An Ordinary Life

Monday, February 28, 2011
When I was a young person, I had an aversion to the idea that I might be living an ordinary life. My accomplishments (such as they were) were never enough for me, leading me to indulge in less than honorable behavior.

I don't know what the root cause was for this behavior (a work in progress, no doubt), but I've come to outgrow it. And I'm so glad.

I live a perfectly ordinary life. My accomplishments, while not extraordinary, are sufficient. I'm a good (though not exemplary) employee. I've grown into a decent (though by no means perfect) parent. I've learned how to be a faithful and (mostly) considerate spouse. I trust I've outgrown my tendency to be a less than stellar friend.

These less than extraordinary accomplishments aren't really anything to brag about. In my estimation, they're the minimum criteria for being a decent human being. And that's kind of the point. In the last twenty years I've come to realize that for me, being a decent human being IS the goal, and constitutes MY extraordinary life.

Now, in my mid-forties, I judge my ordinary life not only to be "good enough," but something to aspire to...and something that has led to satisfaction and happiness in my life.

Go, me.

For Me

Sunday, February 27, 2011
Ten years ago today, I quit smoking. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, and here's the current list of health benefits I've accrued by doing so:
  • 20 minutes after quitting: Your heart rate and blood pressure drops.
  • 12 hours after quitting: The carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.
  • Two weeks to three months after quitting: Your circulation improves and your lung function increases.
  • One to nine months after quitting: Coughing and shortness of breath decrease; cilia (tiny hair-like structures that move mucus out of the lungs) regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce the risk of infection.
  • One year after quitting: The excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's.
  • Five years after quitting: Your stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker 5 to 15 years after quitting.
  • 10 years after quitting: The lung cancer death rate is about half that of a continuing smoker's. The risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, cervix, and pancreas decreases.
People quit smoking when they're ready, and not before. I had a ton of support, both from my family and my health care provider. In truth - I still miss it. I occasionally dream about it. I'm happy I was successful, not only for my own benefit, but for my family's health and well-being, as well.

But make no mistake - it's absolutely the best thing I've ever done for me.

Chick Stuff - Nails and Lasers

Saturday, February 26, 2011
Requisite Manly, Manly Image


Gel, and Not the Kind You Eat

A week ago I decided I was going to give the whole fake nails thing one more try. My friend Stacey was raving about how fabulous she had found her gel nails. I've always been somewhat ambivalent about fake nails- they're expensive and a pain the ass to maintain, and in almost all cases they look fake. But, technology has advanced, and I didn't want to be all "get off my lawn" about it, so off I went to have them applied.

My criteria's really pretty simple - I didn't want them to look like ass after the first week:


Pros: I like the clean look of the white tips, and they're strong as hell.

Cons: The cuticles are starting to look raggedy, and the edges of the gel near the cuticles is lifting just enough to show a difference in color between the edge and the main body of the nail.

I'll probably get them filled once or twice in order to form a long term opinion about them before I make up my mind about keeping them or not. But for now: Meh.

Laser, Light Saber, Whatever - Just Keep That Woman Away From Me

So I've been going to the clinic every 8 weeks or so to get laser tattoo removal treatment on a tattoo I no longer want. The first treatment went pretty well, and I went back a couple months later for the second. The technician who worked on me the first time wasn't there, so I was assigned to another woman.Well, I'm not sure what her problem was, but the tattooed area was a big bloody mess for a week after her treatment. It also took forever to heal, and there's a couple of specks of scarring, as well.

Needless to say, I complained about that experience, and I'm now permanently assigned to the woman who gave me my first treatment. I had my third treatment yesterday, and while it still smarts (it is a laser burn, after all), it's not bloody and looks more akin to what the first treatment looked like.* The tattoo itself is starting to look smudgy and faded, which is the point. Unfortunately I'll be in mid-treatment when we leave for our FABULOUS HAWAIIAN VACATION, but I'm finding the older I get, the less I give a good goddamn about stuff like that.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.


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*No, I'm not going to post photos until the treatment is done, especially not immediately following a session. Because it's gross, you see.

