I Have Questions - Burning Questions

Thursday, June 4, 2009
As I putter around during the day, I'm often struck by Burning Questions, the answers to which appear to be among the Great Mysteries of Our Time.

Like how come people who worship at the alter of Rush and Pat and Sean don't see the glaring hypocrisy that is well-documented in their attempts at info-tainment? Are people really that stupid?

And how come there's always at least one addle-headed dimwit in every organization that manages to stay employed when those around them are dropping like flies? Do they have compromising photos of the Chairman of the Board with a pygmy marmoset, or what? Seriously - everybody knows this guy (or gal). How can they possibly still be employed? It boggles the mind.

Do public schools in this country actually teach English anymore? I swear, the things I read (and hear) from supposed high school graduates make my skin crawl. English, mother fucker - do you speak it?

How come the religious right in this country keep insisting that ethics can only be addressed through a religious lens? Do they assume that the eleventy kabillion people in the world who don't subscribe to their beliefs are all unethical asshats? Do they have room to turn around in such a small mind?

Why have so many stunningly good musicians died in transportation accidents?

These are just some of the critically important questions that rattle around in my head as I move through my day here at the Yellow House. Any answers you may have would be appreciated.

19 comments:

Thordr said...

Well, many of those questions deal with the religious right... why not pull out a religious rightwing answer... cause god said so (you know, that’s also the same response that people in strict muslim countries share, its the will of allah... coincidence?).
Except the artist one, that one annoys me too. Of course, being on tour might factor in.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Um, motherfucker is one word.
I think.
I passed English, yo.
And yes, those that are The Best Christians DO think that ethics are only found through Jesus Christ. So yes, they areasshats.
Anything else I may help you with?

The Mechanicky Gal said...

But then again, I guess that really should be "Anything else with which I may help you?"

Janiece Murphy said...

Thordr, don't make me punch you in your eye.

"God said so" or "God did it" are not appropriate responses to Burning Questions.

Amy, will determine the ANSWERS over drinks. Many, many drinks.

Jim Wright said...

The M-Gal beat me to it, Motherfucker is one word, usually capitalized with emphasis on fucker.

English, do you speak it, Motherfucker?

But a question that vexes me is this: Why does my mayonnaise come with three layers of protection, but my bullets come in a simple unsealed cardboard box?

Cindi in CO said...

WHY do scissors come in a package that I need scissors to get into?!

Oh. Sorry. You wanted answers.

Don't have any today.

:D

Janiece Murphy said...

Jim and Cindi, you are MISSING THE POINT.

I need ANSWERS, not more BURNING QUESTIONS.

vince said...

Like how come people who worship at the alter of Rush and Pat and Sean don't see the glaring hypocrisy that is well-documented in their attempts at info-tainment? Are people really that stupid?

Stupidity. Yes.

And how come there's always at least one addle-headed dimwit in every organization that manages to stay employed when those around them are dropping like flies?

They have mastered "The Way of the Weasel." For details, see Scott Adams' book of the same name.

Do public schools in this country actually teach English anymore?

Yes, they do. But it's hard, and too many parents think making their poor babies work hard to learn is unfair, and we all know that it harms their self-esteem. Hence it is taught, but not learned.

How come the religious right in this country keep insisting that ethics can only be addressed through a religious lens? Do they assume that the eleventy kabillion people in the world who don't subscribe to their beliefs are all unethical asshats? Do they have room to turn around in such a small mind?

Because they can't think. Yes. They do, but it's not easy, so most don't attempt it.

Why have so many stunningly good musicians died in transportation accidents?

Probability. The more miles you travel, the greater the likelihood you will involved in an accident, and that it will be fatal.

Jim:
Why does my mayonnaise come with three layers of protection, but my bullets come in a simple unsealed cardboard box?

Because when the shit hits the fan, you need faster access to the bullets than you do to the mayonnaise.

Cindi:
WHY do scissors come in a package that I need scissors to get into?!

Because then you'll go buy the scissors you need to get into the package, which in turn requires scissors to get into the package, which requires you go buy the scissors you need to get into the package, ad infinitum.

Perpetual money machine.

You're all welcome.

Random Michelle K said...

1) Because they're idiots and unable to think for themselves.

