Conversations with Karma - Martin Shkreli Edition

Friday, October 23, 2015
* ring, ring *

Martin Shkreli: Hello, Turing Pharmaceurticals, Martin here.

Karma: Hello, Martin. This is Karma.

MS: Karma? Karma who?

K: Karma. The Eastern idea that you will receive your punishment or reward for your deeds. You know...what comes around goes around, people get what they deserve? Karma.

MS: Oh, Karma! Yes, I'm familiar with that. I have excellent Karma. Otherwise I wouldn't be so darn rich!

K: I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. "Through the eye of a needle" and all that.

MS: Whatevs. I'm a busy dude - what do you want?

K: Well, remember back in August when you decided to acquire a drug called Daraprim® that's used to treat opportunistic, parasitic infections with people with compromised immune systems?

MS: Yeah! That was great. I raised the price from $13.50 a pill to $750 a pill. I didn't have a single R&D dollar invested in that shit, but I have to, you know, "make sound business decisions." I've decided to "invest" the profits from that little gem into a PRIVATE ISLAND. Hows' THAT for stimulating the local economy!

K: Hm, yes. I believe the quote was, "This isn’t the greedy drug company trying to gouge patients, it is us trying to stay in business. This is still one of the smallest pharmaceutical products in the world. It really doesn’t make sense to get any criticism for this.”

MS: And I was RIGHT. Those people whining about the price increase just don't know how to manage a business. Not like ME.

K: Except when you don't. 
MS: What is that supposed to mean?

K: Well, it turns out that a company called Imprimis Pharmaceuticals has decided to make available a customizable compounded formulation of pyrimethamine and leucovorin for physicians to consider prescribing for their patients as a low cost alternative to Daraprim®. The drug you bought. 

MS: So?

K: So, they're charging less than a dollar a pill. 

MS: WHAT? They can't do that!

K: They can. And they did. Because their CEO is an effin genius who understands that taking advantage of other company's greed for their own PR benefit is a sound business practice. 

MS: I'll sue!

K: Yeah, good luck with that. Everyone already thinks you're the biggest douche in the free world. Go ahead and sue a company for undercutting your business plan by manufacturing a generic version of your drug and see what that gets you. 

MS: This is unacceptable! And I'm not a douche!

K: Actually, you are. Why don't you console yourself by diving into a pile of your money a la Scrooge McDuck?

MS: You have no respect. I'm calling my attorney. 

K: You do that. I have to leave anyway - I have an appointment with that lying sack of shit Bibi Netanyahu. Can you believe he tried to blame the Holocaust on the Palestinians, and then got corrected by the Germans? I couldn't have set that up better myself. 

* click * 

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