So the Summer Reading Contest is now over, and we've had our best year ever! Hot Chicks and Smart Men read 383 books!
That totally maxed out my budget, so the full amount of $250.00 has been donated to the Douglas County Library Foundation. Great job, everyone!
The winners (aside from the Parker Library) are The Mechanicky Gal, who read Star Island by Carl Hiaasen and David, who read Sharps, by K.J. Parker. I'll get those gift cards to you when the Percoset haze finally lifts and I remember.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the Summer Reading Program, and we'll see you next year!
Happy Birthday, Great Auntie Margie
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Of all my relatives and friends, my Great Aunt Margie is most able to empathize with the loss of my daughter, having buried more than her fair share of children. And she's come out the other side with grace and humor, which gives me hope for a better future.
Happy Birthday, Auntie. I love you, and I appreciate your support at this most difficult of times.
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| I don't know what year this was taken, but the women in our family are HAWT. |
Friday Gratitude
Friday, August 30, 2013
Yesterday I had a hysterectomy. It was an outpatient procedure, performed laparoscopically, and the entire thing, from arrival to departure, took less than ten hours. Judging solely on how I feel, I think they did a good job. My pain is under control with minimal narcotics and ibuprofen, and even though my sleep is all screwed up now, I hope to get back on schedule in the next few days.
And you know what? In spite of everything that's happened to our family this month, I have to say that I feel gratitude in my life. I have excellent health insurance. I've never had to go without health care, or make decisions between paying for groceries and getting my kids immunized. I was able to pay the large deductible on yesterday's procedure with money we put aside for this purpose. I was able to keep my ovaries, which means I'm spared HRT. The Military Industrial Complex has been very supportive of me over the last month, and I have incredible, caring family and friends.
So if screwed up sleep patterns are the worse complication I have, I'm going to call it a big, fat, win, especially compared to what women used to have to go through for this surgery.
Also: Nurses friggin ROCK THE HOUSE. Go, nurses.
And you know what? In spite of everything that's happened to our family this month, I have to say that I feel gratitude in my life. I have excellent health insurance. I've never had to go without health care, or make decisions between paying for groceries and getting my kids immunized. I was able to pay the large deductible on yesterday's procedure with money we put aside for this purpose. I was able to keep my ovaries, which means I'm spared HRT. The Military Industrial Complex has been very supportive of me over the last month, and I have incredible, caring family and friends.
So if screwed up sleep patterns are the worse complication I have, I'm going to call it a big, fat, win, especially compared to what women used to have to go through for this surgery.
Also: Nurses friggin ROCK THE HOUSE. Go, nurses.
Take Care
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
My family has served this nation in uniform for over 150 years. Every generation, we send off our loved ones to take the oath, to defend the Constitution, and to lay down their lives if necessary in the service of our country and its policies.
So I feel that I have more than a little skin in the game when the United States starts discussing military action as a result of outside events.
The analyses I've read of the United States' potential involvement in a strike against Syria have agreed on a couple of points:
But there is one thing I'm qualified to discuss, and that's the decision of politicians to put the men and women of the Armed Forces in harm's way.
Sometimes the decision is black and white. If the sovereign territory of the United States is invaded or attacked by the military of another sovereign nation, of course you deploy the Armed Forces to defend. But that scenario has been damn rare in modern times. And for good reason.
So usually the situation comes in shades of grey - deploying our forces in support of "policy," or in "police actions," or to defend the helpless. And these things are far more morally ambiguous than defending the homeland, and often escalate in unfortunate and lethal ways (see: Vietnam).
I served this nation in uniform for seventeen years. I recognize and agree with the use of force in certain circumstances, and I also believe that using the Armed Forces is a viable tool in our country's arsenal to execute our foreign policy. But I want this response to be measured, I want it to be thoughtful, I want it to be worth it.
So to the civilians who control our Armed Forces and determine how to use them: Take care. Take care with the lives of my brothers and sisters-in-arms, with my son and his shipmates. Think carefully before you place these people in harm's way to move your policy forward. Ensure that the actions you ask them to take are moral, and defensible, and worth the risk you ask of them. Don't ask these men and women to wade into a quagmire of murky foreign policy, with no defined goals, with no exit strategy. When you ask them to risk everything for your ideas, envision your own child in harm's way, and ask yourself if that risk is worth it. Take care.
So I feel that I have more than a little skin in the game when the United States starts discussing military action as a result of outside events.