2) I'm pretty sure the moron has something on the boss.

3) Yes. But parents don't reinforce homework, and everything is teach to the test, so it doesn't matter.

4) My opinion is that those who cling to Christian ethics so tightly are the kinds of people who follow the law because its the law and they'd get in trouble for now following the law. They do things because they are told they are right (or wrong) and they really are unable to suss out their own ethics. (Say what you will about the Catholic church, but most of the Catholics I know disagree with the pope/church on at least one subject, and often vehemently [This goes for the nuns and ex-nuns I know].)

5) Because they travel more than other people. Comparable is probably the number of athletes killed on the road, if you compare days on the road with accidents. (Remember, athletes have home games, so have less time on the road.)

You're welcome.

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

If they lost their jobs, they'd have more time to breed. So it's a civilization survival thing to keep them all employed.

Once I realized that I stopped worrying about them.

Dr. Phil

Janiece Murphy said...

Ah, UCF.

Is there any question you can't answer?

Random Michelle K said...

No.

;)

Thordr said...

Vince, FTW. I particularly like the bullet response

Nathan said...

Do they have room to turn around in such a small mind?

Obviously not.

Jeez, you're helpless without us.

neurondoc said...

I have a question:

Why is Farm Town down when I actually had time to play it?

As for answers, I also have one, just one. It is the random answer that I give anyone who asks me a question that I can't answer. That answer is "12". Just "12". Unless the actual answer could potentially be "12" -- if so, I would use "no" instead. It works every time. >:-)

neurondoc said...

And Vince totally wins, anyway.

Steve Buchheit said...

1) Because to do so would cause their minds to go "sprung", which is a bad thing. Plus, it's not like those shows draw the intellectual crowds to begin with.

2) Because management likes to believe that their workers are dumber than they are and that dimwit just confirms their worldview, so they like them.

3) Well, they teach it, but nobody learns it.

4) Worldview and sociopathy. I've come to believe that most people who think that the only place "Fair behavior" comes form is the threat of hell or eternal damnation (and not all of the religious hold this view) are closeted sociopaths who are using the church as an excuse to curb their potentially criminal behavior. For the minority of those who aren't sociopathic, if they believed otherwise they'd have to adjust their worldview, which they're incapable of.

5) God hate musicians.

6) 12.

John the Scientist said...

Do public schools in this country actually teach English anymore?

Yes, they do. But it's hard, and too many parents think making their poor babies work hard to learn is unfair, and we all know that it harms their self-esteem. Hence it is taught, but not learned.


3) Yes. But parents don't reinforce homework, and everything is teach to the test, so it doesn't matter.

Wrong and wrong.

The answer is "barely". My daughter got her first spelling test of the year today. First one. Six words. Which included the words "the" and "is.

This is one of the best school systems in the state. And the standards are ridiculously, absurdly low. They got caterpillars and watched them turn into butterflies last fall. They spent an entire fucking month filling out a worksheet a day with their observations of the changing organism. And the teachers did not expect the kids to be able to spell caterpillar by the end of the month. Too long. Too hard. So many kids still couldn't by the end of the unit. A whole month of not correcting bad spelling.

By God my daughter knew how to spell it. She knows her fractions. She can add in three digits, multiply, and find the least common denominator. She has good word-attack skills. But none of that stuff was never on the homework.

Yet the teacher recently told my wife that my daughter's greatest achievement this year was learning to work in a group. What. The. Fuck?!?!? They are more concerned about social development than academic development. She's six. More than half her peers are shitheads. I don't want her assimilating into the group.

It's not that parents have to re-enforce homework, it's that we basically have to teach what they should have been learning, while instead they waste time holding "morning meetings". And don't get me started on arithmetic.

Education in America is batshit insane.

Shawn Powers said...

1) Because it's easier to hate than think. I think Bertrand Russell said it best, "Most people would rather die than think: many do."

2) Unions? :D

3) Yes, but few people care anymore. It's depressing really.

4) This one has an interesting answer. The Christian Right gives the idea of ethics to God because it is the belief that all people are created in God's image. By that design, all morality and ethics are truly godly traits whether or not the person chooses to accept it. Opinions vary, but that's the gist from the Christian viewpoint.

5. Because they travel a lot?