On the Origin of the Species "Curmudgeon"

Saturday, August 23, 2008
My Smart Man and I went to drool over guitars this afternoon, and as we were leaving, we noticed someone had stuffed a flier into our screen door.

The Smart Man does not appreciate it when people leave fliers on his windshield or his house. He considers it littering, and believes that people who commit this act should have their flier stapled to their forehead. And not with one of those wimpy-ass desk staplers, either. He thinks the flier should be applied with a pneumatic staple gun. That'll teach those litterers to leave their fliers on his property, goddammit.

How old do you have to be before you can be labeled a "curmudgeon?" The Smart Man isn't even in his 40's, and yet he seems to be well on his way down the curmudgeon road.

He's currently practicing shaking his fist and screaming, "Get off my lawn!"

Good thing he and Jim Wright don't live in the same state...

7 comments:

John the Scientist said...

I've got one more year until I'[m in my 40s, and I hate it too. Did you lift my windshield wiper to leave that flier? And you'd like it if I fiddled with your car? How about if I come up to your door when just your wife is home and jiggle the door?

I'd use a nail gun (even less likely to re-offend), but otherwise, I agree.

And get off my lawn!

Jeri said...

We get one of those "free" newspapers weekly that are distributed to every household in the town. And every week I have to pick it up, shuck it out of its plastic back, drop the plastic in the trash and the paper in the recycle bin.

The paper itself is utterly useless, cheap-ass ads, coupons and desperation classifieds.

I consider that littering on a corporate scale and I wish there was something I could do to stop it.

So I guess that makes me a curmudgeon too.

mom in northern said...

This sort of thing comes under the heading of shit I have no use for.

My "favorite" is all of the cute ads you get with your bills....

I mail them all back with my check...thank you very
much.

Let them toss 'em into file 13...

Nathan said...

This reminds me of two things.

In Brooklyn, they leave flyers on your front stoop. (we have stoops dammit.) I want someone to collect them all and once a week, go at night and dump it all in front of CVS, or Pathmark or whoever was the prime offender.

And John's comment reminded me of the bad old days when the "squeegie men" used to attack your windshield when you were stopped at a lite. They expected you to give them a dollar for cleaning your windshield (forget that they were using dirty oily water to do it in the first place.) I used to get out of my car and scream at them..."Who the fuck told you, you could touch my car? Huh? Huh? Gimme a fucking dollar!" They'd back away thinking I was the crazy one.

Lance Weber said...

I decided when I turned 40 (exactly 4 years ago today, happy birthday me!) that it was imperative that I begin honing my curmudgeon skills so that when I turned 50 I would be a Jedi Curmudgeon.

Now to be perfectly clear, I think there's a difference between curmudgeonly and grouchy. A grouch feels entitled to be an asshole to people in general. A curmudgeon is someone who really doesn't put up with other people's bullshit and is happy to let them know it in no uncertain terms.

I'm rather enjoying being a curmudgeon and look forward to enhancing it with a dash of senility shortly.

John the Scientist said...

Oh crap, I;d forgotten about the squeegee dudes. Used to be one right at the light at the end of the Exit 14 ramp going into Flushing. I never gave him any money and I used to squirt the window washer to keep them away after that oily sheen didn't come off my windshield the first time.

Giuliani was good for a few things...

Jim Wright said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm officially well past curmudgeon age - and well into the persona. Curmudgeon is officially added to your title when you make Warrant, and I like it that way - or I would if I actually liked anything, which I don't. :)

And I'm with your smart man, I hate those dammed fliers. Pneumatically stapling the dammed things to the distributors forehead is an excellent idea. The world is hip deep in that kind of worthless litter - that and those stupid plastic bags that I see everywhere.

And you kids, get off my lawn!