of power and money is one of the great shames of my generation. Where's Tip O'Neill when you need him? Rolling over in his grave, that's where.

For a Friend's Love

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who contributed to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention fundraiser conducted by our dear friends Stacey and J.R., who walked in my beloved daughter's name. "Maureen's Marchers" raised $3,125.00 for the AFSP's programs.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand." - Henri Nouwen

The Value of a Liberal Arts Education

My class this semester is entitled, "Working in Modern Society." We've been studying the sociological aspects of work in the United States and in the global economy, as well as the history of the labor movement. I'm almost done with the course, and I have to say it's really helped me make progress in seeing some of the inequities inherent in our economic system, both here and abroad. I hope that my education in this area will lead me to be more kind in my dealings with marginal workers, not only in my behavior, but also in my thoughts and opinions. I am so, so lucky, and grateful not to be living on the knife's edge of poverty.

Celebrating Bartolomé Day 

Today The Oatmeal points out that celebrating Christopher Columbus is a somewhat morally ambiguous proposition. The dude was a complete cretin, guilty of thievery, mass murder and the pedophile sex trade. So he recommends celebrating Bartolomé de las Casas, a Dominican Friar and a real stand up guy. Take note, Knights of Columbus, and consider a re-org.
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ETA: Brother Eric makes some excellent counterpoints in the comments section re: Columbus vs de las Casas, with an additional well-timed warning about simplifying history to the point where the narrative loses its complexity, and in doing so, its truth. Mea culpa. Thanks, Eric. 

Miscellaneous Monday, Return to the Salt Mines Edition

Sixteen tons*

I'm returning to work this morning after about four weeks out on short term disability from my hysterectomy. I'm dreading the process of coming back up to speed (all those e:mails - ugh), but I'm able to sit at my desk for eight hours now, so it's time. I think it's also time I try to reengage with my daily activities, and that includes working for a living. I don't know how effectively I'll be able to execute on that goal, but I'm going to try. I'm lucky that I have such excellent colleagues who have taken up the load in my absence.

Sixteen tons...of knitting

While I was out on disability, I had a lot of free time on the couch. Which means I spent a lot of time listening to books and knitting. Which means I complete 87 pieces for the charity bag, including four lap robes for the Cheyenne VA Hospital. So there was at least some level of productivity over the last month.

Run away, run away - or not

I'm still not cleared to resume running - that probably won't won't happen until the end of October. And I've been surprised by how much I've missed it. When I've been taking my daily recuperative walks, I see runners on the trail, and I want to tell them that I, too, am a runner, evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. I'm just FORBIDDEN at the moment. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Because they're ideologically driven jerkwads, that's why

Led by the inestimable Ted Cruz, with plenty of help from his friends. And enemies. And acquaintances. 

The government is going to shut down at midnight if these ignorant clowns don't pull their heads out of their asses in a timely manner, and the polls have already started as to "who's to blame" if such an event actually occurs. Being a dirty, dirty liberal who is actually GLAD that people might get a chance to have health care, you can imagine on which side of the argument I fall. But I also think the President needs to show some leadership here.

Meanwhile, my son won't be getting paid, and a number of my friends and colleagues will be taking mandatory furloughs. All because these petulant children can't come to some sort of compromise.

Back to kindergarten, jerkwads.

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*I just love that song. Yes, I know it's before my time. I don't care.TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD, YO.

Miscellaneous Monday

How I Am, Part 2

Well, I'm not really sure, actually. Physically, my recovery from surgery is starting to accelerate. I walked for a full hour yesterday, and felt okay, although I spent the rest of the day exhausted. I can sit at my desk for about 4 hours before needing to retire to the reclining couch. I have my follow up appointment tomorrow, and I think I'll be returning to work in about a week. So I have that going for me.

Emotionally, I'm still struggling. I still cry every day. I'm still emotionally anxious. I'm still not really up for discussions about how my daughter chose to end her life, or about suicide and suicide prevention in general.

But I'm better than I was a month ago, which I suppose is all I can really hope for.

Tribute in Ink

On Saturday my cousin and I went to get my tribute tattoo. As I noted before, I combined the design my Awesome Auntie Kris did and the one Moe designed for herself for my design. My Hot Cousin got another of the designs my Auntie created. As soon as it heals (and I get some touch-up done), I'll post a photograph, along with appropriate credits to the artists involved.

THE BEST HEALTH SYSTEM IN THE WORLD

Not. At least when it comes to the administrative part of the show.

I've never had to apply for Short Term Disability. The only other time I was out of the office for more than a day or two was when the twins were born, and the military handles these things quite differently from the civilian sector.

Crap on a cracker, what a colossal pain the ass. No one knew where my surgical report was. Once we tracked that down, the hospital seemed constitutionally unable to fax the damn thing to the administrator my company uses for Short Term Disability. The claim is still pending, because apparently proving to the insurance company that I actually had organs removed is far more complicated than the actual procedure. Sigh.

Stabby Monday

H/T Thorvaaldr, who knows me so well.

