Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men Edition the Tenth

Today's question comes from new blogger and fellow library supporter filelalaine, who asks,

Ahhh so many questions for such an interesting lady and since some were already asked, here's the rest: why knitting, how did that come about? what are the best and worst parts of a marriage? what do you like better, a son or a daughter, and why? if you could meet anyone in the world and ask them one question, who/what would it be?

I swear, these compound questions are going to be the death of me. Did you and Anne conspire, or something?
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I became interested in knitting when my Hot Daughter took a knitting class in high school and learned how to knit in the traditional way, i.e., with needles. She's pretty good, although she doesn't have much time for it these days. I, however, am not good. Knitting needles are a complete mystery to me, and although I've tried a number of times to learn how to knit or crochet with the appropriate implements, I just SUCK.

But there was hope - while at the local craft store, I discovered a new product - the knitting loom. Here was something I could do! So I bought all of the looms available, and learned how to use them. Knitting on a loom is not particular mentally challenging - there's not much counting, and I can do it while simultaneously doing any number of other things. It's also very quick - I can complete a hat in under two hours. This means, of course, that I'm very prolific, and that I go through a lot of yarn. Luckily the Longmont Senior Center's Knit and Purl Club donates yarn to me, and I donate finished pieces back to them. So it's all good.
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The best part of marriage is that I always have someone on my side, someone who knows me well and loves me anyway, and doesn't expect me to be other than what I am to suit his own purposes.

The worst part of marriage is that you can't always suit yourself. Because taking someone else's needs and desires into account is the price you have to pay for the best parts. And now that I've finally learned to make good decisions in this area, I can say unequivocally, it's totally worth it.
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You expect me to answer that question about what I like better, a son or a daughter? When I have one of each? Really? I gotta tell you, that'll happen right around the time monkeys fly out of my ass.
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As for meeting people and asking them questions, I think my musings have more to do with the nature of universe than with any specific individual. After all, public people typically leave some sort of written record of their lives and ideas, whether they're scientists, politicians, or artists. The universe, however, stubbornly refuses to leave a record that doesn't require interpretation by the best minds our species has to offer. So I guess my question is, "Does the Multiverse really exist?" Because really, how fucking awesome would it be if 1) the Multiverse does exist, and 2) we could move between universes? FUCKING AWESOME. WITH AWESOME SAUCE.
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Thanks for your questions, filelalaine.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men Edition the Ninth

Today's questions come from the Incomparable Anne™, who is chock-full of inquiry:

What are your top five/ten favorite movies (or, if you prefer, TV series) and why?

How did you get started on the jam-making (the making jam for others, I mean)?

Did you have a pet before Boogie?

Would you go into space if you had the opportunity?

Let's just take these in order.
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Nowadays, I consider movies and TV series to be almost the same genre, mostly because original programing produced by the premium channels is far superior to anything previously offered on television, and in fact, is far superior to most POS movies offered in theaters. So here they are:

1. The Wire. Simply the best thing every produced in the medium.
2. Dexter. How Michael C. Hall manages to make me empathize with a serial killer is beyond me, but it's indicative of his skill - and the skill of the writers. Bonus: John Lithgow is the creepiest bad guy EVAH.
3. Breaking Bad. Watching the moral death spiral of Walt, the main character, is fascinating in a "I can't look away from this train wreck" kind of way.
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel. Because I'm twelve. 
5. Band of Brothers. Easy Company's experiences in the European Theater make me grateful to be human.
6. Second Hand Lions. If there's a better cast in the world than Michael Kane, Robert Duvall and Haley Joel Osment, I don't know what it would be. Bonus: Christian Kane.
7. Oz. Just as Band of Brothers gives me a glimpse of the very best of being human, this one gives me a glimpse of the very worse. But I can only watch one episode of this series at a time, because it tends to give me nightmares.
8. Sons of Anarchy. The entire series is like a sociological study in moral ambiguity. Bonus: Katy Segal.
9. Othello. The Kenneth Branagh version, not the one where Othello is played by a white dude. This movie brought Shakespeare to life for me.
10. Independence Day. I love this movie, although I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's my fondness for the underdog. Bonus: Jeff Goldblum. 

