I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Wiener

Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who didn't give a crap about politics, or public policy, or how decisions are made within our government. How blissful it would be to never read another word about what Newt or Sarah or Glenn think about this or that, or hear about whatever bit of dumbfuckery the political parties are currently spouting. Never reading another newspaper, never staying abreast of current events - how easy my stress management would become.

Of course living such a life would also mean I'd be a drooling idiot living in a trailer with tires on the roof and a meth lab in the bathroom. I can't have that. What would I blog about?

As we approach the mid-term elections, however, I find myself in the singularly uncomfortable position of thinking I may end voting a straight Democratic ticket. With the Republican's unthinking shift the far right in an attempt to placate and/or court the Tea Baggers, I can't think of a single Republican for whom I would vote. Not a single, solitary one.

I'm an INDEPENDENT. To me, that means I vote for the candidate whose positions best correspond to my points of view, regardless of their political affiliation. Republican, Democrat, Independent, whatever - I'm all about coming to the end of the election day with the best possible slate of public servants. I've never been the person who just voted for their party, regardless of the candidate's qualifications or positions. And it's starting to piss me off that the Republican's extremism is forcing me to become that person.

As Bob Cesca notes, it won't be too long before we end up with a three party system, then a two party system again as the Tea-Bag controlled Republicans fade into the ignominious obscurity they so richly deserve. But in the meantime, I'm stuck with basically zero choices, as the dearth of moderate, middle of the road candidates continues into the foreseeable future.

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener
That is what I'd truly like to be
'Cause if I was an Oscar Meyer wiener
I wouldn't have to deal with the fucking retards that are pushing our political system to extreme positions in order to pander to the lowest common denominator in public life. Plus I'd be made of cow lips. Which is sort of cool.

15 comments:

neurondoc said...

You had me until the cow lips. Now I'm scared.

Janiece said...

Doc, what did you think wieners were made of?

Will (Astra Navigo) said...

You'd also be made of assholes. And that is definitely, definitely not cool. Not at all.

I've often wanted to be a moron. Really. It would mean that I wouldn't give a damn - but we are what we are; we Stayed Awake In Class, and that means we're involved, up to the hat-band, whether we want to be or not.

Join the revolution.

We have cookies.....

-W

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

There have always been movements and parties which have disqualified themselves from being on your slate of the best possible candidates. Making an informed choice which ends up coming from all one party does not make you a member of that party or a drooling follower. Far from it.

But in the long run, there are other conservatives, centrists, independents and other people who don't identify themselves with a particular party who will tire of the current polarization and will find other choices. I'm sure the politicians in 1810 would have just assumed that the parties in 2010 would be the same -- but that didn't happen either.

Dr. Phil

David said...

Why do people assume that careful analysis and thought about an issue always leads to a position somewhere between two poles? Often, yes. Most times, probably. But when one pole is so, well, polar, then the independent mind must go where analysis takes it.

Sometimes the correct choice really is one-sided.

And I agree - that sucks. As someone who prides himself in being an independent, and who has never before voted a straight party ticket, I'm with you. There ought to be enough grownups out there to be presenting valid points from differing perspectives. But at present, only one side is even attempting to present such. They don't always succeed either, but at least they're trying.

vince said...

As conservative law professor and blogger Stephen Bainbridge commented last night concerning Christine O'Donnell's win in Delaware:

"When the Democrats retain control of the Senate in November, we'll look back on tonight as the moment it became a sure thing. In the meanwhile, the Dems must be loving the way the GOP and conservative movement has turned into one big circular firing squad. Wake me up when it's over."

For those not in the know, he's an actual conservative who disagrees with the Democrats on many issues, but who has a deep dislike of George Bush and his policies, and total disgust for the Tea Party and the GOP strategy that thinks it's best to be more like them.

Like you, I'm an independent, and have voted for members of both parties in the past. And like you, I can find no Republic candidate that I could vote for, almost exclusively because they have all, at least to some extent, begun drinking from the Tea Party well. That well is poisoned and hateful, and I ain't a-gonna join in.

seasic - what I hope The Smart Boy doesn't get when he puts to sea.

neurondoc said...

Janiece -- what kind of weiners are we talking about here? :-D

Janiece said...

Doc, trust you to drag the conversation down to the LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR.

Nathan said...

Ed Koch (ex-NYC Mayor, Democratic stalwart, etc.) just came out and endorsed the Republican candidate for Attorney General in NY State. I'll have to take a look at the guy.

And Janiece, I read that last comment as being something about the lowest common DETONATOR. Ooops!

Mrs. Bitch said...

Welcome to the dark side, Janiece. I've been voting straight ticket (guess which party....mwhahahahah) for as long as I can remember.

I must admit, however, that this respite I've been on has been blissful. I read just enough of my favorite blog haunts for a maintenance dosage of rage, but it's balanced with an I-don't-give-a-shit-anymore kind of serenity. Obama and the Dems have been a major disappointment, but I'll still drag my ass out and vote straight ticket just like always, because they're better than the alternatives.

Juan Federico said...

looks like you could use a smile. I hope that this helps.
http://m.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5688798&id=547900333&fbb=r842f1605&refid=0

Warner (aka ntsc) said...

The wieners I make do not include cow lips, I've much better use for beef cheek.

WendyB_09 said...

Most of the choices here aren't really choices. Please remember we're the state that spawned Newt.

Having said that, I have no idea which side of the aisle my State House Rep sits on, and I don't care - I'll be voting for him again. I have never seen anything from him that has a party affiliation on it. He's smart, and if he gets your email address will send you a bi-weekly newsletter with the things to watch or watch out for in your area. Sticks up for our hunk of real estate in the city, and tells us when the city or county leaders are about to waste our money so we can pester them and tell them not to. Even includes links to the people we need to pester.

I sent him a thank you note the other week after he detailed several very complicated neighborhood issues in his well-researched update. Couple days later I got a nice reply, short answer - he says that's what we elected him to do, so he's simply doing his job.

He's got my vote again!

PS- when I saw the title I thought there had been a Wienermobile sighting!!

Anne C. said...

Aren't kosher hotdogs not made of asses? I thought I saw a Hebrew National advertisement that said something to that effect.

Anywho... I agree with you, Janiece. Ever since I went independent, I've tried to do the same (and like the fact that local elections never seem to be based on "Vote for me, I'm a [Democrat/Republican]!") I've also been dying for a multi-party system. I think we might actually see that in our lifetimes.

In the meantime, think of it this way... if you truly are Independent, then sometimes you are going to vote all one party or another -- otherwise you are trying to fill your own version of a quota, which is just as biased as any party affiliation. Trust your system and bide your time.

(BTW, I just realized how much the phrase "They don't always succeed either, but at least they're trying" frustrates me. (No offense to David!) How the dems manage to get ANY mileage out of that one astounds me. Of course, Jon Stewart said it best -- "I don't think 'At least we're not as bad as the other guys' is much of an ad campaign.")

pansi = the center of the Dem's next ad campaign

Carol Elaine said...

I've often thought about how nice it would be to be a political ostrich again, as I was as a teenager/young adult. Those days are long gone, though, and, as stabby as I can get over everything, I'd much rather be informed than ignorant.

Not surprisingly, I've been voting a straight Dem ticket for a number of years now. Once upon a time I voted for Dems and Greens, but I've kinda stopped voting for Green Party candidates, even though I'm probably closer to them in political philosophy than to the more centrist Democrats. Mainly because I don't want to feel like I'm throwing my vote away.