Talking out your ass

Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Credibility matters to me.

As a general rule, I'm much more inclined to take someone - and their opinions - seriously if I have respect for them in general, and respect for their knowledge on the specific subject at hand. And a key aspect of earning that respect is whether or not they're credible.

Examples:
  • If you've never raised kids successfully, or studied child development at a University level, your opinion about how best to raise a kid to a functioning, self-sufficient adult means next to nothing to me. Which is not to say that you shouldn't have an opinion about how kids should act in public and such - you should. But how to achieve that end result is not in your wheelhouse. This is why first time parenting SUCKS SO VERY MUCH.
  • If you've never been able to effectively set emotional boundaries for yourself in a way that has led to meaningful, mutually respectful intimate relationships, you should probably keep your opinions on those matters to yourself.
  • If you claim to have deep and up to date knowledge on the subject of (for example) health, nutrition and fitness, and yet you're not healthy, you don't eat well and you're unfit and/or obese, I'm not going to listen to you even if your knowledge really is deep and up to date. Because you haven't closed the gap between knowing what to do, and doing it. Execution matters, and you can't tell me how to execute if you've been unable to do so yourself. 
All of these examples have one thing in common: People talking out of their asses.

Now I think it's fair to say that all of us talk out of our asses from time to time. It's part of the human condition, and the trick is to recognize when you're doing it so you can laugh apologetically and take the opportunity to shut the hell up. Who knows, the next topic of conversation may in fact be something on which you really are an expert - you just have to wait your turn. The folks that get under my skin are the ones suffering from a combination of the Dunning-Kruger effect and cognitive dissonance, as in, "I'm far more knowledgeable on this subject than my conversation mates (in spite of the fact that I have no education in this field), and they should listen to me (in spite of the fact that I've never been able to execute successfully on the topic under discussion)."

You know what scares the crap out of me? That I might be guilty of this sin, and no one's telling me.

Fortunately for me, though, I adhere to my celebrity boyfriend Neil deGrasse Tyson's advice: "If you’re generally good at BS’ing, it means you don’t hang around people who are smarter than you.” I hang around some really smart people, people who are much smarter than me, and well educated on a wide variety of subjects. And they have the added bonus of being intellectually honest enough to call me on my bullshit when I do wander too far afield. 

I love that about them.

2 comments:

Anne C. said...

Yes, having smart and smart-alec (sp?) friends is a great antidote for either too much exposure to ass-talkers or becoming one yourself. That's one of the many reasons i keep you around too! ;D

Carol Elaine said...

When I talk out of my ass, it gets kind of smelly.

What?