'Tard of the Week - Elaine Martha Velasquez

Thursday, June 11, 2009
I swear I'm not making this up.

On May 6th, this mental giant's baby flew out of her car as she was driving. From the Star Tribune:
Prior to the incident, Velasquez was arguing with a man at a home in the park. She and the man got into the car, a 1992 Lincoln Town Car, and the baby was placed in the car seat in the back. The seat was not attached to the car's seat belts.

A woman reported seeing the car speeding toward the cul-de-sac and then making a left turn that was so hard, the tires squealed, the right back door swung open and the car seat flew out.

The witness heard a baby crying from the pitched car seat as Velasquez and the man continued arguing. The man then left the scene on foot, and Velasquez drove off.
A witness rescued the baby and took him to a local hospital for treatment. Thankfully, the baby sustained only a scratch on the head, and yesterday, Ms. Velasquez pleaded guilty to one count of criminal vehicular operation with alcohol. Her BAC was .10 one and a half hours after the incident.

Oh, my.

I only have one thing to say: Please, Ms. Velasquez...stop breeding.

7 comments:

Steve Buchheit said...

Need to get a license to catch a fish, but they'll let anybody have a kid.

Jim Wright said...

Stop breeding. Stop driving. Stop breathing.

Good grief, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Wendy said...

And they didn't mention if the proper author-a-tays took the kid away??? OMG.

I mean, gee whiz people, a '92 Town Car is the next best thing to a tank. Good thing the seat bounced away from the car instead of back into it.

Let's just hope that the arguement was not about the positive results of a pregnancy test!

What?

WendyB_09

kimby said...

Steve beat me to it! One of my fave quotes ever from a Steve Martin film.

Janiece Murphy said...

Amen, sister.

Here's the full quote:

"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

I love that movie.

MWT said...

You know... I'm just going to say what I think every time you post about small children dying due to parental stupidity...

This is the way evolution works. Those who are unfit won't manage to successfully reproduce. These parents have failed to raise their children to adulthood (or at least reproductive age). Just because the kids die well after birth, as opposed to before conception like everyone would prefer, well, I guess nature is cruel that way but it's still working the way it's supposed to.

:p

*goes back to shutting up now*

Janiece Murphy said...

MWT, I don't disagree with your assessment.

But since I myself am also a product of evolution, protecting the young and vulnerable is built into my designer genes.

Thus, the outrage.