When Hillbillies Attack, Part II

Thursday, August 28, 2008
This Hillbilly story isn't from the wilds of rural Colorado. Or at least not directly. It's from the wilds of Texas.

My Hot Mom used to live in Houston, where she was relocated by her corporate employer after the energy bust of the 80's. She lived there for many years, and while Houston is a pretty cosmopolitan city in terms of the arts, it's still filled with, you know, Texans. Many of whom Hot Mom is still friends with.

Recently, prairie dogs have been infiltrating Hot Mom's property. Since she shares her back fence with a horse pasture, it's not really surprising, but she really doesn't want them taking up permanent residence. They destroy property and carry the plague, which Hot Mom considers to be an undesirable outcome. Since she doesn't live in Boulder County, where it's illegal to kill vermin, she was looking for a way to shoot the little fuckers.

So she reached out to her Texas friends to see if what kind of BB gun she should invest in for her Rambo-Grandma killing spree.

Yeah. She asked Texans.

Their recommendation? The Whisper VH, offered by GAMO USA, makers of fine quality adult precision airguns, ammunition's, accessories and optics. Approved by the NRA!



From the website: "The Gamo Whisper VH shoots .177 cal. match grade pellets at 1000 fps. It is equipped with a deluxe recoil pad and has a base for mounting its specially designed Varmint Hunter Scope. The brilliant red beam of the laser sight finds your target quickly and precisely, while the flashlight illuminates your target in low light or no light."

That's right, folks. An air-gun with a silencer, a scope, and a laser sight. All for the low, low price of $329.95! (Plus Shipping).

For my Hot Mom. Who's never fired a weapon - of any kind - in her life. Yeah.

The mental image of my Hot Mom stalking the prairie dogs from her deck with her brand new Gamo Whisper VH fills me with trepidation and awe, and makes me feel like I've been transported into the Bizarro World version of A Christmas Story.

Yeah. I'm sure this'll work out just fine...if she doesn't shoot her eye out.


Tip o' the Coon-Skinned Cap to my Hot Mom for the source material.

10 comments:

Cindi in CO said...

"I'm sure this'll work out just fine...if she doesn't shoot her eye out."

Or get arrested. I may be wrong here, but I think an air rifle that shoots pellets at 1000 fps is illegal to shoot off your back porch. On the front range, anyway.

Or not, feel free to correct me if I'm full of shit. ;)

MWT said...

I'm not sure what it says about me that I now want one of those...

I wrote an eHow article a while back about shooting bottle rockets out of an air rifle, but that one might be overkill. Still, think of the hick nerd cred. :D

Janiece Murphy said...

Cindi, I think the legality of the weapon is a secondary issue in this case.

Just sayin'.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

I though that it said "Gizmo" instead of "Gamo" (whatever that means).
I also thought that the Texans would recommend that huge-ass cannon that is all the rage. You know, the one that looks like a giant rifle but shoots out VW's.
And a varmint scope! How fun! Hot Mom's on a killin' spree!

Random Michelle K said...

Don't feel bad MWT. I want one too.

Of course of anyone here, I am the most likely to end up with bodily harm if I bought one.

Jim Wright said...

Yep, it's pretty easy to see where you get it from. Just saying.

Janiece Murphy said...

What?

I have no idea what you're talking about, Jim, and I resent the implica...

Okay, I think I just put myself to sleep with that one.

Steve Buchheit said...

That's a right fine varmint shooting gun your mama's got there. I think it's legal to use it if first you yell, "Get offa ma property!" Which is the traditional war cry of the suburban pest shooting clubs.

Janiece Murphy said...

As a point of clarification, Hot Mom did not purchase this weapon.

We both just thought the recommendation was funny.

Carol Elaine said...

I think it's legal to use it if first you yell, "Get offa ma property!" Which is the traditional war cry of the suburban pest shooting clubs.

Alternately, yelling "Oh my G-d! It's coming right for us!" will get one off the hook.

I sure don't want one of them things, but I'm not much of a gun fan. Maybe because I have fired guns in the distant past and find them pretty darned scary. The kick-back on a Desert Eagle is pretty damned big.