Boogie Blogging Friday - Sad and Lonely Edition

Friday, February 25, 2011

Poor Boogie. With my aggressive travel schedule this calendar year he's been a sad, lonely Boogie without me here to care for his every need every minute of every day. Evidently my Hot Daughter is not an acceptable substitute, since sad, lonely Boogie doesn't mind his manners very well - lollygagging when told to go lay down, sniffing around when people are trying to prepare food, and generally being a big pill. 

Hang on, Boogie - two more weeks of travel, then I'll be home for a while. I hope.

SO GLAD

Thursday, February 24, 2011
So I'm sure everyone's heard by now that the President has decided that the Department of Justice will no longer be defending the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). DOMA is a putrid piece of discriminatory legislation championed by the homophobes of the right and religious fundamentalists who apparently have some sort of difficulty with that pesky Establishment Clause. GOOD RIDDANCE, DOMA. YOU SUCK.

While I am simply DELIGHTED that the President has decided to do the right thing here, I can't help but think that this may cost him a second term. And then I thought, "Who gives a shit? LBJ decided not to seek reelection on his own, and he's still the greatest civil rights President in history!*" And then I thought, "Well, I do, because I don't want some right-wing whackadoo as the CinC." And then I thought, "True, but such civil rights come at a political cost, and no one wants equal rights for the LGBT community more than me." And then I thought, "Being an adult is hard. I need a sock puppet, so I can simply agree with myself and be done with it."

In short, I'm very proud of our President, and I believe that whatever political fallout occurs as a result of his decision, it will be worth it. I hope, I hope.

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*Although he had other issues, for sure for sure, the man stood up on the issue of Civil Rights.

Brain Damage. Really?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I've been hearing lately on NPR how medical professionals are now realizing that playing football can cause repeated Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI). These injuries are often followed by permanent brain damage. The NFL Players Union is trying hard to work with the owners to determine the best possible way to manage this risk on an moving forward basis, because it seems obvious at this point that those who choose to play football for a living are taking a huge risk with their long-term health and well-being in order to do so.

Now, I don't really care about football, or even necessarily about football players, except in the generic sense that I care about any human being who suffers a life-changing disability. I've always thought football really was a barbaric sport, with no redeeming social value except for what's derived from working on any team. My kids never expressed much interest in it, even as spectators, and my son never wanted to play.

So basically, I have no dog in this fight.

Given that, I don't understand - knowing what we know now about the long term risks associated with this activity, why is this sport still so popular? It causes BRAIN DAMAGE. IRREVERSIBLE BRAIN DAMAGE.

Now I realize that some of the activities I participated in when I was a teen weren't exactly risk free. Accidents happen, even when reasonable precautions are taken, and I'm sure my Hot Mom had more than a few white knuckle moments with me. My point here is that football has been shown to cause BRAIN DAMAGE even with reasonable precautions and protective gear.

I don't get it. At all.

Diversity in the Workplace

Tuesday, February 22, 2011
When I was in the Navy, one of the things I grew to love about my service was the incredible diversity inherent in the military as a whole. During the course of my career, I worked and lived with individuals from every state in the Union, every religion, every ethnic group. Whether the Navy approved or not, I also served with every sexual orientation.

And I loved it. It wasn't always easy - I was a privileged white girl with a thoroughly middle class background. I'd not been exposed to diverse cultures, and I made some pretty boneheaded mistakes. But I learned, and my exposure to other types of people has made me a better person and a better employee.

While understanding that the military is a unique immersive experience, I sometimes wonder why civilian corporations don't do a better job of encouraging diversity in their workforce. It seems like my industry (not just my company - my entire industry) is just one big white guy's club. Don't these companies understand how much value there is in finding and hiring a diverse, qualified work force? Don't they see how much talent they're missing out on simply by indulging in hiring practices that dictate they hire only people "just like them?"

I don't get it. Maybe because I'm not a white guy.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Out of Pocket, Out of my Mind - Once More with Feeling*

Monday, February 21, 2011
I'm in training for Tuesday through Thursday of this week, which means I'll be out of pocket for several (very long) days. So basically, it's like traveling three days this week but I get to sleep in my own bed. Hopefully the training will be worth it, as I'll be missing dinner with my family (again) this week.

