Weird Guilt

Friday, August 24, 2012
Guilt runs in my family. We give it to each other, mostly, and we're great at passing it down generation over generation. You'd think we were Jewish, or something.

So I have a tendency to wallow in guilt for no apparent reason. I try to guard against it, as it serves no one, and provides no tangible benefit to me in terms of emotional health or managing my behavior. But often it sneaks up on me, and encourages me to ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me.

Take my trip this week. Since I'm traveling on business, I've been wearing make-up every day, and even though I use very high quality foundation, it makes me break out if I don't take it off in the evening (I know, right? WHO KNEW.). I've also stayed in a different hotel every night this week due to logistical requirements. In one hotel, the proprietors left an astringent wipe for "make-up removal" in the complementary toiletries, but everywhere else, there was only washcloths. White washcloths. Now we all know what happens to white washcloths when you use them to remove makeup. And here's the fucked up part: Every time I used a washcloth to remove my makeup, I felt guilty about staining their linen with my foundation and mascara.

Really, Janiece? Really? It's not like I had options - I've only ever stayed in one hotel where they provided a blue washcloth specifically for make-up removal, and the other hotels did not provide wipes. What was I supposed to do? And yet, I felt guilty that I was staining their washcloths. And then I felt bad that I felt guilty.

Seriously - sometimes I wonder how I manage to have a stable emotional life AT ALL.

6 comments:

Laura = ^.^ = said...

I kinda know what you mean. Only for me, the nuisance emotion is fear.

I quake in my boots at the thought of doing anything new. It used to prevent me from living anything but the most boring and predictable of lives. But about ten years ago, I decided to be afraid and do stuff anyway. A small corner of my mind gets to go ahead and feel all the fear it wants, while I go do what I want.

I'm applying for grad schools in the next few months. You can imagine the distracting apoplexy of the Chicken Little in my head, I'm sure.

Beachy Fran said...

Oh, Janiece! This means I am not the only guilt queen who worried over mascara on the wash cloth. I must confess to that once or twice I tried washing out the wash cloth. Hurry, get me to a therapist.

Warner said...

Just a question, how much are they charging for an Internet connection?

Janiece said...

Laura, I have conquered my fear, for the most part, in just the way describe. It's the hardest work I've ever done.

Fran, I also can't leave my towels on the floor even when instructed to do so.

Warner, the Internet is free for most of the frequent stay programs I'm enrolled in, and if not I use my company phone hotspot, so I really have no idea.

Warner said...

Most hotels aiming at commercial travelers, such as you or who I was, charge $6-$10 per day for Internet connection (this was before hot spots were common). If they do so, don't worry about the washcloths, they make the cost of replacement back several times per stay.

Carol Elaine said...

My thing is neatening up the bed. I don't take the time to make it, but you better believe I do the neatest unmade hotel bed anywhere. My place? I have no trouble leaving a mess. Anywhere else? I try to leave it as I found it. Otherwise I feel guilt, guilt, guilt.