Same Behavior, Same Result

Monday, April 19, 2010
Of all the life lessons I've had to learn (and relearn, and learn again) over the years, this is the one that's taken me the longest to get through my thick skull.

I was in my thirties before I realized that the predictable results of my life, both good and bad, were a direct result of my own, repeated behavior. I've always worked hard and learned everything I could about my professional responsibilities, and the result I got from that behavior was positive. Quick promotions, regular raises, positive performance reviews. Same behavior, same result - positive, positive.

Of course, the opposite is also true - same behavior, same result, negative, negative. I was married three times before I came to the stunningly obvious conclusion that I was the one who had to change. I needed to make better choices, I needed to approach long-term, serious relationships in a different way, I needed to choose the outcome and then make decisions that led me to the goal.

Just an emotional retard - that's me.

I suppose I should be grateful - some people, people I know, don't EVER learn this lesson, and embody the definition of insanity. At least I learned the lesson early enough to change the fundamental direction of my life, and kept my regrets to things I can manage. If I don't like an aspect of my life, I have the power to change it in a way that will lead to a different result through the only thing I can control - my own behavior.

Now, that's power.

7 comments:

Random Michelle K said...

I've always loved the saying, "The common factor in all your failed relationships is you."

:)

Goes well with the poster in my office: "It could be that the purpose of your live is only to serve as a warning to others."

vince said...

While some things truly are out of your control, more things are in your control than a lot of people want to admit.

It's one of the reasons that I tend to get annoyed with the phrase "It's God's will" when I hear it. As a Christian, I believe in God's will, but far too often I hear that phrase as a excuse not to take responsibility for something.

To quote the Trooper song "Raise A Little Hell:"

If you don't like
What you got
Why don't you change it
If your world is all screwed up
Rearrange it

Jeri said...

You know - I needed to hear this, at this point in my life. You are wise - and I am grateful to be your young apprentice. Well, except, older. LOL

Jerry Critter said...

Taking power rather than being a victim. What a novel concept! Too bad more people don't learn it.

Anne C. said...

I'm a big proponent for taking responsibility and changing things on my end if they need changing. It is, after all, the only thing I CAN do, since I certainly can't change what others do.

Unfortunately, one can still hit a brick wall, even with this attitude. In my own personal version of Michelle's first quote, I've changed my behavior about fourteen times and gotten the same result, so my only recourse is to quit. As the old joke goes: "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Well stop doing that."

Janiece said...

There are some things out of our control - which means the only thing we can do is control how we react to them. "Stop doing that," indeed.

:-)

MWT said...

Hrm. I thought I did work pretty hard there and knew what my responsibilities were ... and yet, here I am, "between professions." Le sigh.