Political Primer

Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I misspoke.
1 : I told a big, fat, whomping lie, and either it was so egregious someone with a Middle School education caught it, or a journalist who takes their responsibilities seriously called me out on it.
2 : This is really how I feel about the subject at hand, but I'm going to deny it now because I've managed to offend such a large percentage of my constituency that failing to do so will mean I won't get what I want.
___________

I apologize if I offended anyone with my ill-considered remarks. 
1 : I'm sorry someone noticed that I'm a ginormous knob and told others about it.
2 : Fuck you.
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We need common sense solutions to our nation's problems.
1 : I'm going to support whichever solution gets me elected/reelected.
2 : Fuck the poor.
_____________

We need to support the middle class.
1 :  I'm going to do whatever's required to ensure my richest constituents get what they want so that I can get elected/reelected.
2 : I'm going to execute on the Southern Strategy to ensure people vote against their own interests.
______________

God Bless America.
1 : I'm a right wing fundamentalist who honestly believes that men shared the earth with dinosaurs.
2 : I'm agnostic, but I'm going to say this shit anyway because this country will never elect someone like me. 
______________

America is the greatest nation on earth.
1 : America! Fuck yeah!
2 :  I'm trying to manipulate American exceptionalism in order to get my way. 
_______________

I'm deeply proud of our men and women in uniform.
1 : Suckers!
2 : But my pride will not prevent me from sending them into an ill-considered conflict with substandard equipment, inadequate health care post-deployment, and minimal support for their families. 
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Enjoy the political season, Hot Chicks and Smart Men. 

3 comments:

Juan Federico said...

I love election years! They give me reasons to laugh. Nice write up by the way. :)

And Now... HI HOOOOOO, Hi Ho, Hi Ho it's off to work I go....

beatrice in Paris said...

I'm so glad I'm missing this stuff!

Dana Teel said...

Wonder if you could get Websters to provide link to your page for these words?