Food for Thought

Thursday, September 15, 2011
Today I'll be attending a technical meeting. Like 95% of the technical meetings I attend, I will probably be the only woman in the room. And even though I still think that's a problem and pretty indicative of the institutional sexism that's entrenched in my industry, I'm getting a little bored hearing myself bitch about it.

So I'll bitch about something else.

Speaking only for myself (and in a more generic sense, my industry), it seems to me that in some ways, I live in the worst of both worlds. I continue to work in a male dominated industry where I'm the frequent target of casual (and mostly unintentional) sexism, and yet, the so-called "perqs" of being a woman are no longer afforded me, either. As an example, when I was taking the rental car shuttle yesterday evening, I was one of two women on the bus. Both of us were standing, and all the seats were taken by men. Five or ten years ago, I would have been automatically offered a seat by one of the men.

Now let me me absolutely clear - I am not a delicate flower who is incapable of standing on a shuttle, nor do I think that any of those men had any obligation whatsoever to offer me their seat. On the (fewer and fewer) occasions when men do offer me a seat, or hold a door for me, I thank them graciously and move on - and I don't take offense when they choose not to do so.

I just think we're at a point in the zeitgeist where it's still okay to marginalize me professionally because of my gender, but we're also at a point where gender-based courtesies are becoming outdated. I find the contrast...interesting.

3 comments:

Nathan said...

I hold doors for anybody (men and women), and I tend to shout "You're welcome" to anyone who doesn't acknowledge it at all. (A nod or something is all it takes, no bowing and scraping required).

On subways and buses, I'm also equal-opportunity about offering my seat. Old people, infirm people, noticeably pregnant women, anyone loaded down with small children...

Femaleness is not an automatic qualifier.

WendyB_09 said...

Having spent the better part of the last 10 years using public transit, I too have noticed this decline in civility, especially from American men. They barge onto the train, clear the space around them as they remove backpacks & computer cases, plop their fat asses down where they please and immediately whip out their phone - iPod - game - book - paper - without a single acknowledgement that there are any other people within 10 feet of them, let alone hitting distance. As most are in business attire of some sort, it stands to reason they are products of comfortable homes and a good education. Obviously manners were not in the curriculum.

More often than not, if the elderly or a member of the fair sex are offered seats, it is Hispanic or Oriental men doing the offering. And they have no problem telling others with them they should do the same.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly capable of opening doors or standing when required, and gladly do it for others. But if you see me following you in/out a door, have the decency to hold the freakin' door for an extra second instead of looking me in the eye and letting go just in time for me to get smacked with the door.

And get off my lawn!!

Janiece said...

Nathan, I agree. I try to afford my seat to whoever nweda it, and courtesy should be offered regardless of gender.

I just think equal opportunity should be offered to everyone in my industry, not just the midle aged white guys. It's the dichotomy that sticks in my craw.