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I started making jam as a way to create lower cost Christmas gifts for friends and family. I'd make jam and breads, and then make gift baskets including ornaments and such. I stopped doing that when it started feeling like a chore rather than a pleasure, but I still like to make the jam. Mostly I give it away because I don't like it (except for apple butter), and there's only so much jam my family can eat. The unclaimed jars go to the retirement home where my Gram lived her last years.
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Boogie is my first mammal pet as an adult. Growing up, we had horses, a dog and a barn cat. My transient lifestyle (and poorness) prevented me from owning pets that required a lot of care before now.
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The "going into space" question is a bit more complex than I first thought, and the answer is, "it depends." Is it a one-way trip, say to Mars or to settle another Class M Planet? Would I be able to communicate with my family, even if I never got to see them again? Is FTL available, or is everyone I care about going to die while I'm gone because of relativistic speeds? What's the risk to me personally? What is my purpose in going?

I guess the bottom line is that if the opportunity had presented itself when I was younger and the ties that bound me to this earth were a bit more tenuous, I suspect that yes, I would have gone, even if it was a one way trip. Now? Probably not, unless there was a return trip, or I could bring those I care for with me.
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Thanks for your questions, Anne.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men Edition the Eighth

Today's question comes from the wise and wonderful Jeri, who asks,

WTF is a pompatus of love?

Seriously - we've talked about your decision to cultivate a slow life, a deliberate relaxed lifestyle to manage health and stress and etc.

Can you write a little bit more about what made you turn that direction and what steps you took to put it in place and be happy with it?

The Pompatus of Love is a movie, I believe. What do I win?

Back when I was doing the necessary work to change my life, I discovered a number of things about myself that helped me to determine how best to cultivate the life I needed and wanted to be happy. Here's a short (not all inclusive) list:

• I need to spend a considerable portion of my time by myself. Without the opportunity to do so, I become cranky and snappish.
• I don't like to talk on the phone. For whatever reason, it's extremely irritating to me, although I'm fine with more asynchronous forms of technologically based communication such as text, e:mail and chat.
• For the most part, I am a low maintenance friend. I can go weeks without communicating with my Sista from Anotha Mista The Mechanicky Gal, but that doesn't mean I don't love her - and it also doesn't mean I wouldn't be on the first flight to Southern California if she needed me. And I need my friends to be low maintenance for the most part, as well.
• I place tremendous value on helping others, including those whom I love and complete strangers. But one thing that will drive me right over the edge is if someone has some sort of unjustifiable expectation that I help them. I choose to commit my help to others for my own reasons, and it's my choice. I don't owe people anything simply because they have an opinion that I should.* Taking my help for granted is a sure way to earn yourself a punch in the throat, regardless of who you are.
• As much as I enjoy social events, they must be spread out. Back-to-back-to-back commitments increases my stress, even if the events are fun and include people I care for and enjoy. 

When I over-commit, either socially or professionally, I end up feeling bad, stretched thin, overwhelmed. My depression creeps back, and I find I simply don't enjoy the outings as much as I might if I felt better. Which brings us to my decision to cultivate that slow, deliberate lifestyle Jeri asked about.

When I was finding my way, I had to decide that saying "no" to event invitations, to requests for help, to phone conversations, was perfectly okay. And if the reason for declining was "I don't want to," then that was a good enough reason, regardless of what others' thought. If I received an invitation to a social event, I would examine my feelings to determine which I REALLY wanted to do - go on the outing, or stay home and read. And if the answer was the latter, I had to learn to say NO - and mean it, and expect my friends and family to understand. If someone asked me for help, and I decided I had no obligation to do so, I had to learn to say NO, and not feel guilty about it. Because to allow myself to be pressured into doing things I really don't want to do for the benefit of others is not conducive to my mental or physical health.

It took me a long time to learn to say "no" for my own benefit. I could always be pressured or guilted into changing my mind, and learning that my own needs and desires don't always have to be subordinated to the needs and desires of others was a tough lesson. But it was a lesson I needed to learn - to do otherwise would have condemned me to a life of stress, and feeling taken advantage of, and not having enough time to do the things I knew I needed to do for my own benefit, such as exercise.

There are trade-offs, of course. Many people don't understand my need to decline their invitations, and take it personally. I occasionally miss out on opportunities to socialize because I need to spend the weekend in hermit mode. Sometimes I choose to say "no" to people who genuinely need my help. But that's the trade-off - I can have a low stress, healthy life, or I can be a social butterfly. I've learned that for me, having both just isn't realistic. So I chose to put my own mental and physical health first. And those whom I love understand this about me, because they're low-maintenance, and know me well enough to know that in this case, it really is me and not them.

Thanks for your question, Jeri.