Because who the hell needs another Miscellaneous Monday when there's so much to be stabby about?
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You know, I tend to be rather conservative when it comes to change. I just don't care much for it as a general rule, and I tend to arrange my life around that preference. But I don't intentionally sabotage the efforts of those around me because they choose to do things differently than me. In spite of my conservatism, I recognize that change is sometimes good. And there are certain people in my life who need to quit being whiny bitches and accept that "because we've always done things this way" is not an acceptable reason for refusing to change.
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This "being middle-aged" thing fucking blows. My plumbing is a mess. I've recently developed a tendency to become dizzy and light-headed. I can't sleep through the night to save my life. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH MY NECK? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

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Remember how I worked my ass off in order to live a courageous life? This is why people who lack moral courage, either personally or professionally, drive me insane. It's not that I think they can't be decent human beings, or make meaningful and long-lasting contributions to our society. They can. But I sure don't want them at my back when the chips are down. If, as the Incomparable Anne notes, courage is the key to living a non-meh life, then having courageous friends and colleagues is the key to having non-meh relationships.
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You know how I mentioned that I was recently accepted to Colorado State University for the Fall term? Well, prior to deciding on CSU, I was looking into several other on-line Universities, and CRAP ON A CRACKER, THESE PEOPLE NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER. Seriously, they're stalking me via phone, via text, via e:mail. And they won't give up. Even if I was inclined to apply to their programs, their desperation would give me pause. Are you listening, Rasmussen College? You're like a bad boyfriend who can't take a hint.
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We've been on the Federal Do Not Call list for many, many years. That doesn't prevent people from calling us, however, each and every day of the week, in order to sell their wares. What the hell is the point of the law if it's not enforced?
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There are a great many people who should just not have children. Seriously. If you're this couple, or this woman, please, do us all a favor and get yourself sterilized before it's too late. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

Miscellaneous Monday

I Read the Book

The Summer Reading Program is in full swing. A month in, and we've read 184 books for the contest, with over a month to go until it's over. It appears we're going to make it to the full donation amount this year, for the first year ever. Keep reading, bibliophiles!

I've been trying to do my own part, as well - I've read twelve titles since the program started, and I'm working to finish as many as I can before Labor Day. I've been digging spending so much time reading, but the other thing is that school begins this Fall, and I'll have less time for leisure reading once that ship sails. I'm surprised at how much I'm looking forward to going back, actually, in spite of sacrificing my leisure reading to do so. And in other news, I kind of wish I'd studied to be a virologist instead of an engineer.

Trust in Me

I'm getting old. Aside from the many, many bodily indicators that this is the case (Knee pain! Chronic insomnia! Slower metabolism! Rosacea!), I find there are certain virtues I value more now that fifty is approaching like an oncoming locomotive. Chief among these, I think, is whether or not an individual (or an organization) is reliable. Do they do what they say they're going to do? Do they communicate when circumstances prevent them from doing so? Can I trust them not to leave me hanging, not to behave badly, not to do the wrong thing? Reliability breeds trust. Being unreliable breeds distrust. And I'm pretty much through with wasting my time on people I can't trust. Because I'm old.

Smooth Criminal

Last night's insomnia included an earworm of Smooth Criminal by the Glee cast members Naya Rivera and Grant Gustin along with 2cellos. I've decided to share this with my loyal readership, because that's just how I roll.

Miscellaneous Monday

And so it begins (again)

You know how I was supposed to restart classes in the Fall for enrichment at my local Community College? It turns out that they won't accept my credits from University of Denver because I already had the maximum number of transfer credits they accept (45). And they won't move credits in and out because it may have a negative effect on financial aid (which I don't use). Which means that the two college level math classes I took are lost in the Ether. And guess what? While I've come to realize that math is not my enemy, I'm not so fond of it that I'm willing to take the same classes over again because my podunk Community College can't manage my records appropriately. Also? The advising department doesn't respond to correspondence in a timely manner.

So instead I'm transferring to Colorado State University. The admissions officer (who also evaluates my transcripts) has been extremely conscientious and responds to my inquiries promptly. The tuition is half that of DU, and I get a veteran's discount. And perhaps best of all, my boss has agreed that as long as I'm actively pursuing my degree, I don't have to tackle any more new professional certifications for my gig at the Military Industrial Complex. So I have that going for me.

I'll be starting in the fall semester, and based on my own calculations I'll have to take 30 credits in order to graduate, the minimum amount.

Bonus: Sista Stacey is a student there, as well, so we'll be CLASSMATES.

Finding your own way

In case you missed it, there's an excellent report from Frontline on how our nation's financial houses are basically screwing the American public in the form of compounding fees on our 401k's. Because really, what Wall Street needs is additional profits at the expense of the rank and file.

All my investments are now firmly ensconced in Index funds at the recommendation of John Bogle, founder of The Vanguard Group. Who says Wall Street doesn't need additional regulation? Besides everyone who doesn't work there, I mean. And Congress.

Miscellaneous Monday

Getting on the Bandwagon

There are now 4 Summer Reading Programs linked on the Hot Chicks and Smart Men Dig Reading page. FOUR. I love it when good ideas spread - the point of origin for all these programs was Todd Wheeler's Virtual Summer Reading Program, and now there's five programs in total, all benefiting libraries and literacy. THIS is what the Internet is good for, people. Well, this and LOLZ cats.

Chick Stuff - Lessons from the Boutique

There's a boutique near the Big Yellow House called Parker Panache. I've been in a few times, but never bought anything because their merchandise is pricey, and I've always told myself that with my chronically fluctuating weight, I shouldn't spend that much on clothes. Instead I buy from Kohl's, and then give away garments as they become too small or too big.

Here's the problem with that strategy. In spite of the fact that I buy "affordable" brands, I still end up spending a ton of money on clothes because I don't carry garments from one season to the next, and occasionally I ended up giving away an outfit that I just loved.

So now I have a new strategy. I'm going to start spending more money on my non-casual attire, but I'm only going to buy items that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. And since I LOVE them, I'm not going to give anything away, but store them until I can wear them again. Basically, I'm extending my shoe/handbag strategy to my clothes. Here's my first foray:

Joseph Ribkoff is my new Platonic Boyfriend.