The Agony and the Ecstasy

Monday, March 11, 2013
I travel. Periodically I travel for pleasure with the Smart Man, but far more often I travel for work. As I've noted before, I've been trying to look for things about business travel that give me pleasure, so that I'm not constantly boring myself to tears with bitching about how very much it sucks to travel by air in this country (*cough*TSA*cough*).

But sometimes it does blow, it blows goats, so here's the agony and the ecstasy of traveling by air:

The Agony
  • You're not that special. No, really, you're not, and neither is your rollaboard. If your suitcase is too large to fit into a normal sized overheard wheels-out, then it's TOO BIG TO BE A CARRY-ON. Quit thinking you're entitled to more space than everyone else and check your fucking bag like the rest of us. And while we're at it? Don't put both your bags into the overhead bin so you can reserve the space under the seat in front of you for your legs. You want that space for your legs? CHECK YOUR DAMN BAG.
  • You're still not that special. When the purser makes the announcement that it's time to turn off and stow your electronic equipment, then quit being an entitled jerk and turn off your damn phone (and it's almost always a phone). Yes, yes, in many respects the "electronic equipment" rule is stupid and outdated. I know that. The Flight Attendant knows that. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. But your entitlement makes the Flight Attendant's job that much harder, because then they have to tell you personally to turn off your damn phone. They're required, you see, to enforce the rules whether they agree with them or not. In chatting with a number of Flight Attendants on this matter, I have to tell you - they also think you're an entitled jerk, and they talk about you behind your back. Hint: They're not talking about how much they respect you because you're so important that the rules don't apply to you.
  • The next time you invade my personal space I will punch you in the throat. Modern airplanes are, by definition, tight quarters. In my opinion, this makes respecting the personal space of those around you more important rather than less. So when you constantly push your leg, arm or belongings into my tiny little area on a flight, I am more likely to be tempted to violence rather than less. See how that works?
The Ecstasy
  • The Midwest in the Fall. Last Fall I got a chance to fly over central Michigan, and then drive from Lansing to Grand Rapids. Quite simply - stunning. 
  • A Lesson in Patience. During one of my flights, I sat next to a woman named Elizabeth. Her husband of 60 years was in another row, and she couldn't find her book. Normally I don't like to chat on airplanes, as I find the experience claustrophobic and annoying, but Elizabeth was obviously suffering from mild dementia and it certainly doesn't hurt me to be kind to strangers. Over the course of our flight I learned: Elizabeth knows Pittman Shorthand, as she worked her way through college doing secretarial work (I even got a demonstration); Elizabeth's husband, a Marine who served in the Pacific Theater during World War II, and then came back to serve again during Korea and Vietnam, was recently taken to Washington DC via HonorFlight to see the WWII Memorial; Elizabeth taught English in primary, secondary, post-secondary and graduate school over the course of her career; and (sadly), Elizabeth's husband was being treated for cancer at the Cheyenne VA Hospital, and the prognosis didn't look promising. The number of times I had to tell her where I lived and what I did for a living is immaterial, as it was time well spent.
  • I'm Batman. I was in an airport recently, heading towards my gate, when I was passed by a black blur heading hell-bent for election down the concourse. The blur's mother and sister were following quickly, but when he made a sharp right turn into a cul-de-sac, I realized the youngster was dressed like Batman, complete with black cape and boots. Mom was calling the blur frantically, so a pilot reassured her that he'd hit a dead end. His sister (who was dressed like Wonder Woman) was rolling her eyes in the way that older sisters do, but Batman, Jr. was having a BALL, telling everyone he saw that "I'm Batman!"
  • Think where man's glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends. By far the very best aspect of my travel is the opportunity it affords me to meet and visit people I might not otherwise have a chance to see. Since starting my fabulous new job in the Military Industrial Complex, I have enjoyed meals with many of my far-flung friends, and the list would be longer if I wasn't usually so overbooked when I travel. I love this aspect of my travel schedule, and each time I get a chance to see a friend, it makes my travel a little less lonely, and far easier to bear. 
I wonder if people would call the TSA if I started wearing a Batman cape in the airport. 

4 comments:

- CGL - said...

"Cape does not enable wearer to fly." Sorry. There goes the avoidance of TSA thing. Oh, wait ... Maybe that's Superman?

Go for it! BatJaniece! I love it! I would like an action figure, please.

Anne C. said...

I love that you've been able to visit with friends! <3

Stacey said...

Sometimes, deliriously happy things come from small packages. My Aunt who spikes somewhere on the 5' mark was so excited I brought her bread from her favorite bakery - which is less than a mile from her house but being 88 and all, she can't walk there. You'd thought I'd given her jewelry, or shoes or a purse. Both JR and I were able to give her enormous joy and she returned same. I'm Batman.

Janiece said...

Stacey, you ARE Batman.

And would have thought that the quote "I'm Batman" would end up denoting bringing joy to others?