12 Days of New Years - Lifelong Learning

My first self-improvement goal for 2016 is lifelong learning.

I've been an on-again/off-again student for many years. I currently have something like 320 credit hours, and an Associates degree in general education, but after Moe died, I found I had little energy for continuing education. I just couldn't bring myself to care.

So in 2016 I wanted to reinvest some time in learning new things, without having to deal with the expense and rigidity of college curricula. Getting a Bachelors degree at this late date isn't going to get me anything on a professional level, so I see no reason not to suit myself.

I've decided to use The Great Courses to continue my education. They have hundreds of titles, many of which appeal to me, they provide a format I use anyway, and they're far more affordable than upper division college courses. I've added a new category to my What I'm Reading page to include this endeavor, and will listen to one hour a day of my current course. I still intend to read non-fiction in addition to my normal pleasure reading, but I want to use The Great Courses to address specific interests where I feel I have a gap.

By the end of the year, I should have completed about 30 courses. Go, me.

Improving in 2016

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions. I find they're a recipe for failure, a way to set myself up for self-flagellation and disappointment. When I'm ready to change my life, I just wake up one day and do it, and that's worked pretty well up until now.

But the last couple years were pretty rough. We lost Moe in 2013, and 2014 was basically a blur of misery and grief. In 2015 we lost my dear Mother-in-Law, and built and moved into our new house. Not a lot of resources were available for self-improvement.

I want 2016 to be different.

I want 2016 to be a calmer, more emotionally stable place. I want 2016 to be a place where I have room to improve my life, and the lives of those I love. I want 2016 to be a place that allows me to nurture myself, and that will allow me to be my best self, both for my own benefit and for the benefit of those I choose to share my life with.

So I'm going to shamelessly steal an idea from K. Tempest Bradford, an author I follow. She has decided to do "12 Days of New Years," and make some changes to her own life. I liked this idea - making changes that improve my life in tangible ways, and improve my relationships and happiness instead of the usual cliche disappointments.

So each month I'm going to identify a change I want to make, and take concrete action to make that change occur. Nothing world shattering, but goals that allow me to dedicate some resources to my own journey, rather than having to dedicate everything to grief, or earning a living, or life maintenance.

Bring on 2016!

Burning Questions

Do people who engage in brown-nosing really understand that they're brown-nosers? Or do they rewrite their own stories in their minds so they can perceive themselves in a better light?

Pelican cases have to be the best example of "form follows function" I've ever seen. How does someone think up such an elegant, obvious design?

Is there a more perfect food on the planet than steamed edamame with sea salt?

Am I the only one who can't look at Ralph Fiennes the same way after observing his creepy, noseless demeanor as the Republican candidate for President...er...I mean, Lord Voldemort? This is unfortunate, as I used to think he was kind of hot.

I like babies. (I know that's not a question, but it's been on my mind lately, so I'm ending with a declarative.) Babies!

Corporate America: A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

In the last week, two people I care about have been royally screwed over by corporate America. The details aren't mine to share, but suffice it to say that both individuals were exposed to unethical behavior that clearly demonstrated the companies in question don't give a good goddamn about their employees, and in fact consider them a burden whose salaries do nothing but negatively impact the bottom line.

These latest incidents have done nothing to change my opinion that Corporate America is, in fact, a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

But for me, the key question is, why is corporate America such a shithole? It's not because each and every middle or upper manager is an unethical douchebag whose moral compass points directly to the fourth circle of Hell,* although there are plenty of those.

In addition to the douchebags, I've worked with some fine people over the years. Some of them were consistent in their ethical behavior, i.e., the rules that governed their behavior were consistent regardless of their situation. But others were wildly inconsistent - they'd crap all over their employees, but they would never dream of treating other human beings as commodities to be run over at their earliest convenience in their personal lives. What I want to know is, how do people who fall into the second category live with themselves? 

No, really - I want to know. I've worked hard over the years to integrate my personality in a way that makes me a consistent human being regardless of the conditions where I find myself. In some ways that's good - if you perceive me to be a hard-working, ethical employee, it's a safe bet you'd consider me a hard-working, ethical human, as well. Conversely, if you think I'm a pushy bitch at work...well, you get the idea.

How do people rationalize assbag behavior in their professional lives and still manage to see themselves as the heroes of their own stories? Clearly, they're bifurcating their professional lives from their personal ones in their own minds, in order to ensure they can live with themselves. But I don't understand how they can do so.

I just don't get it.

