A Letter to My Auntie

Friday, May 12, 2017

We lost my Auntie to cancer this week. She has been terminal for some time, and she was so very ill towards the end that I consider her passing a blessing. No one wants to suffer (or see someone they love suffer) in such a manner.

When my Auntie was first diagnosed in February of last year and we were told how serious it was, I decided to take that opportunity to tell my Auntie what she meant to me, before it was too late. I never got this chance with Moe, and it was important to me to tell her how I felt.

I've decided to share what I wrote, because it also makes a fitting eulogy for one of the best people I've ever known.
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Dear Auntie Michel,

As the news of your cancer diagnosis sinks in, I want to take this chance to tell you what you mean to me. Whether you’re with us for two more months or twenty more years, I cannot let another day go by without telling you how you’ve changed my life and what you mean to me.

Of all the people I know, you have demonstrated to me most clearly that being kind is always, always worth the effort. When I think back over my life your presence has been a constant reminder that being kind matters, that doing for others in even the smallest ways can make a difference in the outcome of someone’s life. You have a unique ability to soothe, simply by being there, and your presence in my life has long been a nonjudgmental anchor for me in a sometimes tumultuous existence.

Your example has encouraged and inspired me, again and again, to do better. To treat others better, with kindness and respect, regardless of who they are or where they came from.

You have taught me that regardless of what happens to us in our lives, we all have a choice about the kind of person we become. Losing Moe was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but by your example, you have shown me the bad things don’t have to define us or shape our lives without our permission. We can choose to use our experiences, no matter how terrible, to become the people we want to be, and make a difference in the lives of others. I always knew and admired this about you, but what a gift this has been in the years since we lost Moe. I will never get over her loss, but I don’t have to let it define me in a negative way, and you taught me that, with the example of your life.

During the very worst times of my life, you have been there. You have loved me without condition or judgement, and shown me a new way simply by being who you are.

You’ve often told me that you admire my intellect, and wish you had more of an opportunity to develop and educate yourself. But my own opinion is just the opposite - I often wish I had your gifts, and admire you more than I can say for your ability to be one of the very best people I’ve ever met. You are decent, and kind, and patient - the very best Auntie I could have hoped for, and far more than I deserve. With some fairly rare exceptions, intellect doesn’t change the course of people’s lives. Your own virtues are the ones that move the world, one person at a time.

I know you’re scared by your diagnosis, and I’m scared with you. But as you face this, I want you to know that regardless of what happens, your presence in my life has changed me. I’m a better person because of you. I have a better life because of you. The world is a much better place because you’re in it, and I couldn’t love you more.
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I'll miss you, Auntie. More than I can say.

If anyone is so inclined, the family would appreciate donations to the Massachusetts General Hospital GCS Research Fund in memory of Kris Kier

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