A Month of Gratitude, Day 15

Wednesday, December 22, 2010
In the mid to late nineties, I spent a lot of time being afraid. I could barely pay my bills, my personal life was an absolute mess, and, in retrospect, I was clinically depressed. Of course, all of those things were direct results of the choices I had made, and continued to make.

Thankfully, I was honest enough with myself to see and admit the cause and effect relationship between my choices and my life, and I made some decisions. I would get my act together on a personal level. I would continue to work my ass off on a professional level in order to achieve some financial security. And I would live my life without fear.

That's not to say that I waved a magic wand and suddenly became courageous. Far from it. What it meant to me was that when I needed to make a decision or choose a behavior, I would ask myself, "Are you doing this or making this decision because you're afraid?" If the answer was "yes," I would reevaluate my decision, and more often than not, change my mind.

It took a number of years for this new behavior to become a habit rather than a struggle. After all, there are so many things to be afraid of - what if I lose my job, my relationship, my mind? What if my kids get sick, what if I get hurt, what if my car blows up? What if I fail?

But eventually, the tenor of my decisions began to change. I began to to make decisions based on what the possible positive outcomes of the decision may be, rather than the possible negative outcomes. I don't think I was ever careless or irresponsible in my decision making, but taking considered risks in both my professional and personal lives have led to a life that I love, and has given the courage to pick myself up and try again when I do fail.

Today, I'm thankful to be living a life where fear doesn't rule my life, my decisions, or my relationships.

5 comments:

The Mechanicky Gal said...

And I thank you, too. You may not know it, but your courage (and yes, I use that word) in the HUGE changes you made kept me reviewing MY shitty choices and helped me to get MY head out of MY ass.
I'm grateful to you for this!
Love!

Anne C. said...

I love MG's response. Hear hear!

I <3 Courage. :)

Janiece said...

MG, you made me puddle. Love BACK!

Jeri said...

That is awesome. :) So glad you turned it around! And it actually speaks to me where I'm at right now, so thanks again and always for the inspiration. LOVE!

Stacey said...

Awesome post. I can relate. Thanks for sharing all your gratitude with us. I look forward every day to see what you've written - which makes me thankful for you.