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*Although I have my doubts about this in regard to most "executives." Just sayin'.

What's Love Got to Do With It

Last night, I was laying in bed struggling with my thrice-damned insomnia, and I was thinking about the Federal Witness Protection Program,* and the types of people who are constitutionally capable of entering it.

I suppose if your life sucks big wienies, entering WitSec might be a blessing. Given the opportunity to start over, I mean really start over, with a complete break from your former life, I expect there might be people out there that would look at such a chance with eagerness. An opportunity that would allow you do so with a clear conscience don't come along very often, I wouldn't think.

But what about those who, through random chance, might be included in this program and have no desire to leave their old life behind? I would think the choice to abandon your entire life - your family, your history, your friends, your profession - would be a devastating one, and in my insomniac state, I was trying to determine under what circumstances I would do so.

The conclusion I came to had everything to do with love. If I was forced into a position where I was offered witness protection due to witnessing some horrific crime, my decision to enter the program would have everything to do with the safety of my family, and nothing to do with my own personal safety. If, by remaining in my current life, the only life I put in danger was my own, I'd take my chances. Abandoning my family, my friends, my life, would not be worth it. But if remaining in my current life put those I loved in danger, then I'd be out of here so fast my own head would swim. I suspect that such a decision would doom me to a very lonely life, with no contact with those who give my life meaning, but it would sure beat putting them in danger for the sake of my own happiness.

Love is a behavior, not an emotion. I love my life, but I love my family and friends more.


*We watch In Plain Sight, which is what motivated this. Yes, I do think about weird shit while I'm laying awake at night. Shut up.

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One of my friends over on Facebook indicated that if he had to enter the Witness Protection Program, he'd "make them turn me into a fry cook, or a rocket scientist." That made me chuckle (he's an SE, like me). It also got me to thinking - if I had to enter WitSec, what profession would I choose? I think I'd like to go to nursing school.

I Have Questions - Burning Questions

Am I the only one who thinks Garth Brooks' song Standing Outside the Fire is one of the best songs ever written? And why exactly is that? The lyrics are a bit banal, the hook is predictable, but still - LOVE THIS SONG.

How come eating healthy foods is so fucking difficult? You'd think eating whole foods wouldn't require a strategy that rivals D-Day planning. But even finding foods that don't require a chemistry degree to interpret is challenging in urban environments. I know, I know - the answers to these types of questions is almost always "money." That doesn't make it right.

Why are people so shocked and surprised when it's revealed that health care insurance companies are amoral, profit driven and completely uninterested in serving mankind? This is not news, people. These folks are not interested in how your family member will die without a procedure recommended by their doctor - they're interested in how denying that procedure will increase their profit margin. The right can wax philosophic all they want about how nationalized health care will put health care decisions in the hands of "government bureaucrats." The real answer is that those decisions are already in the hands of bureaucrats, they just don't happen to report to the government. Health care for profit is really kind of immoral, you know?

Why are we still talking about the death of Michael Jackson? Yes, yes, talented guy and all that. But how come his memorial was a three ring circus when we barely noticed when "Shifty" Powers passed? I realize the answer to that question is probably "because we're fucked up," but it still saddens me.

I guess I'm just a sentimental sap, but the song Down'easter Alexis chokes me up. I'm glad Billy Joel's midlife crisis hit after he hit this one out of the park. I realize there's no question there - I just really like that song.

I Have Questions - Burning Questions

As I putter around during the day, I'm often struck by Burning Questions, the answers to which appear to be among the Great Mysteries of Our Time.

Like how come people who worship at the alter of Rush and Pat and Sean don't see the glaring hypocrisy that is well-documented in their attempts at info-tainment? Are people really that stupid?

And how come there's always at least one addle-headed dimwit in every organization that manages to stay employed when those around them are dropping like flies? Do they have compromising photos of the Chairman of the Board with a pygmy marmoset, or what? Seriously - everybody knows this guy (or gal). How can they possibly still be employed? It boggles the mind.

Do public schools in this country actually teach English anymore? I swear, the things I read (and hear) from supposed high school graduates make my skin crawl. English, mother fucker - do you speak it?

How come the religious right in this country keep insisting that ethics can only be addressed through a religious lens? Do they assume that the eleventy kabillion people in the world who don't subscribe to their beliefs are all unethical asshats? Do they have room to turn around in such a small mind?

Why have so many stunningly good musicians died in transportation accidents?

These are just some of the critically important questions that rattle around in my head as I move through my day here at the Yellow House. Any answers you may have would be appreciated.