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*For you geeks out there, a nod to the reference:

Trade Offs

Sunday, February 20, 2011
I have been following events in Wisconsin with some interest, and I have to say, they've led to a small shift in my worldview.

I've never been a huge fan of Unions. While I recognize their historic contribution to the safety and well-being of workers in this country, and their continued contribution in dangerous and exploitative occupations, they have one fatal flaw in my view: They never, ever, encourage a meritocracy.

The military is the original meritocracy, at least in the enlisted ranks. It doesn't matter where you come from, who your parents are, or how much money your parents had. Your success or failure depended entirely on you. I came of age in that environment, and so my first experience working in a union shop was quite the shocker. I could never understand why someone who did (literally) 5-10% of the work that I did made more money than me, simply by virtue of having been with the company longer.

This has always bothered me, on a fundamental level. Let's call it a corollary of the "equal pay for equal work" concept - if "equal pay for equal work" is a moral truism, then how is "less pay for more work because that's the way the contract is written" even remotely ethical? Such a work environment encourages mediocrity, and you can bet I got out of there as soon as possible, moving into management where my pay treatment was based in large part on my performance.

So while I thought Governor Scott Walker was a sniveling little tool for threatening to call out the National Guard if public employees dared to exercise their Constitutional rights, I thought the right's position contained a point worth discussing - larger contributions from public employees for their health care and retirement.

But then I read a post by an online friend who works as a professor in the public sector in Wisconsin, and like a lot of things Dave writes, it made me think, and reevaluate my position.

I'm not sure I agree with the idea of using the public sector's bargaining power as leverage for forcing private industry to pay more in health care and pension benefits. I tend to think of the former is the responsibility of the federal government and the latter a combination of personal planning and federal government assistance. However, Dave did bring home another point that bore closer examination: The idea that public sector employees get better benefits and greater stability in exchange for lower salaries.

So to the Internet I went. I used educators as my example, and discovered that the median salary for postsecondary teachers in this country is $58,830.00. The average salary for college professors is $79,439.00. Now that's pretty good money. Except when you compare it to what these people would make if they took their education and went to the private sector. As David notes, public sector employees engage in a trade off - they trade the higher salaries their education and skills would earn them in the private sector for the stability and better benefits they get by working in the public sector.

I choose to work in the private sector. Even without the advanced degrees a professor has to have, my monetary compensation is higher than theirs. Because I work in sales, the disparity is actually pretty considerable. But there's a trade off - my job is risky. I can be fired at any time for any reason (or none). My pay fluctuates on a monthly and yearly basis based on how much my team sells. In times of economic hardship, my job is always at risk. And while my own company has excellent health benefits, I still pay a certain amount out of pocket for them, and I have no pension. This is the choice I've made, and I'm satisfied with it.

I don't think that educators I've used as an example should be vilified for making a different choice. I can live with the risk I've assumed in exchange for higher compensation, and (for the most part), I love the work I do. I have to assume that Wisconsin educators have reached a similar equilibrium with their own circumstances. If the state chooses to treat them like private sector employees in terms of their benefits and job security, then I suspect they're going to have to pony up and pay them like the private sector, too. Either way, the Wisconsin budget is still going to be upside down, and the Governor is still going to be up the creek without a paddle.

Let's see Governor Walker call the National Guard out on that.

Guess What? Whiny Butt!

Friday, February 18, 2011
I'm tired.

Part of it is the normal stresses of living in the world.* Responsible adults living in a democratic society are obligated to stay informed about the world around them so that they might exercise their franchise responsibly. But doing so makes most people want to take their own eye out with a fork, including me.

However, my current issue is the current pace of my travel. By the time this current run is over, I will have spent six of the last seven weeks either traveling out of state or attending on-site training.**

Leaving aside for the moment my distaste at being away from my family, here's the trouble with such a schedule, at least in my current job: My workload is not predicated on me being unable to actually, you know, perform work 10-20 hours a week due to travel time. By the time today's over, I will have spent 20 hours this week in transportation related tasks like "being in an airport," "being on an airplane," or "driving a car." None of these venues are conducive to doing actual design and engineering - the work for which I'm paid. And since the systems engineering fairy isn't going to visit me in the middle of the night in order to perform those tasks,*** the inevitable result is that I'm behind.

