Anatomy of a Certification Exam

Thursday, June 14, 2012
People who work in Information Technology typically have one thing in common: Professional Certification. These are usually proctored exams that are supposed to demonstrate your Mad Skilz with a specific vendor's product line such as Microsoft, Cisco, or Oracle. Oftentimes what they actually demonstrate is an ability to memorize esoteric facts, but that's another blog entry.

These are my thoughts when I'm preparing for a certification exam, littered with insecurity and the horrifying stories I tell myself. I have a distressing tendency to conflate my worth as a human being with my ability to perform, especially in a standardized test environment. Stupid brain.

Reading the Book, Part 1

Hey, I remember some of this. Maybe it won't be so bad.

Wait, what? What the hell does that mean?

What kind of ghetto outfit uses hubs for connectivity these days?

I should schedule the exam in two weeks. Surely I'll be ready by then.

Reading the Book, Part 2

Sigh. I'd really like to read something other than technical material.

Who the hell uses RIP-1 anymore? Seriously.

I AM A SUBNETTING GENIUS.

No, I'm not.

I bet I wouldn't have to take a proctored exam if I sold beer from a golf cart.

Taking the Quizes

Wow. A 48%. Clearly I'm not retaining the material very well.

100%! Take that! Wait...you've worked in technology for almost 30 years. You probably shouldn't be so impressed with yourself for understanding the OSI model.

36%. Clearly I have a bright future awaiting me in the food service industry.

Hey! It looks like I have a somewhat thorough understanding of IPv4 methodology!

69%. I think my Hot Daughter said they're hiring over at the Jack in the Box. At least I'll show up for work on time and not miss shifts because I'm in jail.

Taking the Practice Exams

Hm. I'm not increasing my score that much after I do remediation on the areas where I'm weak.

Why did I schedule the exam for only two weeks after I started studying?

Clearly, I'm not as smart as I think I am.

Fuck it. If I fail, I'll just have to schedule it again for next month after I've had time to do something other than cramming for two weeks straight. Or I can try and pursue an exciting career in lawn maintenance.

Exam Day

I'll just review the memorization tables in the futile hope that I'll be able to answer that one question which will push my score into the "passing" range.

Let the terror and self-loathing commence!

I wonder how much my salary would have to be if we downsized from the Big Yellow House to a Tiny Yellow House in a bad part of town?

Well, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. But I'm still not optimistic.

I PASSED! I PASSED! I'm the Queen of the World!

No, I'm not. But at least I passed...

5 comments:

Juan Federico said...

Congratulations! Nice breakdown of the process by the way.

I will never admit to wearing that tiara....photographic evidence does not count.

vince said...

Congrats on passing! And I agree with Juan, you nailed the process.

One of the nice things about working for yourself in tech is that no one cares about certificates - they only care if you can do the work. This has saved me much money and associated stress over the years.

mom in northern said...

You are "The Little Engine That Could". At a girl....

Phiala said...

Congrats!

Also, yeah. Self-doubt, impostor syndrome, periods of extreme self-confidence. *sigh*

Steve Buchheit said...

Congrats on passing. And having just taken (a month ago? really?) the national Pharmacy Technician exam, oh yes this, very much this.