The analyses I've read of the United States' potential involvement in a strike against Syria have agreed on a couple of points:
- The Syrian government's use of chemical weapons against civilians cannot be tolerated and demand outside intervention.
- The initial engagement will likely be conducted by cruise missiles, and will probably not be effective in ousting Bahar al-Assad.
- There is currently no public discussion of ground troop involvement.
But there is one thing I'm qualified to discuss, and that's the decision of politicians to put the men and women of the Armed Forces in harm's way.
Sometimes the decision is black and white. If the sovereign territory of the United States is invaded or attacked by the military of another sovereign nation, of course you deploy the Armed Forces to defend. But that scenario has been damn rare in modern times. And for good reason.
So usually the situation comes in shades of grey - deploying our forces in support of "policy," or in "police actions," or to defend the helpless. And these things are far more morally ambiguous than defending the homeland, and often escalate in unfortunate and lethal ways (see: Vietnam).
I served this nation in uniform for seventeen years. I recognize and agree with the use of force in certain circumstances, and I also believe that using the Armed Forces is a viable tool in our country's arsenal to execute our foreign policy. But I want this response to be measured, I want it to be thoughtful, I want it to be worth it.
So to the civilians who control our Armed Forces and determine how to use them: Take care. Take care with the lives of my brothers and sisters-in-arms, with my son and his shipmates. Think carefully before you place these people in harm's way to move your policy forward. Ensure that the actions you ask them to take are moral, and defensible, and worth the risk you ask of them. Don't ask these men and women to wade into a quagmire of murky foreign policy, with no defined goals, with no exit strategy. When you ask them to risk everything for your ideas, envision your own child in harm's way, and ask yourself if that risk is worth it. Take care.
A Woman of a Certain Age
Monday, August 26, 2013
I'm a woman of a certain age. What this means is that my innards are no longer working as well as they should, and so the time has come to start removing superfluous organs.
In other words, my uterus is broken, yo, and it's time for that shit to go. And go it will, on Thursday morning at our local Kaiser outpatient surgery clinic.
The thing that amuses me about this is how many people apologize when they discover I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy. As in, "They've finally scheduled my hysterectomy for the end of August," says I. "Oh, I'm sorry!" says they.
I know there are women who end up with hysterectomies that don't want them. Women who want children, or additional children, but are denied that opportunity by the necessity of this procedure. I feel for these women, I really do, as I imagine they believe their bodies have betrayed them in a very profound way.
But for me? I've been singularly uninterested in having additional children since I was 25. I had my tubes tied at 35. And I've been longing for a hysterectomy since I was 45. My uterus is a huge pain my ass, and its negative impact on my health and life has done nothing but increase since the twins were born.
So I'm not sorry it's being removed. In fact, my attitude is more like this:
Of course I do have to deal with the recovery period, with taking time off work both paid and unpaid, and Short-Term Disability. But at least that's a temporary problem.
Get thee gone, uterus.
In other words, my uterus is broken, yo, and it's time for that shit to go. And go it will, on Thursday morning at our local Kaiser outpatient surgery clinic.
The thing that amuses me about this is how many people apologize when they discover I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy. As in, "They've finally scheduled my hysterectomy for the end of August," says I. "Oh, I'm sorry!" says they.
I know there are women who end up with hysterectomies that don't want them. Women who want children, or additional children, but are denied that opportunity by the necessity of this procedure. I feel for these women, I really do, as I imagine they believe their bodies have betrayed them in a very profound way.
But for me? I've been singularly uninterested in having additional children since I was 25. I had my tubes tied at 35. And I've been longing for a hysterectomy since I was 45. My uterus is a huge pain my ass, and its negative impact on my health and life has done nothing but increase since the twins were born.
So I'm not sorry it's being removed. In fact, my attitude is more like this:
Of course I do have to deal with the recovery period, with taking time off work both paid and unpaid, and Short-Term Disability. But at least that's a temporary problem.
Get thee gone, uterus.
The Weekly List - What's on my Mind
Saturday, August 24, 2013
1. Agency. I place a considerable amount of value on agency and self-determination. So you can imagine my cognitive dissonance on this topic in light of recent events. I'm not really ready to write about it this yet - but it's been on my mind. A lot.