This leaves me with a conundrum. I'm not really the kind of person who does not produce their deliverables in a timely manner. In fact, such a circumstance will keep me up at night. However, I'm not really keen on the idea of working nights and weekends to compensate for the fact that I'm spending all this time in transportation related activities - activities I'm being directed to perform.

Then there's the issue of health. If there's a sure fire way for me to ensure I have insomnia, it's to schedule me to fly. The night before I fly, whether I'm at home or in a hotel, I don't sleep well. This morning, for example, I was supposed to get up at 4:00 a.m. to leave for the airport at 5:00 a.m. But I was awake at 2:45 a.m., thinking of the Very Important Call I may or may not be on time for that begins at 3:45 p.m., all times Eastern.

In other words, travel messes with my hard-earned and much cherished ability to sleep on a regular basis. And with my hard-earned and much detested ability to exercise most days of the week. Neither of these things is good for my ongoing well-being.

I do recognize that these circumstances are better than being unemployed. But that doesn't mean I'm liking them, and it doesn't mean I won't have a talk with my boss about work-life balance if my travel schedule doesn't ease up. When the Smart Twins were still minors, I was pretty militant about not traveling. Just because they're grown now doesn't mean I'm available to be my company's beck-and-call girl.


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*Really, South Dakota Republicans? You think making shooting abortion doctors "justifiable homicide" is a really swell idea? While people of good conscience can disagree about the morality of abortion, I think we can all agree that you all are backwards motherfuckers. Way to be "pro-life." Seriously - seek help.

**While I recognize that crying about the stresses of my employment makes me a profoundly ungrateful git with no sense of proportion about her first world problems, I'm going to do so anyway. Hence the Whiny Butt moniker.

***But wouldn't it be cool if he would? And what would such a creature look like?

Worst. Business. Trip. EVER.

Thursday, February 17, 2011
You know, I've done a fair amount of travel. When Uncle Sam was my travel agent, my trips were typically overseas, and the military took care of ground (or sea) transportation and other such petty matters.

In my civilian life, I have continued to travel, on and off. But unlike some of my friends and family who also travel fairly often, I rarely go to the same place more than twice (with the exception of conferences in Las Vegas). I zip around the country, going here and there.

In the last year, I've actually had pretty good experiences in my travels - I've made a few wrong turns, had to run to catch a connecting flight a time or two, but nothing too frustrating.

Yeah. You know that wasn't going to last.

I'm scheduled to be Stamford, CT this week. So yesterday morning I left for the airport, ready to do my thing. When I went to check in for my flight, AirTran couldn't find my reservation.

Uh-Oh.

I called American Express Travel, who manages our company's travel services. It seems that AirTran canceled my ticket for reasons unknown. Thanks, AirTran!

So I called my boss - a same day ticket to the east coast was going to cost well over a thousand dollars, and I wanted some direction before I pulled the trigger. My boss directed me to buy the ticket, so I did so, and then spent the next four hours in the airport, waiting for my later flight. Is there anyplace on earth more depressing than an airport? Besides the DMV, I mean.

Once I arrived in White Plains, NY, I went to get my rental car at Budget. I had requested a GPS system in my car, but Budget didn't have any, due to the late change in my itinerary. So no GPS for me. Thanks, Budget!

Have you ever tried to drive in this part of the country, at night, with no GPS, with only Googled directions? It can't be done. The street signs for minor intersections are few and far between. When they do have them deployed, they face the wrong way so you can't see them, and are manufactured with material that does not reflect light. Fully 25% of the major intersections also did not have street signs. Clearly everyone who drives here either has GPS or a really stunning sense of direction. I had neither. Thanks, CT and NY communities!

I'm sure you can imagine where this is going.

