Extrovert? Not so much...

Thursday, April 27, 2017

I recently finished a book entitled, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. The author is a former Wall Street attorney who is an introvert herself, and wanted to learn about how our culture tends to reward extroverts and punish introverts, even though introverts have their own gifts. It's a best seller from several years ago, but my to-read pile is so enormous I'm just now getting around to it.

This book caused a great deal of self-examination for me. When I was younger, I thought I was 100% extrovert, because I had a talent for leadership and really wanted to share my ideas with others. This notion - that I was an extrovert, and that was the most desirable state to be in - was reinforced by the environments in which I lived and worked. Because let's face it - paramilitary and military environments don't really reward introverted behavior, especially when living quarters are cramped at best. 

And acting like an extrovert brought me professional success. I was promoted quickly in the Navy. I went from an entry-level technician position to a Senior Systems Engineer in six years when I began my civilian career. I worked hard, and enjoyed most aspects of my work. But I was also tired ALL THE TIME. Up until now, I'd considered the constant fatigue of those years to be a by-product of undiagnosed depression. I still think that's true, but I also think it was aggravated by my attempt to force my national tendency toward introversion into the mold of an extrovert.


My personality has many of the hallmarks of introversion:
  • Large, crowded events make my teeth hurt. Whenever I'm in a position where I have to attend a professional conference where the expectation is to be "always on" and I'm forced to be in crowded spaces, I become very uncomfortable. If it goes on long enough, I experience claustrophobia and anxiety. 
  • Being around people generally wears me out. It's not that I don't enjoy my relationships with other people, or enjoy spending time with them. I do. But when the visit is over, I'm ready to hide in my office and read, knit, or watch The West Wing on Netflix. I need quiet time to offset my social events in order to feel centered. And no good comes of my over-committing my social calendar. No good at all.
  • When it comes to learning styles, I prefer lecture or reading to more kinesthetic learning activities. Living inside my head comes naturally to me, and while I like sharing my ideas with others, my own learning is best served passively, or with a limited amount of the Socratic method. 
  • I absolutely detest working on "group projects." Ugh. For me, the perfect committee size is one, and I've always felt this way.
Of course no one is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert. Like sexuality, it's a continuum, and all of us fall somewhere in the spectrum. But reading this book has given me insight into how I can behave like an extrovert when I think it's required or expected (often, in my professional life), and yet still self-identify as an introvert the rest of the time. According to Ms. Cain, introverts are often capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything the introvert values highly. This very clearly describes my own self-evaluation of my personality and behavior. My extroverted self serves my goals and my values, but it's not at the core of who I am.

Who I am is someone who would really rather read a book than go to an event. I'm someone who treasures time spent with people I love, but not in too large a group. I'm someone who will behave in an extroverted way in service to those I love or a core value, but needs some down-time after that. I'm someone who loves living a life of the mind, and strives to keep learning. And I'm someone who is trying to see clearly the value of introversion after 50 years of cultural conditioning telling me otherwise.



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