If you call here again, I'm going to track you down and cut you.

Friday, February 24, 2012
I know I said I was going to be scarce around here for a bit, but the Smart Sailor is out with a buddy, and this IS REALLY STARTING TO STAND ON MY LAST NERVE.

Our home telephone number has been on the Federal Do Not Call list since July 1, 2003, and each year, I verify the registration. Our phone number is on this list because (surprise!) we don't want those annoying telemarketers interrupting our days and nights with whatever promotion they think I can't live without. We never - never - donate money or purchase products or services over the phone. Never. So calling here is always a waste of time, for both the caller and for us.

But over the last couple of months, the number of businesses who have been calling the Big Yellow House trying to shill their cheap crap has increased significantly. And I've had enough. I've gone from saying "no thank you" and hanging up, to saying "we're on the federal "Do Not Call" list, so calling here is a violation of federal law" and hanging up, to getting all the details of the violating company so I can then inform them that I'm reporting a violation of the "Do Not Call" list to the federal government.

I don't have much sympathy for these jokers, and I'm not interested in their lame excuses. Remaining compliant with the "Do Not Call" registry is just not that fucking hard. Please note that designing these solutions is what I do for a living - I know, know, what is required to be compliant, and your company either just doesn't give a good goddamn, or is too cheap to comply with the law, or possibly both. And telling me that your database hasn't been updated with my "do  not call" status yet is just sad and pathetic. I've been on the list non-stop for almost nine years. Are you honestly trying to claim that your company hasn't updated their database in nine fucking years? And if so, why in the Hell would I want to do business with you?

STOP CALLING MY HOUSE. OR I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND CUT YOU.

5 comments:

neurondoc said...

Larry uses something called Phone Tray, which free (the pay version is only for dial-up). It has dropped our annoying phone call numbers down significantly (and yes, we are also on the DO NOT CALL list).

Nathan said...

Whenever I have the time, I like to keep their salesmen on the line for as long as possible just to totally waste their fucking time. I tend to ask increasingly retarded questions until they finally realize I'm just yanking their chain.

Tom said...

I'm with Nathan. I'll play with them for a while. Or point out that they lied with their first statement to me, so do they really think that's a good way to start a business relationship? Or ask them how they like working for a company that commits fraud. Because if I don't, I just end up getting all stabby and stuff. "Cut you...", indeed!

neurondoc said...

When one gets through, we let Allison play with them. Someday I will have to remember to record one of those conversations. She likes to pretend to be me.

David said...

I borrow a tactic from my dad and just lie to them. They want to sell me cable? I don't own a television. They want to sell me windows? My house doesn't have any.

I had a grand time with the guy trying to sell me long distance once, denying that I even had a phone.