Yes, in an hour's time I was hopelessly lost, and not only didn't know where I was, but couldn't find any street, any landmark that was included in my directions. As I was helplessly wandering around, I finally saw a sign for the Rye Brook Hilton. This was not the hotel I had reservations for, and I was quite sure the cost was going to be higher than the Holiday Inn, but by this time I was done. I pulled in and the nice young man at the desk was very empathetic as he set me up with a room for two nights.

I found my room, and decided to go find something to drink. Of course, I got lost in the hotel. Unbelievable. Clearly, my sense of direction is LEGENDARY.

I'll be leaving early for my appointment today, in the hopes that I will be able to find my way to the meeting site in the daylight without a GPS or a Guide Dog. Don't hold your breath.

However, as my friend Eric notes, no one's tried to shoot me yet. And the Rye Town Hilton has the BEST SHOWERS EVAH. So it's not all bad.

The Vagaries of Age

Wednesday, February 16, 2011
As I find myself firmly planted in middle age, I'm discovering that getting older is both better and worse than I had anticipated. On the whole, my life is better than it's ever been, but there are certain aspects of aging that really just blow.

Things I Like About Getting Older
  • Financial Independence. I'm in far better shape financially than I thought I would be. Of course, I'm in my prime earning years, so I may feel differently by the time I'm sixty. But for now, go, me.
  • My Hair. After over two years of wondering who the hell that is in the mirror, I'm finally used to my silver hair, and I like it. Maybe because 80% of women in this country dye their hair, and I'm just a rebel at heart.
Things I Hate About Getting Older
  • My neck. What the hell is going on with my neck?
  • My internal thermostat is on the blink. My body is like a furnace, radiating heat into the atmosphere on a daily basis, increasing global warming on a micro-level. My hot flashes are still few and far between, but damn -I spent the first half of my life being cold all the time, and now I'm burning up. What the hell.
  • My nails are kind of scarred and bumpy from a lifetime of using them for their evolutionary purpose. Stupid evolutionary purpose. 
  • In spite of finally getting my insomnia mostly under control, I'm still awake during the night once or twice a week. I never had this trouble when I was young. On the bright side, I end up thinking of blog topics while I'm laying there, so I have that going for me.
  • I have developed rosacea in my middle age. This makes my face a most unattractive shade of red most days, leading strangers to wonder if I'm lit all the time.
Things I Love About Getting Older, So Much So I Want To Marry Them and Have Their Babies
  • The slow elimination of guilt. Now that I'm older, I find I'm slowly becoming less susceptible to manipulation by guilt. If I feel an obligation to my family and friends, it's because I want to, not because of some guilt-ridden manipulation surrounding what I "ought" to do. And because I'm eliminating guilt from my life, I'm finding those obligations are not absolute. If you act like a shitbird, it's unlikely I'm going to feel obligated to you, or allow you to make me feel guilty because of it.
  • I no longer feel much of a need to apologize for who I am, where I come from, what I believe or how I arrived to this point. I can recognize that while I made some bad choices in my 20's, I've moved beyond them, and for now - it's all good.
  • I can't see why I should waste my time on low quality people. 
  • I've finally realized that while in certain relationships love is unconditional, acceptance of bad behavior isn't.
  • There are many days where I wear no makeup. At all. And I'm okay with that.
I don't count this as wisdom, but it makes me wonder what I'll learn in the next twenty years.

Dorkiness - It Runs in the Family

Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Good Will is coming for the Hooptie some time today, so we'll be down to three vehicles for three drivers here at the Big Yellow House. This is a good thing, as I was making jokes on Sunday about having to start parking cars on the lawn.

Evidently the Smart Man and my Hot Daughter were thinking along the same lines. Yesterday he was giving her a lift home from the light rail station since I was getting the Echo its emissions and registration, and on the way home they were discussing the ways in which we could make our home even more white trash. The usual suspects came up - tires on the roof, couch in the yard, coffee can as a spittoon. Then the Smart Man suggested a rebel flag in the window. And my Hot Daughter initially thought he meant this:

Hee. I'm so proud.

I Need a Vacation, Oy

Monday, February 14, 2011
So I'm going to take one.

