Colorado Inbreds

Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I swear, when I read shit like this, I wonder just how varied the gene pool is in some of these smaller Colorado communities.

A vampire? Really? You wrecked your vehicle because you were fleeing a VAMPIRE? And this whackadoo wasn't even drunk or high. Apparently, someone needs to lay off the Twilight.

Our new motto should be, "Move to Colorado! We need an infusion of new genes!"

10 comments:

Steve Buchheit said...

When I was but a wee lad in S. Jersey, we had a vampire in my home town. Seems he liked bitting people on the neck. The crazy part about it is that our police force (granted one step above Barney Fife in that they had at least six bullets between the four of them) had difficulty capturing the guy, even when they had him in cuffs one night.

CkretsGalore said...

BAHAHAHAHAH
Thank you for that morning giggle.

I have a confession. I really, really liked watching COPS. So much in fact, I bought the box set.
It just really made me feel all warm and fuzzy about myself.

The best was when they were in Tennessee or Texas. As they would pull up to a trailer park, I would be holding on the edge of my seat saying, "Wait for it..Waiiiit for it!"

Rachael said...

Aw, come on, Janiece. I was rather charmed that we might have had a sighting of the rare and shy Vampiricus coloradi, thought to long ago have been hunted to extinction for its valuable ivory and slicked-back hair. X-D

WendyB_09 said...

Huh. Anybody have a number for Buffy?

Eric said...

The serious response: there's a throwaway line in the article that lack of drugs may have been the problem: "The station reported today that she might not have taken some medicine the day of the incident." The Twilight hysteria angle may have more to do with the Denver Post latching onto that angle and reporting it as "woman flees vampire" instead of "unmedicated driver wrecks vehicle, no serious injuries."

Whether she should have been driving on her medications or off is, of course, another matter. It's quite possible she shouldn't have been behind the wheel either way.

That out of the way, the unserious response: it's a f*king great story. One of my backburner projects is/was a vampire novel and this is the kind of thing I'd stick in there--I mean, if someone really was running from a vampire and wrecked her car, what would the reaction be?

Along those lines, one of the characters in my thing would be what "really" happens to a Blade/Buffy-esque "slayer--he gets arrested a lot for breaking into places, every time he's picked up he's getting nicked for carting around deadly weapons and burglary tools, he's been in and out of jails and mental hospitals. "What are you doing lurking around? What's in the bag? Mind if I take a look? What-th--sir, what were you planning on doing with these surveyor stakes and handsaw?" He has no life and he can't have one, his existence is a paranoid ruin.

I might have to file this item away for future use if I ever get back to that thing--thanks, Janiece!

Janiece said...

Eric, we live to serve.

Jerry Critter said...

I think Arizona and Nevada could use some new genes too.

John the Scientist said...

Dysgenics, Janiece, the more I think about it, I'm afraid there might be a kernel of truth there.

The weirdos don't care how their kids turn out, so they have more of them. The more educated you are the more likely you are to have fewer( or no) kids, but educated people also put more effort into each one. That generally makes each kid a better person, but from an evolutionary view, it might not be the right strategy.

o.O

Janiece said...

John, I saw that report, too. I'm not going to have any more kids, though, not even for the good of humanity.

John the Scientist said...

Me either. But I have this tiny , nagging bit of guilt about it in the back of my mind.

Some aspects of intelligence (such as genius - few genii had genius kids) can be a spontaneous mutation, but a hell of a lot is hereditary.