Thought of the Day

It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.

This is kind of a corollary to the "when people show you who they are, believe them" idea. The difference is that it's most useful when you're engaging in self-examination rather than attempting to make reasonable judgments about other people. 

I find that examining my own behavior is a never ending process, mostly because there are never ending opportunities for improvement. And because I have a tendency toward rationalization, I also find that I must be absolutely brutal in my self-analysis, otherwise I convince myself that my bad behavior isn't really indicative of what kind of person I am. It's an aberration. Really.

Which is, of course, complete and utter bullshit.

Intention used to mean a lot to me. What someone intended to happen carried a lot of weight with me, even if the outcome was horrific. But the older I've gotten, the more I've come to believe that while intention does matter, it's the action that defines who I am.

So while my actions clearly demonstrate that I'm mildly socially retarded, and prone to petty snottiness, and I'm self-indulgent about my diet, I hope they also demonstrate that the truth matters to me, and I care about other people, and I live a life of service.

When choosing a course of action, I need to more often ask myself, "What does this action say about me?  Does it define me as the kind of person I aspire to be, or does it degrade me?"

This whole "being a grown-up" and "living an examined life" stuff blows.

Being Present

I haven't been very present lately.

This is a problem for me. I have a natural tendency to allow my professional obligations to overwhelm my personal and family obligations, and it's something I've worked hard to overcome, in order to maintain some level of balance in my life.

And here lately, like since the first of the year, I've not been doing a very good job.

Part of it is that I've been traveling far more than I'm used to. Currently my "I'm away from my office" time for the year is at 70% on a weekly basis, which is really crazy for someone who doesn't like to travel. Being forced to deal with the stress of travel takes an emotional toll on me, and when you add in the fact that all that time in airports, in airplanes, in cars, in training, leaves me little time for my regular work, it's a safe bet that someone is going to get the short end of the stick.

And of course, that someone is always the Smart Man, and my Hot Daughter, and my Hot Mom, and my other family and friends.

Now it's not like the people in my life are incapable of managing without daily interaction with me, or my daily attention (except Boogie, but that's a different matter). My family and friends are all a self-sufficient bunch. But when I am in town, and spending time with them, they deserve my undivided attention. They deserve for me to be present, regardless of what crisis du jour is currently brewing within my customer base and on my team.

And I haven't been.

So my goal for the immediate future is to fix that. My family and friends deserve no less from me.

International Women's Day

I missed International Women's Day yesterday because I was too busy being the only woman in a meeting surrounding a solution proposal I had designed. That's fairly typical for me, actually, and as I've noted before, pretty typical for my industry.

But typical or not, it's really starting to irk me. I've been the token chick my entire working life, and when I was a younger woman, it didn't bother me much. However, the older I get, the more sensitive I am to this sort of nonsense.

Perhaps it's because now, in my middle age, I'm self-honest enough to recognize that being the token chick in my professional life doesn't make me some kind of Susan B. Anthony wannabe, or a trailblazer, or in any other way special. It doesn't say anything about me at all. It makes my profession, and the culture in which it resides, discriminatory and sexist.

I hate that about my profession and the culture in which I work. And here lately, I kind of believe what feels like my constant bitching on the topic has no positive influence whatsoever.

Which makes me even sadder.

Homebody

I'm in Rochester today on business. I'll be flying back to Colorado later this evening, and I am happy to report that this is the last trip (currently) on my calendar for the foreseeable future. I suspect that won't last long, as I can think of at least one customer engagement that will require my in-person attention in the next month, but for now - a breather.

Aside from traveling for vacation, I don't care to be away from home much. I worked hard to create a home and family life that gives me pleasure and a safe haven, and it irks me when I'm forced to be away from it. Now I'm not a child - at least not in this respect. I do realize that occasional travel is necessary for my employment, and I'm willing to do so with reasonable good cheer. But this year is shaping up to be excessive in that regard, and I'm tired.

So I'm looking forward to being home for a while, catering to my Boogie Dog, enjoying dinner with my family, exercising appropriately, and generally enjoying my life.

In 5...4...3...2...1...

What? The Weekend's Over?

Um, yes. I suspect it is.

I had a long weekend this weekend because occasional commenter and long-time friend The Mechanicky Gal flew in for a visit. We engaged in our usual activities - shopping, eating, and going to the spa. I ended up with three new pairs of shoes, including these Cole Haan's which were TOTALLY not in my budget:

Because, really - how could I not? They're the ones with the Nike Air soles, and are the most comfortable pair of pumps I've ever put on my feet. I am SO wearing them to my appointment tomorrow in Rochester.

Yes, I'm leaving for Rochester this morning, returning tomorrow night. Which makes complete sense - I'm actually feeling much better today, so I need to get my compromised immune system into the hotbed of germs known as a commercial airplane ASAP. How else will I end up with pneumonia?

Boogie Blogging Friday Featuring The Mechanicky Gal

Boogie has a new friend in The Mechanicky Gal. Not only does she provide snackage, she massages his hips after his walkies! Sorry, Boogs - I'm quite sure you would not be welcome in the same house as Thing 1 and Thing 2, aka Amy's kitty friends. You'll just have to remain here, with your three dedicated servants.

Feel Like Ass

No, I don't feel like AN ass - I feel like ASS, which is a very technical military term denoting chills, fever, cough, burning sinuses and a sore throat.

I started feeling poorly on Saturday, and by Monday I was feeling a bit better. So of course I jumped on an airplane for Kansas City to ensure I would get steadily WORSE rather than BETTER.

The trip was full of "surprises," (like no maid service and an alarm clock that required a Ph,D in electrical engineering to operate), but it was a success. In the Chinese sense that a crisis is an opportunity. Now I have more work, and an executive escalation I need to resolve. Oh, and I'm scheduled to fly to NY on Monday.

FML, indeed.

The only pleasant surprise was that the rental car company was out of Ford Focuses (my usual POS), so I was allowed to pick whatever vehicle I wanted. I picked a 2011 black Ford Mustang GT. Vroom, vroom. That car looked awfully good on me, if I do say so myself. Of course I almost cried when I got home, climbed into the Jeep, pressed the gas and nothing happened. Clearly, I need a muscle car.

Tomorrow I'm going to tie up some loose ends at work, and then I'm going to pick up occasional commenter and longtime friend The Mechanicky Gal at the airport for a fun-filled weekend of food, laughter, spa treatments and (apparently) mucus. Of course I can't wait (except for the mucus part).

We may post photos, we may not. Regardless, I've been looking forward to this for a long while, and I'm not going to let a travel-induced creeping crud get in the way of my gal's weekend.


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