The Smart Man and I have been planning to take a cruise for some time. We were originally going to go for our tenth anniversary, but we're now approaching our thirteenth, and we're just now getting around to it. Yes, we are slow off the mark - but now we have more money saved, and can spend it doing whatever we want on our FABULOUS CRUISE VACATION.

We want to go someplace warm, someplace tropical, someplace where my job won't intrude on our blissful serenity.

So it's off to the Hawaiian Islands we'll go, for a seven day cruise on Norwegian Cruise Lines, hitting Maui, Kaui and Hawai'i, leaving in May.* We're also going to stay an extra day at the end in order to hit the appropriate sites on Oahu such as the Pearl Harbor Memorial, the U.S.S. Missouri, and the North Shore. I lived on Oahu for several years in the eighties, but the Smart Man has never been there. He's looking forward to examining the amazing military history of Oahu, in addition to us enjoying the tropical beauty of the islands together.

The only bummer: The Mauna Kea Observatory excursion conflicts with the Volcano National Park excursion. I've been to the Volcano National Park with my Hot Mom, but not to Mauna Kea. Of course, the visitor's center where we visited is now under a lava flow, so I'd be equally geeked out by either day trip. We may have to flip a coin.

So you know what this means. SHOPPING. For FABULOUS ALOHA WEAR. I've already decided to buy these new Dansko clogs for casual occasions where open toed shoes aren't practical. But I'll need to scour the stores for dinner-wear and other mandatory outfits. I believe it may be time for me to engage Stacey, personal shopper and friend of the UCF. The UCF gave me an excursion with her for my birthday a number of years ago, and I've not used it. To the Thrift Stores!

Squee!

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*We wanted to go earlier, but the only departures that were available when I am able to take vacation were over $2,000 more than the May departure. I'm not decimating our vacation fund for the privilege of going on vacation nine weeks earlier. I'll put on my big girl panties, suck it up for the extra nine weeks, and save the money for fabulous food, drink and excursions.

Farewell, Hooptie, Hello, Echo

Sunday, February 13, 2011
Today we're running up to my Hot Mom's. She recently purchased a new Honda for herself, so I'm buying her old vehicle, a gently used Toyota Echo, for my Hot Daughter to drive.

I currently own a 1990 Honda Accord (the "Hooptie"), and we were going to have my Hot Daughter drive that while she's still in college. However, it has a slow oil leak that will cost me more to fix than the vehicle's worth, so we started looking for alternatives. Thankfully for us, my Hot Mom has been thinking of a new vehicle for some time, so it all works out.

So then I had to decide: What to do with the Hooptie? It runs really well (although it needs an extra quart of oil every 1,000 miles or so), and always starts, even on the coldest of mornings. But man, that is one ugly car. The paint is fading, it's rusting out, it's missing a hubcap, and the inside is a big, sticky mess with Skittles ground into the carpet.* And the rattling! Soon OSHA is going to require that I institute a hearing conservation program for those unfortunate enough to ride in the damn thing.

So after some thought, we've decided to donate the Hooptie to the Good Will, who will hopefully find some low income person who needs a reliable car (with a slow oil leak) to get them to and from work.

So my Hot Mom gets a new, awesome Honda, my Hot Daughter gets an awesome Echo, a low income person gets a reliable ride at a low price, and I get a tax deduction.

Pretty good work for a Sunday afternoon.


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*That would be the Smart Sailor's legacy. After he totaled his first, awesome car and was forced to drive the Hooptie or walk, he did less than a stellar job of taking care of it. I trust my Hot Daughter will not have that problem with her awesome Echo.

Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Janiece

Friday, February 11, 2011
Have you ever found yourself making a value judgment about someone and then realizing you're guilty of the very same transgression?

Yeah. I really need to work on that.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Um, Yes. This. And a Word of Advice.

Thursday, February 10, 2011
My friend Jim over at Stonekettle Station wrote an excellent piece today about Things You Shouldn't Have to Tell Business Leaders. Included in in the list is the following:
- Don’t teach your grandmother how to suck eggs, i.e. MBA’s shouldn’t be making engineering decisions, or telling programmers how to code, or making medical treatment decisions, or etc and so on. Being fluent in jargon does not equal actual knowledge or experience. You have experts for a reason, listen to them.  If you’ve outsourced all your expertise, better learn to speak Chinese.
Um, yes. This. How very timely.