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*Which doesn't mean people shouldn't ask if they need something from me - far from it. But it does mean that if I say "no," that's the final word. Trying to get me to change my mind is a sure way to piss me off and ensure I'll never help you again.

Ask Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men Edition the Seventh

Today's question comes from anissa_roy, who asks,

What are the best and worst parts of living in Colorado? What advice would you give to someone considering a trip there versus someone planning a move? Why yes, I am something of a travel geek.

I grew up here in Colorado, and then left for twelve years for warmer parts of the country. I've been back for fifteen years, and yet I'm still wracking my brain to figure out how to answer your question.

I guess the best indicator as to whether or not someone would enjoy living in or visiting Colorado is to answer a simple question: Do you enjoy being outdoors? If the answer is "yes," then pack your bags - you're going to love it here. If the answer is "no," then make plans for some other locale.

Most of the activities that keep people entertained here are based in the great outdoors. In the winter, there's skiing, snowboarding, snowshoeing, sledding, tubing, snowmobiling, and dog-sledding. In the summer, there's hiking, camping, trail riding, hunting, fishing, whitewater rafting, kayaking, canoeing, climbing, golf, cycling.

If you don't like to be outdoors, the pickings are bit slimmer. Don't get me wrong - there are regional attractions such as the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, the Denver Center for the Performing Arts, the Denver Art Museum, mountain casinos, music festivals, and professional sports in the areas of football, baseball, basketball, hockey, lacrosse and soccer. But Denver's heritage is one of a cow town, and it shows. The big draw here is BEING OUTSIDE - there are 300 sunny days a year here, and the landscape of the place pretty much guarantees an active, athletic population. If you're the kind of person who really likes to be inside, who thrives only on cultural events, then Denver and surrounds probably isn't the right place for you.

The local communities do make an effort, though. There are local performing arts and cultural events centers in most areas that draw some decent shows. In fact, there's one opening this fall two blocks from the Big Yellow House, and we're really looking forward to seeing the Vienna Boys Choir and other high quality acts there.

As for living here, I'd say the cost of living is a bit high - about 103 on a comparative scale. That's nothing compared to New York City or San Francisco, of course (167 and 207, respectively), but it's high enough. The median asking price for a home in Denver is $274,900.00, and the median household income is $56,993.00. Unemployment is currently at 8.8%. Culturally, I have to say it's kind of...white. 81.3% white, in fact, according to the 2010 census. That makes the place a bit homogeneous for my preference, but the Latino population is increasing steadily, which will help in the long term.

Overall, I have to say that the reason I continue to live here doesn't really have anything to do with Colorado as a place, but everything to do with who else lives here. My very large, very strange family is here, including my Hot Daughter, my Hot Mom, and various and sundry other folks, and I spent enough time away from an extended support system that I'm not really interested in doing so again. Given my druthers and unlimited funds, I would probably move someplace where the weather was a bit more mild, and the cultural events were a bit more dense. But my family didn't settle in San Francisco, so here I am.

Thanks for your question, anissa_roy, and feel free to ask more specific questions in the comments if I missed something you wanted me to cover.

Free Shit Friday Winner...

...of the large Coach bag is Mrs. B, with a random number of 9. Mrs. B., please send your snail mail address to hotchicksdigsmartmen _at_ comcast _dot_ net, and I'll get around to sending it along when the cows come home. Mooo!

Enjoy!

2011 Wild Flower Pr0n

Some sort of thistle-like thing, from the open space near the Big Yellow House

Something purple, this way comes, from the open space near the Big Yellow House. Clearly, horticulture is not my strong suit.

Free Shit Friday - Large Coach Bag

Today's Free Shit Friday offering is a large Coach bag.* And I do mean BIG. It's fourteen inches wide, six inches deep, and ten inches tall. I like this bag, and it's in good shape, but the thing with large bags and me is that it's sort of like a Field of Dreams dynamic - if the bag has space, the junk will come. I will fill it up until the damn thing weighs in at 30 pounds, which is not conducive to the health of my back. I used to carry a hammer in my purse, if that's any indication.

So off it will go, into the Ether, to find a home where someone will love it and hug it, and pet it, and call it George. 

Da rules.


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*This is a Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men/Mechanicky Gal joint. This bag originally belonged to Sista From Anotha Mista The Mechanicky Gal, who gave it to me. I used it for a bit, then the last time she came out for a visit she thought she might like to have it back. But the bottom line is that it's just too big and heavy for either of us, although I have to admit it's a good choice for travel.