Moving On

Thursday, April 23, 2015
Today we close on our new house.

When this process started in mid-summer of 2014, the driving impetus for us to make this move now rather than waiting as we discussed was that I simply didn't want to live here anymore. The Big Yellow House was haunted not only by memories of my lost Moe, but with guilt and grief at her passing. I think I believed that by getting out of this place my grief journey would somehow be shortened in some fashion.

I no longer believe that. Grief is grief, and it will take as long as it takes. Moving the location of my grief isn't going to make it easier to bear.

But something did happen on our way to the closing. I began to look at our new "forever home" not as an escape from my grief, but a goal worth pursuing in its own right. We knew we were going to have to move out of this house eventually (three floors, no bedroom or full bath on the main). So we intentionally selected a floor plan that will accommodate us not only now, but when we're no longer as spry as we once were. We selected a location that would suit us as retirees as well as full time employees. And we found a way to get our new home paid off prior to my impending retirement in 15 years - a gating event in our retirement plan.

So I now believe it was a good decision for us, in many different ways. We're both very excited about moving in, and getting settled. Our new neighbors all seem very nice, and our pre-planning* seems to be catching most of the things that need to be done with a newly constructed home. We believe the Big Yellow House will sell quickly and for a great price.

But it's still bittersweet.

We raised the kids in this house. Boogie lived his entire life in this house. We grew as a couple in this house. We survived the Worst Year of our Lives in this house. And we've shared a lot of laughter and love in this house with the people who make our life worthwhile.

So I'll be sad to leave here. There are a lot of things to recommend this neighborhood, including the fact that it's now a "walkable" neighborhood. Jax and I won't have so many choices for our weekly runs, and getting "into town" for errands and such will no longer be a three minute affair. But it's time to leave, and let another family put down roots here and watch their children grow up. We're empty nesters now, and our new house has been built for that purpose.

I'm trying to appreciate the old and anticipate the new, and hope for a little peace along the way. Wish me luck.



*Google spell check suggested "pee-planning" for this rather than "pre-planning." How is that a word? Seriously.

8 comments:

Anne C. said...

Much love, my dear. We are with you in spirit. <3

Anne C. said...

And I just had the oddest CAPTCHA test. I had to select the images of soup from a image spread of nine images of food. Odd.
(And did not repeat for this comment.)

Jeri said...

Much love and best wishes to you in your new chapter!

I found with my move that my ghosts came with me. But I've made a sort of peace with them.

Ilya said...

Best of luck, Janice!

Ilya said...

... Embarrassingly missed an 'e' in the name, sorry, Janiece

Random Michelle K said...

pee-planing, isn't that what we have to look forward to as our bladders weaken?

No?

My wish is that your home-owners association doesn't make you want to strangle anyone.

:)

Love!

vince said...

Peace and love to you, my friend.

Steve Buchheit said...

No matter where we move or how much we leave behind, we always carry our baggage with us. The good and the bad. It just matters what you decide to fill the new house with. Good luck, Janiece. I hope the good vastly outnumbers the bad.

Also, what Random Michelle K said.