If I am your engineer, and I tell you that there is technical risk involved in pursuing a specific course of action, and I tell you why there is risk, the appropriate course of action is not to run willy-nilly with your hair on fire down that risky road because I told you something you didn't want to hear. The appropriate course of action is not to make me reiterate that warning again and again, in shriller and shriller tones, because you're just so anxious to get this thing done that you're not listening to the experts. The appropriate course of action is to manage that risk by looking at possible outcomes and then exploring ways to mitigate possible negative results, Chicken Little.

A word of advice when it comes to working with engineers: We don't like to be put in positions where we're forced to be shrill in order to make our point. Begging people to listen to us when we know we're right makes us feel like harpies. Devalued harpies. Instead, we're far more likely to warn you about your potential blunder once or twice, then let you and your customer fall on your face if you fail to heed our warnings. These sorts of object lessons in teaching your grandmother how to suck eggs provide a deep-seated sense of schadenfreude, bwahaha, so don't push your luck. Or do push your luck - and be prepared to look like a blithering idiot while we snicker behind our hands. We're covered either way.

Yellowknife is looking better and better.

Coffee, Remodels and Being Time-Warped to the Fifties

Wednesday, February 9, 2011
So here I am at the Tropicana in Las Vegas for this conference. Last night was the "Welcome Reception," where I manned the booth for my company, and met a variety of people I'd only corresponded with. So that was worthwhile. And the buffet reception had four vegetable choices and full size plates! If you've ever spent any time at one of these things, you'd know how rocking that turn of events was.

This morning, I got up at 6:15 a.m., put on my work out clothes and went down to get some coffee. Except they don't open the coffee kiosk until 7:00 a.m. Now, I understand why Vegas rooms don't have coffee pots in them. I don't like it, but I understand it - it's not to the casino's benefit to have you holed up in your room, drinking coffee and not gambling. But really - a coffee kiosk, next to a convention center, that opens at 7:00 a.m.? Bogus, dude.

The Tropicana is also in the middle of a major remodel. All of the rooms in the "Island Tower," where my room is, have already been done. So why, if you're spending the money on a remodel, would you design a room to have a work area and then purchase the most uncomfortable chairs on the planet for business travelers? The longer I sit here, the more stove up I'm getting. Oh, THAT's right. Must discourage people from being holed up in their rooms, not gambling.

Sad '50's Rooms are Sad. And Empty.
One of the things they're doing from a remodel perspective is working on modernizing the joint. The old portion of the hotel, the wing that's only three stories and is painted those god-awful "tropical" colors? That wing is all fenced off, and there's heavy construction equipment there. I suspect it may not be long for this world, which is kind of a bummer. It's so kitschy and ugly it really is an eye sore, but it's also so uniquely LAS VEGAS it would almost be too bad if it was torn down. I keep expecting Desi Arnaz to appear and shout, "Luuuuu-cy! What have you been up to?" Which would be incredibly and mind-bendingly cool. Especially since he's dead and all.

In an effort to keep this place from sucking the life right out of me, I actually got off my butt and went to the hotel gym this morning to exercise. I know, right? Clearly I've been taken over by the Body Snatchers, or a health conscious malevolent spirit, or something even more sinister.* My schedule looks like I'll be be able to exercise most of the days I'm here, too, which differentiates this conference from the others I've been to, where I'm scheduled from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. daily. The fact that I'm a guest at this one and not an attendee probably has something to do with that.

Happy Wednesday, Hot Chicks and Smart Men.


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*Adulthood

Viva Las Vegas?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I'm in Las Vegas this week for a sales conference. Not my company's - that ship sails in October - a partner's.

As you all know, I'm not a huge fan of these events. While I can recognize their value for certain personality types and job titles, mostly they just make me itch. My duties this week might be described as shmoozing and providing some technical education. When you add in that it snowed (again) last night and I slept like shit, I suspect I shall have a less than stellar week.