2. Tattoos. Prior to my daughter's death, several of the women in our family were planning on getting tattoos depicting our family motto - Live without fear. Now that she's gone, I've decided to integrate her design into my own:
3. Change. My life is never going to be the same - it will always be divided between "before Moe's death" and "after Moe's death." There's nothing I can do about this, and there's no wishing it away. What I can do is make choices about my own life - and how I choose to live it - that honor her memory. While now is certainly not the time to be making any life-altering decisions, I'm thinking about it.
4. Peace. Peace of mind, peace in my life, emotional peace. This is more of a long-term goal for me at the moment. But I long for it.
5. Gratitude. People are really quite amazing. Or at least that's true of the people with whom I choose to share my life. Which I suppose is the point.
2. Tattoos. Prior to my daughter's death, several of the women in our family were planning on getting tattoos depicting our family motto - Live without fear. Now that she's gone, I've decided to integrate her design into my own:
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| Her design - Circular Gallifreyan. Of course. |
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| My design - a stylized Phoenix, drawn by my amazing Auntie Michel. |
3. Change. My life is never going to be the same - it will always be divided between "before Moe's death" and "after Moe's death." There's nothing I can do about this, and there's no wishing it away. What I can do is make choices about my own life - and how I choose to live it - that honor her memory. While now is certainly not the time to be making any life-altering decisions, I'm thinking about it.
4. Peace. Peace of mind, peace in my life, emotional peace. This is more of a long-term goal for me at the moment. But I long for it.
5. Gratitude. People are really quite amazing. Or at least that's true of the people with whom I choose to share my life. Which I suppose is the point.
The Kindness of Strangers
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I've often heard the phrase, "Err on the side of kindness." I've always taken that to mean that when I look back at my own behavior, acting with kindness will never put me in a situation where I'll be ashamed of myself in retrospect.
But I'm ashamed to admit that I've not always been successful in this. For the last year, "erring on the side of kindness" has been one of my primary self-improvement goals, and yet I've still found myself speaking sharply, becoming impatient or not behaving with kindness.
And yet, in spite of my personal failings in this area, nothing has brought the importance of having a policy of being kind like trying to take care of the details of my daughter's death over the last several weeks.
Every single stranger with whom we've had contact has been incredibly, exceptionally kind. The woman who closed Moe's accounts at the Bellco branch, the DMV employees who have helped me transfer the title of her vehicle, the Capital One associate who cancelled her credit cards, our funeral director, the investigator from the Medical Examiner's Office, the woman who works at SuperCuts from whom I asked for a tattoo artist referral, and on and on and on.
All of these people have treated us with consideration and kindness, all have done whatever they could to make the work of settling Moe's estate as fast as possible and not to exacerbate our pain.
Nothing could make this process easy. But these people's kindness ensured the process wasn't any harder for me than it had to be. And there's something to be said for that.
So the next time I read about how the KKK is sponsoring "neighborhood watches" (their motto: "You can sleep tonight knowing the Klan is awake!"), I'm going to try and remember all the people who treated me with exceptional kindness in the worst weeks of my life. I'm going to try and follow their example, because you just don't know what people are going through. It hurts no one to err on the side of kindness, and it might just ease someone's pain.
But I'm ashamed to admit that I've not always been successful in this. For the last year, "erring on the side of kindness" has been one of my primary self-improvement goals, and yet I've still found myself speaking sharply, becoming impatient or not behaving with kindness.
And yet, in spite of my personal failings in this area, nothing has brought the importance of having a policy of being kind like trying to take care of the details of my daughter's death over the last several weeks.
Every single stranger with whom we've had contact has been incredibly, exceptionally kind. The woman who closed Moe's accounts at the Bellco branch, the DMV employees who have helped me transfer the title of her vehicle, the Capital One associate who cancelled her credit cards, our funeral director, the investigator from the Medical Examiner's Office, the woman who works at SuperCuts from whom I asked for a tattoo artist referral, and on and on and on.
All of these people have treated us with consideration and kindness, all have done whatever they could to make the work of settling Moe's estate as fast as possible and not to exacerbate our pain.
Nothing could make this process easy. But these people's kindness ensured the process wasn't any harder for me than it had to be. And there's something to be said for that.
So the next time I read about how the KKK is sponsoring "neighborhood watches" (their motto: "You can sleep tonight knowing the Klan is awake!"), I'm going to try and remember all the people who treated me with exceptional kindness in the worst weeks of my life. I'm going to try and follow their example, because you just don't know what people are going through. It hurts no one to err on the side of kindness, and it might just ease someone's pain.
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