Early Morning Conversations

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Brain: Wake up! Wake up!

Me: What?

Brain: Wake up! We have Very Important Things to think about tonight.

Me: What time is it?

Brain: 3:30 a.m. Time to get busy!

Me: Fuck off.

Brain: No can do. Do you remember that time when an adult screwed you over for reasons that had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own ego?

Me: Yes. Fuck off.

Brain: Can't do that - we need to think about that 35-year-old incident.

Me: Why?

Brain: Because it's VERY IMPORTANT.

Me: It's really not. While it was painful at the time, I think I can safely assert that I'm over it. It hasn't prevented me from professional success, it hasn't affected how I choose to manage my relationships, and it has no bearing whatsoever on my current life. Why don't we let it go?

Brain: Crazy talk. Let's think about it some more.

Me: Let's not.

Brain: Okay, then let's think about the fact that you don't have pants, shirts or shoes for the two conferences you have in February.

Me: Why? I have a plan to buy what I need.

Brain: But will you be able to FIND what you need? I'm sure you won't.

Me: I'm sure I will. I have six weeks to get the job done. 

Brain: But you don't KNOW that.

Me: Shut the fuck up, will you? I have to work this morning.

Brain: Speaking of work, let's think about some upcoming tasks you're assigned that I'm sure you won't be able to complete to anyone's satisfaction.

Me: I hate you.

Brain: I know.

1 comments:

mom in northern said...

That sounds very familiar...needs only a little tweaking.