Bummer, dude.

Exciting updates as events unfold, Hot Chicks and Smart Men.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

...And Get Off My Lawn!

Monday, February 7, 2011
You know, the older I get, the less inclined I find myself to tolerate what I judge to be bad behavior or undesirable traits among the people in my life. Bad behavior like being emotionally manipulative, or always putting your own desires above those of others, or engaging in willful ignorance for the sake of your own comfort. And undesirable traits like being profoundly stupid (bad), or profoundly ignorant (worse).

And the older I get, the more I realize that just because you may be related to me by either blood or marriage does not mean you should get a free pass.

Such a Dork

Sunday, February 6, 2011
While I'm struggling with my Quantitative Reasoning class (have I mentioned I hate algebra?), I've been perusing the catalog for the Spring quarter. I only need two more classes in my major, and the one I'm taking next quarter is called Research Methods. From the catalog:
How are research studies designed and conducted and how is quantitative analysis used to analyze and support such findings? This course provides the opportunity to become literate in reading and understanding the basic research done in the sciences and social sciences and reported in newspapers, magazines, and scholarly journals. Using actual examples of research studies, this course provides an introduction to how to read and evaluate studies in a variety of fields. Students learn to look for operationalized constructs and relationships among variables; to recognize what is required for measurement to be valid, reliable, and unbiased; to distinguish between correlation and causation in laboratory and field settings; and how to know the difference between random and convenience samples and the effects these have on the conclusions drawn. Students will also develop skills in recognizing flaws in research designs; how to become critical consumers of research reports; and the basic professional ethics for conducting research, including informed consent, voluntary participation, and the risk/benefit ratio.
I have SO been looking forward to this class. Being the science fan-girl that I am, I want to learn to more critically examine the information that's presented in the media and in the studies I read. When I told the Smart Man and my Hot Daughter what I was taking, and how excited I was, they made the Calvin Face.

Clearly, I'm the dork of the family.

Adventures in Parenting - Crappy Roads Edition

Saturday, February 5, 2011
As I've mentioned before, last month my Hot Daughter moved back into the Big Yellow House. Part of the plan for this move was an obligation on her part to finally learn to drive so that she can get herself around on her own. Since she's a full time student who also works four days a week, she has a lot of places she needs to be, and while I love my Hot Daughter and want her to be successful, I wasn't really down with the idea of chauffeuring a college sophomore indefinitely.

So we've been practicing since December, in preparation for her driver's test. Since I'm going to be out of town next week (and thus not available for chauffeur duty), she decided to take her driver's test today from one of our local driver's school. She made her appointment, and of course, it started to snow four hours before the test. By the time we got there, it was snowing harder, but the roads were mostly just wet. In the twenty minutes it took for her and the tester to leave for the test, it was snowing much, much harder, and the roads were crap.

But she bit the bullet, went out in the Hooptie, and passed her test. She said that she was surprised that she passed because there was a number of times when the wheels were spinning and the car was sliding.

I told her that not everyone could take their driving test on crappy roads after only two months of practice and pass it. So from now on we would refer to her "Ms. McAwesome."

That's my girl.

Boogie Blogging Friday

Friday, February 4, 2011

People Suck

Wednesday, February 2, 2011
That's all - people just suck.

I'm probably going to be off-line for a day or two. While I figure out why people suck so very much. Or until I decide that washing my hair and shaving my legs is over-rated and I move to the Alaskan interior regardless of my survival skills.

In the Depths of PowerPoint Hell

Tuesday, February 1, 2011
"From Hell's heart, I stab at thee."
Remember when I told you that I was going to be presenting a general session at an upcoming conference?

Yeah. That conference is next week, which means this week, I'm preparing my material. In PowerPoint.

I swear to Odin, if I ever meet the thrice damned hacks who decided that PowerPoint was just the bestest thing evah! for business presentations, I'm going to stab them with a Rambo knife until there's nothing left but a bloody stain on the carpet.

If I don't emerge in a timely manner, send in the Marines. After you get proof of life.

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Revised 5:07 p.m. to include Nathan's new graphic. He's such a pal.